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H, I'm Ellis and this is my first post or anything, I don't really know how things work around here but I thought I'd give it a go.

I'm so scared to come out. I identify as a trans man [I use he/they pronouns] and am just finishing my first year of college [sixth form] in the UK. My parents have just moved to Portugal and left me living with my grandparents who have very outdated views, which was only a suspicion until they said something about a new addition to the family [by marriage] who I'm assuming is non-binary based on the conversation and then it was confirmed. My grandma sat there consistently stating that they were a girl and that "HER name is Bobbi" [which is still the name they go by, I wouldn't deadname them] and my uncle who was driving us to the wedding referred to them as "one of those hybrids". If my grandparents are like this over someone they're not close to, then how will they react when it's me, and I don't know what I can do when my parents are in another country and I can't go to them for support. I'm hoping to move out withing the next 6/7 months but it's not looking hopeful due to expenses and studying, if I can't move out then, then I probably won't be able to move out until this time in two years when I finish college. So do I come out now because I can't mentally hide anymore, or do I wait until I move out so I'm not subsequently stuck in a household I feel targeted in?

Any advice from someone who came out in a transphobic household or waited until they left?

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Hey there,

Welcome to the DTL community. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give support to those who reach out to us :)

I'm sorry to hear about the way your grandparents are handling Bobbi's identity; how are you feeling about this?

You asked a really good question about how they might react to you over someone they're not close to, and the thing is, when people are put in a situation where someone close to them comes out and they might have a negative attitude towards that person's identity, the strong bond and love for that person can really force them to confront their beliefs and become more open minded. What do you think about that? 


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