Bf is moving to the UK

[AshtonBeach]

Heya My name is Ash/Ashton 14 he/they and my bf 16 he/him Adam is moving to the UK

Now I wouldnt care if I was able to visit him BUT I cant so Im contenplating if I should break up with him.

why I think I should 

1.He is moving away

2.He can make me uncomfortable with request like sexual i will eleterate if you ask

3. Idk If I can do long distance like that far long distance

4. I dont know if he is being 100% honest with me

5. I found out that he was leaving from his eldest sister

Why I think I shouldn't

1.I love him a lot

2.He makes me feel safe

3. I would miss him

4. I dont know if I could really break up with him without wanting him back

5. He is super nice 

 PLEASE HELPPP 

Edited April 9 by AshtonBeach
spelling I will not obliterate anyone :)

[ProffesorSparkles]

6 hours ago, AshtonBeach said:

Heya My name is Ash/Ashton 14 he/they and my bf 16 he/him Adam is moving to the UK

Now I wouldnt care if I was able to visit him BUT I cant so Im contenplating if I should break up with him.

why I think I should 

1.He is moving away

2.He can make me uncomfortable with request like sexual i will aleberate if you ask

3. Idk If I can do long distance like that far long distance

4. I dont know if he is being 100% honest with me

5. I found out that he was leaving from his eldest sister

Why I think I shouldn't

1.I love him a lot

2.He makes me feel safe

3. I would miss him

4. I dont know if I could really break up with him without wanting him back

5. He is super nice 

 PLEASE HELPPP 

Heya  @AshtonBeach hope ur doing well

(In gonna just disclaimer this w i dont have tons of experience in romantic relationships so some stuff i might say coukd be a bit off lol sorry) That's a rlly tough situation you're in rn and I'm sorry you have to deal with it. You said you heard from his elder sister he was moving, have you spoken to him abt it yet? Maybe it would be a good idea to sit down and talk to him about how u both feel about him moving away?

You said you dint know if he's being honest with you. Does he have a history of making things up or lying to you? (Edit: sorry if that was a bit too personal or just not relevant or smth)

You also said he can make you uncomfortable with requests. I'm not rlly gonna say anything in case it's a sensitive subject but if he's pressuring u into smth that's bad and you should try stand up for yourself. 

Again, I'm not the most experienced dude, this is just my outside opinion. Hope ur doing well

Edited April 9 by ProffesorSparkles

[AshtonBeach]

4 hours ago, ProffesorSparkles said:

You said you heard from his elder sister he was moving, have you spoken to him abt it yet? Maybe it would be a good idea to sit down and talk to him about how u both feel about him moving away?

Thanks for the reply Tom. and yes we have sat down and he said he wants to try and keep the relationship going. But I have expressed that sort dont want to.

 

4 hours ago, ProffesorSparkles said:

You said you dint know if he's being honest with you. Does he have a history of making things up or lying to you? (Edit: sorry if that was a bit too personal or just not relevant or smth)

Yeah im realizing now he lies alot... Like alot alot. well an example is I asked him if he was comign over to hang out like every monday he daid he was going to  (this was once he dropped me off afrer the eclips and stuff) and he said sure I check locations of all my friends same time everyday they all know its to make sure they are ok and I checked my friedns Amys and he was at her house after he left I had my other friend ask why and well.... yeah 

4 hours ago, ProffesorSparkles said:

You also said he can make you uncomfortable with requests. I'm not rlly gonna say anything in case it's a sensitive subject but if he's pressuring u into smth that's bad and you should try stand up for yourself. 

Yeah I know and have been? I guess?? but its not helped much he does the same shit

 

4 hours ago, ProffesorSparkles said:

Again, I'm not the most experienced dude, this is just my outside opinion. Hope ur doing well

 Thank you <33333

 

 

 

[Megs-]

15 hours ago, AshtonBeach said:

Heya My name is Ash/Ashton 14 he/they and my bf 16 he/him Adam is moving to the UK

Now I wouldnt care if I was able to visit him BUT I cant so Im contenplating if I should break up with him.

why I think I should 

1.He is moving away

2.He can make me uncomfortable with request like sexual i will eleterate if you ask

3. Idk If I can do long distance like that far long distance

4. I dont know if he is being 100% honest with me

5. I found out that he was leaving from his eldest sister

Why I think I shouldn't

1.I love him a lot

2.He makes me feel safe

3. I would miss him

4. I dont know if I could really break up with him without wanting him back

5. He is super nice 

 PLEASE HELPPP 

Hi Ashton, how are you today? Sorry for not responding sooner, my life has been hectic the past 24 hours, but I’m back now.

i know Tom has responded to you, but hope it’s ok if I reply too? 
 

firstly, I’ll start of with the first points on when you said reasons why you feel like you don’t want to keep the relationship between you and Adam. 
 I see the first bullet point is that Adam is moving to the United Kingdom. I of course don’t know how that feels but, I am sure that it’s made you upset. I want to check in with you and make sure that you are ok right now? Of course, that’s a silly question for me to ask but you matter. The 2bd bullet points is scary in itself. I am sorry that Adam makes you feel uncomfortable when he says sexual things towards you. Feeling uncomfortable with those type of things are ok, it’s understandable that you feel uncomfortable with those advances towards you. I wanted to say this as it’s very important. You do not have to do anything that you’re uncomfortable with. If he wants something and you don’t, you are allowed to say no. No body should be pressuring you into doing sexual things when you don’t want to or feel uncomfortable. 

I see you’ve made other points regarding why you feel like you can’t keep the relationship going between you both. I know many people who have moved hundreds of miles away from each other and relationships haven’t worked out. Your point when you said that you don’t know if he’s being 100% truthful with you, and the fact he’s moving hundreds of miles away, I can 100% see why you would not feel comfortable with keeping the relationship between you two going. When you look back on writing the cons to why you think this, how has it made you feel when you’ve re read this? I sense that you are currently feeling very up and down right now on what you should do.

With the pros on why you should be together and do long distance, I can see that he makes you feel safe and that you like him a lot. I get that, as being around people who make us feel safe and comfortable is a huge thing for many. I hear your worries when you mentioned that if you broke up with him that you’d likely take him back. I can relate to that, I really can. I’m not going to sit here and say that it’s easy moving on from the person who made you feel safe etc, but also you have to do what is best for yourself. Like, the cons you’ve shared are very important too. Like, I wanted to ask, have you sat down and talked to him about your concerns, of course you don’t have to do it in person you can do it over message etc. I want you to be happy and will do my best to give my thoughts and support you. Of course, you can talk to the @Digital Mentor 1-2-1 if you need confidential support. 
 

Of course, it’s up to you whether you stay together, but whatever you choose to do, I’ll be by your side through it all. You’re not alone Ashton. Here for you, always and always. Hugs  

[AshtonBeach]

11 minutes ago, Megs- said:

Hi Ashton, how are you today? Sorry for not responding sooner, my life has been hectic the past 24 hours, but I’m back now.

i know Tom has responded to you, but hope it’s ok if I reply too? 
 

firstly, I’ll start of with the first points on when you said reasons why you feel like you don’t want to keep the relationship between you and Adam. 
 I see the first bullet point is that Adam is moving to the United Kingdom. I of course don’t know how that feels but, I am sure that it’s made you upset. I want to check in with you and make sure that you are ok right now? Of course, that’s a silly question for me to ask but you matter. The 2bd bullet points is scary in itself. I am sorry that Adam makes you feel uncomfortable when he says sexual things towards you. Feeling uncomfortable with those type of things are ok, it’s understandable that you feel uncomfortable with those advances towards you. I wanted to say this as it’s very important. You do not have to do anything that you’re uncomfortable with. If he wants something and you don’t, you are allowed to say no. No body should be pressuring you into doing sexual things when you don’t want to or feel uncomfortable. 

I see you’ve made other points regarding why you feel like you can’t keep the relationship going between you both. I know many people who have moved hundreds of miles away from each other and relationships haven’t worked out. Your point when you said that you don’t know if he’s being 100% truthful with you, and the fact he’s moving hundreds of miles away, I can 100% see why you would not feel comfortable with keeping the relationship between you two going. When you look back on writing the cons to why you think this, how has it made you feel when you’ve re read this? I sense that you are currently feeling very up and down right now on what you should do.

With the pros on why you should be together and do long distance, I can see that he makes you feel safe and that you like him a lot. I get that, as being around people who make us feel safe and comfortable is a huge thing for many. I hear your worries when you mentioned that if you broke up with him that you’d likely take him back. I can relate to that, I really can. I’m not going to sit here and say that it’s easy moving on from the person who made you feel safe etc, but also you have to do what is best for yourself. Like, the cons you’ve shared are very important too. Like, I wanted to ask, have you sat down and talked to him about your concerns, of course you don’t have to do it in person you can do it over message etc. I want you to be happy and will do my best to give my thoughts and support you. Of course, you can talk to the @Digital Mentor 1-2-1 if you need confidential support. 
 

Of course, it’s up to you whether you stay together, but whatever you choose to do, I’ll be by your side through it all. You’re not alone Ashton. Here for you, always and always. Hugs  

Thanks for teh response Megs. Im ok right now nervous once more but im ok...

[Megs-]

1 minute ago, AshtonBeach said:

Thanks for teh response Megs. Im ok right now nervous once more but im ok...

Sorry to hear that you are nervous, you matter greatly. Here if you need anything.

[AshtonBeach]

Just now, Megs- said:

Sorry to hear that you are nervous, you matter greatly. Here if you need anything.

Thanks 

[ProffesorSparkles]

4 hours ago, AshtonBeach said:

Thanks for the reply Tom. and yes we have sat down and he said he wants to try and keep the relationship going. But I have expressed that sort dont want to.

Yeah im realizing now he lies alot... Like alot alot. well an example is I asked him if he was comign over to hang out like every monday he daid he was going to  (this was once he dropped me off afrer the eclips and stuff) and he said sure I check locations of all my friends same time everyday they all know its to make sure they are ok and I checked my friedns Amys and he was at her house after he left I had my other friend ask why and well.... yeah 

Yeah I know and have been? I guess?? but its not helped much he does the same shit

 Thank you <33333

I’m sorry to hear he hasn’t been listening to you, megs is completely right, you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.

also thanks to @Megs- for talking at some of the stuff I left out

im here if you need to talk Ash and hope you can figure this out

[AshtonBeach]

.

Edited April 9 by AshtonBeach

[AshtonBeach]

 

Update

So I met up with him in between classes and well lets say it is for sure over now he tried to pull some shit and yeaah no Im asexual he knows that and Ive been r@ped before heknows not to do that 

 

[ProffesorSparkles]

1 minute ago, AshtonBeach said:

Update

So I met up with him in between classes and well lets say it is for sure over now he tried to pull some shit and yeaah no Im asexual he knows that and Ive been r@ped before heknows not to do that 

Oh gosh are you OK? Hope nothing too bad happened. If you need to talk I'm here

[AshtonBeach]

1 minute ago, ProffesorSparkles said:

Oh gosh are you OK? Hope nothing too bad happened. If you need to talk I'm here

Yeah I wont go into to much deatail but he tried to well y'know like on the flippin softball feild its like the most secluded area everyone hooksuo there so I shouldve asumed but no I am dumb :(

[ProffesorSparkles]

Just now, AshtonBeach said:

Yeah I wont go into to much deatail but he tried to well y'know like on the flippin softball feild its like the most secluded area everyone hooksuo there so I shouldve asumed but no I am dumb :(

No ur not dumb it's not your fault he tried to do that at all you felt safe around him and trusted him

[AshtonBeach]

1 minute ago, ProffesorSparkles said:

No ur not dumb it's not your fault he tried to do that at all you felt safe around him and trusted him

yeah but once more I coulve used common sense

[ProffesorSparkles]

I rely hope ur OK but I have to go now I'm so sorry I keep doing this

I'll try check in w u later sorry again 

Hope your OK the rest of ur day

[AshtonBeach]

2 minutes ago, ProffesorSparkles said:

I rely hope ur OK but I have to go now I'm so sorry I keep doing this

I'll try check in w u later sorry again 

Hope your OK the rest of ur day

Bye same to you <333

[AshtonBeach]

just broke up with him

[Harper]

Hey Ash! One thing that I like to do when I'm stuck on making a decision is to meditate and check in to see what my head, heart and gut are all individually guiding me to do. If they are all in agreement, then it's a yes, if something is out of whack, it's usually a no. I hope that helps!

[Duckie]

19 hours ago, AshtonBeach said:

just broke up with him

I'm happy you did. He crossed the line big time. Are you OK? 

[Aurora]

On 4/10/2024 at 1:32 AM, AshtonBeach said:

just broke up with him

I'm glad to hear you broke up with him . I hope you're doing OK. I've sent you a message on CS as well. We're all here for you 

[Aurora]

On 4/9/2024 at 5:36 PM, ProffesorSparkles said:

No ur not dumb it's not your fault he tried to do that at all you felt safe around him and trusted him

I totally agree with what @ProffesorSparkles said - this is in no way your fault!! You trusted him and he broke your trust. There is no excuse for the way he treated you - you deserve so much better @AshtonBeach