I Want to Let my Rainbows Rainbow but I Cannot :(

[welches_242]

What I would like to do:

I want to tell my sister I'm lesbian. She has shown many times she will support no matter what.

Problems:

However, I am worried she might tell my mother because they are very close. From there, my mom would tell my dad.

The issue is my dad is homophobic (my mom confirmed it with me the other day - that is a different story though). His church preaches against LGBTQIA+ rights and talks about how being gay is a sin. My mom has also some internalized homophobia which I can tell from some comments she made. All I really want to do is let my rainbows rainbow but I cannot.

Another issue is that I can't even be properly out at school because my mom works there and my peers and teachers could casually bring it up in conversation. The entire thing is a chain reaction that I would rather not have happen.

I know I will have to tell them someday (and I really want to) because I do want to have a relationship at one point or another and I don't want to hide such a big part of me from my family. My biggest issue is my lack of control in this situation as it could easily go out of hand.

Solution(s):

My current solution with my sister is to tell her I think girls are pretty then wait a month or two to see the effects of it. I also might mention it to this one councillor at school to see what solution they might come up with. Also, I am definitely starting that conversation with the title of this topic, lol.

Notes/other things that are related(ish):

My friends know I am very gay.

I also "appear straight until I start talking" (One of my friends) - this helps hide it from people