Bullying

[Treacle 246]

4 hours ago, Treacle 246 said:

Sorry I'm replying late I was just emailing my school nurse to see if I could talk to her about this aswell.m when back at school if she is free. Thank you. Yeah I do that with my other friends. I've put all of my accounts on private. I've tried to block her once and she made like 10 accounts to message me. It's not healthy she's making me feel well not great. I don't know because she thinks I have all of the answers to her mental health my mum also thinks I need to cut ties with her because it's making me feel worse and I'm trying to get my mental health back to normal. 

@Aurora

@Duckie

I've decided to cut ties with my friend. She has non stop messaging me today and I've kind of just told her the truth and she didn't care so I've decided I'm blocking her on everything that I have friends with her on. I've cut ties with the friend that sides with her all of the time. I just got to a point where I've had enough and I have spent my whole 10 weeks focusing on my mental health and this is literally the happiest I have ever been. My friend didn't take it well to how I told her that I've had enough with her and I'm cutting ties with her she blamed me for everything that has happened to her mental health. 

[Duckie]

2 hours ago, Treacle 246 said:

@Aurora

@Duckie

I've decided to cut ties with my friend. She has non stop messaging me today and I've kind of just told her the truth and she didn't care so I've decided I'm blocking her on everything that I have friends with her on. I've cut ties with the friend that sides with her all of the time. I just got to a point where I've had enough and I have spent my whole 10 weeks focusing on my mental health and this is literally the happiest I have ever been. My friend didn't take it well to how I told her that I've had enough with her and I'm cutting ties with her she blamed me for everything that has happened to her mental health. 

Hi @Treacle 246,

I am so pleased you took this big step. A small action that symbolises you standing up for yourself and this is something to truly feel proud of yourself for. I was not the least bit surprised it wasn't recieved well from your friend, because she probably finds it threatening that you are taking back your freedom and power to do what you like with your time and patience. Typical of her to blame you for things. Try to ignore it. It's riddiculous if you think about, because either way (staying in touch or not staying in touch) they are trying to make you responsible for their mental health, and this is the abusive part where you are made to feel like it doesn't matter what you do or say. Today you flipped that script and put your foot down once and for all. I am really proud of you for standing you ground. How did it make you feel? How do you feel now? :)

[Treacle 246]

3 minutes ago, Duckie said:

Hi @Treacle 246,

I am so pleased you took this big step. A small action that symbolises you standing up for yourself and this is something to truly feel proud of yourself for. I was not the least bit surprised it wasn't recieved well from your friend, because she probably finds it threatening that you are taking back your freedom and power to do what you like with your time and patience. Typical of her to blame you for things. Try to ignore it. It's riddiculous if you think about, because either way (staying in touch or not staying in touch) they are trying to make you responsible for their mental health, and this is the abusive part where you are made to feel like it doesn't matter what you do or say. Today you flipped that script and put your foot down once and for all. I am really proud of you for standing you ground. How did it make you feel? How do you feel now? :)

I think I would of have to thank my school nurse she phoned me and she convinced me to just do it and doesn't care what my friend says to me. Yeah she doesn't like me taking my power back. I'm still shocked that this was abusive what she was doing to me. Yep I did. Thank you it needed to be done sooner that later. It made me feel better but also guilty for doing this to her. I feel tired but happy. 

[Duckie]

23 minutes ago, Treacle 246 said:

I think I would of have to thank my school nurse she phoned me and she convinced me to just do it and doesn't care what my friend says to me. Yeah she doesn't like me taking my power back. I'm still shocked that this was abusive what she was doing to me. Yep I did. Thank you it needed to be done sooner that later. It made me feel better but also guilty for doing this to her. I feel tired but happy. 

You have done so well to finally nip this in the bud. It's so hard; I know this from experience. But when you let something toxic out, you allow more space for something that will make you heal and feel better. It sounds to me like you're already feeling a lot better! The thing about emotional abuse is that it works on so many layers. It makes you feel like you deserve it and that you've done something wrong when they get angry of you for raising a valid concern. This is a way to make you the scapegoat by shifting the blame over to you. Because in no scenario will either of them say "Oh, I didn't realise you felt this way", or "I'm sorry" or anything of the sorts. But it also sounds like they've been restricting your personal freedom by demanding you drop everything for them, and guilt trip you when you don't. It's all very concerning from a social psychologist point of view... But maybe now they will finally learn something. I think you can expect a bit of pout and moaning from them in various way; but the point is that you've made a desicion and they will learn the hard way that you are sticking to it. Whining does nothing. 

I am really happy the school nurse was able to talk you through this. That's fantastic. And well done you for visiting her in the first place. It sounded like a really good conversation. Would you consider talking to her again if anything else was troubling you? :) Have you told your mum you cut ties?

[Treacle 246]

31 minutes ago, Duckie said:

You have done so well to finally nip this in the bud. It's so hard; I know this from experience. But when you let something toxic out, you allow more space for something that will make you heal and feel better. It sounds to me like you're already feeling a lot better! The thing about emotional abuse is that it works on so many layers. It makes you feel like you deserve it and that you've done something wrong when they get angry of you for raising a valid concern. This is a way to make you the scapegoat by shifting the blame over to you. Because in no scenario will either of them say "Oh, I didn't realise you felt this way", or "I'm sorry" or anything of the sorts. But it also sounds like they've been restricting your personal freedom by demanding you drop everything for them, and guilt trip you when you don't. It's all very concerning from a social psychologist point of view... But maybe now they will finally learn something. I think you can expect a bit of pout and moaning from them in various way; but the point is that you've made a desicion and they will learn the hard way that you are sticking to it. Whining does nothing. 

I am really happy the school nurse was able to talk you through this. That's fantastic. And well done you for visiting her in the first place. It sounded like a really good conversation. Would you consider talking to her again if anything else was troubling you? :) Have you told your mum you cut ties?

Yeah it does make me feel so much better after cutting ties with her. As soon as I told my school nurse she phoned me and then we talked and she said I think it's time to cut ties with her so she helped me do that and she said she wants an update on how I'm feeling tomorrow after I've cut ties with my friend. I'm mostly going to her for mostly anything really and she doesn't mind but when it comes down to my mental health that's when she worries. Yeah my mum suggested it first but I was to her no I will be fine but today I did cut ties with her since I didn't want to carry like this. 

[Duckie]

2 minutes ago, Treacle 246 said:

Yeah it does make me feel so much better after cutting ties with her. As soon as I told my school nurse she phoned me and then we talked and she said I think it's time to cut ties with her so she helped me do that and she said she wants an update on how I'm feeling tomorrow after I've cut ties with my friend. I'm mostly going to her for mostly anything really and she doesn't mind but when it comes down to my mental health that's when she worries. Yeah my mum suggested it first but I was to her no I will be fine but today I did cut ties with her since I didn't want to carry like this. 

You've done so well for asking for advise about this in different places and for following the advise. It was something that was really affecting your mental health, so it simply couldn't go on anymore and I'm really happy for you to taking that step. It sounds like this school nurse is really looking out for you. That's absolutely fantastic. How do you feel about school and things now?

[Treacle 246]

3 minutes ago, Duckie said:

You've done so well for asking for advise about this in different places and for following the advise. It was something that was really affecting your mental health, so it simply couldn't go on anymore and I'm really happy for you to taking that step. It sounds like this school nurse is really looking out for you. That's absolutely fantastic. How do you feel about school and things now?

Thank you. It was. No it couldn't I think today something inside me just said I've had enough of her treating me like this. Thank you. Yeah she does she even said to me that she doesn't want me repeating my self with my mental health. Yep it is. I think for school I'm still quite nervous because I have to go to a meeting to meet my tutor on Thursday and I haven't been at school for like 10 weeks so it's going to fele really different. Things now is I'm feeling happy. 

[Duckie]

3 minutes ago, Treacle 246 said:

Thank you. It was. No it couldn't I think today something inside me just said I've had enough of her treating me like this. Thank you. Yeah she does she even said to me that she doesn't want me repeating my self with my mental health. Yep it is. I think for school I'm still quite nervous because I have to go to a meeting to meet my tutor on Thursday and I haven't been at school for like 10 weeks so it's going to fele really different. Things now is I'm feeling happy. 

These moments, when we finally feel ready to do something, are so important. It's not necessarily about hitting rock bottom or giving up or anything (not that there's anything wrong with that), but it's a kind action for yourself to say "I've had enough now". Have you spoken to any of your friends about what's happened today? :)

How do you feel about seeing your tutor tomorrow? Is this a new tutor or someone you already know? Maybe it will be good to do a meeting with them first rather than meet in class first. What do you think? Is there anything you can do for yourself to reward yourself afterwards, like going somewhere nice, seeing a friend or simply treat yourself to a milkshake for example? :)

[Treacle 246]

1 minute ago, Duckie said:

These moments, when we finally feel ready to do something, are so important. It's not necessarily about hitting rock bottom or giving up or anything (not that there's anything wrong with that), but it's a kind action for yourself to say "I've had enough now". Have you spoken to any of your friends about what's happened today? :)

How do you feel about seeing your tutor tomorrow? Is this a new tutor or someone you already know? Maybe it will be good to do a meeting with them first rather than meet in class first. What do you think? Is there anything you can do for yourself to reward yourself afterwards, like going somewhere nice, seeing a friend or simply treat yourself to a milkshake for example? :)

Yeah I talked to one of my best friends that she knows literally everything that goes on in my life and she's supporting me on what I did. It's a different room, different people but I had this tutor for P.E before and I like her but it's just being back at school after 10 weeks is a huge difference. Yeah the school recommended it for me to do the meeting. I think I would rather stay at home and watch my series that I love. 

[Duckie]

1 minute ago, Treacle 246 said:

Yeah I talked to one of my best friends that she knows literally everything that goes on in my life and she's supporting me on what I did. It's a different room, different people but I had this tutor for P.E before and I like her but it's just being back at school after 10 weeks is a huge difference. Yeah the school recommended it for me to do the meeting. I think I would rather stay at home and watch my series that I love. 

How did your friend react when you told her about today? She sounds like a really good friend.

It's good that you get some alone time with your tutor first so that you can talk about things you want to talk about privately first. And it's really good that this is someone you like and know. How do you feel about going back to school in general?

Maybe you could celebrate by binge watching a series when you're back home. Anything goes and it is important to look forward to things too - big or small. 

[Treacle 246]

4 minutes ago, Duckie said:

How did your friend react when you told her about today? She sounds like a really good friend.

It's good that you get some alone time with your tutor first so that you can talk about things you want to talk about privately first. And it's really good that this is someone you like and know. How do you feel about going back to school in general?

Maybe you could celebrate by binge watching a series when you're back home. Anything goes and it is important to look forward to things too - big or small. 

My friend was very supportive and she was convincing me for months to cut ties with my friend. She has always been there for me. She didn't act shocked when I told her she knew that this day would come soon. Yeah it is. I think I'm quite nervous to start school. I think we wil be doing that. 

[Treacle 246]

10 hours ago, Treacle 246 said:

My friend was very supportive and she was convincing me for months to cut ties with my friend. She has always been there for me. She didn't act shocked when I told her she knew that this day would come soon. Yeah it is. I think I'm quite nervous to start school. I think we wil be doing that. 

@Aurora

@Duckie

I feel worse than yesterday my friend messaged me on a different account and she keeps asking me why I'm not messaging her back. I'm fed up with her when I wanted to cut ties to with her I didn't want to message or be contact by her. 

[Duckie]

1 hour ago, Treacle 246 said:

@Aurora

@Duckie

I feel worse than yesterday my friend messaged me on a different account and she keeps asking me why I'm not messaging her back. I'm fed up with her when I wanted to cut ties to with her I didn't want to message or be contact by her. 

Hi @Treacle 246,

I'm so sorry to hear that. May I ask on what platform or social media page she did this? I think it would definitely help to have your accounts private or maybe even hidden for the next little bit until she understands. It sounds quite tactless of her to ask why you're not messaging her back, as if you haven't told her a thousand times already... It's harassment and this should not continue. Can you block the new account for now and speak to the school nurse about this?

Remember that it might even be helpful to take a break from social media full stop for a few days until she cools off. You can also make a friend or someone you trust check and remove new messages for you so that you don't have to deal with it. What do you think?

[Treacle 246]

6 minutes ago, Duckie said:

Hi @Treacle 246,

I'm so sorry to hear that. May I ask on what platform or social media page she did this? I think it would definitely help to have your accounts private or maybe even hidden for the next little bit until she understands. It sounds quite tactless of her to ask why you're not messaging her back, as if you haven't told her a thousand times already... It's harassment and this should not continue. Can you block the new account for now and speak to the school nurse about this?

Remember that it might even be helpful to take a break from social media full stop for a few days until she cools off. You can also make a friend or someone you trust check and remove new messages for you so that you don't have to deal with it. What do you think?

Instagram she made an account using one of my friends account so I blocked it and reported it. No I can't right now she's busy with a safeguarding course at school and she won't be free till tomorrow. I think I could try and do that. 

[Duckie]

4 minutes ago, Treacle 246 said:

Instagram she made an account using one of my friends account so I blocked it and reported it. No I can't right now she's busy with a safeguarding course at school and she won't be free till tomorrow. I think I could try and do that. 

Hi,

Oh my, it does sound like she is obsessed with you. She could really get herself into trouble over this as it is harassment. If you need help from us with reporting this person, please write us an email at support@ditchthelabel.org. Screenshots of different user names and accounts she's used to contact you is helpful in this case. Happy to walk through it with you if you are considering reporting her. We are trusted flaggers with Instagram, meaning they trust our reports of online harassment and bullying and anything along that line. Let me know if you would like to hear more about this. No pressure from our side, but we are happy to help. You might find this online tool helpful too https://ditchthelabel.org/report

Is this girl someone you are likely to bump into? Is she in the same school as you?

[Treacle 246]

2 minutes ago, Duckie said:

Hi,

Oh my, it does sound like she is obsessed with you. She could really get herself into trouble over this as it is harassment. If you need help from us with reporting this person, please write us an email at support@ditchthelabel.org. Screenshots of different user names and accounts she's used to contact you is helpful in this case. Happy to walk through it with you if you are considering reporting her. We are trusted flaggers with Instagram, meaning they trust our reports of online harassment and bullying and anything along that line. Let me know if you would like to hear more about this. No pressure from our side, but we are happy to help. You might find this online tool helpful too https://ditchthelabel.org/report

Is this girl someone you are likely to bump into? Is she in the same school as you?

No she isn't at my school but if I did go college I would of seen her. But I'm going to sixthform. When we were applying she was trying to force me to go to college. But I got into sixthform. I don't know about that yet I will see if she does it again. Thank you. 

[Duckie]

11 minutes ago, Treacle 246 said:

No she isn't at my school but if I did go college I would of seen her. But I'm going to sixthform. When we were applying she was trying to force me to go to college. But I got into sixthform. I don't know about that yet I will see if she does it again. Thank you. 

I am so happy you didn't buckle under that pressure. It may even have motivated you to go your own way. Did you get to see your tutor yet? If so how was it?

[Treacle 246]

13 minutes ago, Duckie said:

I am so happy you didn't buckle under that pressure. It may even have motivated you to go your own way. Did you get to see your tutor yet? If so how was it?

Same. It has. No I'm seeing her tomorrow I got the days mixed up. 

[Duckie]

14 minutes ago, Treacle 246 said:

Same. It has. No I'm seeing her tomorrow I got the days mixed up. 

People who seek control over other people are not happy nor stable people. Because no one who is well takes any form of enjoyment or confort in controlling someone else. You are breaking out of an abusive friendship in a way and you are doing so well for going your own way rather than allowing yourself to be an extension of her. You will get through this. And please know that we are here for you if you need help or need to talk about what's happening with her and anything else that might be troubling you. 

Do you feel comfortable with the people in your class? Have you met them yet?

[Treacle 246]

1 minute ago, Duckie said:

People who seek control over other people are not happy nor stable people. Because no one who is well takes any form of enjoyment or confort in controlling someone else. You are breaking out of an abusive friendship in a way and you are doing so well for going your own way rather than allowing yourself to be an extension of her. You will get through this. And please know that we are here for you if you need help or need to talk about what's happening with her and anything else that might be troubling you. 

Do you feel comfortable with the people in your class? Have you met them yet?

I have 2 friends so far but don't know who else will.be in my class yet. Thank you that means alot to me. 

[Duckie]

5 minutes ago, Treacle 246 said:

I have 2 friends so far but don't know who else will.be in my class yet. Thank you that means alot to me. 

That's fantastic. I reckon this is a big comfort for you to know two people already, and also to be away from this toxic person who's done so much harm to you. I think this will be a year where you allow yourself to stand taller and make room for healthy relationships :) What do you think?

Is there anything you would like to do that you didn't feel confident or comfortable enough to do before, that you might consider doing now? :)

[Treacle 246]

9 minutes ago, Duckie said:

That's fantastic. I reckon this is a big comfort for you to know two people already, and also to be away from this toxic person who's done so much harm to you. I think this will be a year where you allow yourself to stand taller and make room for healthy relationships :) What do you think?

Is there anything you would like to do that you didn't feel confident or comfortable enough to do before, that you might consider doing now? :)

Yeah it is. Yeah i think it will be. I don't really know. 

[Treacle 246]

7 hours ago, Treacle 246 said:

Yeah it is. Yeah i think it will be. I don't really know. 

@Duckie

@Aurora

Hey,

I'm feeling really really nervous to start sixthform and go to my meeting with my tutor tomorrow I have had like 2 anxiety attacks today and I feel like not going to the meeting tomorrow. 

[Luie]

2 hours ago, Treacle 246 said:

@Duckie

@Aurora

Hey,

I'm feeling really really nervous to start sixthform and go to my meeting with my tutor tomorrow I have had like 2 anxiety attacks today and I feel like not going to the meeting tomorrow. 

Heyy @Treacle 246, I am Luie, one of the support mentors, @Duckie and @Aurora are currently offline so I thought I'll jump in, hope this is alright with you. 

 I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time right now. It's completely understandable to feel nervous about starting sixth form and having a meeting with your tutor, especially if you've been experiencing anxiety attacks. Your feelings are totally valid. I wanted to offer two suggestions: 

• Take some time for self-care tonight. Do something that helps you relax, like deep breathing, listening to calming music, or taking a warm bath or anything that helps you slow down
• If you're not feeling up to the meeting tomorrow, it's okay to let your tutor or a school counsellor know about your anxiety. They may be able to reschedule or provide accommodations to make the meeting less stressful for you

How does this sound to you?

[Treacle 246]

1 minute ago, Luie said:

Heyy @Treacle 246, I am Luie, one of the support mentors, @Duckie and @Aurora are currently offline so I thought I'll jump in, hope this is alright with you. 

 I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time right now. It's completely understandable to feel nervous about starting sixth form and having a meeting with your tutor, especially if you've been experiencing anxiety attacks. Your feelings are totally valid. I wanted to offer two suggestions: 

• Take some time for self-care tonight. Do something that helps you relax, like deep breathing, listening to calming music, or taking a warm bath or anything that helps you slow down
• If you're not feeling up to the meeting tomorrow, it's okay to let your tutor or a school counsellor know about your anxiety. They may be able to reschedule or provide accommodations to make the meeting less stressful for you

How does this sound to you?

Yes that's alright. I listened to music and had a bath tonight which I think I'm feeling better now. They won't be able to reschedule since we have to be there and it's the only session we can see and ask questions to our tutor without anyone else in the room.