Aromanticism (hey if you’re aromantic please have a look, I’m having hard time figuring it out for myself(

[Tormi]

Hello!

Im pretty old member of LGBT+ community (since i was 10) and I’ve only just started wondering if i might be aromantic. I just want to maybe get some stories how someone who identifies as aromantic figured it out for themselves.

For me, a sign that maybe im aromantic, is that im not really good with emotions in relationships. Thinking back, after awhile i started treating my partners more as best friends than someone im supposed to be romantic with. I could see them being annoyed by that but i didn’t know how to change that. I still don’t. I want to feel romantic feelings but the closest I’ve came to of that type is what i create in my head. I love the person i create in my mind even if i know they’re not like that in real life. I love some traits of the person who im maybe seeing in somewhat flirty way  but the other traits just ruin it for me.  I’m pretty flirty with a lot of friends but when they express any type of serious romantic attraction i get scared. I don’t know where it comes from.

If there’s any aromantic people here, could i get some kind of a little `how did you find out you’re aromantic`

 

[Monsoon]

17 hours ago, Tormi said:

Hello!

Im pretty old member of LGBT+ community (since i was 10) and I’ve only just started wondering if i might be aromantic. I just want to maybe get some stories how someone who identifies as aromantic figured it out for themselves.

For me, a sign that maybe im aromantic, is that im not really good with emotions in relationships. Thinking back, after awhile i started treating my partners more as best friends than someone im supposed to be romantic with. I could see them being annoyed by that but i didn’t know how to change that. I still don’t. I want to feel romantic feelings but the closest I’ve came to of that type is what i create in my head. I love the person i create in my mind even if i know they’re not like that in real life. I love some traits of the person who im maybe seeing in somewhat flirty way  but the other traits just ruin it for me.  I’m pretty flirty with a lot of friends but when they express any type of serious romantic attraction i get scared. I don’t know where it comes from.

If there’s any aromantic people here, could i get some kind of a little `how did you find out you’re aromantic`

Hey Tormi,

Thanks for sharing this with us. I noticed what you said about how when someone expresses romantic attraction, you get scared. I'm wondering, can you tell me more about that? What is it that you're scared of?

[Tormi]

I think im scared of not being what they’re looking for. I’m pretty sure i have this facade that i put on for other people but im so much different when other people aren’t around. I don’t want them to fall in love with a wrong person who isn’t me. When you have been rejected constantly from friendgroups and friendships in general when you’re young, you learn how to use it to your advantage. I’ve learned peoples patterns and learned what people like to hear. And i try to apply it to every person in my life. I’m really adaptable in relationships, maybe even too much. I become this person that the other person wants to see.  But i know its not me and at one point ill start to crack and become who i am. And usually that kind of impulsive, even manic at times, me is not what people are excepting when they fall for me.

[Monsoon]

Hey here,

Yeah, I can completely see how that constant rejection can really change the way you behave towards other people, and I guess it can be a way of protecting yourself by avoiding rejection in a way; what do you think? I'm wondering, can you describe who you are when people are around and who you are when people aren't around?