advice I feel stuck

[Aurora]

25 minutes ago, CL said:

@Aurora

I suppose it went ok, but it seems she's already got her mind made up about what I should do.

I don't have a clue how to get her to get that idea out of her head, and get the right idea into it.

Is there anything that has worked in the past? Can you maybe think of an example where your Mom had made up her mind about something and you manage to convince her otherwise? What worked then?

[CL]

@Aurora

I guess the most comparable situation would be when I got my truck. Mom and dad where dead set that I need a brand new car, but than we found the used truck and got a good deal on it.

So the only thing I can think of is show them a better option that I can afford.

[Aurora]

32 minutes ago, CL said:

@Aurora

I guess the most comparable situation would be when I got my truck. Mom and dad where dead set that I need a brand new car, but than we found the used truck and got a good deal on it.

So the only thing I can think of is show them a better option that I can afford.

Ok, can you think of a way how that might work with your plan of moving away? 

[CL]

@Aurora

I'd have to tell them my idea. 

From what I already told her, I know the first thing out of her mouth will be "where will you stay?" If I was allowed to do things my way, I'd have enough money in the bank to hold down a motel room until I got proof of income so I could rent an apartment. 

But since I am paying for a snowmobile every other week, my savings are screwed. 

[Aurora]

7 minutes ago, CL said:

@Aurora

I'd have to tell them my idea. 

From what I already told her, I know the first thing out of her mouth will be "where will you stay?" If I was allowed to do things my way, I'd have enough money in the bank to hold down a motel room until I got proof of income so I could rent an apartment. 

But since I am paying for a snowmobile every other week, my savings are screwed. 

Ok, so maybe that's something you can try and work on. I know you mentioned before that you might have to sell your snowmobile. Is that still your plan? I'm going to have to go now but I'll be back online on Friday. 

[CL]

@Aurora

I think I'd have to sell it regardless of what I do

And thanks for letting me know.

[Aurora]

On 8/31/2022 at 3:29 PM, CL said:

@Aurora

I think I'd have to sell it regardless of what I do

And thanks for letting me know.

Have you thought about what else you can do to save up enough money or do you think selling the snowmobile will be enough? 

[CL]

@Aurora
Well since i'm paying it off, I probably wont get much money from it at all. A better way to describe it would be to get someone to take over the payments.
But it would save me a lot of money not having to make a payment every other week

[Aurora]

14 hours ago, CL said:

@Aurora
Well since i'm paying it off, I probably wont get much money from it at all. A better way to describe it would be to get someone to take over the payments.
But it would save me a lot of money not having to make a payment every other week

That makes sense. How are you feeling now? Have things calmed down at all or are you still feeling very stressed? 

[CL]

@Aurora

Hasn't calmed down at all really. 

The power was out on Thursday night, The power company estimated it would be back on at 4pm Friday. so I left early to go see my girlfriend. The power came back around noon and someone did my order for me... And they made a total mess of an order. They based it off the wrong prebook and because of that though we needed a lot of everything when we only needed a little of a few things. As such here it is today, labor day, waiting for a truck with a massive load for me to deal with and no real space to put it.

On top of that, my boss got a bunch of stuff reorganized again, and expects me to do even more again now. 

It's not uncommon for me to end the day with there still stuff on my to do list, and that was before she started adding stuff for me to do, and on busy days I can feel like I can't even stop to catch my breath. I don't know how she expects me to fit in tasks that will take half an hour up to two hours and some require two people when Im the only produce person and more often than not when there's help in the store, they get sucked into meat or grocery.

 

 

[Aurora]

4 minutes ago, CL said:

@Aurora

Hasn't calmed down at all really. 

The power was out on Thursday night, The power company estimated it would be back on at 4pm Friday. so I left early to go see my girlfriend. The power came back around noon and someone did my order for me... And they made a total mess of an order. They based it off the wrong prebook and because of that though we needed a lot of everything when we only needed a little of a few things. As such here it is today, labor day, waiting for a truck with a massive load for me to deal with and no real space to put it.

On top of that, my boss got a bunch of stuff reorganized again, and expects me to do even more again now. 

It's not uncommon for me to end the day with there still stuff on my to do list, and that was before she started adding stuff for me to do, and on busy days I can feel like I can't even stop to catch my breath. I don't know how she expects me to fit in tasks that will take half an hour up to two hours and some require two people when Im the only produce person and more often than not when there's help in the store, they get sucked into meat or grocery.

That sounds tough!! Were you meant to have today off? Is there anything in particular that helps you in these situation too you don't feel overwhelmed by all the work? 

[CL]

@Aurora

And I forgot to mention two things.

My boss left EVERY utensil in my room dirty and unwashed. Cutting board, knife, spoon, table. All dirty, all stuff stuck on it, even the sink was full of bits of veggies. 

And today, my boss and her husband said that if I need help I should ask then, that way my coworker has more time to her stuff. So I went and asked for help sending stuff up. Her husband looked at me like I was stupid and just said "What!?" While my boss spun around like she was looking for someone or something two or three times before following to help me.

 

I wasn't meant to have today off, I get almost no holidays. 

And there isn't really much to help.

[Aurora]

22 hours ago, CL said:

@Aurora

And I forgot to mention two things.

My boss left EVERY utensil in my room dirty and unwashed. Cutting board, knife, spoon, table. All dirty, all stuff stuck on it, even the sink was full of bits of veggies. 

And today, my boss and her husband said that if I need help I should ask then, that way my coworker has more time to her stuff. So I went and asked for help sending stuff up. Her husband looked at me like I was stupid and just said "What!?" While my boss spun around like she was looking for someone or something two or three times before following to help me.

I wasn't meant to have today off, I get almost no holidays. 

And there isn't really much to help.

It sounds like you have a very big workload and not enough support around you. Do you think your boss and her husband are slowly trying to address this by saying that you can ask for help if you need it? I'm wondering whether this is a sign that they are acknowledging that there is too much work. What do you think? 

Can you think of anything that helps you to feel less stressed outside of work?  

[CL]

 

@Aurora

I think I mentioned the wrong person by accident and idk how to undo it.

Unfortunately I very much doubt they will be much help, as my previous message said, her husband looked at me like I was stupid and did something wrong for ever coming to them in the first place, and she looked around the room as of looking for someone else to pass it onto. 

Along with that, they are just often not here or busy with their own stuff.

 

Adlns I believe I said this before, I'm exhausted from work more often than not. I'm on my feet, standing, walking, carrying stuff for 8 hours a day, my favorite things to do are all very active things.

 

 

I actually told mom the other day that in the later part of September I'm going to have to ask for some time off, three or four days, to focus on getting as much of my potatoes dug as I can. 

Again, classic mom decided for me "you don't need much time off, one day should be good, between me you and dad over the weekend and the extra day we should be able to get it done" 

This is coming from the same person that refuses to do anything on the weekend because her back is too bad from work, and the man who is scared of his blood pressure. So I don't even get to have time off to do what I need to even though they suggested I ask for time off for stress

 

[Aurora]

21 minutes ago, CL said:

 

@Aurora

I think I mentioned the wrong person by accident and idk how to undo it.

Unfortunately I very much doubt they will be much help, as my previous message said, her husband looked at me like I was stupid and did something wrong for ever coming to them in the first place, and she looked around the room as of looking for someone else to pass it onto. 

Along with that, they are just often not here or busy with their own stuff.

 

Adlns I believe I said this before, I'm exhausted from work more often than not. I'm on my feet, standing, walking, carrying stuff for 8 hours a day, my favorite things to do are all very active things.

 

 

I actually told mom the other day that in the later part of September I'm going to have to ask for some time off, three or four days, to focus on getting as much of my potatoes dug as I can. 

Again, classic mom decided for me "you don't need much time off, one day should be good, between me you and dad over the weekend and the extra day we should be able to get it done" 

This is coming from the same person that refuses to do anything on the weekend because her back is too bad from work, and the man who is scared of his blood pressure. So I don't even get to have time off to do what I need to even though they suggested I ask for time off for stress

 

No problem, I removed the wrong tag.

I think this is very interesting what you've just mentioned. From everything you've been telling it sounds like you don't feel like you are in charge of making your own decisions and decisions are often made for you. And this is part of the reason you would like to leave. Is that right? If we have someone make all our decisions for us, this can leave us feeling like we're not in control of our own life and this again can add to us feeling stressed.  As it's still going to take a while until you can move away I'm wondering whether this might be a good time to assert yourself and start making your own decision? What do you think? 

[CL]

@Aurora

Your dead on there, I hate feeling like I have no choice in the matter, especially when it's in regards to what I do with my life.

Again, unfortunately, these are the people that threatened to kick me out when I said I'd be looking for a place to live if the housing market wasn't in the trash about a year ago. So I really have to tip-toe around what they want and find a way to make myself happy on that tightrope.

And when I do want to make my decision, I have to justify it to them or they get upset and all the same they ridicule me. 

Just this weekend, I took something and traded it for something else. When I told them, mom said in a childish tone "your a big boy now" I hate when they talk to me and treat me like I'm 6 again. 

I believe I said this at the start of this but I don't remember, but the way they treat me and the way they treat people they consider to be mentally inept is so similar that it's scary.

[Aurora]

23 hours ago, CL said:

@Aurora

Your dead on there, I hate feeling like I have no choice in the matter, especially when it's in regards to what I do with my life.

Again, unfortunately, these are the people that threatened to kick me out when I said I'd be looking for a place to live if the housing market wasn't in the trash about a year ago. So I really have to tip-toe around what they want and find a way to make myself happy on that tightrope.

And when I do want to make my decision, I have to justify it to them or they get upset and all the same they ridicule me. 

Just this weekend, I took something and traded it for something else. When I told them, mom said in a childish tone "your a big boy now" I hate when they talk to me and treat me like I'm 6 again. 

I believe I said this at the start of this but I don't remember, but the way they treat me and the way they treat people they consider to be mentally inept is so similar that it's scary.

Am I right in thinking that your brother is older than you? And I don't know if you have any younger siblings, but I'm wondering whether your parents are struggling with you growing up. I think it can sometimes be difficult for parents to accept that their children are growing into independent adults and don't need them anymore. What do you think? 

[CL]

@Aurora

Yes that is correct, my brother is older, 4 years older than me, I have no other siblings.

That is possible, but than at the flip of a switch they go from "you a stupid little baby that needs me to do everything" to "ok wtf dude we can kick you out if we want, your old enough we can do that" 

[Aurora]

On 9/7/2022 at 2:10 PM, CL said:

@Aurora

Yes that is correct, my brother is older, 4 years older than me, I have no other siblings.

That is possible, but than at the flip of a switch they go from "you a stupid little baby that needs me to do everything" to "ok wtf dude we can kick you out if we want, your old enough we can do that" 

That must be confusing to deal with. Unfortunately we can't usually change the way people are and the way they respond to things, we can only work on our own responses and reactions. Can you think of one thing you could do, that might help improve your relationship with your parents? 

[CL]

@Aurora

Nothing I can really think of, they really just don't take me seriously, laugh at my ideas, and in general make me feel like less of a person. And they seem to think nothing is wrong with it.

 

Another good news bad news situation, I told mom something along the lines of "with the price of gas and how much more I drive now, I don't honestly think I'll be able to afford to ride my snowmobile anywhere"

She only said "I'm sure you'll be able to" and ended the conversation

 

And I was right to say something bad always happens around my birthday, the queen just died. I said to my girlfriend that If she does I'm going to say my birthday is cursed, and sure enough, she died.

[Aurora]

1 hour ago, CL said:

@Aurora

Nothing I can really think of, they really just don't take me seriously, laugh at my ideas, and in general make me feel like less of a person. And they seem to think nothing is wrong with it.

Another good news bad news situation, I told mom something along the lines of "with the price of gas and how much more I drive now, I don't honestly think I'll be able to afford to ride my snowmobile anywhere"

She only said "I'm sure you'll be able to" and ended the conversation

And I was right to say something bad always happens around my birthday, the queen just died. I said to my girlfriend that If she does I'm going to say my birthday is cursed, and sure enough, she died.

I think sometimes when we're feeling really stressed and fed up it seems as if everything is going wrong and that makes us feel even more stressed. I find what can be helpful in these situations is to try and keep a look out for anything positive that might be happening (even if it's very small). It could even be something like a friendly hello from someone. This can then help us to feel a bit more positive about ourselves. Would you like to try and give that a go over the weekend and see how many positive things you can spot? And then see how that makes you feel

[CL]

@Aurora

Oh I expect to have a great weekend, my girlfriend got a cake made for me and some presents, and of course I'll be with her. Along with that, I'll be able to do some of the stuff I enjoy, as she has to work on Sunday, I'll have time for myself to do what I want. 

But as I keep saying, at the end of the weekend I'm back with my toxic parents and my awful job.

[Aurora]

On 9/9/2022 at 2:24 PM, CL said:

@Aurora

Oh I expect to have a great weekend, my girlfriend got a cake made for me and some presents, and of course I'll be with her. Along with that, I'll be able to do some of the stuff I enjoy, as she has to work on Sunday, I'll have time for myself to do what I want. 

But as I keep saying, at the end of the weekend I'm back with my toxic parents and my awful job.

Hi there, how was your weekend? Until you can leave home and move away, what would be the one thing you would like to change the most? 

[CL]

@Aurora

Pretty good tbh, thanks.

I'd like to have more time to do what I like.

 

 

I've been feeling my negativity really bad yesterday and today tho. I feel like I'll never get away from here, I feel like I'll never be anything, I feel like I should just give up...

[Aurora]

54 minutes ago, CL said:

@Aurora

Pretty good tbh, thanks.

I'd like to have more time to do what I like.

I've been feeling my negativity really bad yesterday and today tho. I feel like I'll never get away from here, I feel like I'll never be anything, I feel like I should just give up...

 

Hi there, 

I’m glad to hear you had a nice weekend and spending more time doing what you like sounds like an achievable goal, what do you think? 

Thanks for opening up about how you’ve been feeling and letting me know about your negative thoughts. I know it’s not always easy to talk about how we feel. Please know that we are here for you. When you say that you feel that you should just give up, are you thinking about taking your life? It’s completely fine to share this with me if you are. I know it might not feel like this right now but these feelings often pass and it does help to talk about it. Can I check if you feel that you are safe at the moment?  In case you are in crisis and you need urgent support then here is are some helpline contacts. I can remember that you said that you live in Canada so I’ve looked up the safety information for there 

- Crisis Services Canada (https://talksuicide.ca)

Call toll free for crisis support at 1.833.456.4566 for 24/7 support or text 45645 between 4p.m. - midnight ET

-An App I can recommend: https://prevent-suicide.org.uk/find-help-now/stay-alive-app/ . This app has safety plans to make sure you don’t harm yourself and you might find it useful 

- A list of worldwide crisis lines can be found here: https://www.befrienders.org