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Losing myself


Blc
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Update :, school was crazy and a bit scary tbh, we went into a school lock down, mind you it was just a drill, but it was actually pretty scary,, and I keep thinking that this social worker student is my ex, cause she looks like her, same hair, sort of similar face, even though it isn't possible since we were long distance, but it makes me so uncomfortable, because it isn't fun seeing your ex around because it's so awkward, but I'm getting through it I think , it's just not pleasant but I could be wrong though, but she looks like her, and sounds like her, I'm just trying to keep my head down and forget about her because I'm with someone who makes me extremely happy and I really don't want to ruin because this is the happiest I've ever been honestly, I love her so much my partner I meanย 

ย 

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Sorry its stupid, I keep listening to that little voice in my head that says that, it just makes me feel scared of being alone with my, stupid thoughts because they always happen and its getting so awful I hate itย 

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52 minutes ago, Blc said:

Sorry its stupid, I keep listening to that little voice in my head that says that, it just makes me feel scared of being alone with my, stupid thoughts because they always happen and its getting so awful I hate itย 

Thereโ€™s nothing to be sorry about and that little voice is wrong and i know its hard to ignore it and you are not alone alot of people are that voice in their head including me, you are not alone when though it might feel like that you are i promise and ur not stupid and either are your thoughts you have those thoughts because of your trauma and im sorry its always happening and that itโ€™s getting bad again. i wish there was more i could do to help

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Thank you and sorry to hear you have trauma,, you don't deserve it at all. But you know what? We have each other, it probably isn't much considering the distance, but we still have each other, and with you, those voices actually mean nothing, ik I'm just average in the partner department, but you mean everything to me, it's been almost two weeks now, and I actually feel strongly that I'm with the person,, those thoughts definitely won't go away anytime soon, but seeing your messages always make me feel like I'm not alone, and I don't feel useless, because I have someone who loves me for me, not just to mess around with but someone who loves me and I love them too.ย 

ย 

I saw your bio, I love it, I haven't got anything in mine to show how much you, mean to me, or how much I love you but I really do love you you make me happy even though I don't feel like I deserve to be sometimes idk why or how I deserve you but, I'm glad I have what we have it is incredibly special to me and your kind words mean more than I show, sometimes I find it hard to express myself like that, you're poems make me want to cry because I've never had people express themselves through poems, it's really lovely, I love you so much our deep conversations actually really help me through my stupid thoughts and you really are my everything honestly ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’

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10 hours ago, Blc said:

Thank you and sorry to hear you have trauma,, you don't deserve it at all. But you know what? We have each other, it probably isn't much considering the distance, but we still have each other, and with you, those voices actually mean nothing, ik I'm just average in the partner department, but you mean everything to me, it's been almost two weeks now, and I actually feel strongly that I'm with the person,, those thoughts definitely won't go away anytime soon, but seeing your messages always make me feel like I'm not alone, and I don't feel useless, because I have someone who loves me for me, not just to mess around with but someone who loves me and I love them too.ย 

I saw your bio, I love it, I haven't got anything in mine to show how much you, mean to me, or how much I love you but I really do love you you make me happy even though I don't feel like I deserve to be sometimes idk why or how I deserve you but, I'm glad I have what we have it is incredibly special to me and your kind words mean more than I show, sometimes I find it hard to express myself like that, you're poems make me want to cry because I've never had people express themselves through poems, it's really lovely, I love you so much our deep conversations actually really help me through my stupid thoughts and you really are my everything honestly ๐Ÿ’—๐Ÿ’

You might think i dont deserve my trauma but i do and i love you too. imma always be here for you no matter what cuz i never want you to doubt yourself or us, you have made me the happiest in the world since we started dating and i wish we could give each other information so we could talk more but it is what it is ik the long distance is hard for both of us but im trying to make it work even though the number one thing is physical touch but im willing to try with all i can for you. When you said that thing about your ex lowkey scared me and ik its hard for you to express how much you love me but i understand how much you love me i think itโ€™s funny at 17 weโ€™re talking about getting married when by 10 i decided to not get married but youโ€™ve changed that. My mom makes me wanna kill myself so much sometimes like last night she said i was about to be homeless because i was talking one of my best friends i met online and she thinks sheโ€™s a random person i met online but sheโ€™s to me then that and sheโ€™s gonna use the fact that I โ€œfucked up alrโ€ but i dont use it like that i see it as i texted my best friend after not speaking to her for a month and she was going on about how im not mexican and how i need to stop speaking spanish but she only says that cuz of my dad (whoโ€™s in jail) but whatever. but anyways nevermind all that i love you so much mi rey ๐Ÿ’—

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46 minutes ago, La_Bonita_Chica said:

You might think i dont deserve my trauma but i do and i love you too. imma always be here for you no matter what cuz i never want you to doubt yourself or us, you have made me the happiest in the world since we started dating and i wish we could give each other information so we could talk more but it is what it is ik the long distance is hard for both of us but im trying to make it work even though the number one thing is physical touch but im willing to try with all i can for you. When you said that thing about your ex lowkey scared me and ik its hard for you to express how much you love me but i understand how much you love me i think itโ€™s funny at 17 weโ€™re talking about getting married when by 10 i decided to not get married but youโ€™ve changed that. My mom makes me wanna kill myself so much sometimes like last night she said i was about to be homeless because i was talking one of my best friends i met online and she thinks sheโ€™s a random person i met online but sheโ€™s to me then that and sheโ€™s gonna use the fact that I โ€œfucked up alrโ€ but i dont use it like that i see it as i texted my best friend after not speaking to her for a month and she was going on about how im not mexican and how i need to stop speaking spanish but she only says that cuz of my dad (whoโ€™s in jail) but whatever. but anyways nevermind all that i love you so much mi rey ๐Ÿ’—

Hey there,

I just wanted to check in and see how you are? I can see what you said about how your mom makes you want to kill yourself, and I wanted to see if you're feeling safe or not? We are here for you. Take care and speak soon.ย Just incase you need it, here is some safety information if you are in crisis:ย 

ย 

digital-mentor.png.37594766624d87064910e

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3 hours ago, La_Bonita_Chica said:

You might think i dont deserve my trauma but i do and i love you too. imma always be here for you no matter what cuz i never want you to doubt yourself or us, you have made me the happiest in the world since we started dating and i wish we could give each other information so we could talk more but it is what it is ik the long distance is hard for both of us but im trying to make it work even though the number one thing is physical touch but im willing to try with all i can for you. When you said that thing about your ex lowkey scared me and ik its hard for you to express how much you love me but i understand how much you love me i think itโ€™s funny at 17 weโ€™re talking about getting married when by 10 i decided to not get married but youโ€™ve changed that. My mom makes me wanna kill myself so much sometimes like last night she said i was about to be homeless because i was talking one of my best friends i met online and she thinks sheโ€™s a random person i met online but sheโ€™s to me then that and sheโ€™s gonna use the fact that I โ€œfucked up alrโ€ but i dont use it like that i see it as i texted my best friend after not speaking to her for a month and she was going on about how im not mexican and how i need to stop speaking spanish but she only says that cuz of my dad (whoโ€™s in jail) but whatever. but anyways nevermind all that i love you so much mi rey ๐Ÿ’—

Sorry to hear your mom's giving you a hard time, you can always talk to me anytime she gives you a hard time and I'll always try to make you feel better anyway I can. And honestly you've made me the happiest ive ever been, and yeah actually it kind of is funny isn't it? Lol but I'm serious I actually do want to someday, although it would probably be better if we meet first before taking things further like that, definitely will be a while before we meet anyway, which means we can get to know more about each other, before hand, but I'm more than happy to make this work, because honestly, what we have weirdly feels right, we're both young but honestly it feels like I've met my soul mate, and that's crazy to me, it's been almost two weeks believe it or not, and I couldn't be happier, I love you so much futura esposa, and as long as you're here, ik I'll always be happy, even when I'm not, because I'll have my best friend and my whole world here with me, I feel like myself with you and all of our deep conversations actually make me so happy, you're not just my gf or best friend, you mean so much more than that, this is probably the most I've ever expressed so much love for a person, I wish we could give each other our socials so we can talk more and even face time if we wanted to, but just talking to you is fine as well, I love you more than I know how to say mi riena, you're my best friend, my partner, and sorry if this is weird, family ๐Ÿ’—

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