Molly9090 Posted May 25, 2022 Share Posted May 25, 2022 This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Death, Hate, Mental Illness, Self-Harm, Suicide Click this notice to reveal the content. Hi y'all! I just came to drop by and tell everyone this: You're all valid, no matter what background, ethnicity, race, religion, sexuality, or gender you have. I know that some of you are going through really tough times right now, and although I don't know what kind of situations you all have, I just wanna say; please, don't give up. Trust me, I was in a rough stage too, but I got out. Yes, I've made mistakes that I'm not proud of, but I stood up and tried again until I got it right. I've had negative thoughts too, and I know how it feels like when they eat you up. Here's my advice; don't give in to those thoughts. You are worth much more than you can imagine. You are a unique individual, and you're irreplaceable. Yes, one individual may seem small in a vast ocean of individuals, but just remember that you're really cared for by your friends, family, and the other people you've met in your lives. Choosing to disappear may seem insignificant to the world in your eyes, but to the people you love, you're their world - and they'd lose it if that happened. If you're in a position where you're wishing no one cared about you so that you'd leave this life without regret - don't. As soon as you commit it, you will suddenly realize that you've made your final mistake, and spiral into terror and despair as you struggle to cling onto the remaining moments of your rapidly fleeting life, before it abruptly ends. This isn't what you want to go through, is it...? (Vent warning of my past - skip this part if you don't want to read it) __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ I was in a cycle of self-loathing for more than three years, and I never even thought I'd get out alive. I'd long to remain in bed as I woke up, and ran my life on autopilot. The negative stimuli around me didn't really help either, it just made me hate myself more and more, constantly wishing for it to all end - for me to end. I'd sneak up to the kitchen to stare and hold knives, just because I felt like it would give me some sort of release. Short term, it... hurt physically, but the monster in my stomach seemed to settle down a little... Long term...? I felt shittier than ever, and I've got a noticeable permanent scar on my arm. Once Christmas was nearing, I decided to make a plan. It was fully in action. Everyone was asleep. I climbed out of the bed and neared the window of my 25th hotel floor. I had got used to staring below at the cityscapes, to the ground, from watching the view from my bedroom. I had done al my research - this was bound to end me. Before I unlocked the hatch, there was this little side of me that hesitated. It made me flinch, before I looked back, and stared back at the window. I recalled how the people I cared about would react to this - I came for a vacation with the ones I loved so that we enjoyed ourselves... I wouldn't want to see or imagine the looks on their faces when they found me out of bed in the morning, calling for me, only to see the window open... I clung onto something I haven't really felt for a while. I clung onto hope. Even though I made a nearly fool-proof plan after tons of research, and landed on a really high floor that was bound to squash me, I looked back. And I kid you not, it was most likely the best decision I have ever made in my life. Wanna know why? Because it gets better. That's what I realized. It gets better. After returning to my hometown, I reached out for help. I got a therapist who didn't help me for too long, but she gave me the basic necessities for me to help myself get back on track. I talked to my parents about my negative feelings, and they supported me. I read a lot of self-help guides and fanfiction (yes, fanfiction. This surprisingly helped me a lot, though) on accepting yourself and loving yourself the way you are. I'm in a much better place now, and although I'm still haunted by the past, I'm willing to put up a genuine smile, and appreciate how far I've gotten. I've shown my past self that I'm pulling her out of the place she hated. I lived. __________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________ So please, anyone who's losing hope, please, please keep on clinging onto it. The moment you'll let go, you'll miss out on everything life has to offer. I won't deny that there's negative stuff in life, but there is absolutely really good things in life that you'll miss out on if you do let go. We've only got one life, we should use it wisely, to do all the (moral) things we've dreamt of, and to achieve all our goals and aspirations. I'm here now, and although I can't really say if I'm completely okay, I know that I'm healing, and moving on from the past, and I couldn't be happier. I'm so glad I didn't do it, I really am. I am giving myself the love that I denied myself in the past, and I am slowly, but steadily, learning to forgive others, and treat them with the same love I let myself hold onto. After all, a really good piece of fanfiction told me that loving others is really good, but it is extremely important to "love yourself too", and if you need to move on, closure doesn't come from the external environment around you. "Closure comes from within." You're loved. You're appreciated. You're important. You're beautiful/handsome/attractive just the way you are. Don't give in to the negativity inside or around you. Practice positive self-talk. Reach out for help. Please, for your own sake and for your loved ones, just live. 2 1 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted May 25, 2022 Share Posted May 25, 2022 Hey Molly, Thank you so much for sharing your experiences with us. It sounds like you've really been through it in the past and I'm glad you're in a much better place now. It was really inspirational to read about how well you're doing now and what helped you to move forward. I'm sure our other users will love reading this. I especially love your quote 'Closure comes from within'; this was really such a powerful and moving read, so thank you for sharing. I'm just wondering, would you like support with anything at the moment from us? 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Molly9090 Posted May 26, 2022 Author Share Posted May 26, 2022 Hi, @Monsoon, thank you for your message! I'd just like some advice regarding my previous post, but other than that, I'm okay, thank you. :) MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ditch the Label Staff Daisie Posted May 26, 2022 Ditch the Label Staff Share Posted May 26, 2022 Hey @Molly9090 How amazing that you're able to share this, very inspirational, I'm sure this will really help others in our community! 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted May 26, 2022 Share Posted May 26, 2022 3 hours ago, Molly9090 said: Hi, @Monsoon, thank you for your message! I'd just like some advice regarding my previous post, but other than that, I'm okay, thank you. :) Hey, Sure thing :) Would you like to tell me more about how you'd like to move forward then and which specific part you'd like support with? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Molly9090 Posted May 26, 2022 Author Share Posted May 26, 2022 @Monsoon I'd just like some tips and advice on moving on from him in a healthy manner, without damaging our friendship. I should be okay from there on, thank you. :) MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted May 26, 2022 Share Posted May 26, 2022 7 hours ago, Molly9090 said: @Monsoon I'd just like some tips and advice on moving on from him in a healthy manner, without damaging our friendship. I should be okay from there on, thank you. :) Sure thing. I'll reply to your other post now! :) 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Equivalent Ways Posted April 3, 2023 Share Posted April 3, 2023 Hey Molly… you know almost a year later I am seeing this and it happens to be around the very depressing time of my birthday. I wanted to thank you for it because I read the fundamental care and determination and strength you have… idk what else to quite say because sometimes the depression catches me at my throat but thank you, for writing this, for not dying, for you contributions to this world MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawthorne11 Posted October 22, 2023 Share Posted October 22, 2023 Just now seeing this like a 1 1/2 years later... this was such a sweet message and I need it badly right now. Thanks for making me cry and want to live MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Aurora Posted October 23, 2023 Digital Mentor Share Posted October 23, 2023 On 10/22/2023 at 3:44 AM, Hawthorne11 said: Just now seeing this like a 1 1/2 years later... this was such a sweet message and I need it badly right now. Thanks for making me cry and want to live Hi @Hawthorne11, I'm glad you found this post. It sounds like you're having a tough time at the moment and I just wanted to let you know that we are here for you if you want to talk about it. You're not alone! MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hawthorne11 Posted October 24, 2023 Share Posted October 24, 2023 15 hours ago, Aurora said: Hi @Hawthorne11, I'm glad you found this post. It sounds like you're having a tough time at the moment and I just wanted to let you know that we are here for you if you want to talk about it. You're not alone! Yeah, things are not amazing at the moment but I have a group of amazing people that are helping me get through it. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digital Mentor Aurora Posted October 24, 2023 Digital Mentor Share Posted October 24, 2023 6 hours ago, Hawthorne11 said: Yeah, things are not amazing at the moment but I have a group of amazing people that are helping me get through it. I'm so glad to hear that you have amazing people around you and that they are helping you get through it . We are also here for you if there is anything at all you would like to talk about 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.