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Is my best friend really my best friend?


lucysswag
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I often blame my feelings on being a teenager, but this time I don't think I'm overreacting. I have been friends with this girl since primary school, and we re-connected 2 years ago. We have been inseparable ever since, except in the past 3 months her behaviour towards me has been questionable. I always make an effort to support her emotionally, I am myself around her but she doesn't put in much. The most I get is a reluctant 'well done' whereas I hype her up feeling genuinely proud of her achievements, making me want to dumb myself down as to not look as if I'm 'smarter' than her. After leaving me out today, I left school feeling so awful and began questioning my own character. I don't think I have hurt her, I did ask, but im just mentally deflated. She is not in anyway a bad person: she is known well for being extremely kind to others. So why am I feeling like this?

I would really appreciate advice on whether I should just continue as I am or re-consider my friendships? thanks

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Hey @lucysswag

Welcome to our community. I'm sorry to hear that you're having some difficulties with your friend at the moment. When you asked if you have hurt her, what did she say? I'm wondering, if someone has hurt her, is she likely to be honest, or will she cover it up just to be polite? 

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I don't blame you for feeling like that, must be awful to feel left out and disheartened by your best friends' actions. Maybe she's going through some stuff and is finding it difficult to talk about she's just taking it out on you by being distant? I would sit her down and try and have a proper heart to heart about how you're feeling about it all, she might not even realise that she's being off with you

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10 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey @lucysswag

Welcome to our community. I'm sorry to hear that you're having some difficulties with your friend at the moment. When you asked if you have hurt her, what did she say? I'm wondering, if someone has hurt her, is she likely to be honest, or will she cover it up just to be polite? 

Hi, she is usually polite and would cover it up. She told me yes everything was fine, but I’m aware asking over and over again could upset her. What do you suggest? 

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2 hours ago, WaterfallDaisy said:

I don't blame you for feeling like that, must be awful to feel left out and disheartened by your best friends' actions. Maybe she's going through some stuff and is finding it difficult to talk about she's just taking it out on you by being distant? I would sit her down and try and have a proper heart to heart about how you're feeling about it all, she might not even realise that she's being off with you

Yes, that sounds very possible and I understand if she didn’t want to share. What way could I support her if she isn’t wanting to directly talk about it? Thank you for this advice 

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3 hours ago, lucysswag said:

Hi, she is usually polite and would cover it up. She told me yes everything was fine, but I’m aware asking over and over again could upset her. What do you suggest? 

Hey,

Ah, okay. I know that you don't want to ask over and over again, so I think I would try asking maybe once more. It could be that she is just going through something difficult in general, and there is now a mental health campaign to ask someone if they are okay twice instead of once because they're more likely to tell you the second time. What do you think? 

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yeah sometimes we just need a day to break the cycle, but sometimes we have friends who wont support us as much as we support them. i had a friend who didn't like the art i was making much and so i just stopped telling them. i found other friends who always support me and while im still friend with the first friend, its not as deep as it used to be which is a shame.

Ssomebody once told me that friends come and go, sometimes they are perfect for a certain time, they drop off and maybe theyll come back in the furture. hope you keep looking after yourself!

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29 minutes ago, kqfellasfan said:

yeah sometimes we just need a day to break the cycle, but sometimes we have friends who wont support us as much as we support them. i had a friend who didn't like the art i was making much and so i just stopped telling them. i found other friends who always support me and while im still friend with the first friend, its not as deep as it used to be which is a shame.

Ssomebody once told me that friends come and go, sometimes they are perfect for a certain time, they drop off and maybe theyll come back in the furture. hope you keep looking after yourself!

Love that! 

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19 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Ah, okay. I know that you don't want to ask over and over again, so I think I would try asking maybe once more. It could be that she is just going through something difficult in general, and there is now a mental health campaign to ask someone if they are okay twice instead of once because they're more likely to tell you the second time. What do you think? 

That sounds like a really good idea! I asked her again today but she did seem a tad irritated? I’ll ask again soon. What do you make of this? 

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8 hours ago, WaterfallDaisy said:

@lucysswag maybe ask if she wants to go out for the day and do something fun, like go to the beach or the cinema - might take both your minds off whatever is going on and help you to repair your friendship again 

This sounds like a great idea considering the daily stress of school. I’ll make sure to try and arrange plans, that may help. I really appreciate you replying 🙂

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3 hours ago, kqfellasfan said:

yeah sometimes we just need a day to break the cycle, but sometimes we have friends who wont support us as much as we support them. i had a friend who didn't like the art i was making much and so i just stopped telling them. i found other friends who always support me and while im still friend with the first friend, its not as deep as it used to be which is a shame.

Ssomebody once told me that friends come and go, sometimes they are perfect for a certain time, they drop off and maybe theyll come back in the furture. hope you keep looking after yourself!

Yes, I’ve found sometimes it could just be a day thing, but other times not. This is extremely helpful, you can’t change people. I’m glad you found friends who support your art, I hope to find people like that soon haha. It would be a shame if my friendship ended but we need to look after ourselves. Thank you so much this has made me feel much better, and made me realise I shouldn’t worry if i don’t connect as much anymore. Hope you are doing well 🙂

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4 hours ago, lucysswag said:

That sounds like a really good idea! I asked her again today but she did seem a tad irritated? I’ll ask again soon. What do you make of this? 

Hey,

Hmm, that is interesting that she seemed irritated. Do you feel like she seemed irritated at you or something else? I know that's a weird question, but we tend to get a good sense of this kind of thing. 

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17 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Hmm, that is interesting that she seemed irritated. Do you feel like she seemed irritated at you or something else? I know that's a weird question, but we tend to get a good sense of this kind of thing. 

Yes it does feel directly at me, as with others she’s fine (despite them making rude jokes about her which I find weird). This thought has been worrying me, that she doesn’t like me anymore? I don’t want to assume anything though.

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Hey @lucysswag

Okay, thanks for telling me that. From what you've said, it sounds like there could be something playing on her mind. I think I would ask her again in a couple of days. Did you ask her in person? If so, it might be better to ask her online next time as a lot of people feel more comfortable saying these kinds of things online rather than face-to-face. 

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On 7/9/2021 at 1:40 PM, Monsoon said:

Hey @lucysswag

Okay, thanks for telling me that. From what you've said, it sounds like there could be something playing on her mind. I think I would ask her again in a couple of days. Did you ask her in person? If so, it might be better to ask her online next time as a lot of people feel more comfortable saying these kinds of things online rather than face-to-face. 

Yes, I ask her in person. I think you are definitely right  so I’ll let you know how it goes. Thank you 🙂

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On 7/11/2021 at 11:41 AM, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Yeah, it can definitely help having these kinds of conversations online as people can find confrontation more difficult face-to-face. I hope it goes well. Speak soon. 

Hi, I haven’t asked her yet but wanted to ask you something. I’m feeling so confused about this, because if she is always saying shes ‘fine’, then she is not communicating her feelings. They feel so directed at me and I don’t know how to help her if I am the issue. Do I continue putting in the effort just in case there is something wrong or do I put my energy somewhere else? 

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On 7/12/2021 at 10:01 PM, Monsoon said:

Hey,

I get what you're saying. It's hard to help someone if they won't tell you what's the matter. I think that maybe she needs space, and then she might start feeling better. What do you think? 

That sounds like a good idea. I'll continue to support her but won't mither her with questions. I will update if things get any better between us. Thank you so much for your help over these past few days, I hope you are doing well 🙂

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11 hours ago, lucysswag said:

That sounds like a good idea. I'll continue to support her but won't mither her with questions. I will update if things get any better between us. Thank you so much for your help over these past few days, I hope you are doing well 🙂

Hey @lucysswag

Yeah, I think having some space will be good for both of you right now. Would you like support with anything else? 🙂

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