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About Me

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What brings you to Ditch the Label?

Found 18 results

  1. I think I'm kind of a jerk. I lie a lot, and I make up fake personalities specifically to please the people that I'm around. I like it when I'm sad and when bad things happen to me, which is a bit messed up I'm probably just overreacting I'm usually the problem in most negative situations I feel empty and so . . . angry. All the time. And my life isn't even that bad I'm really lazy - I don't want to do homework, or chores, or go out in public. Social environments stress me out way too much and people complain about it a lot I don't want to bother my friends by saying this stuff, and my family won't react well, but that doesn't matter that much I guess I feel like an unoriginal nobody. And...I'm probably never going to post this, because who cares?? Yeah, maybe I want a bunch of random people to tell me that it's okay and that they're here for me, But that's a little pathetic, isn't it? Sorry.
  2. This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Mental Illness, Self-Harm, Suicide
  3. Okay, so I have finally finished up the first complete rough draft, but I dont know what to name the play! It ended up being about 15 pages long (so, shorter than I thought, which means I didn't overwrite- yay! ) The basic storyline is- Billie has an invisible friend named Niko. (fun fact, Niko means Nobody in Bosnian (shout out to Google translate, lol) which was the character's original name) As Billie grows up, he forgets how to see Niko, but Niko stays with him, because they can tell he still needs them. Billie falls in love with Juno, a trans girl he met at school one day, but also gets diagnosed with anxiety disorder. When his parents see him kissing Juno they chase he out and Billie- already angry because Juno had been jumped at school before she came- starts to break down. He takes too many anxiety pills trying to calm down, but ends up overdosing. As he starts to get worse he sees Niko again for the first time in three years since he had forgoten them. They convince him to call Juno. She comes back to the house just in time to find Billie unconcious. If she had shown up any later, he would have died. But Billie survives. This whole affair makes him parents see past their transphobia against Juno and accept her, seeing her and Billie's bond. Billie finds a new senec of love and hope, and finaly lets Niko go. The play ends on a hopeful note, with Niko free at last and Billie learning to live with his anxiety and his family finally trying. Okay, I have to go, but I got down the basics. If you guys have and tips or ideas, it would be greatly apreciated!
  4. This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Disordered Eating, Mental Illness, Suicide
  5. About ten months ago, I was diagnosed (unofficially) with depression and anxiety all of a sudden. It felt like my life was a spider web, and I kept getting tangled up in it. I was sent to doctors and therapists, but deep down I knew it wasn't helping. However, I've realized that there is a pattern to my mental state: I will be fine for up to a month or so, but then one day/night I will have a sudden anxiety attack. Along with my depression coming back in full swing. But I have learned to hide these things, appearing perfectly fine to those around me. I felt that it was easier not to worry people, because I didn't want my problems to become other people's problems. But keeping my emotions on lockdown almost drove me crazy. I slept less, nearly destroyed my eating schedule, wanted nothing to do with other human beings, and when people tried to talk to me, I would just snap. I felt horrible, but I also felt like I deserved this. Some messed up part of me kept me miserable. But then one day, everything was just...gone. I felt fine, and I couldn't tell if I was depressed anymore. I assumed all was well and carried on with life. But five months later, the same things started happening, but worse. It felt like there was a terrible weighing feeling in my heart, and it didn't go away. I got no sleep at all, only to be awoken by horrible thoughts and nightmares. But of course, no one knew this. I became so accustomed to acting normal that my emotions just disappeared, and I couldn't tell the difference between sad and happy. But the same thing followed - I woke up two weeks later, and everything was fine. Every few months or so, these things keep happening, but worse each time. This has happened at least three times already, and it doesn't seem like it will stop. However, this isn't completely without cause. In July of 2021, I started questioning my sexuality and gender. It was so confusing, and I felt like nothing fit. I spent a whole year and several months trying to figure out 'what I was', while dealing with my mental issues. I have figured out what I am and come to terms with that, but nothing feels right. No one around me will hear a word I have to say, and I am forced to be this normal girl with no personality. Names and pronouns are used as weapons against me, and everyone attacked me when I cut my hair short a while back. I am letting it grow out again - I am tired of my family sneering at me. Kids and adults calling me nasty things in public. I'm just so. . .tired of not wanting to fit in, wanting to fit it, trying to fit in, and getting nowhere. I don't have anyone to say this to, because I'm just afraid of what they will say. I feel like I'm making a big deal out of it. I can't look in a mirror without getting angry at myself because I'm not as slim or as pretty or as nice as I should be. As I WANT to be. My whole crisis has ruined those around me, and I am doing as much damage to people as I am doing to myself. I try. I am trying. I don't want to die yet...that's what I keep telling myself. But do I? I don't know. I can't fix me. Or this mess. I need to stay strong, but I am cracking. How do I get out of this??
  6. I think the worst part about being high functioning is that you never believe you're sick enough, not even on a bad day. I know something is off. I've had reliable friends tell me to go to counseling but I just won't go. I keep telling myself that there's someone who has it worse and that I'd be stealing resources they need more. On good days, and I had a positive month after a totally awful one, back to back, I think maybe there's nothing wrong at all. I find ways to explain it away as lack of sleep or hormones. Sure, I SH a bit but they were only scratches, only bruises. I've survived worse urges without the help of a counselor or even a friend to talk to. I'm independent, not a nuisance who bothers others. No, I can't be depressed. Sure, I think I'm worthless and don't care if I die but I clean my room, practice hygiene, and get up every day for work. I can't have anxiety. I was just a little nervous, that's all! Hell, I never had an attack so it's not a problem. It's not a real ED. I'm just health conscious and get a little overly zealous about fasting sometimes. ...Until I get tired of punishing myself for other people's sins and decide to buy groceries again. Maybe the trauma wasn't bad enough if I was articulate, clean, well dressed, smart, hard working and creative while it was happening. Maybe it was a well needed life lesson and not abuse and I'm just an attention-seeking ungrateful drama queen. I don't understand How I'm functioning this well but I'm thankful for it. I should be. Not everyone is this resilient.
  7. I'm dating this guy, we both really really like each other but we wanted our relationship to be private, we don't mind if our parents find out but what we didn't want was people at our school knowing. He has a lot of friends, friends that I don't completely trust as I've had a bad history with some of his friends, and they didn't know about us... Well not until today when they walked into the classroom that him and I were in. We weren't doing anything bad, we were just talking, but when they walked in on us they thought otherwise and started commenting. He was in a lot of pain today and seeing his friends walk in on us put him in even more pain, I freaked out and started crying because it was the only thing I could do at the time so he tried comforting me when his friends left but I just feel really guilty and like it's my fault that everything has happened. He went home after that happened and I really wished I went home too but I'm still stuck at school dealing with my anxiety and depression on my own :)
  8. This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Hate, Mental Illness
  9. Hiโ€ฆ Iโ€™m cereal.. and Iโ€™ve been having problems with a bad habit I have, that nobody knows about. I cut myself.. and I just canโ€™t stop. I have cuts all over my arms and legs, and I jus t want to know how to love my body and stop this habit. So please.. help me.
  10. This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Mental Illness
  11. Not only do we attend the same taekwondo school together, we are also on the school's demo team. He is the leader of the team, and I always feel intimidated by anything he does. What's worse is that he's one year younger than me, already has a "LinkedIn" page, and achieved many awards and fame from his school and work at taekwondo. I only achieved a Principal's award at my middle school in 8th grade, but I don't like thinking about middle school because they always bring up bad memories. Whenever I look at him, I'm always scared of him critiquing me, how I haven't remembered our form, or maybe how I should lose weight. I know it's only my own thoughts and feelings I placed on to this boy, and it's not fair to be scared of someone who hasn't done anything bad to you. That's logical. I get that. I know there's no need to be scared of him, but I still feel scared of him. I didn't talk to my parents about it yet because I assume that they would say something like what I mentioned in the last few sentences or tell me that I'm over-exaggerating and that I should be more friendly to him. I'm going to talk to therapist this Thursday about this and update in a few days. --Lil Jiko
  12. So this summer was pretty awesome, I relaxed by the pool a lot and everything was pretty chill. I do a girl scout type thing and I switched troops this year (I started in this troop moved to one closer to my house and then moved back to the first one this year) and I was re-introduced to the troop at something right before our annual summer camp that is for a lot of troops I go the day before it starts because my mom is apart of the nursing team at camp, the first day of camp you get settled in your assigned cabin, do a swim test, and a knife safety class. It started pouring rain during the swim test so my new troop and I ran to the cabin and waited it out, while it was still raining we had to go to knife safety, I was in the class right after the rest of them so I went with them and waited outside of the covered pavilion (the rain had stopped by the time we got to the class.) I was stressed by the swim test quite a bit, I was processing my bff coming out as lesbian (it was surprising i'm not homophobic i'm now bisexual) and was just stressed in general and had an anxiety attack. One of the leaders from my new troop (who's family I had stayed in touch with through the 4 years i was in the other troop) saw that I was struggling and asked me what was wrong, before that point I had never opened up or told anybody about my anxiety I said to her that I had anxiety and that I was having an anxiety attack, she calmed me down, gave me a hug and told me that she has anxiety to, I instantly didn't feel so alone anymore and I felt that I could open up about things and be open about everything anxiety related, with her at least. She made sure I was ok during my knife safety class and I was left to do the rest of my day. I struggled with anxiety the whole week and she was understanding bout it, I had never been treated like that before and it was amazing, I stuck close by her the whole week and she even helped me realize that I have a hidden talent that I didn't even now about, I'm good at archery (she taught it at camp and I knew i liked it but hadn't done it in a while.) She told me about an archery club team that she was starting with another leader (who happened to be my amazing friend's mother) and I was excited about it. Later in the week we got to do a high ropes course, I had tried earlier in the week but had chickened out but I love the zip line so the camp director (who also happened to be the mother of another friend lol) let me just do the zip line or even the high ropes if I wanted, I was up there and we were going to be up for about 2 hours and it was fun for about the first hour, one of my friends (second archery person's kid) was getting really scared about something I was up on the tower about 7 feet away from her and after she got off the thing she was on and I gave her a hug, her mother was there and said "Thank you Natasha (thats not my name btw) you are an amazing friend" and her saying that made me happy. I was helping my friend calm down when another friend was struggling on the course and had to be taken off, to make an extremely long story a little bit shorter she had to go to the hospital, the leader that had been haling me with stuff all week went with her and I felt more alone then ever, all of the girls that were on the course that were in our troop went back to the cabin and cried together, I didn't know that the leader had to with her until later. I felt alone just because they all knew her better then I did and I thought that I had royally screwed up or something and I wanted everything to be ok, the leader came back to camp that night and wanted to come check on us immediately to make sure we were ok but another leader made her eat dinner first because she had missed dinner and when she came into our cabin the other girls were chanting Chocolate! Chocolate! Chocolate! before realizing who it was (we had been promised chocolate 2 hours earlier) But I ran up and hugged her, I had written her a letter and given it to her with instructions to read it before she went to bed that night, the next morning at breakfast I asked her if she read it and if she could actually read my handwriting (its really bad) she said that she really loved my letter and that she could read my handwriting. Now I see her almost every week between scouts and archery and I write her notes and letters a lot. My other archery coach's kid is one of my best friends and she has helped me learn more about myself and she accepts me for who i am (well I havn't told her i'm Bi yet so lets see how this goes!)
  13. This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Self-Harm
  14. This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Self-Harm
  15. Hello, my best friend is going through a severe depression since forever, he is seeing a psychiatrist but he's barely getting better, I really wanna help him, I always talk and listen to him and try to cheer him up but I feel that it's not enough because I'm not seeing an improvement. Please help and tell me what should I do. Thanks.
  16. Iโ€™m living in China and have a Chinese boyfriend. Recently he started a douyin (chinese tiktok) account where he posts some casual moments in our (mixed race) relationship. The comments are wreaking me. People are saying heโ€™s too good for me. That Iโ€™m average looking or that I look old or bluntly that I am not beautiful. They ask him why he doesnโ€™t date a Chinese girl. Thereโ€™s one video thatโ€™s really popular. And people are tearing me apart. I donโ€™t think Iโ€™ve ever questioned my worth like this. And unfortunately, I find myself checking and rereading these comments endlessly. Every free second Iโ€™m opening this app and checking what new thing people have said. I feel like Iโ€™m not a human. And now I look in the mirror and I can only see what they saw. I look at my boyfriend and worry he will listen to them. I donโ€™t want him to know how much it upsets me, so I sit in the bathroom and cry. Am I really ugly? I donโ€™t want to think so. But so many people say I am.
  17. Sorry about the the title, but writing hi, hello or anything like that seems boring and repetitive and i'm also being honest here so... Hi! As you can guess, my username have nothing to do with my actual name. I'm 24 years old with selective mutism, social anxiety and anxiety in general. I also strugle with low self-esteem, trust- and abandonment issues and depression. Because of these (and the years of constant bullying that caused most of them), i have a very hard time socializing in any form, which i'm tired of and want to change amongst many other things. I've already got a vague plan of what i want to change and how to do it and also took steps towards the first course of action, which is ease my general anxiety. Actually i found this site during my research on that and thought - 'Ah! Why not?' - so here i am. Nice to meet you!
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