Trans…. Maybe??

[ConfuzledHuman]

 

 

Hi there! I’m new to this whole thing but I think this is how you do it… such as my username I am confused, I am a girl but I feel like I could be a trans guy, like I love the idea of short hair and no skirts or dresses (not that I wear them anyway) but I also have been always labeled as a girl when I wanted to do something with my brother I was forced not to bc it was not for a girl or I was forced to do something with my sister (middle kid). When I was younger I always just felt different like I was a boy but I’ve always felt that way like I was two people forced to share one person and I don’t really have a set of pronouns (actually I have she/her but that’s because family). My parents say they aren’t homophobic but they really really are and I remember a while back me and my mom got into a argument about those that see themselves as they/them and the convo ended with “that’s a problem for them and if you want to go and be they/them then you can pack your bags and leave” so I don’t really think they’d be good with me coming out as trans or changing my pronouns… I know I jumped all over the place but any advice or anything?

 

 

[Emberfrost12]

1 hour ago, ConfuzledHuman said:

Hi there! I’m new to this whole thing but I think this is how you do it… such as my username I am confused, I am a girl but I feel like I could be a trans guy, like I love the idea of short hair and no skirts or dresses (not that I wear them anyway) but I also have been always labeled as a girl when I wanted to do something with my brother I was forced not to bc it was not for a girl or I was forced to do something with my sister (middle kid). When I was younger I always just felt different like I was a boy but I’ve always felt that way like I was two people forced to share one person and I don’t really have a set of pronouns (actually I have she/her but that’s because family). My parents say they aren’t homophobic but they really really are and I remember a while back me and my mom got into a argument about those that see themselves as they/them and the convo ended with “that’s a problem for them and if you want to go and be they/them then you can pack your bags and leave” so I don’t really think they’d be good with me coming out as trans or changing my pronouns… I know I jumped all over the place but any advice or anything?

Yep, you’re doing it right!   It’s definitely tough when you’re forced not to do something you want to do because of your gender, especially if you’re actually trans. If you think that you felt like you were a boy when you were younger, there is definitely a solid chance that you’re trans, especially because we tend to force ourselves to ignore things like that as we get older. I can actually relate a lot to that dynamic with your parents and them ‘not being homophobic’ when they are. With things like that, it’s worth remembering that people can change their perspectives when someone they love is now doing something that they were unsure about. You can always wait to come out though. It can be difficult, but it can be worth it

[ConfuzledHuman]

48 minutes ago, Emberfrost12 said:

Yep, you’re doing it right!   It’s definitely tough when you’re forced not to do something you want to do because of your gender, especially if you’re actually trans. If you think that you felt like you were a boy when you were younger, there is definitely a solid chance that you’re trans, especially because we tend to force ourselves to ignore things like that as we get older. I can actually relate a lot to that dynamic with your parents and them ‘not being homophobic’ when they are. With things like that, it’s worth remembering that people can change their perspectives when someone they love is now doing something that they were unsure about. You can always wait to come out though. It can be difficult, but it can be worth it

Thanks… I get that maybe my parents might change their minds when it’s there own kid but I really don’t think so it’s been since forever that I’ll hear something homophonic and they won’t bat a eye. I honestly just want someone to tell me what I am but I know it doesn’t work that way I don’t want to say I’m trans and then it’s like ooh maybe not..

[Emberfrost12]

1 minute ago, ConfuzledHuman said:

Thanks… I get that maybe my parents might change their minds when it’s there own kid but I really don’t think so it’s been since forever that I’ll hear something homophonic and they won’t bat a eye. I honestly just want someone to tell me what I am but I know it doesn’t work that way I don’t want to say I’m trans and then it’s like ooh maybe not..

Yeah that’s fair

I also understand the need for someone to just tell you what you are. While I can’t answer that, I’ll give you a few things to think about: Do you think many cisgender people wonder if they’re trans? Because I’m willing to bet the answer is no. Also, if you have a good friend who is super chilll about people being trans, you can always ask them to use masculine pronouns/compliments/a different name when you’re in private, It could probably give you an idea about how you feel about being referred to as a guy. There is lots of expirementation like that you can do, and it might be worth to give that a try. Also try writing sentences referring to you with masc pronouns, or dressing masc (if you can get yourself gendered as he by some random stranger, it can give you a feeling of how you feel about it. And if it feels strange, remember that that isn’t necessarily a weird thing, as it takes getting used to) Let me know how you feel about those things and if there’s any more I can help you with :)

[ConfuzledHuman]

1 minute ago, Emberfrost12 said:

Yeah that’s fair

I also understand the need for someone to just tell you what you are. While I can’t answer that, I’ll give you a few things to think about: Do you think many cisgender people wonder if they’re trans? Because I’m willing to bet the answer is no. Also, if you have a good friend who is super chilll about people being trans, you can always ask them to use masculine pronouns/compliments/a different name when you’re in private, It could probably give you an idea about how you feel about being referred to as a guy. There is lots of expirementation like that you can do, and it might be worth to give that a try. Also try writing sentences referring to you with masc pronouns, or dressing masc (if you can get yourself gendered as he by some random stranger, it can give you a feeling of how you feel about it. And if it feels strange, remember that that isn’t necessarily a weird thing, as it takes getting used to) Let me know how you feel about those things and if there’s any more I can help you with :)

Thank you @Emberfrost12 I appreciate your support and kind words. I don’t really think that my parents will let anything like that slip (by my parents I mean my mom my dad is just there and he kinda just goes along with my mom) I feels like I can maybe start the pronouns thing but I mean with the looks thing I had to beg for months on end to cut my hair and even then it’s at like my shoulders but it just doesn’t feel like me. Sometimes I often just look in the mirror and I just don’t feel right now matter how I do my hair or what I wear it all just doesn’t feel right. I do feel like I would be judged bc  the way that my school is we do have some trans kids (to afraid to actually talk to them abt this) there are the actual boys and girls and the lgbtq kids and of course some random floaters… which actually sucks but I’m one that floats sometimes I am with my queer friends others im with everyone else I just think that not everyone will actually see me as trans ( and I know not everyone is accepting)  but I also don’t want to stay in the closet. Again I am very sorry for bouncing all over the place

[Emberfrost12]

1 minute ago, ConfuzledHuman said:

Thank you @Emberfrost12 I appreciate your support and kind words. I don’t really think that my parents will let anything like that slip (by my parents I mean my mom my dad is just there and he kinda just goes along with my mom) I feels like I can maybe start the pronouns thing but I mean with the looks thing I had to beg for months on end to cut my hair and even then it’s at like my shoulders but it just doesn’t feel like me. Sometimes I often just look in the mirror and I just don’t feel right now matter how I do my hair or what I wear it all just doesn’t feel right. I do feel like I would be judged bc  the way that my school is we do have some trans kids (to afraid to actually talk to them abt this) there are the actual boys and girls and the lgbtq kids and of course some random floaters… which actually sucks but I’m one that floats sometimes I am with my queer friends others im with everyone else I just think that not everyone will actually see me as trans ( and I know not everyone is accepting)  but I also don’t want to stay in the closet. Again I am very sorry for bouncing all over the place

Don’t worry about being all over the place. I know that in these replies I probably seem pretty put together but sometimes that slips. 

Ok, I see. That one might not be one to try then. I also have a similar social ‘hierarchy’ in my school. It’s fair that you’re too afraid to actually talk to the trans kids, but from my experience, I’m willing to bet that they’ll be open to talk about things as long as you aren’t being overly intrusive (it’s a good call to start off by saying that they can tell you if they aren’t comfortable answering something if you’re worried about it), and if you aren’t attacking them or being an a**hole about it. If you ask them how they knew they were trans, they’ll probably have some decent advice. I realize that I’m probably also flooding you with information, so a good place to start:

1.Ask whichever of your ‘queer friends’ is best at keeping secrets and is the chillest to use pronouns when it’s just the two of you.

2. Write down some sentences about yourself (in third person) that use he/him. For example, ‘he really likes to….’ ‘He listens to music by….’ And so on. I know that to some people it sounds stupid, but it’s worth a try.

3.Make it a goal to talk to one of the trans kids about it (remember that you don’t actually have to say you’re questioning! Most of us/them probably want opportunities to educate), and in the mean time, 

[ConfuzledHuman]

Ok I’ll try thank you. But I do have a question like what happens when you are trans like idk but like that’s what I’m not sure about , for example let’s say I come out as trans I’m now using he him pronouns and that’s it what happens from their I do know some people change their names but I have like a unisex name so 

[Emberfrost12]

1 minute ago, ConfuzledHuman said:

Ok I’ll try thank you. But I do have a question like what happens when you are trans like idk but like that’s what I’m not sure about , for example let’s say I come out as trans I’m now using he him pronouns and that’s it what happens from their I do know some people change their names but I have like a unisex name so 

That really depends on you. The long answer is this: the first question is, do you care about passing, or do you kinda just want to throw gender back into people’s faces and risk being misgendered constantly? If it’s the second option, you do whatever you want. If it’s the first, you figure out how to pass and get everyone to gender you correctly. From there, you learn how you’re going to deal with the transphobes, which is honestly not as difficult as it sounds, for the most part, and you force yourself to do things like using the mens bathroom and change room until you feel comfortable with it (change room is a thing to try to get out of though) As you grow older, you figure out whether you’re going to do things like taking hormones, doing vocal training for a lower voice, and if you’re going to get top surgery (basically it makes you flat and you also get to walk around with no shirt if you really feel like it). But the shorter answer is that, once you’re out and are using he/him pronouns, you readjust, and then live your life as a guy. 

[omni]

u should try different things that suit u but try like sticking with people who will support u too

[omni]

21 hours ago, ConfuzledHuman said:

Hi there! I’m new to this whole thing but I think this is how you do it… such as my username I am confused, I am a girl but I feel like I could be a trans guy, like I love the idea of short hair and no skirts or dresses (not that I wear them anyway) but I also have been always labeled as a girl when I wanted to do something with my brother I was forced not to bc it was not for a girl or I was forced to do something with my sister (middle kid). When I was younger I always just felt different like I was a boy but I’ve always felt that way like I was two people forced to share one person and I don’t really have a set of pronouns (actually I have she/her but that’s because family). My parents say they aren’t homophobic but they really really are and I remember a while back me and my mom got into a argument about those that see themselves as they/them and the convo ended with “that’s a problem for them and if you want to go and be they/them then you can pack your bags and leave” so I don’t really think they’d be good with me coming out as trans or changing my pronouns… I know I jumped all over the place but any advice or anything?

have u tried nonbinary or bigender