advice I feel stuck

[CL]

@Aurora

Honestly it doesn't seem to matter what I do. Regardless of how good of a day I have after work or how good of a weekend I have, as soon as I step in this place my stomach just starts churning.

[CL]

@Aurora

Update.

My boss just pulled me away from packing tomatoes to make me send up glass bottles. Something I made abundantly clear I hate doing. 

So she's now preventing me from doing what is my job to do and making me do things I'm uncomfortable doing.

[Cal_The_Oyster]

15 minutes ago, CL said:

@Aurora

Update.

My boss just pulled me away from packing tomatoes to make me send up glass bottles. Something I made abundantly clear I hate doing. 

So she's now preventing me from doing what is my job to do and making me do things I'm uncomfortable doing.

Is human resources an option for you? They are the higher authority (I think)

[CL]

@Thisboiistrans

Unfortunately not really an option... 

It's kinda a small entrepreneurial establishment, Maybe because of its small size or something, there isn't exactly a human resources person in here.

[Aurora]

10 minutes ago, CL said:

@Thisboiistrans

Unfortunately not really an option... 

It's kinda a small entrepreneurial establishment, Maybe because of its small size or something, there isn't exactly a human resources person in here.

Sounds like a really stressful place to work in. Have you spoken to your boss about some of the physical symptoms you've been having. How do you think she would react? 

[CL]

@Aurora unfortunately this is the same person that thinks when someone throws up they are trying to skip work... So I don't think it will work to tell her

 

 

Edited August 24, 2022 by CL
Accidentally pressed send

[Aurora]

On 8/24/2022 at 3:07 PM, CL said:

@Aurora unfortunately this is the same person that thinks when someone throws up they are trying to skip work... So I don't think it will work to tell her

Do you think there could be a downside to telling her? I'm just wondering whether it might still be a good idea to tell her just so she's aware. Maybe she will give you less work, even though she might not show any sympathy. What do you think? 

[CL]

@Aurora

Whenever she adds something else for me to do I tell her I hardly have the time to do what I need to do anyways and she doesn't care. 

[Aurora]

24 minutes ago, CL said:

@Aurora

Whenever she adds something else for me to do I tell her I hardly have the time to do what I need to do anyways and she doesn't care. 

That sounds really tough and very frustrating. Do you know if your co workers feel the same - could you maybe approach her together?

[CL]

@Aurora

At least a few of my coworkers feel the same. And he have told her, we can't have higher sales and so more work without more people. But she doesn't listen.

[Aurora]

44 minutes ago, CL said:

@Aurora

At least a few of my coworkers feel the same. And he have told her, we can't have higher sales and so more work without more people. But she doesn't listen.

That sounds very frustrating. Can you think of anything else you could do to reduce your stress levels before you move away? It does sound like your body is telling you to slow down. Would you agree? 

[CL]

@Aurora

Oh I 100% agree, but unfortunately, if I slow down my boss seems to think that means she can give me more to do.

I'm trying to take it easy today, got a pulled muscle in my arm, first thing my boss says when she sees I only have a small load of stuff to bring up is tell me to move the empty pallets, meanwhile I have about twice as much stuff I need to bring up.

[CL]

@Aurora

I think I have another reason to want to leave...

The nearest hospital to where I live is having "temporary closures" due to short staff... This is straight up terrifying, people are being brought by ambulance, assuming it's available, 2 hours away to the nearest hospital of reasonable size... 

Everyone is convinced the hospital might shut down for good.

[Aurora]

On 8/27/2022 at 7:53 PM, CL said:

@Aurora

I think I have another reason to want to leave...

The nearest hospital to where I live is having "temporary closures" due to short staff... This is straight up terrifying, people are being brought by ambulance, assuming it's available, 2 hours away to the nearest hospital of reasonable size... 

Everyone is convinced the hospital might shut down for good.

That does sound scary. I'm not surprised this is adding to why you want to leave. Especially as you've been feeling unwell yourself from all the stress.

It sounds like your boss isn't very understanding and nothing you've tried so far has worked to get her to decrease your workload. I'm wondering whether it might be a good idea to see your doctor and have yourself checked out after all.  By going to the doctor, they might be able to confirm that your symptoms are stress related and in that case your boss would have to take your request more seriously. What do you think? 

[CL]

@Aurora

I'm a very outdoorsy person, not everything I do is the safest. I own a chainsaw, snowmobiles, an ATV. I could easily lose my life or major bodily function because the hospital wasn't open to attempt to stabilize my situation and because if the hospital is closed the ambulance would have to come from a farther away town and bring me back to a farther away town. And honestly that's not even the worse of it. Even being careful, anyone can have a stroke or aneurysm or car accident any time and than they will be screwed.

If I go to the doctor the only things they can really do is put me on stress leave, or say that I need to be on reduced workload, and I honestly think that would screw me up more... Who would hire someone known to have had to be on reduced workload due to stress?

 

 

Also now the realization has hit me that my birthday is almost here... I hate my birthday and I know if I don't get myself something I'll feel sad, but with what's in my mind and how little money I got, I can't really get myself anything I really want.

[Aurora]

46 minutes ago, CL said:

@Aurora

I'm a very outdoorsy person, not everything I do is the safest. I own a chainsaw, snowmobiles, an ATV. I could easily lose my life or major bodily function because the hospital wasn't open to attempt to stabilize my situation and because if the hospital is closed the ambulance would have to come from a farther away town and bring me back to a farther away town. And honestly that's not even the worse of it. Even being careful, anyone can have a stroke or aneurysm or car accident any time and than they will be screwed.

If I go to the doctor the only things they can really do is put me on stress leave, or say that I need to be on reduced workload, and I honestly think that would screw me up more... Who would hire someone known to have had to be on reduced workload due to stress?

Also now the realization has hit me that my birthday is almost here... I hate my birthday and I know if I don't get myself something I'll feel sad, but with what's in my mind and how little money I got, I can't really get myself anything I really want.

It sounds like you could really do with something to look forward to. Is there something nice you could do on your birthday instead? For example is there a special place you like to go to or even a nice meal you (or someone else) could cook? 

[CL]

@Aurora

Not really, most fishing seasons close the day before my birthday. I don't really know of a place to go, especially not in any realistic driving distances. And I'm a picky eater, all meals I make are special and I don't let people cook for me. 

 

Now, on the other hand, if I do get myself something, I could pay for it with my credit card and than pay that off over a few weeks. That's what I did when I got new tires for my truck and it really helped my credit score.

[Aurora]

21 hours ago, CL said:

@Aurora

Not really, most fishing seasons close the day before my birthday. I don't really know of a place to go, especially not in any realistic driving distances. And I'm a picky eater, all meals I make are special and I don't let people cook for me. 

Now, on the other hand, if I do get myself something, I could pay for it with my credit card and than pay that off over a few weeks. That's what I did when I got new tires for my truck and it really helped my credit score.

Sounds like you have come up with a plan, how you could buy yourself something for your birthday. How does that make you feel?  Do you have something in mind that you want to get? And how do you think it fits in with your goal of moving away as soon as possible? 

[CL]

@Aurora

Having stuff makes me feel good, especially if it's for a hobby.

I have my eye on a few things, gotta pick the right thing though. I get buyers remorse very easy, sometimes even for necessities.  Unfortunately, they have nothing to do with wanting to move and at the end of the day when I eventually do move it'll be another item that's a bit difficult to transport.

[Aurora]

15 minutes ago, CL said:

@Aurora

Having stuff makes me feel good, especially if it's for a hobby.

I have my eye on a few things, gotta pick the right thing though. I get buyers remorse very easy, sometimes even for necessities.  Unfortunately, they have nothing to do with wanting to move and at the end of the day when I eventually do move it'll be another item that's a bit difficult to transport.

Sounds like there are pros and cons to buying yourself something. On reflection do you think it's a good idea to get yourself a birthday gift or are you thinking about holding off this year?

[CL]

@Aurora

I agree, it's got it's pros and cons...

But I don't get much for my birthday, if I don't get myself something, I'll feel bad.

My birthday has always been forgotten and neglected. Its in September, usually within the first few days of school, so as a young kid, my birthday was often not much because of back to school expenses, and the busy times of heading back to school. Than in school, usually the teacher would give a happy belated birthday to the kids who had a birthday over the summer and have a small party in class for the kids who has a birthday during the year... Being the first few days of the school year, they didn't do that for me. When I started to get older, my parents would take my brother and I put of town for his birthday, get him everything he wanted, but if I wanted something while out of town they would say "this is your brother's trip, stop being so selfish". When my birthday came a few months later a d I'd ask to go somewhere they would say "we went out of town with you guys not long ago, we aren't going again" and they would spend a fraction of the money on me. Again, as I got older, every year something bad would happen within 10 days of my birthday and distract from it. Someone who get sick or die and the worry and memorial would make my birthday a afterthought... 

This year I decided to keep track of things... My parents sent my brother money, spent $100 to go to him, and $40 on his meal. Even if they only sent him $10 that's $150 spent on him for his birthday... Last week they asked me what I wanted, and proceeded to offer me something of $30 value and than another item of similar value, but not both, only one... 

I'm really feeling like an afterthought on my birthday, almost something in the way to just throw a few dollars at to make it move so you can worry about something else...

So every year since I been working, I have been getting myself something for my birthday to make up for it... I feel like I have to get myself something.. 

[Aurora]

1 hour ago, CL said:

@Aurora

I agree, it's got it's pros and cons...

But I don't get much for my birthday, if I don't get myself something, I'll feel bad.

My birthday has always been forgotten and neglected. Its in September, usually within the first few days of school, so as a young kid, my birthday was often not much because of back to school expenses, and the busy times of heading back to school. Than in school, usually the teacher would give a happy belated birthday to the kids who had a birthday over the summer and have a small party in class for the kids who has a birthday during the year... Being the first few days of the school year, they didn't do that for me. When I started to get older, my parents would take my brother and I put of town for his birthday, get him everything he wanted, but if I wanted something while out of town they would say "this is your brother's trip, stop being so selfish". When my birthday came a few months later a d I'd ask to go somewhere they would say "we went out of town with you guys not long ago, we aren't going again" and they would spend a fraction of the money on me. Again, as I got older, every year something bad would happen within 10 days of my birthday and distract from it. Someone who get sick or die and the worry and memorial would make my birthday a afterthought... 

This year I decided to keep track of things... My parents sent my brother money, spent $100 to go to him, and $40 on his meal. Even if they only sent him $10 that's $150 spent on him for his birthday... Last week they asked me what I wanted, and proceeded to offer me something of $30 value and than another item of similar value, but not both, only one... 

I'm really feeling like an afterthought on my birthday, almost something in the way to just throw a few dollars at to make it move so you can worry about something else...

So every year since I been working, I have been getting myself something for my birthday to make up for it... I feel like I have to get myself something.. 

Just to let you know, that I removed the actual date of your birthday from your post as we can't allow personal information on the forum. We do this to keep everyone safe. 

I can see why your birthday is difficult for you and why you are not looking forward to your birthday. It's nice that you've figured out a way for yourself to make up for it. Does it help and do you usually feel better if you treat yourself to something on your birthday. Also, I'm wondering, have you ever mentioned it to your parents? Do you think they are aware that they keep  spending more time and money on your brother's birthday and how this has been making you feel? 

[CL]

@Aurora

I had no idea, thank you.

Yes it usually helps me feel quite a bit better. I haven't mentioned it to my parents, I know they would make a big fuss over it...

 

Anyways, I kinda told mom that I'm wanting to look farther for work, but I didn't get too specific. It went ok, but not the best as I feel like she immediately started trying to make decisions for me again.

I  told her im "soon going to start have to look farther and farther away (for work)" 

And she just goes "what do you mean?... Like (town that's an hour away)?... Where would you stay?... Regardless of what you do, by this time next year you should be in school..." And than proceeded to list several courses "lawyer? Carpenter? Electrician? Forestry and fisheries or RCMP?" And a few others. 

She barely let me get in a word about what I want.

[Aurora]

21 hours ago, CL said:

@Aurora

I had no idea, thank you.

Yes it usually helps me feel quite a bit better. I haven't mentioned it to my parents, I know they would make a big fuss over it...

Anyways, I kinda told mom that I'm wanting to look farther for work, but I didn't get too specific. It went ok, but not the best as I feel like she immediately started trying to make decisions for me again.

I  told her im "soon going to start have to look farther and farther away (for work)" 

And she just goes "what do you mean?... Like (town that's an hour away)?... Where would you stay?... Regardless of what you do, by this time next year you should be in school..." And than proceeded to list several courses "lawyer? Carpenter? Electrician? Forestry and fisheries or RCMP?" And a few others. 

She barely let me get in a word about what I want.

It's really great that you've started that conversation with your Mom. I know you were really worried about having it and it sounds like it went OK, which is good start. What do you think?

From what you're saying it sounds to me like you now want to make sure, that your Mom doesn't make the decision for you. Is that right? What do you think your next step could be to make sure you can bring your views across? 

[CL]

@Aurora

I suppose it went ok, but it seems she's already got her mind made up about what I should do.

I don't have a clue how to get her to get that idea out of her head, and get the right idea into it.