advice I feel stuck

[Aurora]

21 hours ago, CL said:

@Aurora

Idk, I feel bad tbh... .y girlfriend struggled with self harm and been 'clean' for so long and been staying strong and not doing it for me, yet here I am, the one that broke...

I overthink these 1-10 things, 3 just seems right, it's a little worse than what I call "just a little down", 4, but better than what I call "bad", 2. 

Friday was bad at best and terrible at worse. So I say Friday was 1-2 and I wanted to cry and curl into a ball and just never be bothered again and never move again.

What would you say has changed since Friday that has put you at a 3? What are the things you've noticed?

Please know that self harm is a way of showing your emotional pain and trying to manage some of the negative feelings. From what you've been telling me you've been feeling very stressed and very low for a while now and maybe by hitting yourself you've trying to manage those feelings. What do you think? Have you spoken to your girlfriend about this? It sounds like she has experience of self harm herself and can probably understand what you're going through. Do you know if your girlfriend has been seeing anyone to support her with this? 

[CL]

@Aurora

I spent the weekend with my girlfriend, so the end of Friday to about 3 pm Sunday I was great, 8, 9, 10. 

 

You might be right there. I'm no therapist or psychologist or anything tho, so I can't say anything for certain.

Yeah, I told her, she was a little sad, but she was supportive of me and helped me feel better about it.

 

I think she used to see a counsel, I don't know of she still does though.

[Aurora]

8 minutes ago, CL said:

@Aurora

I spent the weekend with my girlfriend, so the end of Friday to about 3 pm Sunday I was great, 8, 9, 10. 

You might be right there. I'm no therapist or psychologist or anything tho, so I can't say anything for certain.

Yeah, I told her, she was a little sad, but she was supportive of me and helped me feel better about it.

I think she used to see a counsel, I don't know of she still does though.

I'm glad to hear you could talk to her about it and that you had such a nice weekend together. I'm wondering whether you might consider seeing a counsellor? Maybe you could ask your girlfriend about it and see if she found it helpful? 

[CL]

@Aurora

I don't think a councilor would be much an option for me. Problem 1 is where my girlfriend went is about an hour from her and 2 hours from me. It's just too far and too expensive.

[Aurora]

21 hours ago, CL said:

@Aurora

I don't think a councilor would be much an option for me. Problem 1 is where my girlfriend went is about an hour from her and 2 hours from me. It's just too far and too expensive.

Are there any free counselling services where you are? I'm wondering whether your doctor could maybe refer you to one. This might sound like a big step but they would be able to support you in finding other coping methods for when you feel overwhelmed by your feelings.

How are you feeling today? Would you still put yourself at a 3 on the scale? What would it take to move you up to a 4? 

[CL]

@Aurora

Going to a doctor isn't really an option. As I mentioned, hunting is one of my favorite hobbies, if the doctor reported my depression to the police they would raid my house and take all of my guns. Which would absolutely ruin me in so many ways it may be the straw that breaks the camels and kills it too so to speak.

 

I'm doing worse today. What I got myself for my birthday turned out to be a total lemon and now I'm going to have to jump through the loops and drive 3 hours to try and get a refund... I'm actually about to call the store now, I'll send a updated on how it goes.

[Blondie]

6 hours ago, CL said:

@Aurora

Going to a doctor isn't really an option. As I mentioned, hunting is one of my favorite hobbies, if the doctor reported my depression to the police they would raid my house and take all of my guns. Which would absolutely ruin me in so many ways it may be the straw that breaks the camels and kills it too so to speak.

I'm doing worse today. What I got myself for my birthday turned out to be a total lemon and now I'm going to have to jump through the loops and drive 3 hours to try and get a refund... I'm actually about to call the store now, I'll send a updated on how it goes.

Hey there, jumping in as @Aurora will be back on Friday. 

Is that police response standard for licensed weapons? Or only in extreme cases? 

[Hazard]

6 hours ago, CL said:

@Aurora

Going to a doctor isn't really an option. As I mentioned, hunting is one of my favorite hobbies, if the doctor reported my depression to the police they would raid my house and take all of my guns. Which would absolutely ruin me in so many ways it may be the straw that breaks the camels and kills it too so to speak.

I'm doing worse today. What I got myself for my birthday turned out to be a total lemon and now I'm going to have to jump through the loops and drive 3 hours to try and get a refund... I'm actually about to call the store now, I'll send a updated on how it goes.

Have you called 211 to ask about something a little bit more anonymous? I know that that's a canada-wide number. Also, Ontario and B.C. have a great website for mental health, you could probably get away with using it if you're in a surrounding province.

[CL]

@Blondie
Here in Canada its a pretty standard response.
Which is good, if word got out that someone was planning to hurt someone else it could save potentially multiple lives.
But in my situation, it would stop me from doing some of my favorite things, and of course its not impossible that I'd never get them back and i'd be out approximately $5500 with nothing to show for it and nothing to sell to get it back. 

@Emberfrost12
I'm pretty much restricted to online chats and forums. I don't have the privacy to do a phone call.
I believe I tried to use a site that was set up for Ontario (as the one for my province is awful) and they just kept trying to direct me to my provinces site.

@Aurora
Good news is I got a full refund.
Bad news is I drove 3 hours there, bought it, 3 hours back. realized it was trash. 3 hours there, refund, 3 hours back... I feel like i wasted so much time and money on something that was trash.... And I feel like i didn't get myself anything and I hate that...

More bad news... Last night a mink got in the chicken coop and killed two of my chickens... I took time off work to bury them and make improvements to coop security... I am also rather physically sick with a nasty flu/cold and all day moms been nagging me to go in to work... I'm really not mentally equipped to go in now and physically i feel awful, but I know I hardly have a choice in the matter and I have to go in... 
If I could rate my mood today as a zero, I would.

[-Leila-]

15 minutes ago, CL said:

@Blondie
Here in Canada its a pretty standard response.
Which is good, if word got out that someone was planning to hurt someone else it could save potentially multiple lives.
But in my situation, it would stop me from doing some of my favorite things, and of course its not impossible that I'd never get them back and i'd be out approximately $5500 with nothing to show for it and nothing to sell to get it back. 

@Emberfrost12
I'm pretty much restricted to online chats and forums. I don't have the privacy to do a phone call.
I believe I tried to use a site that was set up for Ontario (as the one for my province is awful) and they just kept trying to direct me to my provinces site.

@Aurora
Good news is I got a full refund.
Bad news is I drove 3 hours there, bought it, 3 hours back. realized it was trash. 3 hours there, refund, 3 hours back... I feel like i wasted so much time and money on something that was trash.... And I feel like i didn't get myself anything and I hate that...

More bad news... Last night a mink got in the chicken coop and killed two of my chickens... I took time off work to bury them and make improvements to coop security... I am also rather physically sick with a nasty flu/cold and all day moms been nagging me to go in to work... I'm really not mentally equipped to go in now and physically i feel awful, but I know I hardly have a choice in the matter and I have to go in... 
If I could rate my mood today as a zero, I would.

So sorry to hear about the loss of your chickens. You seem to be going through a lot, you deserve to be happy and not to be going through so much and having to make out your fine. I'm sorry to hear about your health, are you getting enough sleep? Sleep can make our mental health and physical health better by letting our bodies refresh and for our minds to rest. I'm sorry you feel awful, what feelings are you going through? I see that the digital mentors are supporting you which is awesome! I'm here for you,

Lulu/Leila

[CL]

@Luluu

I'm terrified I'm going to go home to find the mink came back for the rest of them. I upgraded the security, I even took a shot at it but I think I missed. It just kept coming back and now that I'm not home I can't do anything to even scare it...  I believe the term for what they do is surplus killing, and I hate how many chickens they will kill and not even eat.

Ad thank you, I hate having to fake being fine, especially when the only person that can see through it is my girlfriend... She's always worried it's her fault.

 

I usually get 6-8 hours of sleep, but it's poor quality.

 

I guess I'm just feeling sadness and anger mostly. Maybe something else but it's like one of those complex balls of emotion I don't know how to explain...

 

And thank you and thanks everyone that chips in.

 

[-Leila-]

14 minutes ago, CL said:

@Luluu

I'm terrified I'm going to go home to find the mink came back for the rest of them. I upgraded the security, I even took a shot at it but I think I missed. It just kept coming back and now that I'm not home I can't do anything to even scare it...  I believe the term for what they do is surplus killing, and I hate how many chickens they will kill and not even eat.

Ad thank you, I hate having to fake being fine, especially when the only person that can see through it is my girlfriend... She's always worried it's her fault.

I usually get 6-8 hours of sleep, but it's poor quality.

I guess I'm just feeling sadness and anger mostly. Maybe something else but it's like one of those complex balls of emotion I don't know how to explain...

And thank you and thanks everyone that chips in.

I am so sorry to hear that even with us most security your chickens get eaten you don't deserve to go through that I'm so sorry. . I know what's it's like to fake being happy, what makes you want to pretend to be happy when you aren't? I'm glad you have your girlfriend to support you but I hear she feels like it's her fault. It's none of yours fault you both deserve thr world and you both have each other which is good. 6-8 hours sleep and it being poor is a struggle within itself, have you ever considered going to your GP about maybe getting support with sleeping? Thank you for letting me know everything, I appreciate it . I'm here foe you.

Lulu

[CL]

@Luluu

And minks are brazen and can fit through tiny holes, even with my new upgrades, it might only slow it down.

 

I'm not sure if I follow you. What makes me want to pretend to be happy?

And I agree, I really wish I could be a happy, stable boyfriend for her 

 

I've tried sleeping pills and melatonin, sleeping pills leave me feeling like I stayed up all night in sleep paralysis, and melatonin is weird, sometimes I need 4 or 5 to go to sleep, and sometimes that same amount will make me feel like I got knocked out.

Again, can't really go to the doctor about it. Budget cuts and whatnot, even for something serious could be a 3 hour wait. To talk to the doctor about sleep... Put it this way, I spent all day waiting for a doctor before, I wouldn't be surprised if it happened again.

 

[-Leila-]

Just now, CL said:

@Luluu

And minks are brazen and can fit through tiny holes, even with my new upgrades, it might only slow it down.

I'm not sure if I follow you. What makes me want to pretend to be happy?

And I agree, I really wish I could be a happy, stable boyfriend for her 

I've tried sleeping pills and melatonin, sleeping pills leave me feeling like I stayed up all night in sleep paralysis, and melatonin is weird, sometimes I need 4 or 5 to go to sleep, and sometimes that same amount will make me feel like I got knocked out.

Again, can't really go to the doctor about it. Budget cuts and whatnot, even for something serious could be a 3 hour wait. To talk to the doctor about sleep... Put it this way, I spent all day waiting for a doctor before, I wouldn't be surprised if it happened again.

I'm sorry that everything is so hard for you. You are a good enough boyfriend for her, I know you're going through your struggles but you are brave and I know you might think you're not you are and I hate to see you down but I hope over time things can change for you. Is there anyway for them to stay away? Like do minks hate certain smells or something?

[CL]

@Luluu

Thank you, I really do hope things change for the good too...

 

And I can't really think of anything that would bother a mink that wouldn't bother or hurt a chicken. 

Supposedly the smell of ammonia keeps animals away. I say that's a load of bull because as chicken manure breaks down it releases ammonia and I got a pile of the stuff for compost

[Monsoon]

4 hours ago, CL said:

@Blondie
Here in Canada its a pretty standard response.
Which is good, if word got out that someone was planning to hurt someone else it could save potentially multiple lives.
But in my situation, it would stop me from doing some of my favorite things, and of course its not impossible that I'd never get them back and i'd be out approximately $5500 with nothing to show for it and nothing to sell to get it back. 

@Emberfrost12
I'm pretty much restricted to online chats and forums. I don't have the privacy to do a phone call.
I believe I tried to use a site that was set up for Ontario (as the one for my province is awful) and they just kept trying to direct me to my provinces site.

@Aurora
Good news is I got a full refund.
Bad news is I drove 3 hours there, bought it, 3 hours back. realized it was trash. 3 hours there, refund, 3 hours back... I feel like i wasted so much time and money on something that was trash.... And I feel like i didn't get myself anything and I hate that...

More bad news... Last night a mink got in the chicken coop and killed two of my chickens... I took time off work to bury them and make improvements to coop security... I am also rather physically sick with a nasty flu/cold and all day moms been nagging me to go in to work... I'm really not mentally equipped to go in now and physically i feel awful, but I know I hardly have a choice in the matter and I have to go in... 
If I could rate my mood today as a zero, I would.

Hey there,

It sounds like you've had a terrible day. I'm sorry to hear about your chickens and low mood. How is work going for you? Can you do something nice and relaxing when you get in to try and improve your mood a little? 

[-Leila-]

Just now, CL said:

@Luluu

Thank you, I really do hope things change for the good too...

And I can't really think of anything that would bother a mink that wouldn't bother or hurt a chicken. 

Supposedly the smell of ammonia keeps animals away. I say that's a load of bull because as chicken manure breaks down it releases ammonia and I got a pile of the stuff for compost

Oh okay. Do your friends know any ways to get rid of minks? I can have a look online for you of you'd like?

[CL]

@Luluu

It's pretty much get lucky enough to see it and have something to kill it, catch it in a trap, or catch it in the act... Happened once before a few years back, I grabbed the mink right off the chicken.

 

@Monsoon

Unfortunately it's not a slow day, so relaxing work is little to none. It's the start of a sale and we are going to get quite some rain and wind from hurricane Fiona (I believe that's the name) so everyone's stocking up along with the regular sale shoppers. 

I'm forcing myself to take it easy though, if anyone's got a problem with it I can't guarantee I'll say anything nice in response though.

[Aurora]

On 9/22/2022 at 1:18 PM, CL said:

@Blondie
Here in Canada its a pretty standard response.
Which is good, if word got out that someone was planning to hurt someone else it could save potentially multiple lives.
But in my situation, it would stop me from doing some of my favorite things, and of course its not impossible that I'd never get them back and i'd be out approximately $5500 with nothing to show for it and nothing to sell to get it back. 

@Emberfrost12
I'm pretty much restricted to online chats and forums. I don't have the privacy to do a phone call.
I believe I tried to use a site that was set up for Ontario (as the one for my province is awful) and they just kept trying to direct me to my provinces site.

@Aurora
Good news is I got a full refund.
Bad news is I drove 3 hours there, bought it, 3 hours back. realized it was trash. 3 hours there, refund, 3 hours back... I feel like i wasted so much time and money on something that was trash.... And I feel like i didn't get myself anything and I hate that...

More bad news... Last night a mink got in the chicken coop and killed two of my chickens... I took time off work to bury them and make improvements to coop security... I am also rather physically sick with a nasty flu/cold and all day moms been nagging me to go in to work... I'm really not mentally equipped to go in now and physically i feel awful, but I know I hardly have a choice in the matter and I have to go in... 
If I could rate my mood today as a zero, I would.

Hi there, it sounds like you've had a rough few days. Hopefully you can relax a bit over the weekend. I'm glad to hear you got that refund even if it it cost you so much time. 

I just wanted to go back to what you said about it being standard response in Canada for Police to seize guns if someone is diagnoses with depression. Like you pointed out it's a good thing, as it can save lives. How safe do you think it is to have guns at home and do you ever worry that you might use them to hurt yourself if you're feeling really low?  I'm just wondering if it would make sense to go back to the safety plan that Jonathan suggested and see if we can break it down a bit more so you have a plan in place you can follow when you feel like you're in crisis? 

[CL]

@Aurora

I'll be with my girlfriend, so I should have a fine weekend

 

I feel perfectly safe with my guns,you see, I'm a very stubborn person, and I promised myself I'd never use a gun to hurt myself, and so far that's been working.

 

And we can go over the safety plan again, but I wasn't sure how to reply to some of the questions.

[Aurora]

2 minutes ago, CL said:

@Aurora

I'll be with my girlfriend, so I should have a fine weekend

I feel perfectly safe with my guns,you see, I'm a very stubborn person, and I promised myself I'd never use a gun to hurt myself, and so far that's been working.

And we can go over the safety plan again, but I wasn't sure how to reply to some of the questions.

In that case I'm glad to hear you are very stubborn! I think sometimes the safety plan can be quite difficult to answer. It might help to bread down the questions. Eg this one: What warning signs or triggers are there that make me feel more out of control? I think this is a really important question. Basically,  can you think of anything that would tell you that you are no longer coping? How would others know that you're no longer coping? 

[CL]

@Aurora

 

I don't even know if I am coping 

[Monsoon]

Hey @CL

Can you tell me more about why you wonder if you are coping? What is making you doubt yourself? 

[CL]

@Monsoon

I just don't really know if I'm coping, I've just been down and unable to shake it for anything more than a short period.

[Monsoon]

I'm wondering, why do you think it is that you have been unable to shake it for more than a short period of time?