How do I come out

[Ella T]

Hi I am gay and know my parents will be supportive. Although not certain about my dad. I do not know how to come out.

[Aurora]

6 hours ago, Ella T said:

Hi I am gay and know my parents will be supportive. Although not certain about my dad. I do not know how to come out.

Hi Ella, I've just welcomed you to the community on your other post. It's great to have you here. I'm Aurora and I'm one of the support mentors here at Ditch the Label. I give support and advice to those who reach out to us. Ditch the Label has a really supportive and welcoming community and you might have noticed that there are lots of others here who are going through a similar experience to you. 

Firstly I would like to reassure you that it's very normal not to know, how to come out, even if you think that your parents will be supportive. From what you're saying it sounds like you know that your mum will be supportive but you're a bit unsure about your dad. Do you mind sharing, why you're not certain about your dad? Also, can I ask if have you come out to anyone else yet?  

[Ella T]

I have not come out to anyone. Also, I think my dad will be supportive because he seems fine with stuff about sexuality but I have heard him say that he just doesn't get it and that makes me nervous.

[Aurora]

On 10/26/2022 at 11:50 PM, Ella T said:

I have not come out to anyone. Also, I think my dad will be supportive because he seems fine with stuff about sexuality but I have heard him say that he just doesn't get it and that makes me nervous.

Hi Ella, I'm sorry it's taken me this long to get back to you. I've been away.

It's really normal to feel scared to come out, especially if you haven't told anyone yet. And I wanted to use this opportunity to say congratulations on coming out to us !! We feel really honoured that you've shared this with us and we hope that you can be your true self here 

I think it's often good to trust your gut and if you think your Dad will be supportive then chances are very high that he will be. Also, I have found that a parent's love for their child can influence their views as parents ultimately want their children to be happy.  Even if our parents initial reaction might not be what we were hoping for, this can often change. Once they have had time to process what we have told them, they will often begin to understand us and be supportive of our sexuality. What do you think?

If you haven't seen this yet, you might find this support article on how to come out to your parents useful https://www.ditchthelabel.org/9-tips-coming-out-to-parents/ Would you like to read through it and let me know your thoughts? And we can think about how you could tell your parents together, if you like. How does that sound? 

[Ella T]

I would like help figuring out how to come out. 

[Aurora]

11 hours ago, Ella T said:

I would like help figuring out how to come out. 

Sure, no problem. Have you thought about who you would like to come out to first? Is it your parents or is there someone else, who you trust, who you can talk to easily and who you think will be supportive? Taking that first step can feel very scary but often everything will seem much easier, once you've opened up to the first person. 

[Ella T]

My mom

[Aurora]

17 hours ago, Ella T said:

My mom

Ok, great. Have you thought about whether you want to have a conversation with your mom or if you want to find a different way to tell her? If you don't feel comfortable talking to her. you could write her a letter/note or even do a voice message. Sometimes it can be easier to write things down. What do you think would work best for you? 

[Ella T]

I have really bad social anxiety so maybe something else.

[Ella T]

By something else I mean something other than a direct conversation.

[Aurora]

18 hours ago, Ella T said:

By something else I mean something other than a direct conversation.

Hi there, sorry for the delay in getting back to you. I've not been online for a few days. I just wanted to reassure you that this is your journey and it's really important that you feel comfortable whith how you come out to your mom. How do you feel about some of the things I suggested? Do you think you would like to write her a note/letter or maybe even leave her a voice message? Or maybe you can think of a different way of how you could let her know? What do you think would work for you? 

[Ella T]

I would be fine with writing her a letter.

[Aurora]

7 hours ago, Ella T said:

I would be fine with writing her a letter.

That sounds good. Have you thought about what you might want to write in the letter?

[Ella T]

I'm not really sure

[Aurora]

On 11/17/2022 at 12:55 AM, Ella T said:

I'm not really sure

I can understand that - it can be tough to come up with the right words. What would you suggest to a friend, who asked you what they could write in a letter to their mum? Sometimes it can be easier to think about it from someone else's perspective.