advice I feel stuck

[CL]

@Monsoon

That's a good question. I'm not honestly sure.

 

As a side note, I came into work this morning and found my boss moved the table and stuff around in my room. I'm gonna have to put it back how it was because I lean too much on my right foot if I leave it how she put it and it causes a great deal of pain

[Aurora]

On 9/23/2022 at 2:23 PM, CL said:

@Aurora

I don't even know if I am coping 

Ok, let's look at this differently then. Let's say you woke up tomorrow morning and you felt good about yourself and you were coping. What would be there first five things you would notice that would tell you that you are coping? 

[CL]

@Aurora

Well it seems to me. That I only ever feel good when I'm with my girlfriend or going to do something I like.

So if I woke up tomorrow and felt good, I'd assume I took off work and either am spending The day with my girlfriend or I got everything ready to head out early to do something.

[Aurora]

1 hour ago, CL said:

@Aurora

Well it seems to me. That I only ever feel good when I'm with my girlfriend or going to do something I like.

So if I woke up tomorrow and felt good, I'd assume I took off work and either am spending The day with my girlfriend or I got everything ready to head out early to do something.

Ok, and what five things would you notice about yourself that are different? This could be to do with your mindset, thoughts you are having or anything you notice within your body for example

[CL]

@Aurora

1. I may have my girlfriend with me.

2. I am actually excited and motivated to do something.

3. I probably slept better because my gf helps me sleep.

4. I don't feel rushed or pressured.

5. I actually feel happy and relaxed.

[Aurora]

22 hours ago, CL said:

@Aurora

1. I may have my girlfriend with me.

2. I am actually excited and motivated to do something.

3. I probably slept better because my gf helps me sleep.

4. I don't feel rushed or pressured.

5. I actually feel happy and relaxed.

This is a great list! Which one of these things do you think would be the easiest to work towards/achieve? 

[CL]

@Aurora

None really. Neither me or my girlfriend are in a position to move in together, and I'm in no position to be able to do what I want every day.

[Aurora]

5 minutes ago, CL said:

@Aurora

None really. Neither me or my girlfriend are in a position to move in together, and I'm in no position to be able to do what I want every day.

I get that. The only thing is that nothing will change if you don't start working on something. Does that make sense?  I know Monsoon suggested before that you might not be ready yet to change your situation. And that's fine, too. Sometimes we might need time eg to process our feelings first before we can move forward. What do you think?

[CL]

@Aurora

I get what you're saying, I get what he's saying.

Tbh I been considering college again, but thatll only fix my situation in about a years time... I feel like I need something soon...

[Aurora]

8 minutes ago, CL said:

@Aurora

I get what you're saying, I get what he's saying.

Tbh I been considering college again, but thatll only fix my situation in about a years time... I feel like I need something soon...

It can be helpful to have a long term plan that you can work towards and at the same time try and change your current situation. I've noticed that you often mention external factors that are stopping you from changing your current situation. Things like your work or your parents etc. I'm wondering if there is something you would like to change about yourself that you could work on? 

[CL]

@Aurora

Well like what? 

[Aurora]

21 hours ago, CL said:

@Aurora

Well like what? 

Anything you would like to change. It could be something like your sleep, or maybe you want to look at finding alternatives to when you feel like self harming or anything else you would like to work on. It is completely up to you and it will only work if you feel want the change and you feel ready to work on it. 

[CL]

@Aurora

I wouldn't mind being able to get to sleep easier and having a better quality of sleep, but idk how to do that.

I don't want to self harm, I feel awful that I did it and I'm just going to try my best not to.

There's probably lots of stuff that I could change, but I'm sure you understand what it's like when a question like this gets asked, never really thought of it before and now I'm drawing a blank.

[Aurora]

3 minutes ago, CL said:

@Aurora

I wouldn't mind being able to get to sleep easier and having a better quality of sleep, but idk how to do that.

I don't want to self harm, I feel awful that I did it and I'm just going to try my best not to.

There's probably lots of stuff that I could change, but I'm sure you understand what it's like when a question like this gets asked, never really thought of it before and now I'm drawing a blank.

Of course! Do you want to tell me more about your sleep? Would that be a good thing to start with? 

[CL]

@Aurora

Sleep probably would be a good place to start.

Generally I have a hard time getting to sleep and a hard time staying asleep.

My brain is too busy and any noise or light will keep me up or wake me up. 

I don't know if I'm like permanently on edge or something, but something as mild as light rain will be too much noise for me to fall asleep, and moderate rain will have me waking up and falling asleep over and over. Than there's my parents. They have no regard to my sleep, my dad doesn't work tomorrow, so I can almost guarantee they will be up until almost 1 am watching a movie or something, laughing like they never heard anything funnier, talking about as quiet as they would if they where shouting across the house at eachother. Even when he does have work and goes to bed early, his snoring is loud enough that if he doesn't close his room door I can hear it through headphones, and they always leave the light on... Even the sound of them getting up in the night to use the bathroom or if he has to get up early will often wake me up. 

other than noise, my mind is too busy, like it's processing everything that happened, everything that could have happened, everything I want and don't want to happen, and I just seen unable to make it stop. I can try, I often just try to imagine peaceful scenes, but that focus keeps me up too, and even if I do start to fall asleep, I loose focus and my brain runs a million miles a minute.

Just last night, I couldn't sleep, wasn't until 2 am that I literally passed out. Just wasn't tired, had the lights off, was off my phone and laptop for over half an hour before 11, fairly quiet, but heres my brain just going and going, leaving me tossing and turning, trying to get comfy and relax and stop my brain. But nothing. 

 

[Aurora]

6 minutes ago, CL said:

@Aurora

Sleep probably would be a good place to start.

Generally I have a hard time getting to sleep and a hard time staying asleep.

My brain is too busy and any noise or light will keep me up or wake me up. 

I don't know if I'm like permanently on edge or something, but something as mild as light rain will be too much noise for me to fall asleep, and moderate rain will have me waking up and falling asleep over and over. Than there's my parents. They have no regard to my sleep, my dad doesn't work tomorrow, so I can almost guarantee they will be up until almost 1 am watching a movie or something, laughing like they never heard anything funnier, talking about as quiet as they would if they where shouting across the house at eachother. Even when he does have work and goes to bed early, his snoring is loud enough that if he doesn't close his room door I can hear it through headphones, and they always leave the light on... Even the sound of them getting up in the night to use the bathroom or if he has to get up early will often wake me up. 

other than noise, my mind is too busy, like it's processing everything that happened, everything that could have happened, everything I want and don't want to happen, and I just seen unable to make it stop. I can try, I often just try to imagine peaceful scenes, but that focus keeps me up too, and even if I do start to fall asleep, I loose focus and my brain runs a million miles a minute.

Just last night, I couldn't sleep, wasn't until 2 am that I literally passed out. Just wasn't tired, had the lights off, was off my phone and laptop for over half an hour before 11, fairly quiet, but heres my brain just going and going, leaving me tossing and turning, trying to get comfy and relax and stop my brain. But nothing. 

A lot of people find it really difficult to fall asleep because their mind is too busy. And it can take a while to find a good sleep routine. We've got two guides here that you can check out 

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/six-steps-to-the-best-sleep-of-your-life/

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/50-things-cant-sleep/

Maybe you could have a read through them and come up with a plan that might work for you. It's usually a good idea to try something new for at least a week before deciding if it works or doesn't work for you as it can take some time until your body gets used to the changes. Also, I was wondering, if noise impacts your sleep, do you use earplugs? I know lots of people who find them really useful for sleeping. 

 

[CL]

@Aurora

Thanks for the links, I'll read soon.

I can't use earplugs for long periods of time. I'm prone to ear infections, and wearing earplugs will probably keep my ears too moist/humid and make it easier to get an ear infection.

[CL]

@Aurora

I'm having a really rough day at work today too... My boss is messing with everything again and it's stressing me TF out and going to make a lot more work for me

[Aurora]

23 hours ago, CL said:

@Aurora

Thanks for the links, I'll read soon.

I can't use earplugs for long periods of time. I'm prone to ear infections, and wearing earplugs will probably keep my ears too moist/humid and make it easier to get an ear infection.

Oh no, sorry to hear you have problems with your ears. 

Often, changing our sleep routine can help us to get more/better sleep at night. However, everyone is different so it's important you fond something that works for you. Hopefully the links will help you to come up with a different sleep routine. Let me know how you get on. 

[Aurora]

23 hours ago, CL said:

@Aurora

I'm having a really rough day at work today too... My boss is messing with everything again and it's stressing me TF out and going to make a lot more work for me

That sounds frustrating. How are you feeling today? 

[CL]

@Aurora

Parents kept me up again last night. I really feel like I could have been asleep at a good time, but it was 1 am before they went to bed.

 

Tbh yesterday just got worse and worse after. I'm still pretty down about it.

[Aurora]

28 minutes ago, CL said:

@Aurora

Parents kept me up again last night. I really feel like I could have been asleep at a good time, but it was 1 am before they went to bed.

Tbh yesterday just got worse and worse after. I'm still pretty down about it.

Have you spoken to your parents about how they are keeping you up? Maybe they aren't aware? Sleep is really important and can have a big impact on our wellbeing. 

Are you back at work today? What is keeping you going? 

[CL]

@Aurora

I have, it's always one of three responses. 1. They don't care. 2. They think it's funny for some reason and laugh at me. 3. They get mad.

 

Yes I'm back at work and tbh I don't even know.

[Aurora]

12 minutes ago, CL said:

@Aurora

I have, it's always one of three responses. 1. They don't care. 2. They think it's funny for some reason and laugh at me. 3. They get mad.

Yes I'm back at work and tbh I don't even know.

I know it's a difficult question but what are you doing that keeps you going? You said you are back at work, how did you motivate yourself to go there today? 

[CL]

@Aurora

Sometimes I joking say spite is what keeps me going. Sometimes I believe it. 

Pretty much the only reason I keep coming to work is that I need money and it'll make me look like a bad employee to future employers if I just stopped coming.