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Mis chicas tontas ๐Ÿฅฐ


La_Bonita_Chica
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2 minutes ago, TinyTurtles said:

Aw sorry to hear that :(

I know that can be frustrating.. I know you though, and I know that youโ€™re authentic and honest and always ๐Ÿ’ฏ so I know you can do it beautiful โค๏ธย 

Something that helped me to write one to my mom (despite never finishing it/giving it to her) is writing as if it were a conversation. I also had some specific things in mind when writing.feel free to use this if ya want ๐Ÿฅฐ

Letter Outline Thingy:

-First and foremost thank her for agreeing to listen (if you plan on talking), or thank her for reading.ย 

This shows her that you value her time. Most people appreciate this, and are more willing to listen to you if they feel a mutual respect straight from the get go.

-What do I want to achieve from this conversation or by sharing this letter? What is the desireable outcome?

Share this with her. If you wanna vent, tell her that you want to vent and you donโ€™t want advice. If you want to change a rule, tell her so respectfully. This directly engages her in the conversation while creating a team environment rather than a โ€œme vs youโ€ or an โ€œus vs themโ€ mentality. This means she wonโ€™t automatically be on the defense, and sheโ€™ll be more receptive towards what you have to say and willing to hear you out. Communication is key.

-what rules do I want her and I to respect to keep this healthy?

Set some ground rules at the beginning. Have both of you agree to those terms so you have room to speak freely and communicate effectively. This can be as simple as โ€œI want to be able to finish my thought without being cut off, and Iโ€™ll do the same for you, deal?โ€ Or โ€œIโ€™ll address one topic, and then youโ€™ll have the chance to respond, is that okay?โ€. Have her included in making the rules as well. Stress the fact that you want to work together and that you want to have a healthy conversation. Again, comes off as non-aggressive and cooperative.

-What do I wish sheโ€™d do less of?

What are some things that bother you? What are some things you would change if you could? Why do these things make you upset? BE SPECIFIC. have examples. What would you like to change, and why.

-What do I wish sheโ€™d do more of?

what is she doing right? What are somethings that you wish sheโ€™d do a little more? Again, BE SPECIFIC. What are things you appreciate from her? Offer praise for those moments and express the fact that you want more positive experiences.

-Allow her to replyย 

before switching topics let her process the information given to her. Let her think about what you said, allow her to ask questions. Nobody likes just being talked at without being able to share their side of the story. sometimes the biggest problems are just caused by misunderstandings, or have good intentions behind them. Maybe she said something as a joke and it was taken seriously, or she didnโ€™t mean to put pressure on you but information was received that way. Clarity is the goal.

-After addressing everything you wanted to, work together to find a solution.

ask her what she thinks. Ask what is a reasonable first step. What is something small you both can do everyday to help with the stress and unhealthy feeling in your relationship. It can be helpful to have a few ideas already, but itโ€™s okay if you donโ€™t have any. All of this is to heal the relationship, and relationships arenโ€™t meant to be one-sided, or only one person doing all of the work. In my own personal experience, I was interpreting information negatively from my mother so I had to change my mindset and practice expressing my opinions rather than just blindly saying yes to everything. My mom didnโ€™t realize how much her words affected me, she needed to adjust her language and account for my sensitivity and clarify what she said if I ask her to. That accountability from each other is so healing I canโ€™t describe it ๐Ÿฅฐ

-Donโ€™t expect change immediately.ย 

this is a learning process for both of you, and you both arenโ€™t going to magically change overnight. Give time, and grace, and understanding that this is growth, not an instant transition.

This isnโ€™t a perfect formula, after all everybody is different, but Iโ€™ve found that people in general all way to feel loved and heard. This method is inclusive and healing, even if it takes some time. Love you mamas and hope this helped โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’•

Thank you so much โค๏ธ

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8 minutes ago, Equivalent Ways said:

Dino is probably writing her heart out again๐Ÿ˜Œ good cuz it is good to process stuff and she writes in such a beautiful way

take your time ๐ŸŠ

6 minutes ago, Solo_una_hermosa_chica said:

we love that for Dino. As long as she process things in s positive wayย 

Awwww haha yโ€™all are the best โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿฅฐ

And you gals know me too well lol. I made something for the lovely chica (and you too if youโ€™re interested ๐ŸŠ) that I thought might be helpful from experience with my own mom :)

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2 minutes ago, TinyTurtles said:

Awwww haha yโ€™all are the best โค๏ธ๐Ÿ’•๐Ÿฅฐ

And you gals know me too well lol. I made something for the lovely chica (and you too if youโ€™re interested ๐ŸŠ) that I thought might be helpful from experience with my own mom :)

I just skimmed it now, but it seems really accurae and helpful, even for my own mom too. And like I have a small pile of letters I never gave to her lol

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I was student body president for 3 years when I was going to school in person, and In 8th grade I was VP first semester, President 2nd semester. I was President in freshman year of homeschool High Schoolย too. I have a ๐Ÿค๐Ÿฝ of experience when it comes to talking to people formally without pissing them off too much ๐Ÿ˜‚

Thats why I work better w adults though tbh. I know how to navigate them

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I feel kinda good in my body today Lk, cuz i am wearing my sloth onesie again and some comfy underwear, its a chill/good day.

Also, i dont really care cuz we are still chatting here <3 but where did the peas chat go, did you delets it or did i do smth wrong๐Ÿ˜ฅ?

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Just now, Equivalent Ways said:

I feel kinda good in my body today Lk, cuz i am wearing my sloth onesie again and some comfy underwear, its a chill/good day.

Also, i dont really care cuz we are still chatting here <3 but where did the peas chat go, did you delets it or did i do smth wrong๐Ÿ˜ฅ?

Iโ€™m glad!!! Feel good!

it got deleted by a mod bc of the drama yesterday

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Just now, TinyTurtles said:

I was student body president for 4 years when I was going to school in person, and In 8th grade I was VP first semester, President 2nd semester. I have a ๐Ÿค๐Ÿฝ of experience when it comes to talking to people formally without pissing them off too much ๐Ÿ˜‚

Thats why I work better w adults though tbh. I know how to navigate them

oh gosh, that is true tho. I know less than you, bust still a little bit about trying to choose wording and context to not totally offend someone๐Ÿ˜…

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Just now, Equivalent Ways said:

oh my goah yall๐Ÿ˜… Well ok then

Yeah the other girl involved was really worked up and putting some not nice comments in there :/

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2 minutes ago, Equivalent Ways said:

I feel kinda good in my body today Lk, cuz i am wearing my sloth onesie again and some comfy underwear, its a chill/good day.

Also, i dont really care cuz we are still chatting here <3 but where did the peas chat go, did you delets it or did i do smth wrong๐Ÿ˜ฅ?

I did freshman council, student council, and forensics.ย 

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Just now, Solo_una_hermosa_chica said:

it was until the coach started hating me so i dropped outย 

Ewwwwwww I hate when someone with a nasty attitude ruins a good thing ๐Ÿ˜’

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5 minutes ago, Solo_una_hermosa_chica said:

I did freshman council, student council, and forensics.ย 

nice! I did forensics/biomed too and was.. vice prez i think of art club

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2 minutes ago, TinyTurtles said:

Ewwwwwww I hate when someone with a nasty attitude ruins a good thing ๐Ÿ˜’

oddly enough that was unfortunately my chior teacher, he was creepy and kinda manipulative๐Ÿ˜ฉ

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1 minute ago, Solo_una_hermosa_chica said:

ya ๐Ÿ˜ญ๐Ÿคท๐Ÿพโ€โ™€๏ธ

And dont get me started of my study hall teacher, he actually had the audacity to lay hands on me. But thanks to my moms support i was able to exist in that class till the year was over.

btw i have been homeschooled on and off through elemenry and middle school, I went to a highschool campus for a music and academics program in 8th grade but covid and then part was through sophomore year I HAD TO Leave. So ya, melting face emoji

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