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My name is Jason. I'm a 17yo trans man, still in school. I present male online and around my friends (who I am out to), obviously dressing like a typical guy on a daily basis. I'd say I probably pass for the most part as long as you don't look at my face, but that's kind of besides the point. I'm neither out to my school nor to my parents, and I wanted to fix that.

The thing with my parents is that they're kind of transphobic. I can't really say how transphobic, but they've definitely made comments like "This person is a man—but that's what they want you to think" or "These boys' parents force them to be women" etc. Not to mention they're extremely enbyphobic (though that doesn't exactly concern me personally as I am a binary man—it's still wrong, obviously). Despite all this, I really really want to come out to them and I know how I want to do it (giving them a gender reveal card that says "It's a boy!" before I leave on a school trip, though I'd have to make sure they realize I'm referring to myself so they don't think I'm pregnant or something???), I'm just extremely nervous and I'm not quite sure what exactly I'd want to tell them. I don't even know if it's a good idea, but I'm willing to try. The worst they could do is simply disregard it and reprimand me about it, but I know I probably wouldn't get grounded or anything like that. I really want to start medically transitioning—at the very least get more masculine clothing than the extremely limited amount I have at the moment.

For school, I just genuinely have no clue how I'd do that. My entire class isn't exactly garbage, but I wouldn't say they're all that supportive of the LGBT community. They're the "I don't really care if you're straight or gay" kind, I feel. I don't really know how the teachers would be with this cause the vast majority of them don't show their own opinions or beliefs (as that isn't allowed for teachers to do where I live). My friend suggested I e-mail our class's main teacher, but I really don't know what I'd write and what I'd want to do after coming out to literally just one teacher. I don't think she really realizes how mortifying the idea of coming out is to me though (she's ace and her own coming out went really smoothly).

I'm looking for advice, maybe tips and experiences from people who have already come out as non-cis to their parents/school, and just ideas of what to say to either when I do actually come out.

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @isxyromavro

Welcome to our community 🙂

It's great to hear that you want to come out to your family and school. How does it feel presenting as male around your friends and online?

With coming out to your parents, do you feel like even if they have a negative reaction at first, that they will come around to it eventually? I think that it just takes time for some parents, and the love they have for their child really helps them to open up their minds. Do you think you will come out to them before your school and class, or after? 

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