Hey

[Kay_shiv]

I'm a lesbian, however I can definitely not tell my parents. I am having a tough time not telling them. Based on my interaction with a psychologist it feels like a bad idea talking to anyone. I live in a third world country and being a homosexual is not as accepted. I could use some advice on how to deal with all of this.

Edited August 21, 2021 by Kay_shiv

[Monsoon]

Hey @Kay_shiv

Welcome to our community. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give advice and support to those who reach out to us

I'm grateful that you have come to us for advice, and opening up will help you out a lot. It's interesting that your interaction with a psychologist has made you feel like it's a bad idea talking to anyone. Can you tell me a little bit more about this, please? 

[Kay_shiv]

I didn't know how to say it so I put it in the most clumsy way possible and told her I don't like boys. But she seemed to get what I was talking about, she told me men and women are supposed to be together and that's nature in a long and not so sweet way.

[Monsoon]

Hey @Kay_shiv

Thank you for telling me more. Can I ask, is that what your psychologist said to you? 

[Kay_shiv]

I don't remember the exact words but that would be the gist.

[Monsoon]

Hey,

Thank you for telling me that; I'm surprised to hear that your therapist has said that to you. Therapists are supposed to keep their personal beliefs regarding same sex relationships to themselves, as saying such things can have a negative impact on the emotional health of their clients. Have you thought about telling someone about this, maybe at the centre they work at? Also, how are you feeling about everything else, like your sexuality, at the moment? 

[Kay_shiv]

To be honest, I am super confused and it's probably wrong to say this but I wish I was like my friends. It seems so much less complicated.

[Monsoon]

Hey,

Yeah, I totally get why you would feel that way. When we are going through a hard time, it's easy to compare our lives to those of others and wish to be more like them so things are easier. Can I ask, what do you think you could do to try and make your life less complicated? 

[Kay_shiv]

I thought talking might help, and it certainly is. Thank you

[Monsoon]

Hey,

Yeah, I'm glad to hear that it's helping you to talk. How are you finding things with your psychologist? Have they given you any more advice? 

[Kay_shiv]

I didn't bring the topic again

[Monsoon]

Hey,

Ah, okay. So, how are you feeling about your sexuality after opening up a little bit more to us? How are you dealing with all of this? I ask because I know it can be overwhelming, so I just thought I'd check in on you. Speak soon. 

[Kay_shiv]

I don't know. I might need a little more time I think.

[Monsoon]

Hey @Kay_shiv

That's okay. Do you want to carry on talking about it right now with us or would you like to have a little break? 

[Kay_shiv]

I would like to keep talking but I don't know what to say.

[Kay_shiv]

hey,

i wanted to talk to my mom, so i did some research on how to tell my parents and now it seems like a not so good idea. At least not until im financially independent, but that would take atleast two more years, and that seems like a long time. what should i do.

[Monsoon]

Hey @Kay_shiv

Ah, okay. For some people, coming out can put them in danger. For example, if you live in a country where it's illegal to be LGBTQ+, coming out could mean that you end up in jail. Also, it could be that there's a risk of being abused or kicked out for coming out, so in those kinds of situations, it's best to wait until you can move out and make sure you're safe before telling people. What do you think? Can I ask, when you say it's not a good idea to tell them, what do you think might happen?

 

[Kay_shiv]

I won't end up in jail, I know that much. The worst case scenario I think would be that i might end up homeless . I'm not so sure.

[Monsoon]

Hey @Kay_shiv

Can I ask, what makes you feel like you might end up homeless? 

[Kay_shiv]

While talking about a completely unrelated topic, my father said "I don't belive in psychologists. people just don't in god or they are too weak to control their minds." So I feel like he will either kick me out of the house, or get me married to a random guy I never met( if I feel like that would happen I would voluntarily leave), or just think I'm crazy. I am not crazy and not much of an optimist either. 

[Monsoon]

Hey @Kay_shiv

I noticed that you said your dad doesn't believe in psychologists, and I guess I'm wondering, what has made you think that if you do come out, that he will kick you out? 

[Kay_shiv]

He has a certain rules in life and he believes that that is how it is and that is how everyone is. He hates it when I cut my hair a little shorter than normal also. I don't think he would ever accept it if I tell him Im a lesbian. 

[Monsoon]

Hey,

Thank you for explaining that. How does it feel for you thinking that he may never accept you being lesbian? 

[Kay_shiv]

Sad, angry, and scared. I wonder if telling him ever is a good idea. He likes me a lot and it might break his heart. 

[Monsoon]

Hey @Kay_shiv

Yeah, I completely get why you feel sad, angry, and scared. Even if it does upset him when you first tell him, do you think he will be able to become more accepting over time? Parents have such a strong attachment to their children, and the love they have for them is very powerful in helping them to become more accepting and open-minded about something that they might not like. What do you reckon?