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Confusion Over Sexuality


joobusmcgoober Β  Β 

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Hey! This is my first post on here, and I'm in a bit of a pickle. My situation is that lately I've begun to start identifying with the bisexual label while being raised in a Christian environment (Christian school, Church environment) and I'm Christian not just raised, but decidedly, which certainly makes this a confusing process. I'm sure my family wouldn't kick me out or that any of my friends or people in my life start to hate me, I'm just kind of looking to figure this out by myself before I say anything. I found myself really attracted to men in the past year or so, my first real realization came from being (for lack of better descriptors) horny and curious, looking up male celebrities just to see if I could find... arousing pictures, and then began finding out that my sexual attraction towards men was very strong, even, I'd say, as strong as my attraction towards women. In the social environment I'm currently in, though, I recently developed a sort of attraction to a guy at my Christian school. He's certainly expressed the vibe in the past of being bi or even gay, but I don't think approaching him unless I'm absolutely sure would be good for my school career, especially with the situation that happened at my school recently where a lesbian couple got found out (to be fair, they were doing stuff in the bathroom and it's a small school) and then expelled, one being a rather close friend of mine. I'm just looking for some general advice for my situation, since I'm feeling a strong urge to explore my sexuality but don't know exactly how I might be able to go about it, or if I should even consider it in general.Β 

I'm not really sure how to approach this, and I've never had any real extensive contact with people that are more supportive than just being tolerant of the LGBTQ+ community, so I could really use some advice.Β 

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8 hours ago, joobusmcgoober said:

Hey! This is my first post on here, and I'm in a bit of a pickle. My situation is that lately I've begun to start identifying with the bisexual label while being raised in a Christian environment (Christian school, Church environment) and I'm Christian not just raised, but decidedly, which certainly makes this a confusing process. I'm sure my family wouldn't kick me out or that any of my friends or people in my life start to hate me, I'm just kind of looking to figure this out by myself before I say anything. I found myself really attracted to men in the past year or so, my first real realization came from being (for lack of better descriptors) horny and curious, looking up male celebrities just to see if I could find... arousing pictures, and then began finding out that my sexual attraction towards men was very strong, even, I'd say, as strong as my attraction towards women. In the social environment I'm currently in, though, I recently developed a sort of attraction to a guy at my Christian school. He's certainly expressed the vibe in the past of being bi or even gay, but I don't think approaching him unless I'm absolutely sure would be good for my school career, especially with the situation that happened at my school recently where a lesbian couple got found out (to be fair, they were doing stuff in the bathroom and it's a small school) and then expelled, one being a rather close friend of mine. I'm just looking for some general advice for my situation, since I'm feeling a strong urge to explore my sexuality but don't know exactly how I might be able to go about it, or if I should even consider it in general.Β 

I'm not really sure how to approach this, and I've never had any real extensive contact with people that are more supportive than just being tolerant of the LGBTQ+ community, so I could really use some advice.Β 

Hey @joobusmcgooberΒ I'm glad you found us - this is a safe, judgement free and affirming place for the LGBTQIA+ community (and all young people of course!) In addition to other members of the community, I know our mentors will be happy to supportΒ πŸ³οΈβ€πŸŒˆΒ πŸ³οΈβ€βš§οΈΒ  @Digital MentorΒ πŸ™‚

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Heyy @joobusmcgoober, I am Luie, one of the support mentors with Ditch the Label. I see that you're new to our platform and I wanted to welcome you!Β 

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14 hours ago, joobusmcgoober said:

Hey! This is my first post on here, and I'm in a bit of a pickle. My situation is that lately I've begun to start identifying with the bisexual label while being raised in a Christian environment (Christian school, Church environment) and I'm Christian not just raised, but decidedly, which certainly makes this a confusing process. I'm sure my family wouldn't kick me out or that any of my friends or people in my life start to hate me, I'm just kind of looking to figure this out by myself before I say anything. I found myself really attracted to men in the past year or so, my first real realization came from being (for lack of better descriptors) horny and curious, looking up male celebrities just to see if I could find... arousing pictures, and then began finding out that my sexual attraction towards men was very strong, even, I'd say, as strong as my attraction towards women. In the social environment I'm currently in, though, I recently developed a sort of attraction to a guy at my Christian school. He's certainly expressed the vibe in the past of being bi or even gay, but I don't think approaching him unless I'm absolutely sure would be good for my school career, especially with the situation that happened at my school recently where a lesbian couple got found out (to be fair, they were doing stuff in the bathroom and it's a small school) and then expelled, one being a rather close friend of mine. I'm just looking for some general advice for my situation, since I'm feeling a strong urge to explore my sexuality but don't know exactly how I might be able to go about it, or if I should even consider it in general.Β 

I'm not really sure how to approach this, and I've never had any real extensive contact with people that are more supportive than just being tolerant of the LGBTQ+ community, so I could really use some advice.Β 

Β 

Thank you @joobusmcgoober for reaching out and sharing your story with me. It takes a lot of courage to explore your sexuality, especially in an environment where it might not be accepted or understood. Just to echo what @BlondieΒ mentioned, this is a safe, judgement free and affirming place for the LGBTQIA+ community. You can choose to take this conversation on confidential support if you would like more one to one support. In the top bar next to blogs is the Confidential Support tab.Β 

First and foremost, it's important to remember that there's nothing wrong with being attracted to both men and women. It's a normal part of human sexuality and doesn't make you any less of a Christian or a good person. It's okay to be confused and unsure about your feelings, and it's perfectly normal to want to explore your sexuality. That being said, it's also important to prioritize your safety and well-being. It sounds like your school environment might not be the most accepting or supportive of LGBTQ+ identities, so it might be helpful to find a safe and supportive community outside of your school where you can explore your sexuality more freely. This includes DTL ofcourse, and a few suggestions from my end would be to attend LGBTQ+ events or groups in your local area (if there are any and if it's safe for you to attend them), or connecting with other LGBTQ+ Christians who can relate to your experiences.

In terms of approaching the guy you're interested in, I totally see why you might feel hesitant about how to proceed, especially given the recent situation at your school. It might be helpful to take some time to get to know him better and gauge his level of interest before making any moves. If you do decide to pursue a relationship with him, it's important to be mindful of your safety and the potential consequences of being outed in a conservative environment, I know this might not be what you wanted to hear but I want to make sure that you take preauction when pursuing anything. Your safety is an utmost priority.Β It can be a difficult and confusing process, but know that you are not alone in this, we are here for you, the support mentors and the community.Β 

How does all of this sound to you?

Β 

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58 minutes ago, Luie said:

Thank you @joobusmcgoober for reaching out and sharing your story with me. It takes a lot of courage to explore your sexuality, especially in an environment where it might not be accepted or understood. Just to echo what @BlondieΒ mentioned, this is a safe, judgement free and affirming place for the LGBTQIA+ community. You can choose to take this conversation on confidential support if you would like more one to one support. In the top bar next to blogs is the Confidential Support tab.Β 

First and foremost, it's important to remember that there's nothing wrong with being attracted to both men and women. It's a normal part of human sexuality and doesn't make you any less of a Christian or a good person. It's okay to be confused and unsure about your feelings, and it's perfectly normal to want to explore your sexuality. That being said, it's also important to prioritize your safety and well-being. It sounds like your school environment might not be the most accepting or supportive of LGBTQ+ identities, so it might be helpful to find a safe and supportive community outside of your school where you can explore your sexuality more freely. This includes DTL ofcourse, and a few suggestions from my end would be to attend LGBTQ+ events or groups in your local area (if there are any and if it's safe for you to attend them), or connecting with other LGBTQ+ Christians who can relate to your experiences.

In terms of approaching the guy you're interested in, I totally see why you might feel hesitant about how to proceed, especially given the recent situation at your school. It might be helpful to take some time to get to know him better and gauge his level of interest before making any moves. If you do decide to pursue a relationship with him, it's important to be mindful of your safety and the potential consequences of being outed in a conservative environment, I know this might not be what you wanted to hear but I want to make sure that you take preauction when pursuing anything. Your safety is an utmost priority.Β It can be a difficult and confusing process, but know that you are not alone in this, we are here for you, the support mentors and the community.Β 

How does all of this sound to you?

Firstly, thank you for the welcome! It’s nice to see that this is such a friendly and welcoming community. In response to your point, I completely agree that taking time and not making any moves is the right decision, and that if I was to pursue any sort of relationship with said person I should know them well and be absolutely sure about their interests before making any moves that could jeopardize my current situation. Thank you for being available to give me advice! It’s nice to have someplace to be able to talk to people about these sorts of things.Β 

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30 minutes ago, joobusmcgoober said:

Firstly, thank you for the welcome! It’s nice to see that this is such a friendly and welcoming community. In response to your point, I completely agree that taking time and not making any moves is the right decision, and that if I was to pursue any sort of relationship with said person I should know them well and be absolutely sure about their interests before making any moves that could jeopardize my current situation. Thank you for being available to give me advice! It’s nice to have someplace to be able to talk to people about these sorts of things.Β 

You're most welcome! And know that this is not a one time off advice, this is a safe space to rant/vent whenever you need. Here for you. Please do keep me updated and if you'd like to speak more one to one you can always send a request on confidential support 😊

Β 

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  • 1 month later...

Okay! So, just a little update. My situation hasn't really changed and I haven't acted on anything, but I have found a couple friends that I can talk about this sort of stuff with! One of them is one of the girls that got expelled from my school who got caught with another girl in the bathroom and another girl that still goes to my school that's in a lesbian relationship. It's nice to be able to talk to some people about this, but it's a little demoralizing just not knowing anything about whether this guy likes me or not, and not knowing if there are even any guys at the school who are bi/gay at all.

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16 hours ago, joobusmcgoober said:

Okay! So, just a little update. My situation hasn't really changed and I haven't acted on anything, but I have found a couple friends that I can talk about this sort of stuff with! One of them is one of the girls that got expelled from my school who got caught with another girl in the bathroom and another girl that still goes to my school that's in a lesbian relationship. It's nice to be able to talk to some people about this, but it's a little demoralizing just not knowing anything about whether this guy likes me or not, and not knowing if there are even any guys at the school who are bi/gay at all.

Heyy @joobusmcgoober, Thanks for the update! I think it's so great Β to hear that you have found a couple of friends whom you can talk to about these things. Having supportive friends who understand your experiences can make a significant difference in feeling understood and accepted. I am glad that you have connected with individuals who can relate to your feelings and provide a safe space for discussion. I hear you and fully understand that it can be challenging and demoralizing not knowing if the person you're interested in shares the same feelings or even if there are other guys at your school who identify as bi or gay. It can sometimes feel like a daunting task to navigate through such uncertainties. Finding connections and understanding others' orientations can take time for sure, how are you dealing with it all?

Β 

Β 

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5 hours ago, Luie said:

Heyy @joobusmcgoober, Thanks for the update! I think it's so great Β to hear that you have found a couple of friends whom you can talk to about these things. Having supportive friends who understand your experiences can make a significant difference in feeling understood and accepted. I am glad that you have connected with individuals who can relate to your feelings and provide a safe space for discussion. I hear you and fully understand that it can be challenging and demoralizing not knowing if the person you're interested in shares the same feelings or even if there are other guys at your school who identify as bi or gay. It can sometimes feel like a daunting task to navigate through such uncertainties. Finding connections and understanding others' orientations can take time for sure, how are you dealing with it all?

I’m really not dealing with it in general. It’s not productive to worry about something I can’t control, so I try to dwell on it as little as possible. I know that’s probably not the best course of action, but it’s definitely the easiest when I have a lot of other things to do than worry about how I’m feeling. I mean, plenty of people get along fine being single, so what do I have to complain about?Β 

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9 hours ago, joobusmcgoober said:

I’m really not dealing with it in general. It’s not productive to worry about something I can’t control, so I try to dwell on it as little as possible. I know that’s probably not the best course of action, but it’s definitely the easiest when I have a lot of other things to do than worry about how I’m feeling. I mean, plenty of people get along fine being single, so what do I have to complain about?Β 

Β 

HeyyΒ @joobusmcgooberΒ , I appreciate your honesty in sharing your approach to dealing with the uncertainty surrounding your situation, this shows a lot of maturity and also insight into yourself, kudos for that. I totally hear you on how you don't want to dwell on something you can't control, especially when you have other responsibilities and tasks to focus on. It's true that many people lead fulfilling lives while being single, and it's great that you're finding contentment in other aspects of your life. However, I would like to add that it's also important to acknowledge and validate your own feelings and desires. It's okay to want companionship and to feel a sense of connection with someone who understands and accepts you. It's a natural to crave that every so once in a while.Β 

Finding a balance between focusing on your own well-being and allowing space for emotional exploration can be challenging, trust me I know this all too well. Taking care of your mental and emotional health is crucial, and sometimes that involves acknowledging and addressing our feelings. If and when you feel ready, you can continue to explore and seek connections with people who share similar experiences or interests. Remember, there's no rush, and your feelings are valid. How do you feel about everything that I have mentioned? Also, is there anything you want to speak more on your thoughts and feelings?

Β 

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15 hours ago, Luie said:

HeyyΒ @joobusmcgooberΒ , I appreciate your honesty in sharing your approach to dealing with the uncertainty surrounding your situation, this shows a lot of maturity and also insight into yourself, kudos for that. I totally hear you on how you don't want to dwell on something you can't control, especially when you have other responsibilities and tasks to focus on. It's true that many people lead fulfilling lives while being single, and it's great that you're finding contentment in other aspects of your life. However, I would like to add that it's also important to acknowledge and validate your own feelings and desires. It's okay to want companionship and to feel a sense of connection with someone who understands and accepts you. It's a natural to crave that every so once in a while.Β 

Finding a balance between focusing on your own well-being and allowing space for emotional exploration can be challenging, trust me I know this all too well. Taking care of your mental and emotional health is crucial, and sometimes that involves acknowledging and addressing our feelings. If and when you feel ready, you can continue to explore and seek connections with people who share similar experiences or interests. Remember, there's no rush, and your feelings are valid. How do you feel about everything that I have mentioned? Also, is there anything you want to speak more on your thoughts and feelings?

You're definitely right. Balancing life and focusing on my well-being is definitely not easy, especially with schoolwork and work work taking up a lot of my time. I just feel like relationships are something that I dwell on more than I should, you know? I'm still young, there's plenty of time to get into relationships and stuff, but I just feel like it's something I want desperately, but I've already tried so hard and haven't made much progress. I've only ever been in one real relationship (albeit not a great one, it was only to get over someone that I genuinely liked who I knew wasn't interested in me, then the girl I dated wasn't very respective of boundaries and also threatened to self-harm if I left her but that's a whole different topic), but since then I've had no luck. I just feel genuinely undesired sometimes, even in just friendly social situations it sometimes feels like people don't want me there, so it'd be nice just to know that I could have someone I wouldn't have to worry about that with. I don't want it to matter to me as much as it does, but it really hurts to not feel wanted sometimes.Β 

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12 hours ago, joobusmcgoober said:

You're definitely right. Balancing life and focusing on my well-being is definitely not easy, especially with schoolwork and work work taking up a lot of my time. I just feel like relationships are something that I dwell on more than I should, you know? I'm still young, there's plenty of time to get into relationships and stuff, but I just feel like it's something I want desperately, but I've already tried so hard and haven't made much progress. I've only ever been in one real relationship (albeit not a great one, it was only to get over someone that I genuinely liked who I knew wasn't interested in me, then the girl I dated wasn't very respective of boundaries and also threatened to self-harm if I left her but that's a whole different topic), but since then I've had no luck. I just feel genuinely undesired sometimes, even in just friendly social situations it sometimes feels like people don't want me there, so it'd be nice just to know that I could have someone I wouldn't have to worry about that with. I don't want it to matter to me as much as it does, but it really hurts to not feel wanted sometimes.Β 

Β 

I hear you @joobusmcgoober, and I want you to know that your feelings make complete sense to me. It's understandable that you feel a strong desire for a meaningful relationship, especially when you've experienced challenges and setbacks in the past. It's natural to long for a connection where you feel genuinely desired and accepted, where you can be yourself without worries. It sounds to me like you've been through a difficult experience in your previous relationship, and dealing with someone who didn't respect your boundaries can be emotionally draining and hurtful. It's important to acknowledge the impact that it had on you. I was wondering if you'd like to talk more about this?Β Also, feeling undesired, even in friendly social situations, can be disheartening and can affect your self-esteem. Where do you think these feelings stem for you?

While it's true that you are young and have plenty of time for relationships, it's also valid to desire companionship and connection now. It's essential to find a balance between being patient with the process and actively seeking opportunities to meet new people who share your values and interests. A few suggestions I wanted to make was to perhaps explore different hobbies, joining clubs or groups, or participating in activities that you enjoy can provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals who may appreciate and understand you better. Does this sound like something you'd want to try?

Β 

Β 

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23 hours ago, Luie said:

I hear you @joobusmcgoober, and I want you to know that your feelings make complete sense to me. It's understandable that you feel a strong desire for a meaningful relationship, especially when you've experienced challenges and setbacks in the past. It's natural to long for a connection where you feel genuinely desired and accepted, where you can be yourself without worries. It sounds to me like you've been through a difficult experience in your previous relationship, and dealing with someone who didn't respect your boundaries can be emotionally draining and hurtful. It's important to acknowledge the impact that it had on you. I was wondering if you'd like to talk more about this?Β Also, feeling undesired, even in friendly social situations, can be disheartening and can affect your self-esteem. Where do you think these feelings stem for you?

While it's true that you are young and have plenty of time for relationships, it's also valid to desire companionship and connection now. It's essential to find a balance between being patient with the process and actively seeking opportunities to meet new people who share your values and interests. A few suggestions I wanted to make was to perhaps explore different hobbies, joining clubs or groups, or participating in activities that you enjoy can provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals who may appreciate and understand you better. Does this sound like something you'd want to try?

I don’t think there’s really a ton to talk about with that relationship, unless you wanna hear the whole story and it’s kind of a doozy. I’m not sure where exactly those feelings stem from, it’s probably just overthinking on my part since i tend to get my brain into a funk and just think that no one wants me there in certain situations with groups of people. I’d love to try that, if it wasn’t for the fact that the school environment I’m in is really small and we don’t have a ton of clubs or activities that I don’t already participate in.Β 

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  • 4 weeks later...

Β 

Β 

Back for a little extra update! School’s over and everything’s going fine, and things are pretty nice and peaceful. I’ve started texting a bit with the guy I mentioned before, but I’m not sure how to even address the possibility of progressing things without outright coming out to him, which could either go relatively well or very very badly. If he understands or even shares a similar thing, great! If he doesn’t, it leaves him with super personal information about me and puts him in an uncomfortable position. I really have no idea what to do. Even if we’re out of school, him even mentioning this to anyone could get things spread and could actually ruin my life. Β @Digital Mentor

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Β 

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7 hours ago, joobusmcgoober said:

Back for a little extra update! School’s over and everything’s going fine, and things are pretty nice and peaceful. I’ve started texting a bit with the guy I mentioned before, but I’m not sure how to even address the possibility of progressing things without outright coming out to him, which could either go relatively well or very very badly. If he understands or even shares a similar thing, great! If he doesn’t, it leaves him with super personal information about me and puts him in an uncomfortable position. I really have no idea what to do. Even if we’re out of school, him even mentioning this to anyone could get things spread and could actually ruin my life. Β @Digital Mentor

Hi there, I'm really glad to hear that things are nice and peaceful at the moment.Β 

It's nice to hear that you've started texting with the guy you mentioned before. It sounds like you're getting on really well. I can see as well from what you mentioned before that you feel like he may be bi or gay but that you're not sure about his sexuality. I think we're often quite good at picking up on those vibes, however I can totally understand why you are reluctant to come out to him unless you know for sure. It sounds like your school might not be a safe place to come out in and I can see why you are worried about the potential consequences of coming out to him. You also mentioned before that you have a friend who got expelled for being in a lesbian relationship at your school. Do you mind me asking, if the guy in question knows your friend and if you have ever talked to him about what happened? If not then maybe you could try and get his views on what happened and whether he thinks they should have been expelled. That might give you a better idea of how he might react if you did decide to come out to him. What do you think?Β 

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10 hours ago, Aurora said:

Hi there, I'm really glad to hear that things are nice and peaceful at the moment.Β 

It's nice to hear that you've started texting with the guy you mentioned before. It sounds like you're getting on really well. I can see as well from what you mentioned before that you feel like he may be bi or gay but that you're not sure about his sexuality. I think we're often quite good at picking up on those vibes, however I can totally understand why you are reluctant to come out to him unless you know for sure. It sounds like your school might not be a safe place to come out in and I can see why you are worried about the potential consequences of coming out to him. You also mentioned before that you have a friend who got expelled for being in a lesbian relationship at your school. Do you mind me asking, if the guy in question knows your friend and if you have ever talked to him about what happened? If not then maybe you could try and get his views on what happened and whether he thinks they should have been expelled. That might give you a better idea of how he might react if you did decide to come out to him. What do you think?Β 

I haven’t ever talked to him about it before, but that’s actually a really good idea. I’m just worried that, if he does think that they should’ve been expelled and all that, talking to him about it could make him suspicious of me. I guess as long as I keep it as nonchalant as possible I should be fine, though.

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On 6/20/2023 at 9:41 PM, joobusmcgoober said:

I haven’t ever talked to him about it before, but that’s actually a really good idea. I’m just worried that, if he does think that they should’ve been expelled and all that, talking to him about it could make him suspicious of me. I guess as long as I keep it as nonchalant as possible I should be fine, though.

I think if you bring it up casually he shouldn't become suspicious. Does he know that you are friends with one of the girls?Β 

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  • 3 months later...

GUYSS so much to write about since the last time I looked on here. I've since gained a couple more LGBTQ+ friends, which has given me a decent outlet to be able to talk about this type of stuff. honestly, i think the title of this topic I made doesn't really fit anymore, since i've gotten less and less confused as things have gone on. I'm very sure that I'm bisexual, if not leaning further towards gay. the only thing i'm still most concerned about is dealing with the internalized homophobia that i've been dealing with for a while, compartmentalizing my sexual attraction and trying to hide a big part of who i am because i'm a chronic people-pleaser and i can't bear to make my parents and other people in my life disappointed in me. it's something that i've really been struggling with for the past couple of months, and i'm not quite sure how i can work through it in the environment that i'm currently still living in. if i could get a little advice from a @Digital MentorΒ then that would be so so amazing

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7 hours ago, joobusmcgoober said:

GUYSS so much to write about since the last time I looked on here. I've since gained a couple more LGBTQ+ friends, which has given me a decent outlet to be able to talk about this type of stuff. honestly, i think the title of this topic I made doesn't really fit anymore, since i've gotten less and less confused as things have gone on. I'm very sure that I'm bisexual, if not leaning further towards gay. the only thing i'm still most concerned about is dealing with the internalized homophobia that i've been dealing with for a while, compartmentalizing my sexual attraction and trying to hide a big part of who i am because i'm a chronic people-pleaser and i can't bear to make my parents and other people in my life disappointed in me. it's something that i've really been struggling with for the past couple of months, and i'm not quite sure how i can work through it in the environment that i'm currently still living in. if i could get a little advice from a @Digital MentorΒ then that would be so so amazing

Hi @joobusmcgoober,

I'm Duckie - one of the support mentors. Thank you for sharing this with us. Happy to talk to you about it either here or on confidential support - whichever you are most comfortable with.

I am so pleased to hear that you have gained more LGBTQ+ friends that you can talk to about this and that it's made you less confused about things. That's absolutely excellent to hear :) Would you be able to walk me through how your internalized homophobia is affecting your everyday life? Is this something you feel you can talk to your LGBTQ+ friends about? Could you tell me some more about your living environment? Do you and your parents get on well?

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5 minutes ago, Duckie said:

Hi @joobusmcgoober,

I'm Duckie - one of the support mentors. Thank you for sharing this with us. Happy to talk to you about it either here or on confidential support - whichever you are most comfortable with.

I am so pleased to hear that you have gained more LGBTQ+ friends that you can talk to about this and that it's made you less confused about things. That's absolutely excellent to hear :) Would you be able to walk me through how your internalized homophobia is affecting your everyday life? Is this something you feel you can talk to your LGBTQ+ friends about? Could you tell me some more about your living environment? Do you and your parents get on well?

I’m fine with talking about it here, but if you think confidential support is better, we could do that, i’m just not sure exactly how that works.Β 

Honestly, talking about how internalized homophobia affects me would probably be really helpful.

I’m not really sure if I can talk to my LGBTQ+ friends about this. I only know a couple of them really well, and they introduced me to the other ones. I don’t wanna bother all of them with this, even the ones I’m really close with, just because I’m not super great at opening up, especially when I feel like I’m just being a burden and they all feel so comfortable in their sexuality and happy with it, which is so very much the opposite of me.Β 

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I get on fine with my parents, but I would never talk to them about anything I’m dealing with (sexuality-wise or not), just because I don’t really think that they’d understand or maybe they’d take it the wrong way. I don’t think they’d be hostile towards me if I sort of came out to them, but they’d want to pose it as a problem to fix rather than a part of me that I want to accept and explore.

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7 hours ago, joobusmcgoober said:

I’m fine with talking about it here, but if you think confidential support is better, we could do that, i’m just not sure exactly how that works.Β 

Honestly, talking about how internalized homophobia affects me would probably be really helpful.

I’m not really sure if I can talk to my LGBTQ+ friends about this. I only know a couple of them really well, and they introduced me to the other ones. I don’t wanna bother all of them with this, even the ones I’m really close with, just because I’m not super great at opening up, especially when I feel like I’m just being a burden and they all feel so comfortable in their sexuality and happy with it, which is so very much the opposite of me.Β 

I get on fine with my parents, but I would never talk to them about anything I’m dealing with (sexuality-wise or not), just because I don’t really think that they’d understand or maybe they’d take it the wrong way. I don’t think they’d be hostile towards me if I sort of came out to them, but they’d want to pose it as a problem to fix rather than a part of me that I want to accept and explore.

Hi @joobusmcgoober,

Here is absolutely fine :) However if you ever do want to talk more in private, you can find confidential support on the top middle of this page :)Β image.png

You are not neccessarily a burden by bringing up something that is on your mind. Friends do share things with each other and it seems your LGBTQ+ friends are further down the road to acceptance than you are at the moment, so it might just be that they have gone through these same feelings and might have some helpful input for you. What do you think? It might be worth gently touching on the subject with the one/the ones you feel are easiest to talk to.Β 

It's good to hear that you are on good terms with your parents in general. Have they ever expressed their feelings towards LGBTQ+ people? I am asking this because some parents will give subtle hints about whether they accept or not accept the community whereas other parents will be more outspoken... or say nothing at all. It can be hard to know exactly where they stand, but you can still have an idea of whether they'd support it or not. Do you have someone else in your family that you feel close to and would like to come out to? It could be a sibling, a cousin or an aunt for example.

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2 hours ago, Duckie said:

Hi @joobusmcgoober,

Here is absolutely fine :) However if you ever do want to talk more in private, you can find confidential support on the top middle of this page :)Β image.png

You are not neccessarily a burden by bringing up something that is on your mind. Friends do share things with each other and it seems your LGBTQ+ friends are further down the road to acceptance than you are at the moment, so it might just be that they have gone through these same feelings and might have some helpful input for you. What do you think? It might be worth gently touching on the subject with the one/the ones you feel are easiest to talk to.Β 

It's good to hear that you are on good terms with your parents in general. Have they ever expressed their feelings towards LGBTQ+ people? I am asking this because some parents will give subtle hints about whether they accept or not accept the community whereas other parents will be more outspoken... or say nothing at all. It can be hard to know exactly where they stand, but you can still have an idea of whether they'd support it or not. Do you have someone else in your family that you feel close to and would like to come out to? It could be a sibling, a cousin or an aunt for example.

They’re very open about their beliefs on the LGBTQ+ community. I’ve grown up in a Christian community where I know that they wouldn’t reject me, hate me, or kick me out, but they believe that it’s a sin (and I don’t know what the fuck to believe), and that if I pursue that lifestyle, I’m going to go to hell. They’ve never said that I couldn’t feel attracted this way, just that it’s not something that should be acted on. In fact, on some occasions, my mom has even said that if I ever felt this way, she’d want to know, but I just don’t think I could ever tell her, and she’s the parent that I’m closest with. I don’t think I could tell any of my relatives except maybe my sister, but that’d have to be after I move out at least. I could never tell anyone (family or otherwise) until I’m absolutely sure that I won’t get found out, ridiculed, or exposed by anyone, especially in my school. I would never be able to gain back any kind of reputation, and I think my friends (from school) would probably stop associating with me.

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Side note: I did end up trying to talk to one of my close LGBT friends and they tried to help but it just ended up making me feel fat behind where they are. It’s fine, though, I know they were trying their best.

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12 hours ago, joobusmcgoober said:

They’re very open about their beliefs on the LGBTQ+ community. I’ve grown up in a Christian community where I know that they wouldn’t reject me, hate me, or kick me out, but they believe that it’s a sin (and I don’t know what the fuck to believe), and that if I pursue that lifestyle, I’m going to go to hell. They’ve never said that I couldn’t feel attracted this way, just that it’s not something that should be acted on. In fact, on some occasions, my mom has even said that if I ever felt this way, she’d want to know, but I just don’t think I could ever tell her, and she’s the parent that I’m closest with. I don’t think I could tell any of my relatives except maybe my sister, but that’d have to be after I move out at least. I could never tell anyone (family or otherwise) until I’m absolutely sure that I won’t get found out, ridiculed, or exposed by anyone, especially in my school. I would never be able to gain back any kind of reputation, and I think my friends (from school) would probably stop associating with me.

Hi @joobusmcgoober,

It does sound confusing growing up thinking LGBTQ+ is a sin, but at the same time being told it's one you wouldn't be rejected or kicked out for. If you think of the word sin, what does that mean to you. To me it means something unforgivable, like betraying or hurting people. But then the seven deadly sins are all things we all do on a regular basis, so it might be one of those things where the word is misused. But nevertheless it does sound confusing. I wonder if there is a Christian LGBTQ+ community you could join to discuss these things and how to come to terms with how it affects your sense of internalized homophobia. It could be online if that's more comfortable for you. How does that sound?

I think it could be a good thing that your mom is encouraging you to speak up and that you think you could speak to your sister about it at some point. It sounds like your friends at school might not be LGBTQ+ allies. Is there anything that the might have said or done that has led you to this conclusion?

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26 minutes ago, Duckie said:

Hi @joobusmcgoober,

It does sound confusing growing up thinking LGBTQ+ is a sin, but at the same time being told it's one you wouldn't be rejected or kicked out for. If you think of the word sin, what does that mean to you. To me it means something unforgivable, like betraying or hurting people. But then the seven deadly sins are all things we all do on a regular basis, so it might be one of those things where the word is misused. But nevertheless it does sound confusing. I wonder if there is a Christian LGBTQ+ community you could join to discuss these things and how to come to terms with how it affects your sense of internalized homophobia. It could be online if that's more comfortable for you. How does that sound?

I think it could be a good thing that your mom is encouraging you to speak up and that you think you could speak to your sister about it at some point. It sounds like your friends at school might not be LGBTQ+ allies. Is there anything that the might have said or done that has led you to this conclusion?

I mean, I just wouldn’t know how to go about that. It would really feel like compromising my values, because I do genuinely believe that the Bible says being gay is wrong, but I just don’t know how to reconcile my feelings with what I believe. To me, Christian LGBTQ+ community is an oxymoron. I think it’d be more helpful to compartmentalize the feelings and the beliefs (like i’ve been doing for a while) and just try to find a way to ignore one when in a situation that involves the other.Β 

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Of course, in an ideal world, I’d be fine saying it to my mom and my sister now and not be afraid of the consequences but I don’t want to make my mom worry about me, and my sister is a very strong Christian and believes the sort of stuff I put in the first paragraph, and she’s like the one person I don’t usually have to hide things from, so I don’t want to make our sibling relationship weird.Β 

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Well, I go to a Christian school, and my friends all believe the same things that I do. I think they’d just be very uncomfortable with me if I came out, which is something I never want people to feel around me. I’m fine with keeping that from them if it means I can keep being friends with them.Β 

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