Confusion Over Sexuality

[joobusmcgoober]

Hey! This is my first post on here, and I'm in a bit of a pickle. My situation is that lately I've begun to start identifying with the bisexual label while being raised in a Christian environment (Christian school, Church environment) and I'm Christian not just raised, but decidedly, which certainly makes this a confusing process. I'm sure my family wouldn't kick me out or that any of my friends or people in my life start to hate me, I'm just kind of looking to figure this out by myself before I say anything. I found myself really attracted to men in the past year or so, my first real realization came from being (for lack of better descriptors) horny and curious, looking up male celebrities just to see if I could find... arousing pictures, and then began finding out that my sexual attraction towards men was very strong, even, I'd say, as strong as my attraction towards women. In the social environment I'm currently in, though, I recently developed a sort of attraction to a guy at my Christian school. He's certainly expressed the vibe in the past of being bi or even gay, but I don't think approaching him unless I'm absolutely sure would be good for my school career, especially with the situation that happened at my school recently where a lesbian couple got found out (to be fair, they were doing stuff in the bathroom and it's a small school) and then expelled, one being a rather close friend of mine. I'm just looking for some general advice for my situation, since I'm feeling a strong urge to explore my sexuality but don't know exactly how I might be able to go about it, or if I should even consider it in general. 

I'm not really sure how to approach this, and I've never had any real extensive contact with people that are more supportive than just being tolerant of the LGBTQ+ community, so I could really use some advice. 

[Blondie]

8 hours ago, joobusmcgoober said:

Hey! This is my first post on here, and I'm in a bit of a pickle. My situation is that lately I've begun to start identifying with the bisexual label while being raised in a Christian environment (Christian school, Church environment) and I'm Christian not just raised, but decidedly, which certainly makes this a confusing process. I'm sure my family wouldn't kick me out or that any of my friends or people in my life start to hate me, I'm just kind of looking to figure this out by myself before I say anything. I found myself really attracted to men in the past year or so, my first real realization came from being (for lack of better descriptors) horny and curious, looking up male celebrities just to see if I could find... arousing pictures, and then began finding out that my sexual attraction towards men was very strong, even, I'd say, as strong as my attraction towards women. In the social environment I'm currently in, though, I recently developed a sort of attraction to a guy at my Christian school. He's certainly expressed the vibe in the past of being bi or even gay, but I don't think approaching him unless I'm absolutely sure would be good for my school career, especially with the situation that happened at my school recently where a lesbian couple got found out (to be fair, they were doing stuff in the bathroom and it's a small school) and then expelled, one being a rather close friend of mine. I'm just looking for some general advice for my situation, since I'm feeling a strong urge to explore my sexuality but don't know exactly how I might be able to go about it, or if I should even consider it in general. 

I'm not really sure how to approach this, and I've never had any real extensive contact with people that are more supportive than just being tolerant of the LGBTQ+ community, so I could really use some advice. 

Hey @joobusmcgoober I'm glad you found us - this is a safe, judgement free and affirming place for the LGBTQIA+ community (and all young people of course!) In addition to other members of the community, I know our mentors will be happy to support    @Digital Mentor 

[Luie]

Heyy @joobusmcgoober, I am Luie, one of the support mentors with Ditch the Label. I see that you're new to our platform and I wanted to welcome you! 

[Luie]

14 hours ago, joobusmcgoober said:

Hey! This is my first post on here, and I'm in a bit of a pickle. My situation is that lately I've begun to start identifying with the bisexual label while being raised in a Christian environment (Christian school, Church environment) and I'm Christian not just raised, but decidedly, which certainly makes this a confusing process. I'm sure my family wouldn't kick me out or that any of my friends or people in my life start to hate me, I'm just kind of looking to figure this out by myself before I say anything. I found myself really attracted to men in the past year or so, my first real realization came from being (for lack of better descriptors) horny and curious, looking up male celebrities just to see if I could find... arousing pictures, and then began finding out that my sexual attraction towards men was very strong, even, I'd say, as strong as my attraction towards women. In the social environment I'm currently in, though, I recently developed a sort of attraction to a guy at my Christian school. He's certainly expressed the vibe in the past of being bi or even gay, but I don't think approaching him unless I'm absolutely sure would be good for my school career, especially with the situation that happened at my school recently where a lesbian couple got found out (to be fair, they were doing stuff in the bathroom and it's a small school) and then expelled, one being a rather close friend of mine. I'm just looking for some general advice for my situation, since I'm feeling a strong urge to explore my sexuality but don't know exactly how I might be able to go about it, or if I should even consider it in general. 

I'm not really sure how to approach this, and I've never had any real extensive contact with people that are more supportive than just being tolerant of the LGBTQ+ community, so I could really use some advice. 

 

Thank you @joobusmcgoober for reaching out and sharing your story with me. It takes a lot of courage to explore your sexuality, especially in an environment where it might not be accepted or understood. Just to echo what @Blondie mentioned, this is a safe, judgement free and affirming place for the LGBTQIA+ community. You can choose to take this conversation on confidential support if you would like more one to one support. In the top bar next to blogs is the Confidential Support tab. 

First and foremost, it's important to remember that there's nothing wrong with being attracted to both men and women. It's a normal part of human sexuality and doesn't make you any less of a Christian or a good person. It's okay to be confused and unsure about your feelings, and it's perfectly normal to want to explore your sexuality. That being said, it's also important to prioritize your safety and well-being. It sounds like your school environment might not be the most accepting or supportive of LGBTQ+ identities, so it might be helpful to find a safe and supportive community outside of your school where you can explore your sexuality more freely. This includes DTL ofcourse, and a few suggestions from my end would be to attend LGBTQ+ events or groups in your local area (if there are any and if it's safe for you to attend them), or connecting with other LGBTQ+ Christians who can relate to your experiences.

In terms of approaching the guy you're interested in, I totally see why you might feel hesitant about how to proceed, especially given the recent situation at your school. It might be helpful to take some time to get to know him better and gauge his level of interest before making any moves. If you do decide to pursue a relationship with him, it's important to be mindful of your safety and the potential consequences of being outed in a conservative environment, I know this might not be what you wanted to hear but I want to make sure that you take preauction when pursuing anything. Your safety is an utmost priority. It can be a difficult and confusing process, but know that you are not alone in this, we are here for you, the support mentors and the community. 

How does all of this sound to you?

 

[joobusmcgoober]

58 minutes ago, Luie said:

Thank you @joobusmcgoober for reaching out and sharing your story with me. It takes a lot of courage to explore your sexuality, especially in an environment where it might not be accepted or understood. Just to echo what @Blondie mentioned, this is a safe, judgement free and affirming place for the LGBTQIA+ community. You can choose to take this conversation on confidential support if you would like more one to one support. In the top bar next to blogs is the Confidential Support tab. 

First and foremost, it's important to remember that there's nothing wrong with being attracted to both men and women. It's a normal part of human sexuality and doesn't make you any less of a Christian or a good person. It's okay to be confused and unsure about your feelings, and it's perfectly normal to want to explore your sexuality. That being said, it's also important to prioritize your safety and well-being. It sounds like your school environment might not be the most accepting or supportive of LGBTQ+ identities, so it might be helpful to find a safe and supportive community outside of your school where you can explore your sexuality more freely. This includes DTL ofcourse, and a few suggestions from my end would be to attend LGBTQ+ events or groups in your local area (if there are any and if it's safe for you to attend them), or connecting with other LGBTQ+ Christians who can relate to your experiences.

In terms of approaching the guy you're interested in, I totally see why you might feel hesitant about how to proceed, especially given the recent situation at your school. It might be helpful to take some time to get to know him better and gauge his level of interest before making any moves. If you do decide to pursue a relationship with him, it's important to be mindful of your safety and the potential consequences of being outed in a conservative environment, I know this might not be what you wanted to hear but I want to make sure that you take preauction when pursuing anything. Your safety is an utmost priority. It can be a difficult and confusing process, but know that you are not alone in this, we are here for you, the support mentors and the community. 

How does all of this sound to you?

Firstly, thank you for the welcome! It’s nice to see that this is such a friendly and welcoming community. In response to your point, I completely agree that taking time and not making any moves is the right decision, and that if I was to pursue any sort of relationship with said person I should know them well and be absolutely sure about their interests before making any moves that could jeopardize my current situation. Thank you for being available to give me advice! It’s nice to have someplace to be able to talk to people about these sorts of things. 

[Luie]

30 minutes ago, joobusmcgoober said:

Firstly, thank you for the welcome! It’s nice to see that this is such a friendly and welcoming community. In response to your point, I completely agree that taking time and not making any moves is the right decision, and that if I was to pursue any sort of relationship with said person I should know them well and be absolutely sure about their interests before making any moves that could jeopardize my current situation. Thank you for being available to give me advice! It’s nice to have someplace to be able to talk to people about these sorts of things. 

You're most welcome! And know that this is not a one time off advice, this is a safe space to rant/vent whenever you need. Here for you. Please do keep me updated and if you'd like to speak more one to one you can always send a request on confidential support 

 

[joobusmcgoober]

Okay! So, just a little update. My situation hasn't really changed and I haven't acted on anything, but I have found a couple friends that I can talk about this sort of stuff with! One of them is one of the girls that got expelled from my school who got caught with another girl in the bathroom and another girl that still goes to my school that's in a lesbian relationship. It's nice to be able to talk to some people about this, but it's a little demoralizing just not knowing anything about whether this guy likes me or not, and not knowing if there are even any guys at the school who are bi/gay at all.

[Luie]

16 hours ago, joobusmcgoober said:

Okay! So, just a little update. My situation hasn't really changed and I haven't acted on anything, but I have found a couple friends that I can talk about this sort of stuff with! One of them is one of the girls that got expelled from my school who got caught with another girl in the bathroom and another girl that still goes to my school that's in a lesbian relationship. It's nice to be able to talk to some people about this, but it's a little demoralizing just not knowing anything about whether this guy likes me or not, and not knowing if there are even any guys at the school who are bi/gay at all.

Heyy @joobusmcgoober, Thanks for the update! I think it's so great  to hear that you have found a couple of friends whom you can talk to about these things. Having supportive friends who understand your experiences can make a significant difference in feeling understood and accepted. I am glad that you have connected with individuals who can relate to your feelings and provide a safe space for discussion. I hear you and fully understand that it can be challenging and demoralizing not knowing if the person you're interested in shares the same feelings or even if there are other guys at your school who identify as bi or gay. It can sometimes feel like a daunting task to navigate through such uncertainties. Finding connections and understanding others' orientations can take time for sure, how are you dealing with it all?

 

 

[joobusmcgoober]

5 hours ago, Luie said:

Heyy @joobusmcgoober, Thanks for the update! I think it's so great  to hear that you have found a couple of friends whom you can talk to about these things. Having supportive friends who understand your experiences can make a significant difference in feeling understood and accepted. I am glad that you have connected with individuals who can relate to your feelings and provide a safe space for discussion. I hear you and fully understand that it can be challenging and demoralizing not knowing if the person you're interested in shares the same feelings or even if there are other guys at your school who identify as bi or gay. It can sometimes feel like a daunting task to navigate through such uncertainties. Finding connections and understanding others' orientations can take time for sure, how are you dealing with it all?

I’m really not dealing with it in general. It’s not productive to worry about something I can’t control, so I try to dwell on it as little as possible. I know that’s probably not the best course of action, but it’s definitely the easiest when I have a lot of other things to do than worry about how I’m feeling. I mean, plenty of people get along fine being single, so what do I have to complain about? 

[Luie]

9 hours ago, joobusmcgoober said:

I’m really not dealing with it in general. It’s not productive to worry about something I can’t control, so I try to dwell on it as little as possible. I know that’s probably not the best course of action, but it’s definitely the easiest when I have a lot of other things to do than worry about how I’m feeling. I mean, plenty of people get along fine being single, so what do I have to complain about? 

 

Heyy @joobusmcgoober , I appreciate your honesty in sharing your approach to dealing with the uncertainty surrounding your situation, this shows a lot of maturity and also insight into yourself, kudos for that. I totally hear you on how you don't want to dwell on something you can't control, especially when you have other responsibilities and tasks to focus on. It's true that many people lead fulfilling lives while being single, and it's great that you're finding contentment in other aspects of your life. However, I would like to add that it's also important to acknowledge and validate your own feelings and desires. It's okay to want companionship and to feel a sense of connection with someone who understands and accepts you. It's a natural to crave that every so once in a while. 

Finding a balance between focusing on your own well-being and allowing space for emotional exploration can be challenging, trust me I know this all too well. Taking care of your mental and emotional health is crucial, and sometimes that involves acknowledging and addressing our feelings. If and when you feel ready, you can continue to explore and seek connections with people who share similar experiences or interests. Remember, there's no rush, and your feelings are valid. How do you feel about everything that I have mentioned? Also, is there anything you want to speak more on your thoughts and feelings?

 

[joobusmcgoober]

15 hours ago, Luie said:

Heyy @joobusmcgoober , I appreciate your honesty in sharing your approach to dealing with the uncertainty surrounding your situation, this shows a lot of maturity and also insight into yourself, kudos for that. I totally hear you on how you don't want to dwell on something you can't control, especially when you have other responsibilities and tasks to focus on. It's true that many people lead fulfilling lives while being single, and it's great that you're finding contentment in other aspects of your life. However, I would like to add that it's also important to acknowledge and validate your own feelings and desires. It's okay to want companionship and to feel a sense of connection with someone who understands and accepts you. It's a natural to crave that every so once in a while. 

Finding a balance between focusing on your own well-being and allowing space for emotional exploration can be challenging, trust me I know this all too well. Taking care of your mental and emotional health is crucial, and sometimes that involves acknowledging and addressing our feelings. If and when you feel ready, you can continue to explore and seek connections with people who share similar experiences or interests. Remember, there's no rush, and your feelings are valid. How do you feel about everything that I have mentioned? Also, is there anything you want to speak more on your thoughts and feelings?

You're definitely right. Balancing life and focusing on my well-being is definitely not easy, especially with schoolwork and work work taking up a lot of my time. I just feel like relationships are something that I dwell on more than I should, you know? I'm still young, there's plenty of time to get into relationships and stuff, but I just feel like it's something I want desperately, but I've already tried so hard and haven't made much progress. I've only ever been in one real relationship (albeit not a great one, it was only to get over someone that I genuinely liked who I knew wasn't interested in me, then the girl I dated wasn't very respective of boundaries and also threatened to self-harm if I left her but that's a whole different topic), but since then I've had no luck. I just feel genuinely undesired sometimes, even in just friendly social situations it sometimes feels like people don't want me there, so it'd be nice just to know that I could have someone I wouldn't have to worry about that with. I don't want it to matter to me as much as it does, but it really hurts to not feel wanted sometimes. 

[Luie]

12 hours ago, joobusmcgoober said:

You're definitely right. Balancing life and focusing on my well-being is definitely not easy, especially with schoolwork and work work taking up a lot of my time. I just feel like relationships are something that I dwell on more than I should, you know? I'm still young, there's plenty of time to get into relationships and stuff, but I just feel like it's something I want desperately, but I've already tried so hard and haven't made much progress. I've only ever been in one real relationship (albeit not a great one, it was only to get over someone that I genuinely liked who I knew wasn't interested in me, then the girl I dated wasn't very respective of boundaries and also threatened to self-harm if I left her but that's a whole different topic), but since then I've had no luck. I just feel genuinely undesired sometimes, even in just friendly social situations it sometimes feels like people don't want me there, so it'd be nice just to know that I could have someone I wouldn't have to worry about that with. I don't want it to matter to me as much as it does, but it really hurts to not feel wanted sometimes. 

 

I hear you @joobusmcgoober, and I want you to know that your feelings make complete sense to me. It's understandable that you feel a strong desire for a meaningful relationship, especially when you've experienced challenges and setbacks in the past. It's natural to long for a connection where you feel genuinely desired and accepted, where you can be yourself without worries. It sounds to me like you've been through a difficult experience in your previous relationship, and dealing with someone who didn't respect your boundaries can be emotionally draining and hurtful. It's important to acknowledge the impact that it had on you. I was wondering if you'd like to talk more about this? Also, feeling undesired, even in friendly social situations, can be disheartening and can affect your self-esteem. Where do you think these feelings stem for you?

While it's true that you are young and have plenty of time for relationships, it's also valid to desire companionship and connection now. It's essential to find a balance between being patient with the process and actively seeking opportunities to meet new people who share your values and interests. A few suggestions I wanted to make was to perhaps explore different hobbies, joining clubs or groups, or participating in activities that you enjoy can provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals who may appreciate and understand you better. Does this sound like something you'd want to try?

 

 

[joobusmcgoober]

23 hours ago, Luie said:

I hear you @joobusmcgoober, and I want you to know that your feelings make complete sense to me. It's understandable that you feel a strong desire for a meaningful relationship, especially when you've experienced challenges and setbacks in the past. It's natural to long for a connection where you feel genuinely desired and accepted, where you can be yourself without worries. It sounds to me like you've been through a difficult experience in your previous relationship, and dealing with someone who didn't respect your boundaries can be emotionally draining and hurtful. It's important to acknowledge the impact that it had on you. I was wondering if you'd like to talk more about this? Also, feeling undesired, even in friendly social situations, can be disheartening and can affect your self-esteem. Where do you think these feelings stem for you?

While it's true that you are young and have plenty of time for relationships, it's also valid to desire companionship and connection now. It's essential to find a balance between being patient with the process and actively seeking opportunities to meet new people who share your values and interests. A few suggestions I wanted to make was to perhaps explore different hobbies, joining clubs or groups, or participating in activities that you enjoy can provide opportunities to meet like-minded individuals who may appreciate and understand you better. Does this sound like something you'd want to try?

I don’t think there’s really a ton to talk about with that relationship, unless you wanna hear the whole story and it’s kind of a doozy. I’m not sure where exactly those feelings stem from, it’s probably just overthinking on my part since i tend to get my brain into a funk and just think that no one wants me there in certain situations with groups of people. I’d love to try that, if it wasn’t for the fact that the school environment I’m in is really small and we don’t have a ton of clubs or activities that I don’t already participate in.