Hello. My name is Haart, and I find myself in a difficult situation and in need of some advice.
I met my girlfriend online last January, and we have been a couple since June. We live in the opposite sides of the World, and is therefore in a long distance relationship.
In September, I managed to visit her for a week, and we both had an amazing time, but shortly after I returned home, my girlfriend entered a deep state of depression.
She has a history of mental issues, especially major depression and genetical(?) anxiety, and she has tried to take her own life on a couple of occasions in the past.
My girlfriend has tried to explain that since she was in such a "high" of happiness for the week I visited, she fell hard and is now in a "dip".
A lot has been going on in her life recently, with internet problems reducing our contact, being forced to move, as well as physical illness.
Lately, the sudden change in our relationship as well as stress from the university has really taken a toll on me. Whenever I think about her, I start missing her immensely, and I've been crying almost every day for the last three weeks, missing the connection we used to have.
Since she's in this "dip", my own self image is crumbling. I can't stop thinking that I'm doing something wrong, and I blame myself for us not being in this amazing relationship we had before I visited her.
I understand that my girlfriend is going through a though time, and I really want to know how to handle the situation with her depression. Is there anything I can do to help her? How can I show her that I care and love her even when she's in this state? In general; how should I act, how should I treat her, what can I do?
At the same time, I can't ignore my own feelings. How can I balance being the supporting boyfriend while also not breaking completely? I've told her how I feel, but don't want to bother her with my struggles when she's going through this. She says that she wants me to talk about it, but when I tell her my worries and anxieties, she keeps blaming herself, and when I express that I feel like a horrible person, she mirrors my emotions and starts dragging herself through the dirt.
What can I do? I feel like the situation is so mentally challenging, and crying every day and feeling like I've failed and that I'm not enough is tearing at me.
I've booked a new trip to visit her in December, and I will be staying there for a month. I'm worried about what happens if she's still in the "dip" while I'm there.
Does anyone have any good advice on how to handle this?
I'm really sorry that this is all a lot at once. I just don't know what to do, and I need help.
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