advice I feel stuck

[Aurora]

13 minutes ago, CL said:

@Aurora

I feel like they would laugh at me sending an email. We live under the same roof and whatnot.

Wouldn't be a bad idea though to write out what to say if they ask why I want to leave. That way I'll have my thoughts sorted and nothing will slip. 

Or I could find a way to make them think it's their idea and when they say something like 'why don't you look into going away for work ' I can just say "oh you know, that's a good idea" 

That's a possibility if you think they would be likely to say something like that. I'm wondering,  what do you think would happen if you told them that you are thinking about your future and trying to come up with a plan. Do you think they would support that? From what you were saying it sounds like you don't earn enough money in your current job and they might want you to earn more?  

And I think you're right. Writing down your thoughts can really help to get your thoughts in order and help you not to forget anything when you do talk about it later on. 

[Aurora]

Also, just to let you know, I'll be logging off now but I will be back online on Monday.

[CL]

I don't honestly know what they will say or do if I told them I want to plan/work on my future. 

You are correct, I really don't make much money, the cost of living is rather high here so even though I'm making $15cad./h when I gotta make a payment on my snowmobile I'm not saving a cent that week. 

If I told them I wanted to make more money, I doubt they would even consider me going away, they would probably suggest I do something like go back to the mines. 

That mine still has the same boss as when I was there last and practically turned into a sex ring after I left so no.

 

And thank you for letting me know, I'll talk to you later.

[Aurora]

On 8/19/2022 at 2:47 PM, CL said:

I don't honestly know what they will say or do if I told them I want to plan/work on my future. 

You are correct, I really don't make much money, the cost of living is rather high here so even though I'm making $15cad./h when I gotta make a payment on my snowmobile I'm not saving a cent that week. 

If I told them I wanted to make more money, I doubt they would even consider me going away, they would probably suggest I do something like go back to the mines. 

That mine still has the same boss as when I was there last and practically turned into a sex ring after I left so no.

And thank you for letting me know, I'll talk to you later.

Hi there, can you think of any advantages of talking to your parents about wanting to plan/work on your future? And do you think it would be better to have this conversation soon, so they can get used to the idea of you going away or do you think there is a real chance that they might kick you out like you mentioned before? 

[CL]

Of course, there's lots of advantages, they would probably go as far as to lie to my boss for me, tell her I'm sick or something when really I'm off doing a interview. If they support the idea, I'll have a place to stay as I get ready to go and a place to fall back to if I need to.  

However, weather they support me or not is such a flip of a coin. I have no real way to gauge what their reaction will be, but it might not be good. 

I'll give you an example of how bad they can be. Maybe in mid 2019 my brother who would have been 23 at the time, did something, I don't know what, but apparently my parents don't didn't agree with it and threatened to go to his place of work, three hours away, and come get him and force him to come back home so he can do what they want.

They are totally crazy, and I feel like if they don't like the idea my situation will be terrible at best.

 

[Aurora]

13 minutes ago, CL said:

Of course, there's lots of advantages, they would probably go as far as to lie to my boss for me, tell her I'm sick or something when really I'm off doing a interview. If they support the idea, I'll have a place to stay as I get ready to go and a place to fall back to if I need to.  

However, weather they support me or not is such a flip of a coin. I have no real way to gauge what their reaction will be, but it might not be good. 

I'll give you an example of how bad they can be. Maybe in mid 2019 my brother who would have been 23 at the time, did something, I don't know what, but apparently my parents don't didn't agree with it and threatened to go to his place of work, three hours away, and come get him and force him to come back home so he can do what they want.

They are totally crazy, and I feel like if they don't like the idea my situation will be terrible at best.

I get that. It's really difficult if you have no idea how they will react. You've come up with lots of advantages so I'm guessing that ideally you would like to find a way tell them. Is that right? I'm wondering whether you can think of a way of how you can approach this with them to get an idea of how they might react without actually telling them your plans yet. For example could you mention that you heard there are great job opportunities somewhere else and see how they react. This might help you gauge what their reaction might be if you told them you want to find another job and move away. What do you think? 

[CL]

@Aurora

That's probably a good idea.

I was thinking wait for a day that's particularly bad and just out and say "I can't keep working here" to them and that "I don't care if I have to go away for it, I have to find work elsewhere" 

Play it off as like a heat of the moment kind of thing, see how they react, continue from there if good.

[Aurora]

5 minutes ago, CL said:

@Aurora

That's probably a good idea.

I was thinking wait for a day that's particularly bad and just out and say "I can't keep working here" to them and that "I don't care if I have to go away for it, I have to find work elsewhere" 

Play it off as like a heat of the moment kind of thing, see how they react, continue from there if good.

That sounds like a good idea! 

In the meantime, have you written down all the stuff you wanted to say to your parents? It might be a good idea to do that so you're ready when the time comes to talk to them about it. What do you think? 

[CL]

@Aurora

I'm glad you like the idea. 

I haven't really had a chance to write anything down yet, you suggested it on Friday and I was with my girlfriend from Friday evening to Sunday afternoon. But your right, I really need to get it written down and in my mind in a good way so I know the best possible positive things to say and not say anything that will likely get them mad. 

It might not be until the later part of October before my plants are all done and harvested, but it would be nice to get the idea out before than so it doesn't seem like a spur of the moment kind of thing. After my plants are all delt with, I'll feel comfortable with taking action towards getting away from here. 

[Aurora]

7 minutes ago, CL said:

@Aurora

I'm glad you like the idea. 

I haven't really had a chance to write anything down yet, you suggested it on Friday and I was with my girlfriend from Friday evening to Sunday afternoon. But your right, I really need to get it written down and in my mind in a good way so I know the best possible positive things to say and not say anything that will likely get them mad. 

It might not be until the later part of October before my plants are all done and harvested, but it would be nice to get the idea out before than so it doesn't seem like a spur of the moment kind of thing. After my plants are all delt with, I'll feel comfortable with taking action towards getting away from here. 

It's great you have a date in mind. Do you think it would be helpful to work on a plan in the meantime with all the steps that are needed to achieve your goal? It might be easier to start taking action if you know exactly what needs to be done to achieve your goal. What do you think? 

[CL]

• @Aurora

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Sorry I seem to have accidentally pressed the spoiler button and idk how to undo it lol.

And yes I think working on a plan would help. Regardless of where I go, there are generalized steps that would need to be taken.

[Aurora]

21 hours ago, CL said:

• @Aurora

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Sorry I seem to have accidentally pressed the spoiler button and idk how to undo it lol.

And yes I think working on a plan would help. Regardless of where I go, there are generalized steps that would need to be taken.

No problem. Definitely. How do you feel, now that you know what your goal is and you have a date as to when you will start putting actions in place to get there? 

[CL]

@Aurora

I feel good to have a general idea, but I don't feel very confident and I'm quite nervous.

[Aurora]

1 hour ago, CL said:

@Aurora

I feel good to have a general idea, but I don't feel very confident and I'm quite nervous.

Of course. I get that. It's a really big decision. Do you think it'll help, once you've broken it down into small steps? Then you can focus on each small step at a time and it might not feel like such a big thing. What do you think? 

[CL]

@Aurora

Perhaps, but as far as I know, step 1 is to tell my parents, which is probably the most terrifying step for me.

Step 2: research jobs of interest in provinces easily accessible to me.

Step 3: apply/submit resume.

Step 4: ???

I don't honestly know where to go from there. Once I apply, if they want to interview me, I'd have to drive the better part of a thousand kilometers. And than what? Drive back home and wait to see if they hire me? 

[Aurora]

5 minutes ago, CL said:

@Aurora

Perhaps, but as far as I know, step 1 is to tell my parents, which is probably the most terrifying step for me.

Step 2: research jobs of interest in provinces easily accessible to me.

Step 3: apply/submit resume.

Step 4: ???

I don't honestly know where to go from there. Once I apply, if they want to interview me, I'd have to drive the better part of a thousand kilometers. And than what? Drive back home and wait to see if they hire me? 

A lot of places offer online interviews  now, especially if you don't live close by so that might be an option. Do you think that might work?

If Step 1 is the most terrifying for you, you could start off with something easier eg researching jobs of interest?  I find it easier to start a task, if I start off with something quite easy to get me started and then carry on with something more difficult. Also, you could brake down all your steps into smaller steps, which again might make it easier. Eg Step 1 - you had already said that you were thinking about writing everything down first,. Maybe you could start with that and that might not feel so terrifying. What do you think? 

[CL]

@Aurora

I suppose so, but I'm not very available. After work and on lunch is the only time I have.

Ive brought up job listings for various towns and provinces, I see so much more jobs that interest me. 

And I guess to break step 1 down into smaller steps would be 1 a. Get my ideas together. 1b. Find a few possible ways to tell them. 1c. Find the right time. 1 d. Tell them.

And yes, I meant to start writing yesterday, but when I got home I legit passed out from exhaustion. I think I'll be able to start today after work.

[Aurora]

21 minutes ago, CL said:

@Aurora

I suppose so, but I'm not very available. After work and on lunch is the only time I have.

Ive brought up job listings for various towns and provinces, I see so much more jobs that interest me. 

And I guess to break step 1 down into smaller steps would be 1 a. Get my ideas together. 1b. Find a few possible ways to tell them. 1c. Find the right time. 1 d. Tell them.

And yes, I meant to start writing yesterday, but when I got home I legit passed out from exhaustion. I think I'll be able to start today after work.

Great that there are lots of jobs out there that interest you! 

I always find starting is the most difficult thing - especially when we have busy/exhausting lives. Does Step 1 feel a little more manageable, now that you've broken it down into smaller steps?  

[CL]

@Aurora

I think it sounds a bit more manageable now, yes.

[CL]

@Aurora
I feel like i missed an opportunity to tell mom...

I was having a rough day, I felt really sick from the stress. upset stomach, chest tightness, trouble breathing, high blood pressure, etc. 
Told mom how i was feeling.

she said "You might have to go to the doctor"

I replied "if i do I'll probably have to take time off work" in reference to stress leave.  unfortunately I was quite busy and I didnt think to say anything about my real thoughts...

I feel so stupid... I feel like I missed another opportunity.

[Aurora]

13 hours ago, CL said:

@Aurora
I feel like i missed an opportunity to tell mom...

I was having a rough day, I felt really sick from the stress. upset stomach, chest tightness, trouble breathing, high blood pressure, etc. 
Told mom how i was feeling.

she said "You might have to go to the doctor"

I replied "if i do I'll probably have to take time off work" in reference to stress leave.  unfortunately I was quite busy and I didnt think to say anything about my real thoughts...

I feel so stupid... I feel like I missed another opportunity.

Thank you for sharing. I'm wondering whether it wasn't quite the right moment yet?  I know you wanted to feel prepared before you spoke to either of your parents and it doesn't sound like you've had time to think about what you might say yet. Is that right? I think it's really good though, that you told your Mum how stressed you're feeling. And it sounds like she was quite understanding. Now, when you tell her at a later point that you're thinking of finding a job elsewhere it might not come as such a surprise. What do you think? Also. do you think you'll be seeing your doctor? 

[CL]

@Aurora

Perhaps your right... I suppose I'm not ready to say anything yet anyways.

She knows I want work elsewhere, bit doesn't know I'm willing (and actually wants to) move away for it.

And no, I won't be seeing a doctor. If I'm going to the doctor I'm going to just have to ask to be put on stress leave... Now's not a good time for that, there's not much for me to do this time of year, especially in the span of a week or two that I would get off, and I'd just feel like I wasted that chance to relax and do what I want to.

[Aurora]

55 minutes ago, CL said:

@Aurora

Perhaps your right... I suppose I'm not ready to say anything yet anyways.

She knows I want work elsewhere, bit doesn't know I'm willing (and actually wants to) move away for it.

And no, I won't be seeing a doctor. If I'm going to the doctor I'm going to just have to ask to be put on stress leave... Now's not a good time for that, there's not much for me to do this time of year, especially in the span of a week or two that I would get off, and I'd just feel like I wasted that chance to relax and do what I want to.

It sounds like your body is really telling you to take it easy though if you're having chest tightness, trouble breathing and high blood pressure. That sounds quite serious. I'm wondering whether there is anything you can do  to look after yourself. What do you think? 

[CL]

@Aurora

And today I'm seeing stars and getting lightheaded. Seems everyday my body reacts different to the stress and anxiety of this place. Always a upset stomach tho.

Of course, my immediate response to that is "get out of here" but you know, easier said than done. I'm a pretty fit, healthy person, but the stress of this place is chipping away at me.

[Aurora]

3 minutes ago, CL said:

@Aurora

And today I'm seeing stars and getting lightheaded. Seems everyday my body reacts different to the stress and anxiety of this place. Always a upset stomach tho.

Of course, my immediate response to that is "get out of here" but you know, easier said than done. I'm a pretty fit, healthy person, but the stress of this place is chipping away at me.

It sounds like your body is really telling you to slow down and reduce your stress level. I know that's much easier said than done and it will still take a while until you can move. Can you think of anything in the meantime that can reduce your stress levels?