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Hi I’m Niki , So I’ve been in uni for 6 months now and since the 4th week I have been sleeping with this guy on and off. We have never made any boundaries or put a label on anything and Ik he is still sleeping round with other girls. I have also with guys but not one nights stands just starting to talk to people and when I do I stop having sex with him ( tho we stay friendly and still talk). But every time I try and move on or stop myself I always end up going back there As we always go out in the same clubs/pubs. We get on really well and our personalities match, like all my friends say “there is an obvious connection”. A bit about him (J) - so J is 9 years older than me and lives just off campus, he has a reputation of sleeping around and he does drugs, which he knows I’m against and he appreciates my feelings and doesn’t do it when I’m around. J has gone through a lot of trauma similar to me. ( my cousin killed herself not long ago and his mate done the same 5 years ago) although he is also dealing with cancer and going through his last phase of kemo. J has a mask on in public he is perceived as one of the best lads on campus and has a big personality. Although behind closed doors I can see he’s struggling and he hides his true emotions. Every Saturday we go to karaoke in the local pub and he sings. And I mean he can sing, he has produced songs and albums etc. Anyways I just don’t understand what is going on between us both and I’m too afraid to ask incase he ends things cause I do like him and enjoy what we have now and I don’t want it to end although I don’t know what to do about the whole situation. We always end up going bk to each others all his house mates love me (I meet up with them without him ) and they always say I’m the only girl he has brought home multiple times as he always ends things after one night. But I don’t understand why cause he says he doesn’t want a relationship or anything. He also says when we’re laying in bed watching tv “don’t catch feelings now” and I don’t understand what he means by this is he waiting for me to admit there’s feelings or does he genuinely not want me to ? I’m just so confused and I don’t know what to do or how to go around it.
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- relationships
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Hi I’m Niki , So I’ve been in uni for 6 months now and since the 4th week I have been sleeping with this guy on and off. We have never made any boundaries or put a label on anything and Ik he is still sleeping round with other girls. I have also with guys but not one nights stands just starting to talk to people and when I do I stop having sex with him ( tho we stay friendly and still talk). But every time I try and move on or stop myself I always end up going back there As we always go out in the same clubs/pubs. We get on really well and our personalities match, like all my friends say “there is an obvious connection”. A bit about him (J) - so J is 9 years older than me and lives just off campus, he has a reputation of sleeping around and he does drugs, which he knows I’m against and he appreciates my feelings and doesn’t do it when I’m around. J has gone through a lot of trauma similar to me. ( my cousin killed herself not long ago and his mate done the same 5 years ago) although he is also dealing with cancer and going through his last phase of kemo. J has a mask on in public he is perceived as one of the best lads on campus and has a big personality. Although behind closed doors I can see he’s struggling and he hides his true emotions. Every Saturday we go to karaoke in the local pub and he sings. And I mean he can sing, he has produced songs and albums etc. Anyways I just don’t understand what is going on between us both and I’m too afraid to ask incase he ends things cause I do like him and enjoy what we have now and I don’t want it to end although I don’t know what to do about the whole situation. We always end up going bk to each others all his house mates love me (I meet up with them without him ) and they always say I’m the only girl he has brought home multiple times as he always ends things after one night. But I don’t understand why cause he says he doesn’t want a relationship or anything. He also says when we’re laying in bed watching tv “don’t catch feelings now” and I don’t understand what he means by this is he waiting for me to admit there’s feelings or does he genuinely not want me to ? I’m just so confused and I don’t know what to do or how to go around it.
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In year 6 the word gay was taboo, it was whispered like it was dirty, a naughty word that should not be repeated. It didn't help that our teacher taught us nothing about sexuality, I thought that something was wrong with me every time I stared at that one girl in my class. I was finally in the popular crowd though, after moving schools and being bullied, I was finally one of those girls that everyone wishes to be. I wasn't bad looking and I was often told of guys that liked me, which was very flattering, especially when you're at a young age. At the end of year 6 one of my 'friends' was pestering me so much about who did I have a crush on that I just randomly blurted out the name of a guy in our class. Now looking back at my class photo I can see he wasn't year 6 fantasy material. Still to this day, 4 years later, I am teased. It's funny though, I laugh about it with my friends. If you would like to hear more stories about my realisation that I am indeed not straight, comment and I will post one tomorrow night about year 7.
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Hey y'all, I am writing this because I keep questioning whether or not I will ever find love again and it is really making me doubt myself. please help me
- 5 replies
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