Am I omnisexual? Also homophobic parent and anxiety

[MelonCake]

I almost started s/h a few weeks ago. I was in the kitchen, home alone, and I picked up the knife and it was so close to my skin. But then, I got a call from one of my best friends. She called me, I picked up, we started talking, and all of a sudden I forgot about everything except the fact that I had been brave enough to actually make a good friend. And then, I soon learned that I am the fastest person in my school. We had an entire grade long distance race (I won) and I also won the short distance by a landslide too. Rant because people said i was on steroids (I'm not even 13, what?) and a few people were basically acting like I cheated in running. I actually don't understand. But I have a bunch of friends and am pretty popular among the popular kids! I'm basically the kid everyone's friends with, lol.

 

the rant part is, i've had a fever and missed so many days of school, like adding up to a week now, and my arm just started hurting and my throat as well. I'm stuck in bed and it's so annoying that i'm missing tons of work and stuff that I probably would get an A+ on under different circumstances.

Edited February 2, 2022 by MelonCake

[MelonCake]

1. I think i'm Omni

• I feel attracted romantically and sexually towards everyone, but I like non-binary people and feminine people more. I'm pretty sure that fits the description of omnisexual, and I am really liking that label currently. I'm just not sure if I really identify as omnisexual though.
• i also do not identify as lesbian or bisexual. Those labels don't feel right with me and I don't fit the description anyways.

2. My mom

• my mom is very religious, but she thinks the story of Sodom and Gomorrah is about homosexuality and it being bad and sinful. But it's actually about homosexual rape.
• When I told my mom about my best friend who came out to me, she said my best friend needed to get help, or that I should teach her the word of God. Very uncomfortable in my situation, lol.
• My mom has spoken down about LGBTQ+ people

 

3. Anxiety 

• I have diagnosed performance anxiety. Basically it means whenever I go in public, I get anxiety while 'performing' for people
• It seems to be getting worse, my asthma has been flaring up whenever I get upset like this.

 

4.

• I keep looking at my crush's crotch and chest. He's my best friend and whenever I tell him he doesn't seem to mind, but I feel so uncomfortable and get dirty thoughts whenever I'm around him that just seem to float in by themselves without me actively thinking about it. I keep toouching myself in the bathroom and it makes me so anxious and feel so dirty.
• I make dirty jokes just to fit in. And it works well, and I am popular. But it makes me feel guilty.
   

 

I need help, or support. I need something.

[Monsoon]

19 minutes ago, MelonCake said:

1. I think i'm Omni

• I feel attracted romantically and sexually towards everyone, but I like non-binary people and feminine people more. I'm pretty sure that fits the description of omnisexual, and I am really liking that label currently. I'm just not sure if I really identify as omnisexual though.
• i also do not identify as lesbian or bisexual. Those labels don't feel right with me and I don't fit the description anyways.

2. My mom

• my mom is very religious, but she thinks the story of Sodom and Gomorrah is about homosexuality and it being bad and sinful. But it's actually about homosexual rape.
• When I told my mom about my best friend who came out to me, she said my best friend needed to get help, or that I should teach her the word of God. Very uncomfortable in my situation, lol.
• My mom has spoken down about LGBTQ+ people

3. Anxiety 

• I have diagnosed performance anxiety. Basically it means whenever I go in public, I get anxiety while 'performing' for people
• It seems to be getting worse, my asthma has been flaring up whenever I get upset like this.

4.

• I keep looking at my crush's crotch and chest. He's my best friend and whenever I tell him he doesn't seem to mind, but I feel so uncomfortable and get dirty thoughts whenever I'm around him that just seem to float in by themselves without me actively thinking about it. I keep toouching myself in the bathroom and it makes me so anxious and feel so dirty.
• I make dirty jokes just to fit in. And it works well, and I am popular. But it makes me feel guilty.
   

I need help, or support. I need something.

Hey @MelonCake

Welcome to our community. I'm one of the digital mentors here which means that I give advice and support to those who reach out to us :)

I saw your comments on our support guides and I've already emailed you to offer my support. I'm wondering, would you like to talk here as well, or keep it to over email? Either is fine for me, so just let me know. Speak soon.