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Found 5 results

  1. Alex.

    Every June my soul dies

    I’m not kidding. It really does. Ok, let me explain the first reason. June is pride month, and guess who is demi and aceflux and can’t be proud of herself? Me. My dad shades everything from us, like he is protecting us. But he isn’t. This is the real world. So that means hiding my true identity at the month I should be “ self loving me” and my “ uniqueness”. Plus, we are going to vacation to Florida in early june so that means some homophobia. My second reason is kinda personal and I don’t like talking about this because it brings tears to my eyes. Last june, my mom got in a huge fight with my grandma and grandpa ( nonnie and Tito) for reasons I won’t say, but they left saying goodbye and I haven’t seen them in one year and my cousins in 4. If you get to see your cousins every once in a while, consider yourself lucky. Meanwhile, I have family drama on my mom’s side of the family, and every time they mention anything about it, I want to crawl up in a small hole and die. . My throat aches with sadness as I write this. I just want everything to be like the way it was, where I could see them without a fight, without drama. I got a text from nonnie saying I didn’t love her, but I do, I’m still in a tough spot after that one year.
  2. Alex.

    Anxiety.

    Bleh. Here it comes. The bad anxiety I used to get as a little child. I have been experiencing it really bad since Thursday, when innocent kids and teachers in my home town, texas, were killed in a school massacre. It breaks my heart. My cousins live close to that area. My whole life I have been scared of things like that, dying in the hands of another. I would cry in my sleep as a little girl, worried that someone would break into my house and kill me. No child should have those worries, or actually be a part of those events, yet it happens. In my opinion, something needs to change. I’ll also be open to more about my anxiety. I keep having these visions of me liking girls and I’m like WHYYYYYYYYYYY. I’m thinking about me identifying of heterofliexible, but I have never liked a girl before but I would really like to. I’m much more attracted to boys though. sometimes I feel like a mistake with all the rejection, homophobia I see, and my current identifications. I am a proud Christian, and I’m worried I’ll go to h3ll if I have a gf only once in my life. I also always think of the worst in every situation, like death on a vacation. I’ve always thought that, when I was little I used to count the years until my death. It’s summer time to so I have nothing to do right now but dwell on my thoughts. 🫤
  3. Hi, so i've been feeling really sad lately because of all the homophobic stuff my mom and sister are saying. I keep thinking about what's going to happen when i come out, what if i get cut off completely... i keep thinking about the scenario that might happen and i wish i was just straight so that i wouldn't have to deal with this. I was really sure that my sister was an ally but she sometimes says stuff that comes off as homophobic and i'm not sure if she is. I really wanted to tell her about my sexuality and come out to her but i'm not so sure anymore. Everytime i see a person apart of the community have loving and supporting parents i can't help but feel jealous because i wish i could have that so i wouldn't be thrown away from my family when i come out. I really hate myself for liking girls why couldn't i just be normal... i've also been wanting to cut my hair for the longest time because it would give me so much gender euphoria but my mom is so against it and it's so annoying because every time i look in the mirror i just can't help but hate how i look i wish i had shorter hair... i wish i looked more like a boy. If only i was born a boy i wouldn't be dealing with this... me liking girls wouldn't have been such a big deal, i wish i was a guy so i would be accepted... but even if i was born a guy i would still like skirts and stuff and all the feminine things i like now. and just thinking how no matter what i won't be accepted for being who i am and it's so godamn frustrating because i just want to be myself and for everyone to accept me and love me no matter what. My mom loves me so much right now and she tells me that everyday but whenever she says that i just think of how she won't love me when i tell her what i truly am... would she accept me because she loves me ?? or would she be disgusted ??? I've been dropping hints that i'm not into guys and i'm not sure if my family is catching on... i wont tell them until i've moved out. I've thought of the idea of moving out with my future lover and then tell them but i don't know. I just want to keep it hidden from them forever. I really hope in the future i can just forget about this and live a happy life with my future lover but i know that's not all that possible with the world we live in. I'm sorry this was kind of a long rant but i needed to get it out because i really felt like crying and giving up on everything today... i searched up what to do with homophobic parents and stumbled upon this website, i'm really glad i found it and i will probably be ranting a lot more here
  4. So hi again, aside from my cousin (who’s gay) and his mom the rest of family are homophobic my grandma tells me “it shouldn’t be men and men girl and girl just men and women” “Being gay is a sin” “It’s just a phase children go through” and so much more what makes it worse is that my mom agrees and my other aunt agrees I’m bisexual and I feel deeply hurt I hate it my mom once found out and she yelled at me saying all the stuff and more my grandma says, my mom said “your still young you don’t know what it means” “Anyone who is gay is going to hell” “Gay is a sin and god knows it” and way more. It’s also worse because I’m Hispanic and knowing my family they gossip so much and I really hate it.
  5. So hi again, aside from my cousin (who’s gay) and his mom the rest of family are homophobic my grandma tells me “it shouldn’t be men and men girl and girl just men and women” “Being gay is a sin” “It’s just a phase children go through” and so much more what makes it worse is that my mom agrees and my other aunt agrees I’m bisexual and I feel deeply hurt I hate it my mom once found out and she yelled at me saying all the stuff and more my grandma says, my mom said “your still young you don’t know what it means” “Anyone who is gay is going to hell” “Gay is a sin and god knows it” and way more. It’s also worse because I’m Hispanic and knowing my family they gossip so much and I really hate it.
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