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About Me


Found 19 results

  1. This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Disordered Eating, Mental Illness, Suicide
  2. About ten months ago, I was diagnosed (unofficially) with depression and anxiety all of a sudden. It felt like my life was a spider web, and I kept getting tangled up in it. I was sent to doctors and therapists, but deep down I knew it wasn't helping. However, I've realized that there is a pattern to my mental state: I will be fine for up to a month or so, but then one day/night I will have a sudden anxiety attack. Along with my depression coming back in full swing. But I have learned to hide these things, appearing perfectly fine to those around me. I felt that it was easier not to worry people, because I didn't want my problems to become other people's problems. But keeping my emotions on lockdown almost drove me crazy. I slept less, nearly destroyed my eating schedule, wanted nothing to do with other human beings, and when people tried to talk to me, I would just snap. I felt horrible, but I also felt like I deserved this. Some messed up part of me kept me miserable. But then one day, everything was just...gone. I felt fine, and I couldn't tell if I was depressed anymore. I assumed all was well and carried on with life. But five months later, the same things started happening, but worse. It felt like there was a terrible weighing feeling in my heart, and it didn't go away. I got no sleep at all, only to be awoken by horrible thoughts and nightmares. But of course, no one knew this. I became so accustomed to acting normal that my emotions just disappeared, and I couldn't tell the difference between sad and happy. But the same thing followed - I woke up two weeks later, and everything was fine. Every few months or so, these things keep happening, but worse each time. This has happened at least three times already, and it doesn't seem like it will stop. However, this isn't completely without cause. In July of 2021, I started questioning my sexuality and gender. It was so confusing, and I felt like nothing fit. I spent a whole year and several months trying to figure out 'what I was', while dealing with my mental issues. I have figured out what I am and come to terms with that, but nothing feels right. No one around me will hear a word I have to say, and I am forced to be this normal girl with no personality. Names and pronouns are used as weapons against me, and everyone attacked me when I cut my hair short a while back. I am letting it grow out again - I am tired of my family sneering at me. Kids and adults calling me nasty things in public. I'm just so. . .tired of not wanting to fit in, wanting to fit it, trying to fit in, and getting nowhere. I don't have anyone to say this to, because I'm just afraid of what they will say. I feel like I'm making a big deal out of it. I can't look in a mirror without getting angry at myself because I'm not as slim or as pretty or as nice as I should be. As I WANT to be. My whole crisis has ruined those around me, and I am doing as much damage to people as I am doing to myself. I try. I am trying. I don't want to die yet...that's what I keep telling myself. But do I? I don't know. I can't fix me. Or this mess. I need to stay strong, but I am cracking. How do I get out of this??
  3. I think the worst part about being high functioning is that you never believe you're sick enough, not even on a bad day. I know something is off. I've had reliable friends tell me to go to counseling but I just won't go. I keep telling myself that there's someone who has it worse and that I'd be stealing resources they need more. On good days, and I had a positive month after a totally awful one, back to back, I think maybe there's nothing wrong at all. I find ways to explain it away as lack of sleep or hormones. Sure, I SH a bit but they were only scratches, only bruises. I've survived worse urges without the help of a counselor or even a friend to talk to. I'm independent, not a nuisance who bothers others. No, I can't be depressed. Sure, I think I'm worthless and don't care if I die but I clean my room, practice hygiene, and get up every day for work. I can't have anxiety. I was just a little nervous, that's all! Hell, I never had an attack so it's not a problem. It's not a real ED. I'm just health conscious and get a little overly zealous about fasting sometimes. ...Until I get tired of punishing myself for other people's sins and decide to buy groceries again. Maybe the trauma wasn't bad enough if I was articulate, clean, well dressed, smart, hard working and creative while it was happening. Maybe it was a well needed life lesson and not abuse and I'm just an attention-seeking ungrateful drama queen. I don't understand How I'm functioning this well but I'm thankful for it. I should be. Not everyone is this resilient.
  4. This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Suicide
  5. This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Disordered Eating, Self-Harm
  6. I'm dating this guy, we both really really like each other but we wanted our relationship to be private, we don't mind if our parents find out but what we didn't want was people at our school knowing. He has a lot of friends, friends that I don't completely trust as I've had a bad history with some of his friends, and they didn't know about us... Well not until today when they walked into the classroom that him and I were in. We weren't doing anything bad, we were just talking, but when they walked in on us they thought otherwise and started commenting. He was in a lot of pain today and seeing his friends walk in on us put him in even more pain, I freaked out and started crying because it was the only thing I could do at the time so he tried comforting me when his friends left but I just feel really guilty and like it's my fault that everything has happened. He went home after that happened and I really wished I went home too but I'm still stuck at school dealing with my anxiety and depression on my own :)
  7. This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Hate, Mental Illness
  8. This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Abuse, Mental Illness, Sexual Assault & Rape
  9. This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Mental Illness
  10. Mani


    I think I am depressed
  11. This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Disordered Eating, Mental Illness
  12. Ange


    The urge to self harm right now are so strong my medication ran out on monday and i have felt like shit ever since and I have to pick up a new prescription tomorrow but i don’t know how im going to make it through the night without giving in to the urges I also want to die but not planning anything but I just no longer want to exist on this shitty planet. I keep thinking everyone will be better off without me and if I’m out with my friends I think will people even notice if I’m not there no one ever messages me first I always message them and it’s like will they even notice if I didn’t message them for a week because i clearly matter to them so much that they don’t bother to message me and it’s like every time I say something about how I’m feeling they always say you matter you can always talk to me etc all that bullshit and it’s like your only saying it because you have you. If i really mean that much to you message me saying it out of the blue because that could help anyone struggling a simply message saying you care could save someone’s life but no everyone’s too busy with their own lives to care and it’s like professionals say that you matter but it’s like they are being paid to say that and yeah okay maybe you get some people who actually care but that doesn’t change the way you feel about yourself
  13. Charlotte115

    Am I ok?

    Mental health the worse thing that I go through. Anxiety, depression and anger issues that sums up me in 3 words. People see the fake side of me, the moody teenager who doesn't care about the world me, not the smiling, happy and joyful me. But of cause school brings out the worse in people. Toxic friendships and hatefully comments doesn't help, people trying to get you to take drugs or to smoke as well. People ask me "so Charlotte, why do you have mental health issues?" Like I'm supposed to know the answer, I don't so what's the point in asking? That voice in my head makes me believe that I'm crazy and a unstable person to be around. One minute I'm talking to someone in a normal tone of voice then the next minute I'm shouting at them for doing nothing except from talking to me. Am I crazy, unstable or just a person who needs help?
  14. Hello. My name is Haart, and I find myself in a difficult situation and in need of some advice. I met my girlfriend online last January, and we have been a couple since June. We live in the opposite sides of the World, and is therefore in a long distance relationship. In September, I managed to visit her for a week, and we both had an amazing time, but shortly after I returned home, my girlfriend entered a deep state of depression. She has a history of mental issues, especially major depression and genetical(?) anxiety, and she has tried to take her own life on a couple of occasions in the past. My girlfriend has tried to explain that since she was in such a "high" of happiness for the week I visited, she fell hard and is now in a "dip". A lot has been going on in her life recently, with internet problems reducing our contact, being forced to move, as well as physical illness. Lately, the sudden change in our relationship as well as stress from the university has really taken a toll on me. Whenever I think about her, I start missing her immensely, and I've been crying almost every day for the last three weeks, missing the connection we used to have. Since she's in this "dip", my own self image is crumbling. I can't stop thinking that I'm doing something wrong, and I blame myself for us not being in this amazing relationship we had before I visited her. I understand that my girlfriend is going through a though time, and I really want to know how to handle the situation with her depression. Is there anything I can do to help her? How can I show her that I care and love her even when she's in this state? In general; how should I act, how should I treat her, what can I do? At the same time, I can't ignore my own feelings. How can I balance being the supporting boyfriend while also not breaking completely? I've told her how I feel, but don't want to bother her with my struggles when she's going through this. She says that she wants me to talk about it, but when I tell her my worries and anxieties, she keeps blaming herself, and when I express that I feel like a horrible person, she mirrors my emotions and starts dragging herself through the dirt. What can I do? I feel like the situation is so mentally challenging, and crying every day and feeling like I've failed and that I'm not enough is tearing at me. I've booked a new trip to visit her in December, and I will be staying there for a month. I'm worried about what happens if she's still in the "dip" while I'm there. Does anyone have any good advice on how to handle this? I'm really sorry that this is all a lot at once. I just don't know what to do, and I need help.
  15. This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Self-Harm
  16. This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Self-Harm
  17. Hello, my best friend is going through a severe depression since forever, he is seeing a psychiatrist but he's barely getting better, I really wanna help him, I always talk and listen to him and try to cheer him up but I feel that it's not enough because I'm not seeing an improvement. Please help and tell me what should I do. Thanks.
  18. It is simply overwhelming for me. I've been sincerely the top of my class from first grade up to my last year in high school. Only then did I realize that I had spent all these years studying just to seek pleasure out of science, where in fact science has nothing to offer. My first love rejected me 5 years ago, another girl I liked was just out of my league and now I am about to drop out of Medical School because there is nothing ahead of me. I don't care about money, beauty, glory, sex, success and that's the problem. My family is being torn apart by my passiveness, they only know to push me into doing things and that just makes it worse for me. I live in isolation now, all my friends are either in school or employed, while I stay locked in home with my family members. Sometimes I just wish I would drop dead somewhere, I don't care about anything any more.
  19. This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Self-Harm
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