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Thinking about coming out


ElenaMDo
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This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Hate, Mental Illness, Trauma

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So, as the title says, I have lately been considering coming out to my very homophobic dad. All my life, he raised be to be Catholic, and a very conservative one at that. That included growing up in an extremely LGBTQphobic environment which generated a copious ammount of religious trauma and anxiety that I deal with to this day. I also have OCD and obsessive personality traits, which I take medication for. That itself results in intrusive thoughts about my identity. My father has no idea about any of this, and has made it clear he is glad no one in his family is LGBTQ. 

All this being said, I'm living in Rome at the moment, and will do so for a year. Next week, my parents will visit Rome (and me of course), and I was thinking about coming out to my dad then (my mom already knows). After that, I wouldn't see them for two weeks until I went home for Halloween. I think I could be ready to do it, and it's as good a time as any, but the thought of it makes me incredibly anxious. If anybody had any advice, I'd be super grateful.

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey there,

Thank you for reaching out to us. I'm glad to hear you came out to your mom; how did she take the news? 

I think that because he is homophobic, it is good to have a break between telling him and seeing him next. I'm wondering, how long do you think he would need to calm down? After your next visit home for Halloween, when would you see them again?

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She took it really well, actually! She just hugged me and told me she loved me. As for my dad, I don't know how long it would take him to accept it. He might even dismiss it as a phase or something he has to pray for. He does that very often when people are down a path he looks down on. After Halloween, I wouldn't see him until Christmas, more or less. I suppose it'd be a month or so.

Thanks for the help!

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18 hours ago, ElenaMDo said:

She took it really well, actually! She just hugged me and told me she loved me. As for my dad, I don't know how long it would take him to accept it. He might even dismiss it as a phase or something he has to pray for. He does that very often when people are down a path he looks down on. After Halloween, I wouldn't see him until Christmas, more or less. I suppose it'd be a month or so.

Thanks for the help!

Hey there,

I'm glad your mother was really accepting - I can imagine this really gave you a confidence boost. The fact that she is so open to it is likely to help your father as well, and because he loves you, this may very well force him to confront his own beliefs and become more accepting. What do you think?

I'm wondering, because there is more time between your Halloween and Christmas breaks, could you maybe do it then so he has more time to process and come to terms with it? 

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I guess I could see it happen. I mean, my mom has calmed my dad and made him see reason many times, so it's not entirely impossible. My dad is a very proud man though, and I have the feeling my mother doesn't see how much of a problem he is. Maybe she would try to convince him in the beginning and at some point would just let him be and stop trying. Honestly, I have no idea what could possibly happen. It's true that there would be a decent amount of time for him to process it, but I'm still not sure. Thank for the advice anyways!

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2 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I'm glad your mother was really accepting - I can imagine this really gave you a confidence boost. The fact that she is so open to it is likely to help your father as well, and because he loves you, this may very well force him to confront his own beliefs and become more accepting. What do you think?

I'm wondering, because there is more time between your Halloween and Christmas breaks, could you maybe do it then so he has more time to process and come to terms with it? 

Thinking about it, I have come to the conclusion that I'm good where I'm at right now. The time will come when I'm ready to tell him. I guess I'll feel it or whatever idk. But I think for now I'll surround myself with accepting people and my chosen family.

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17 hours ago, ElenaMDo said:

Thinking about it, I have come to the conclusion that I'm good where I'm at right now. The time will come when I'm ready to tell him. I guess I'll feel it or whatever idk. But I think for now I'll surround myself with accepting people and my chosen family.

Hey,

That sounds like a great idea. If you would like more support at any point, you know where we are :) 

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