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Found 11 results

  1. Alexis.

    Sad vibes of 2022

    Umm, where do I start? Ok, I’ll just put this into words…anyways, for the past three years, I have been depressed, mentally sick, and memories of my past creep around me. My mom has called the mental facility people like 5 times, and honestly, I don’t want to go, it all seems scary. I used to ( and sometimes do) hurt myself, when I’m angry over simple things I have done. It isn’t my fault for doing that or saying this, somethings I just can’t control. People joke about my sadness, it isn’t funny. I was alone for a whole school year, that’s how it all started. Covid ruined my life, I’m recovering from it all and no one respects me for it. People don’t want me in general, I try, I try so hard to be someone greater than my special ED label, be that girl who wrote a giant historical fiction novel. People exulde me at school, it hurts. Lately, I’ve been not eating a lot and lost weight ( I would eat more if I chose to), but I just have too much anxiety- there is a lot going on in the south and my dad agrees with every southern governor and it scares me because I have a different opinion than him, being demisexual ( well at least for now) and how my parents will react to it, war in Ukraine, and personal issues, all form into this bubble that I can’t pop. I just wish people saw my strengths and not my weaknesses, it would mean one less red scar on my arm. I just feel like nobody understands me, I can’t be sad or feel sad feelings, if I do I will be taken to a mental hospital automatically. So I have to hide everything inside of me, just like I have done before. I’m a great writer, but everyone sees the girl with dysgraphia. I don’t like love, yet people are always wanting me to like people. My family wants me to be happy, and I try to be happy, but I can’t be that happy girl I was in 2018. So, I’ll try to be less sad, but it’s hard when you are forced to smile, I’m hiding too much under it.
  2. Alexis.

    Every June my soul dies

    I’m not kidding. It really does. Ok, let me explain the first reason. June is pride month, and guess who is demi and aceflux and can’t be proud of herself? Me. My dad shades everything from us, like he is protecting us. But he isn’t. This is the real world. So that means hiding my true identity at the month I should be “ self loving me” and my “ uniqueness”. Plus, we are going to vacation to Florida in early june so that means some homophobia. My second reason is kinda personal and I don’t like talking about this because it brings tears to my eyes. Last june, my mom got in a huge fight with my grandma and grandpa ( nonnie and Tito) for reasons I won’t say, but they left saying goodbye and I haven’t seen them in one year and my cousins in 4. If you get to see your cousins every once in a while, consider yourself lucky. Meanwhile, I have family drama on my mom’s side of the family, and every time they mention anything about it, I want to crawl up in a small hole and die. . My throat aches with sadness as I write this. I just want everything to be like the way it was, where I could see them without a fight, without drama. I got a text from nonnie saying I didn’t love her, but I do, I’m still in a tough spot after that one year.
  3. I almost started s/h a few weeks ago. I was in the kitchen, home alone, and I picked up the knife and it was so close to my skin. But then, I got a call from one of my best friends. She called me, I picked up, we started talking, and all of a sudden I forgot about everything except the fact that I had been brave enough to actually make a good friend. And then, I soon learned that I am the fastest person in my school. We had an entire grade long distance race (I won) and I also won the short distance by a landslide too. Rant because people said i was on steroids (I'm not even 13, what?) and a few people were basically acting like I cheated in running. I actually don't understand. But I have a bunch of friends and am pretty popular among the popular kids! I'm basically the kid everyone's friends with, lol. the rant part is, i've had a fever and missed so many days of school, like adding up to a week now, and my arm just started hurting and my throat as well. I'm stuck in bed and it's so annoying that i'm missing tons of work and stuff that I probably would get an A+ on under different circumstances.
  4. This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Mental Illness, Sex, Sexual Assault & Rape
  5. Charlotte115

    Am I ok?

    Mental health the worse thing that I go through. Anxiety, depression and anger issues that sums up me in 3 words. People see the fake side of me, the moody teenager who doesn't care about the world me, not the smiling, happy and joyful me. But of cause school brings out the worse in people. Toxic friendships and hatefully comments doesn't help, people trying to get you to take drugs or to smoke as well. People ask me "so Charlotte, why do you have mental health issues?" Like I'm supposed to know the answer, I don't so what's the point in asking? That voice in my head makes me believe that I'm crazy and a unstable person to be around. One minute I'm talking to someone in a normal tone of voice then the next minute I'm shouting at them for doing nothing except from talking to me. Am I crazy, unstable or just a person who needs help?
  6. I don't really know why but I've been feeling alone and depressed lately. It's not like I'm alone alone but it feels like I am (idk if that makes any sense or not) I talk to people all the time but I don't really want to talk to them if you know what I mean. I have anxiety and a bit of depression but I feel like my depression is getting worse. My "friends" always talk about their problems and I help them by giving them advice but they don't know how much i wish they just didn't talk about their metal health or relationship problems. Recently I've been talking to this person but I don't know a lot about them, I've been getting to know them and they seem really nice. However, I don't know if I should tell them about my past when I was younger or if I should keep it to myself. The problem is that I have mental health issues because of what happened to me when I was younger but not a lot of people know that but I want the person to know that about me so they get to know me a little better.
  7. This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Self-Harm
  8. Hello, my best friend is going through a severe depression since forever, he is seeing a psychiatrist but he's barely getting better, I really wanna help him, I always talk and listen to him and try to cheer him up but I feel that it's not enough because I'm not seeing an improvement. Please help and tell me what should I do. Thanks.
  9. It is simply overwhelming for me. I've been sincerely the top of my class from first grade up to my last year in high school. Only then did I realize that I had spent all these years studying just to seek pleasure out of science, where in fact science has nothing to offer. My first love rejected me 5 years ago, another girl I liked was just out of my league and now I am about to drop out of Medical School because there is nothing ahead of me. I don't care about money, beauty, glory, sex, success and that's the problem. My family is being torn apart by my passiveness, they only know to push me into doing things and that just makes it worse for me. I live in isolation now, all my friends are either in school or employed, while I stay locked in home with my family members. Sometimes I just wish I would drop dead somewhere, I don't care about anything any more.
  10. This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Self-Harm
  11. Every day i get online to play video games i get bullied... It's hard to ignore because it's almost everyone. I just don't know what to do about it.... everyone just tells me to ignore them but that doesn't help nor do anything... I just wanna be free without being judged but i can't. pls help me
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