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Me, my coming out experience (still in the works), and my experiences in relationships.


ThatOneGay_Guy    

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Hello!! My name is Jadon, I am 13 (nearly 14), gay,  and headed to High School. Currently single, have never dated a boy but I have asked multiple guys out. One being straight (and would later on proceed to grope one of my friends boobs) and the other just didn't want a relationship (he was bisexual). I've had no luck in guys but I'm hoping it gets better in High School. I saw a bunch of possibly gay guys at registration so I'm just hoping for the best. I am out to all of my friends and family. By family. I mean the people I live with including my sisters (the little one is 7 so I'm probably gonna have to tell her again when she actually knows what gay means) and my parents. Right now, the most supportive person in my family is my big sister. She's 21 and has been the only one to address my sexuality in a good way. However my parents are a different story. My Dad is straight up homophobic. He says he doesn't care but I know deep down he hates it. He once yelled at me because I was posting selfies with the caption "Happy Pride!!!". He said stuff like "nobody cares about Pride" and "Nobody needs to know". "Stop acting all proud if you haven't told everyone". "There's nothing to be proud about". That's all stuff he's said to me. My Mom is slightly homophobic but she's still supportive. If I had to put my family on a scale based on homophobia, left being super homophobic and right being super supportive, my Dad would be on the left. My big sister would be on the right but not fully. She'd still be somewhat towards the left, and my Mom would be somewhere in the middle. I'm looking to tell my Grandmother but I don't know if she's homophobic. I think she is though because we were having a conversation about trans people and she kept saying stuff about how trans women aren't real women. So I already know she's transphobic but I'm not sure if she's homophobic or not. Anyways, that's me and that's my life so far. Thank you for your time and have a good day!!

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Hey @ThatOneGay_Guy

Welcome to our community. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give advice to those who reach out to us. 

Thank you for sharing your experiences with us here at Ditch. I'm pleased to hear that you are out to all of your friends and the family that you live with. How does it feel now that you're out in comparison to before? I'm sure that once you go to high school, things will get better on the guy front. Also, I hope that the straight guy you asked out was held responsible for groping your friend's breast - I hope she is okay too. 

I just want to say that I'm sorry to hear about the homophobia within your family. How does this make you feel? I know that it's not helpful, but it's good that you're opening up about it - talking to others helps a lot. Can I ask, have you spoken to your dad about how his behaviour hurts your feelings? Also, I'm wondering, how long ago did you come out? I find that when parents react badly, as time goes on, they often become more accepting and open-minded about it, but it means having to be patient because it can last a while. Do you think you're going to tell your grandma soon then or hold off? It's totally okay to wait if you're not ready.

Why don't you have a read of this https://www.ditchthelabel.org/my-parents-didnt-react-well-to-me-coming-out/ and let me know what you think? It's really helpful for anyone who has had someone close to them react badly to their sexuality.

Speak soon. 

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This is certainly a lot of questions to answer so if I miss one, I apologize. Now that I'm out to everyone, I feel like I have nothing to hide anymore. The homophobia inside of my family can hurt sometime but only when brought up. Talking about my sexuality is okay but when they are talking about it in a bad way or saying I shouldn't be this way, it hurts a lot. They just don't understand. I haven't spoken to my dad about his behavior, mostly because he would think I'm being disrespectful for blaming for something.  He seems to think that any opinion other than his is bad. Especially if it's a member of his family. He wasn't very happy when I came out to him either. Kept saying he doesn't care but with a hateful tone like he doesn't want me to hate him but he hates me. I came out at least a year ago. It was the beginning of 8th grade and my queer friends were picking on me because I was the only one that wasn't out to my family. So if you want to put this way, I was kind of pressured into doing it. The more I started to think about it, the more I realized how scary it is. I was thinking I would wait until she doesn't have much time left. So she isn't as distressed by it. The last thing I want is to cause distress in my family. The article you recommended really helped, mostly because it reassured me that I'm not the only one going through this.

Thank you for your time. Also one last thing, the straight man I asked out was charged for sexual assault. While his punishment was very minor, I highly believe he's getting serious punishment from his parents.  

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Hey @ThatOneGay_Guy

Sorry, I did ask a lot of questions - my bad!

I'm glad that you feel like you have nothing to hide anymore. I completely get what you're saying about how the negativity around your sexuality is quite hurtful - I would feel exactly the same. I wonder, could it be better if someone close to you speaks to your dad about his behaviour? Some people find it difficult being challenged, and you dad sounds like one of them. However, if it's done indirectly i.e. through someone else, it can often be more productive and lead to the person being less defensive. On the same note, although someone may be defensive at first, this usually plants a seed for change as over time, they will often reflect on what was said to them and realise that they need to do something differently. What do you think? 

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