Why is one girl on my mind constantly?

[sammyboy]

So I’ve been here before talking about my situation struggling with girls romantically and socially. I have improved and recognized new things about myself in situations. I’ve come to realize to appreciate the moment I’m in and to not take it in. 
 

However, now I’ve found myself in a similar situation from a past far gone that still exists to this day and I’ve been wondering why. There’s a new girl that I’ve seen at a place I frequent and I am attracted to her. Unfortunately, she’s busy and very much inside the staff zone or busy out in the common areas. I am really attracted to her and I can’t help it. I want to see her more but I really want to talk to her and I can’t help myself but to inquire through some people I know that work there and ask about her. When I left for a while to go elsewhere, she was on my mind. When I came back, she was on my mind. My mind revolved around her. Why is this? 
 

I know I crave desire and intimacy but I don’t know anything else about this girl but being in proximity is this only way that satisfies me but doesn’t also satisfy me. I want to talk but I don’t want to share. I want to know her as I don’t know her but I can’t reach to her to know even as a friend. I’m in a bind and I feel like how I was when I was 10. I’m not obsessed but it feels like I am leaning there and that’s scary considering I’ve improved since then. 

[Luie]

45 minutes ago, sammyboy said:

So I’ve been here before talking about my situation struggling with girls romantically and socially. I have improved and recognized new things about myself in situations. I’ve come to realize to appreciate the moment I’m in and to not take it in. 
 

However, now I’ve found myself in a similar situation from a past far gone that still exists to this day and I’ve been wondering why. There’s a new girl that I’ve seen at a place I frequent and I am attracted to her. Unfortunately, she’s busy and very much inside the staff zone or busy out in the common areas. I am really attracted to her and I can’t help it. I want to see her more but I really want to talk to her and I can’t help myself but to inquire through some people I know that work there and ask about her. When I left for a while to go elsewhere, she was on my mind. When I came back, she was on my mind. My mind revolved around her. Why is this? 
 

I know I crave desire and intimacy but I don’t know anything else about this girl but being in proximity is this only way that satisfies me but doesn’t also satisfy me. I want to talk but I don’t want to share. I want to know her as I don’t know her but I can’t reach to her to know even as a friend. I’m in a bind and I feel like how I was when I was 10. I’m not obsessed but it feels like I am leaning there and that’s scary considering I’ve improved since then. 

 

Heyy @sammyboy, Luie here,  I really appreciate your openness in sharing your feelings and experiences. It sounds like you've been on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth, and it's great that you've recognized and appreciated the progress you've made.

It's completely understandable to feel a strong attraction and desire to connect with someone. Sometimes, our minds can fixate on someone we find intriguing, and it's natural to want to know more about them. It seems like you're navigating these feelings with a lot of self-awareness, I'm curious, have you thought about finding a casual and friendly way to initiate a conversation with her, maybe about something related to the place you both frequent? Also, I was wondering is there anything specific about this situation that reminds you of when you were 10?

I just want to remind you that it's okay to feel a range of emotions, we go through different emotions at varying degrees across situations in our lives, so its totally normal, hope you know this. Here for you, let's navigate this together 

 

[sammyboy]

34 minutes ago, Luie said:

Heyy @sammyboy, Luie here,  I really appreciate your openness in sharing your feelings and experiences. It sounds like you've been on a journey of self-discovery and personal growth, and it's great that you've recognized and appreciated the progress you've made.

It's completely understandable to feel a strong attraction and desire to connect with someone. Sometimes, our minds can fixate on someone we find intriguing, and it's natural to want to know more about them. It seems like you're navigating these feelings with a lot of self-awareness, I'm curious, have you thought about finding a casual and friendly way to initiate a conversation with her, maybe about something related to the place you both frequent? Also, I was wondering is there anything specific about this situation that reminds you of when you were 10?

I just want to remind you that it's okay to feel a range of emotions, we go through different emotions at varying degrees across situations in our lives, so its totally normal, hope you know this. Here for you, let's navigate this together 

Thank you @Luie. Yes, I am feeling a wide array of emotions. I had a hard time actually finding her not busy at her job and trust me, I would if I saw her. It was a difficult situation. The reason why I said 10 was because when I was shy and confused on how to socialize, especially with your crush from a far distance, I just kept dreaming up imaginary situations where we’re forbidden lovers or something involving eye contact and maybe she likes me back and it makes me feel good in the moment kind of stuff and like that. Gosh I could talk a lot about it. I’ve grown and I know how to approach and socialize, especially with crushes but the situation feels like that when I was a kid and so I feel like I use her as a source for my own pride and stuff and I’m scared I’m leaning towards obsession by wanting to be in the presence. 

[Luie]

On 11/12/2023 at 10:36 AM, sammyboy said:

Thank you @Luie. Yes, I am feeling a wide array of emotions. I had a hard time actually finding her not busy at her job and trust me, I would if I saw her. It was a difficult situation. The reason why I said 10 was because when I was shy and confused on how to socialize, especially with your crush from a far distance, I just kept dreaming up imaginary situations where we’re forbidden lovers or something involving eye contact and maybe she likes me back and it makes me feel good in the moment kind of stuff and like that. Gosh I could talk a lot about it. I’ve grown and I know how to approach and socialize, especially with crushes but the situation feels like that when I was a kid and so I feel like I use her as a source for my own pride and stuff and I’m scared I’m leaning towards obsession by wanting to be in the presence. 

 

I hear you, @sammyboy It sounds like the current situation is triggering memories from when you were younger and navigating similar feelings of shyness and longing. It's commendable that you've grown and developed better social skills since then. The nostalgia and connection to your past emotions make a lot of sense. It's not uncommon for certain situations to stir up those familiar feelings, even if you've evolved and learned new ways to approach social interactions.

It's important to recognize your feelings and understand where they're coming from. Wanting to be in someone's presence is totally a natural part of attraction, we all have been there, trust me, but being mindful of the balance between genuine interest and potential obsession is a valuable self-awareness and it takes a while to get there, so don't worry about it, just something I wanted to share from my own experience with you. Do let me know how this makes you feel?

I was thinking, as you navigate this, maybe consider finding ways to engage with her when she's not busy with work, even if it's a brief and casual conversation. Taking small steps can help you get to know her as a person rather than just an object of desire. And, of course, it's okay to have these feelings, but maintaining a healthy perspective is key. If you feel comfortable, share more about your thoughts on approaching her in a way that feels authentic to you. How would you ideally like to strike up a conversation? And like what kind of topics or interests are you excited to bring up?

 

[Luie]

Btw, I did want to say, I appreciate you being patient with my reply @sammyboy!

[sammyboy]

On 11/18/2023 at 4:31 AM, Luie said:

I hear you, @sammyboy It sounds like the current situation is triggering memories from when you were younger and navigating similar feelings of shyness and longing. It's commendable that you've grown and developed better social skills since then. The nostalgia and connection to your past emotions make a lot of sense. It's not uncommon for certain situations to stir up those familiar feelings, even if you've evolved and learned new ways to approach social interactions.

It's important to recognize your feelings and understand where they're coming from. Wanting to be in someone's presence is totally a natural part of attraction, we all have been there, trust me, but being mindful of the balance between genuine interest and potential obsession is a valuable self-awareness and it takes a while to get there, so don't worry about it, just something I wanted to share from my own experience with you. Do let me know how this makes you feel?

I was thinking, as you navigate this, maybe consider finding ways to engage with her when she's not busy with work, even if it's a brief and casual conversation. Taking small steps can help you get to know her as a person rather than just an object of desire. And, of course, it's okay to have these feelings, but maintaining a healthy perspective is key. If you feel comfortable, share more about your thoughts on approaching her in a way that feels authentic to you. How would you ideally like to strike up a conversation? And like what kind of topics or interests are you excited to bring up?

I feel better reading this. I thought I was totally weird and 1/1,000,000,000 for thinking this way when it happened. It’s like your heart wants to dream, but your mind wants to act and knows the repercussions. 
 

I’m gonna be frank. She is a bottle girl at a club I frequent. I make a rule to not be involved with club staff but she seemed like a girl with a good credentials. I am attracted to her physically but I have these thoughts of being fulfilled and that is what throws me off because I don’t know her. I hope to just say hey what’s your name and see where it goes as time goes on. I mean, I don’t expect anything but I just don’t want to be stuck on one again or anything like that. I have initiated eye contact and I think she reciprocated that one time or a few times.