Confusion Over Sexuality

[Duckie]

7 hours ago, Angie.k said:

For the past two years or so I've been identifying as bisexual but lately I feel like my attraction to guys is more surface level.i just appreciate how they look but I don't really want to date them and having sex with a guy seems icky to me. I've never dated either or done anything with either and I'm also worried that maybe this is just a phase idk . 

Hi @Angie.k,

Welcome to Ditch the Label!

My name is Duckie and I'm one of the support mentors. Sexuality can be fluid like that. It may sound confusing but a lot of people might identify that they fall in love with a specific gender, but does not wish to pursue anything sexual with them. But this is something that can take time to navigate and learn about yourself, and that's OK  How do you feel about it?

[omni]

help me my gf might hate meeeeee

[Luie]

3 hours ago, omni said:

help me my gf might hate meeeeee

Heyy @omni, Luie here, one of the support mentors. Want to share what's been going on? 

[joobusmcgoober]

On 10/20/2023 at 6:25 AM, Duckie said:

Hi @joobusmcgoober,

That's OK. It sounds like you have some time to think about what you would like to do. Please know there is no pressure to do something incredible or once-in-a-lifetime sort of stuff. A lot of people take a gap year just to be able to get some time to themselves and get a break from studies. I did it myself and just did little courses in creative writing and the odd jobs as an extra. Working on movie sets was a lot of fun! Made me realise how much thought goes into every single second you watch. I didn't backpack through Asia like some of my friends did, but I did learn a lot about myself just from not feeling pressured for once (ie doing well in school and thinking about the future and stuff). Does that make sense?

It sounds like you've got a good plan for the future. That's really good. Do you think you will be able to cope being in the closet until then? Do you know what your friends are going to do next?

I think it's an excellent idea. And you really seem passionate about it too, which will make studying it so much simpler.

Sorry for leaving this for so long! You know, I forgot about it for a few days and when I remembered I was too embarrassed to say anything, for some reason. Your explanations definitely makes sense. It could definitely be a cool idea.

I'm sure I can handle being in the closet for a bit longer, since over the past month or so I've started connecting with good friends that genuinely want to maintain contact with me and spend time getting to know me, regardless of the things (or people) I like. (It does help that a majority of them are also gay.) The friends I used to talk about when I posted on here before have all but stopped talking to me/ getting together with me outside of school, so I haven't been keeping amazing track of their life. Not the best friend behavior on my part, but hey, it's not my fault they don't ask me around anymore. Maybe it's for the best.

Yeah! I still love counseling, and love the idea of being able to help through difficult spots. On occasion, my tendency to be too open on helping with mental health has caused some bad friendship situations (being someone's preferred suicide hotline is never fun), but I've done what I can to help those people out and distance myself. Setting healthy boundaries can occasionally entail cutting contact, is something I've learned (and plan to put into practice with my parents once I'm out of college, if all goes according to plan).

I feel like a lot has changed since I last posted! I've mellowed out quite a bit, I'd say. Still not in a relationship but slightly more okay with that, starting to be more okay with my sexuality (working through loads of internalized homophobia), and starting to be slightly more content with being content. Learning just to keep living through my situation, not necessarily feeling strongly one way or the other but still getting up in the morning and finding reasons to stay alive and content (usually coffee and good time with friends). I think it's nice to be able to just write this out. Gratitude is such an odd thing, so it's nice to express it when I get the chance. Even if nobody saw this message, I think I'd be a bit better off just for having written it.

[Duckie]

6 hours ago, joobusmcgoober said:

Sorry for leaving this for so long! You know, I forgot about it for a few days and when I remembered I was too embarrassed to say anything, for some reason. Your explanations definitely makes sense. It could definitely be a cool idea.

I'm sure I can handle being in the closet for a bit longer, since over the past month or so I've started connecting with good friends that genuinely want to maintain contact with me and spend time getting to know me, regardless of the things (or people) I like. (It does help that a majority of them are also gay.) The friends I used to talk about when I posted on here before have all but stopped talking to me/ getting together with me outside of school, so I haven't been keeping amazing track of their life. Not the best friend behavior on my part, but hey, it's not my fault they don't ask me around anymore. Maybe it's for the best.

Yeah! I still love counseling, and love the idea of being able to help through difficult spots. On occasion, my tendency to be too open on helping with mental health has caused some bad friendship situations (being someone's preferred suicide hotline is never fun), but I've done what I can to help those people out and distance myself. Setting healthy boundaries can occasionally entail cutting contact, is something I've learned (and plan to put into practice with my parents once I'm out of college, if all goes according to plan).

I feel like a lot has changed since I last posted! I've mellowed out quite a bit, I'd say. Still not in a relationship but slightly more okay with that, starting to be more okay with my sexuality (working through loads of internalized homophobia), and starting to be slightly more content with being content. Learning just to keep living through my situation, not necessarily feeling strongly one way or the other but still getting up in the morning and finding reasons to stay alive and content (usually coffee and good time with friends). I think it's nice to be able to just write this out. Gratitude is such an odd thing, so it's nice to express it when I get the chance. Even if nobody saw this message, I think I'd be a bit better off just for having written it.

Hi @joobusmcgoober!

It's lovely to hear from you! Please don't apologise for the late reply. This is completely on your terms and I am so delighted to take part in your journey. And wow, it sounds like you've done some major discoveries about yourself lately! Look at you! You seem to have naturally found a way to almost cut ties with people that aren't good for you (it seems to have been an organic decline) and invested more in people that you feel you can actually talk to and be honest with. And no, you definitely shouldn't be exploited like that and be someone's suicide hotline! Maybe this particular friend might need a crisis hotline instead - happy to provide them for you to share with them. But anyway, it sounds like putting down clear boundaries has paved the way for all kinds of good experiences for you and I really couldn't be more proud of you!

I also feel like you are kinder to yourself and more supportive of your own journey, which is absolutely fantastic. I hear a more self-compassionate side of you that is finally allowing himself time and space to figure things out. You already sound like you would make a great counsellor  I have done a similar journey that you are about to do (cutting ties with your parents) and I can tell you that this is something we only do as a last resort, but when we know we know. It's painful but if it's in the way of you living your happiest life, then it needs to be done.

[joobusmcgoober]

On 1/22/2024 at 6:54 AM, Duckie said:

Hi @joobusmcgoober!

It's lovely to hear from you! Please don't apologise for the late reply. This is completely on your terms and I am so delighted to take part in your journey. And wow, it sounds like you've done some major discoveries about yourself lately! Look at you! You seem to have naturally found a way to almost cut ties with people that aren't good for you (it seems to have been an organic decline) and invested more in people that you feel you can actually talk to and be honest with. And no, you definitely shouldn't be exploited like that and be someone's suicide hotline! Maybe this particular friend might need a crisis hotline instead - happy to provide them for you to share with them. But anyway, it sounds like putting down clear boundaries has paved the way for all kinds of good experiences for you and I really couldn't be more proud of you!

I also feel like you are kinder to yourself and more supportive of your own journey, which is absolutely fantastic. I hear a more self-compassionate side of you that is finally allowing himself time and space to figure things out. You already sound like you would make a great counsellor  I have done a similar journey that you are about to do (cutting ties with your parents) and I can tell you that this is something we only do as a last resort, but when we know we know. It's painful but if it's in the way of you living your happiest life, then it needs to be done.

Thank you for the consistent support and well-wishes (which actually kept me pretty motivated for a good while so thank you again)!! Been a very busy part of the year so not a ton of time for replies, but (since you asked last time haha) I'm not apologizing for anything.

It's been extremely enriching to feel out my way through this part of the year within myself, being able to learn who I am as well as how the person that I actually am (not who I would shift myself to be in order to please other people) is worthy of love, attention, and being known and appreciated, all within the past few months.

Even if I'm having to repress my sexuality a similar amount in school, I'm learning to take the little battles and little victories that I can win to make sure I don't become complacent in being someone that I'm not, which finding a support system of good, close friends (who I've gotten much closer with since my January update) has helped with immensely. 

It's just nice to get to summarize my experience and have someone on the outside to talk to about it! If you have any insights about the whole deal about going no-contact with my parents (nothing has really improved, in fact I've only become more solid in my position on cutting contact since I last messaged), that'd be very helpful (if you're willing to offer some advice, if that's too personal I completely understand).
If you do end up reading this, thank you so much! It's been a pleasure to talk to you every time that we've interacted. 

[Duckie]

On 4/25/2024 at 4:46 AM, joobusmcgoober said:

Thank you for the consistent support and well-wishes (which actually kept me pretty motivated for a good while so thank you again)!! Been a very busy part of the year so not a ton of time for replies, but (since you asked last time haha) I'm not apologizing for anything.

It's been extremely enriching to feel out my way through this part of the year within myself, being able to learn who I am as well as how the person that I actually am (not who I would shift myself to be in order to please other people) is worthy of love, attention, and being known and appreciated, all within the past few months.

Even if I'm having to repress my sexuality a similar amount in school, I'm learning to take the little battles and little victories that I can win to make sure I don't become complacent in being someone that I'm not, which finding a support system of good, close friends (who I've gotten much closer with since my January update) has helped with immensely. 

It's just nice to get to summarize my experience and have someone on the outside to talk to about it! If you have any insights about the whole deal about going no-contact with my parents (nothing has really improved, in fact I've only become more solid in my position on cutting contact since I last messaged), that'd be very helpful (if you're willing to offer some advice, if that's too personal I completely understand).
If you do end up reading this, thank you so much! It's been a pleasure to talk to you every time that we've interacted. 

Hi @joobusmcgoober!

It's so great to hear from you! And thank you so much for your kind words. It warms my heart to hear that you felt motivated by my well-wishes. You are doing so well! It sounds like you've had some major insights about yourself and what you want out of life and that's absolutely great to hear! You do deserve love and attention - and you do deserve to be your authentic self and live your authentic life. 

I'm sorry to hear that you still have to repress your sexuality, but you are also taking such big steps in accepting yourself and advocating for your own needs. Rome wasn't built in a day  And when you feel ready to come out to your friends, it will help to already feel closer to them.

I know going no-contact can be a bit daunting, and you will face people who will misunderstand your reasons for doing this, or even feel the need for you to explain yourself. Please know that you don't owe anyone any explainations, because it is in order to protect yourself and in order to be your authentic self. I had a lot of predjudice when I went no-contact with my family of origin; and it was really hard of course - but it needed to be done. You might like to think about either slowly phasing them out; by moving away or even emotionally by coming out to them. I was in the position where my wish for privacy wasn't respected, so I eventually had to change my email and phone number etc. Do you think they would respect your decision if you were to announce that you wish to be left alone (when you're ready to go no-contact of course)?