You can do this!

[sflowergirl]

16 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

Heya, sorry to hear that.. i have been needing to take a lot of breaks too lately. Right now I an very sick and it sucks.

Hey but lets support one another ya :D

YES ofc! how r u today?

[Luie]

On 3/15/2023 at 10:47 PM, Equivalent Ways said:

Hi Luie, don't mind my tardiness haha... before and after the pandemic and just all around i find it a bit weird and difficult to interact with other humans. Even though I feel a connection to someone it can be hard to detect at time if it is reciprocal, not one-sided love :/

Heyy @Equivalent Ways, thank you for being patient with my reply, I was off for a while. It's normal to find it slightly challenging to have deeper connections in person. Would it be correct for me to assume you are talking about a romantic connection and not just friends?

[Luie]

On 3/15/2023 at 8:45 PM, sflowergirl said:

Hiii I am so sorry I took a break for a while for my mental health it been really down because of my disease that I have :( but if anyone has ANY problems or they want support I am HERE!

Heyy @sflowergirl, I am Luie, one of the support mentors with Ditch the Label. Sorry to hear about your mental health being down, you don't have to talk about your disease if you don't want to on community, Please do let me know if you would like to speak on confidential support? 

[sflowergirl]

2 minutes ago, Luie said:

Heyy @sflowergirl, I am Luie, one of the support mentors with Ditch the Label. Sorry to hear about your mental health being down, you don't have to talk about your disease if you don't want to on community, Please do let me know if you would like to speak on confidential support? 

I found out hat it got worse so I am just trying to come to terms on that.

[Luie]

12 minutes ago, sflowergirl said:

I found out hat it got worse so I am just trying to come to terms on that.

I can't even imagine what you're going through, it sounds extremely difficult and I am proud of you for taking it one day at a time and coming to terms with it, is there anything I can do to support you through this acceptance?

[sflowergirl]

1 minute ago, Luie said:

I can't even imagine what you're going through, it sounds extremely difficult and I am proud of you for taking it one day at a time and coming to terms with it, is there anything I can do to support you through this acceptance?

Thanks I am just trying to stay positive. Nothing really I feel like I need to go through this for myself but, if I could vent on occasion that would be great.

[Luie]

23 minutes ago, sflowergirl said:

Thanks I am just trying to stay positive. Nothing really I feel like I need to go through this for myself but, if I could vent on occasion that would be great.

Yes ofcouse you can! Feel free to tag me or any other mentor you'd like to vent. 

[Equivalent Ways]

9 hours ago, Luie said:

Heyy @Equivalent Ways, thank you for being patient with my reply, I was off for a while. It's normal to find it slightly challenging to have deeper connections in person. Would it be correct for me to assume you are talking about a romantic connection and not just friends?

Hi Luie, nice to have you back Hahaha....ha.. yeah I guess it would be correct for you to say that But I also do mean in terms of friends, for me friendship and romanticship are one and the same kinda..? But yeah basically just opening up to another human in a deep way especially!

[Luie]

13 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

Hi Luie, nice to have you back Hahaha....ha.. yeah I guess it would be correct for you to say that But I also do mean in terms of friends, for me friendship and romanticship are one and the same kinda..? But yeah basically just opening up to another human in a deep way especially!

I totally hear you on this, over the years I've learned that building deeper connections with friends can be a wonderful and rewarding experience, and there are many ways you can do this, these are just a few from my experience:

 

• Listen actively: When you're with your friends, try to be present in the moment and actively listen to what they're saying. Show interest in what they're sharing with you and ask follow-up questions to deepen your understanding of their experiences and feelings
• Share your own experiences: When you feel comfortable, share your own experiences and feelings with your friends. This can help them get to know you better and also create a space for deeper conversations
• Be vulnerable: It can be scary to open up and be vulnerable with others, but it can also be incredibly rewarding. Sharing your thoughts and feelings honestly can help you connect with your friends on a deeper level and create a sense of trust and intimacy
• Do things together: Engage in activities that you all enjoy doing together, whether it's going to the movies, playing sports, or just hanging out. Doing things together can help create shared experiences and memories that can deepen your bond
• Stay in touch: Make an effort to stay in touch with your friends even when you're not together. Send them a message, call them, or schedule regular hangouts to maintain your connection
• Practice empathy: Try to put yourself in your friend's shoes and understand their perspective. This can help you connect with them on a deeper level and create a sense of compassion and understanding

Do any of these sound helpful to you @Equivalent Ways?

 

[Equivalent Ways]

4 hours ago, Luie said:

I totally hear you on this, over the years I've learned that building deeper connections with friends can be a wonderful and rewarding experience, and there are many ways you can do this, these are just a few from my experience:

• Listen actively: When you're with your friends, try to be present in the moment and actively listen to what they're saying. Show interest in what they're sharing with you and ask follow-up questions to deepen your understanding of their experiences and feelings
• Share your own experiences: When you feel comfortable, share your own experiences and feelings with your friends. This can help them get to know you better and also create a space for deeper conversations
• Be vulnerable: It can be scary to open up and be vulnerable with others, but it can also be incredibly rewarding. Sharing your thoughts and feelings honestly can help you connect with your friends on a deeper level and create a sense of trust and intimacy
• Do things together: Engage in activities that you all enjoy doing together, whether it's going to the movies, playing sports, or just hanging out. Doing things together can help create shared experiences and memories that can deepen your bond
• Stay in touch: Make an effort to stay in touch with your friends even when you're not together. Send them a message, call them, or schedule regular hangouts to maintain your connection
• Practice empathy: Try to put yourself in your friend's shoes and understand their perspective. This can help you connect with them on a deeper level and create a sense of compassion and understanding

Do any of these sound helpful to you @Equivalent Ways?

Hey, yeah thanks Luie! I love trying to practice these things! It is a little bit of a unique situation with this person  because we are long distance.. so especially the stay in touch is important, but also all the others too! Whilst I work on this i also try to look for if the other person is too. Naturally i am a super empathetic person too btw! Which has its pros and cons

Is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? A good question lol

[Luie]

13 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

Hey, yeah thanks Luie! I love trying to practice these things! It is a little bit of a unique situation with this person  because we are long distance.. so especially the stay in touch is important, but also all the others too! Whilst I work on this i also try to look for if the other person is too. Naturally i am a super empathetic person too btw! Which has its pros and cons

Is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all? A good question lol

Long distance can seem like a whole other ball game but some aspects which I've shared earlier still stand e.g. Listening and being vulnerable with the person, these allow for a deeper sense of connection with each other from my experience. 

 

• Communicate regularly: Consistent communication is essential for building deeper connections. Schedule regular phone calls, video chats, or even write letters to each other to stay in touch
• Share your daily life: Share the details of your daily life, no matter how mundane they may seem. This helps your partner understand your routine, your challenges, and your triumphs
• Make plans for the future: Having a shared vision for the future can help build deeper connections. Plan future trips, activities, or even discuss future living arrangements
• Engage in shared activities: Despite the distance, you can still engage in shared activities such as watching a movie together, playing online games, or even cooking the same meal while on a video call
• Surprise each other: Send unexpected gifts, care packages, or even love letters to your partner. These surprises help to keep the connection alive and remind your partner that you're thinking of them (This obviously is optional and depends on your means as well) 

Does this sound helpful to your situation?

 

'Is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?' @Equivalent Ways - Ah such a philosophical question, I think it's so subjective and there is no one right answer. Some people believe that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all because the experience of love can enrich our lives, even if it does not last. They believe that the joy and happiness that comes from being in love, even for a short time, is worth the pain of losing it. Others believe that it is better to have never loved at all because the pain of losing someone we love can be overwhelming and can have a lasting impact on our lives. They believe that it is better to avoid the risk of heartbreak and focus on other aspects of life that can bring fulfilment. Ultimately, it is up to each individual to decide what they believe is best for them. Some people may feel that the experience of love, even with its potential for pain, is a fundamental part of the human experience and is worth pursuing, while others may prefer to focus on other areas of their lives. What do you think?

 

[Equivalent Ways]

1 hour ago, Luie said:

Long distance can seem like a whole other ball game but some aspects which I've shared earlier still stand e.g. Listening and being vulnerable with the person, these allow for a deeper sense of connection with each other from my experience. 

• Communicate regularly: Consistent communication is essential for building deeper connections. Schedule regular phone calls, video chats, or even write letters to each other to stay in touch
• Share your daily life: Share the details of your daily life, no matter how mundane they may seem. This helps your partner understand your routine, your challenges, and your triumphs
• Make plans for the future: Having a shared vision for the future can help build deeper connections. Plan future trips, activities, or even discuss future living arrangements
• Engage in shared activities: Despite the distance, you can still engage in shared activities such as watching a movie together, playing online games, or even cooking the same meal while on a video call
• Surprise each other: Send unexpected gifts, care packages, or even love letters to your partner. These surprises help to keep the connection alive and remind your partner that you're thinking of them (This obviously is optional and depends on your means as well) 

Does this sound helpful to your situation?

'Is it better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all?' @Equivalent Ways - Ah such a philosophical question, I think it's so subjective and there is no one right answer. Some people believe that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all because the experience of love can enrich our lives, even if it does not last. They believe that the joy and happiness that comes from being in love, even for a short time, is worth the pain of losing it. Others believe that it is better to have never loved at all because the pain of losing someone we love can be overwhelming and can have a lasting impact on our lives. They believe that it is better to avoid the risk of heartbreak and focus on other aspects of life that can bring fulfilment. Ultimately, it is up to each individual to decide what they believe is best for them. Some people may feel that the experience of love, even with its potential for pain, is a fundamental part of the human experience and is worth pursuing, while others may prefer to focus on other areas of their lives. What do you think?

Ah okok! I appreciate those further tips! So far o have been trying to execute them and I can say they are helpful And I actually really like  how you responded to that question because I think you portrayed both sides really nicely :D I love talking about philosophy—-oh shoot I am totally gonna make a thread about that later :0!! Anyway, my mom once told me about an experience she had…

it was when she had her dog as a puppy and was out and about, a lady said, what a cute dog! And my mom asked her if she had any dogs and she said,

oh no I could never I don’t want to be hurt when it dies :) or SMTH like that.. you get the gist.

but ya, ultimately it is up to everyone. Thanks for taking the time talking with me Luie

[Equivalent Ways]

Hi so um. I wake up in the morning at some time and it is very hard for me to get up.

I just don’t feel ready for the day…or I just am really nervous.. or I just feel very intimidated idk but I will stay in bed for hours just trying to procrastinate getting up.. anyone else? And tips?

[Aurora]

18 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

Hi so um. I wake up in the morning at some time and it is very hard for me to get up.

I just don’t feel ready for the day…or I just am really nervous.. or I just feel very intimidated idk but I will stay in bed for hours just trying to procrastinate getting up.. anyone else? And tips?

Hi there, thank you for sharing this with us. I can remember you saying that you find night times difficult, too. Is that right? It's interesting that you feel nervous/intimidated. and not ready for the day. Do you mind me asking, if there is anything in particular you feel nervous about? And do you feel like this every morning or just some mornings? 

[Equivalent Ways]

8 hours ago, Aurora said:

Hi there, thank you for sharing this with us. I can remember you saying that you find night times difficult, too. Is that right? It's interesting that you feel nervous/intimidated. and not ready for the day. Do you mind me asking, if there is anything in particular you feel nervous about? And do you feel like this every morning or just some mornings? 

Hi Good memory :) so it is during that transition at night i eventually force myself to sleep and the newt day, even if it has some fun things planned, I just cant help but feel the dread of waking up and going, oh gawd. Thats the best way I can describe it rn... :( but I would say maybe 8/10 mornings I also think it is just a general dread of another unknown day ig.. Thanks for replying

[Aurora]

12 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

Hi Good memory :) so it is during that transition at night i eventually force myself to sleep and the newt day, even if it has some fun things planned, I just cant help but feel the dread of waking up and going, oh gawd. Thats the best way I can describe it rn... :( but I would say maybe 8/10 mornings I also think it is just a general dread of another unknown day ig.. Thanks for replying

Of course, it's my pleasure . Ok, so it sounds like you find the transition from being awake to going to sleep and from sleeping to getting up tricky. Is that right? I'm wondering whether it might be useful to come up with a new routine that you can try and see if that makes a difference. Do you think that might work? If you want to give it a go and I can give you some suggestions of things that might be helpful to have in your new routine. 

[Equivalent Ways]

14 hours ago, Aurora said:

Of course, it's my pleasure . Ok, so it sounds like you find the transition from being awake to going to sleep and from sleeping to getting up tricky. Is that right? I'm wondering whether it might be useful to come up with a new routine that you can try and see if that makes a difference. Do you think that might work? If you want to give it a go and I can give you some suggestions of things that might be helpful to have in your new routine. 

Hi, I think part of it is about sleep but also about the lingering depression of angst and dread however, I am open to new routines, and I think they could actually help, I would love to hear your suggestions!

[Aurora]

On 4/6/2023 at 2:51 AM, Equivalent Ways said:

Hi, I think part of it is about sleep but also about the lingering depression of angst and dread however, I am open to new routines, and I think they could actually help, I would love to hear your suggestions!

Great . One of the things I would say is to try a new routine for at least two weeks, before deciding if it works for you or not as it can often take time until you notice a difference. You obviously know yourself best so make sure you think of a routine that you think will work for you. Here are some suggestions that you might want to have as part of your routine. 

If you haven't done so already you can make sure the sleep area of your room is uncluttered and calm. Maybe you could put up some nice images around your bed. 

Evenings:

- You could set aside some time to acknowledge your feelings. It might be helpful to do this in the evening rather than the morning but ideally not just before you go to bed. Really think about how you are feeling, what thoughts you are having and if you can feel anything unusual in your body (eg is your heart beating faster, do you feel uncomfortable in your stomach etc), Sometimes it can help to give ourselves time to have and acknowledge our feelings. You might even find it helpful to write them down. Then, after a set amount of time you could try and change these thoughts into more helpful thoughts. Can you remind me if we have spoken about this before? Or you could finish off with a sentence that might be helpful to you such as " These thoughts and feelings will pass and I will sleep well tonight" Sometimes it can help to repeat this several times 

- Keep a night journal. You could start off by writing down any worries or uncomfortable thoughts you have (as mentioned above) but then focus on what's gone well or what you've achieved and maybe you could finish off with a Happy thought for the day

- Try and switch off all electronics at least half an hour before bedtime

- Avoid caffeine in the evening. Also, some people find it helpful to have a herbal tea before they go to bed

- Other things that can help us to feel calm and ready for sleep are: meditation or breathing exercise, visualise relaxing scenes such as a beach or a holiday, calming pillow spray

Mornings

- If you use an alarm, get it to play your favourite happy song (I used to do this for a while and it really did put me in a good mood most mornings)

- Have an affirmation ready for when you wake up in the morning. It could be the same one again and again or it could be different ones. Here are some examples: "Today I will focus on what makes me feel good" or "I am excited for this day" or "I learn and grow through difficulty" or anything else that you think will work for you

- If you feel dread/worry etc remind yourself that you will have some time in the evening to think about and acknowledge those feelings in more detail

- If you feel overwhelmed try a grounding exercise to get you back to the now

- Some people find it helpful to do a short workout as soon as they get up. This can help to start the day energised and with a clear head. But it doesn't work for everyone 

I hope there are some helpful suggestions there. Let us know if not and we can suggest a few other things. I'm going to be away until the 24th April but I'm sure the other @Digital Mentor are more than happy to jump in if you need anymore support around this. If you like you can keep us updated on how you get on. We would love to hear but don't feel you have to though - it's totally up to you. 

 

[Equivalent Ways]

3 hours ago, Aurora said:

Great . One of the things I would say is to try a new routine for at least two weeks, before deciding if it works for you or not as it can often take time until you notice a difference. You obviously know yourself best so make sure you think of a routine that you think will work for you. Here are some suggestions that you might want to have as part of your routine. 

If you haven't done so already you can make sure the sleep area of your room is uncluttered and calm. Maybe you could put up some nice images around your bed. 

Evenings:

- You could set aside some time to acknowledge your feelings. It might be helpful to do this in the evening rather than the morning but ideally not just before you go to bed. Really think about how you are feeling, what thoughts you are having and if you can feel anything unusual in your body (eg is your heart beating faster, do you feel uncomfortable in your stomach etc), Sometimes it can help to give ourselves time to have and acknowledge our feelings. You might even find it helpful to write them down. Then, after a set amount of time you could try and change these thoughts into more helpful thoughts. Can you remind me if we have spoken about this before? Or you could finish off with a sentence that might be helpful to you such as " These thoughts and feelings will pass and I will sleep well tonight" Sometimes it can help to repeat this several times 

- Keep a night journal. You could start off by writing down any worries or uncomfortable thoughts you have (as mentioned above) but then focus on what's gone well or what you've achieved and maybe you could finish off with a Happy thought for the day

- Try and switch off all electronics at least half an hour before bedtime

- Avoid caffeine in the evening. Also, some people find it helpful to have a herbal tea before they go to bed

- Other things that can help us to feel calm and ready for sleep are: meditation or breathing exercise, visualise relaxing scenes such as a beach or a holiday, calming pillow spray

Mornings

- If you use an alarm, get it to play your favourite happy song (I used to do this for a while and it really did put me in a good mood most mornings)

- Have an affirmation ready for when you wake up in the morning. It could be the same one again and again or it could be different ones. Here are some examples: "Today I will focus on what makes me feel good" or "I am excited for this day" or "I learn and grow through difficulty" or anything else that you think will work for you

- If you feel dread/worry etc remind yourself that you will have some time in the evening to think about and acknowledge those feelings in more detail

- If you feel overwhelmed try a grounding exercise to get you back to the now

- Some people find it helpful to do a short workout as soon as they get up. This can help to start the day energised and with a clear head. But it doesn't work for everyone 

I hope there are some helpful suggestions there. Let us know if not and we can suggest a few other things. I'm going to be away until the 24th April but I'm sure the other @Digital Mentor are more than happy to jump in if you need anymore support around this. If you like you can keep us updated on how you get on. We would love to hear but don't feel you have to though - it's totally up to you. 

Thank you very much Aurora! I will try this, i think it might help. I will keep you updated ;) enjoy what ever you are doing

 

[Aurora]

On 4/7/2023 at 7:00 PM, Equivalent Ways said:

Thank you very much Aurora! I will try this, i think it might help. I will keep you updated ;) enjoy what ever you are doing

Thanks so much @Equivalent Ways, I'm back from my leave and just wanted to check in with you and see how you're doing? I'm here if you want to give me an update on how you've been feeling before going to sleep and when you wake up in the morning. Please don't feel you have to update me though - it's totally up to you. 

[Equivalent Ways]

4 hours ago, Aurora said:

Thanks so much @Equivalent Ways, I'm back from my leave and just wanted to check in with you and see how you're doing? I'm here if you want to give me an update on how you've been feeling before going to sleep and when you wake up in the morning. Please don't feel you have to update me though - it's totally up to you. 

Hello @Aurora! Welcome back :) and it’s very kind of you to give a checkin

I am doing better. Nothing really stays the same, it’s becoming summer too. The routine(s) is still in tinkering for me, but I have found some things more natural and overall I am getting through it :) I try to give myself as much time to process feelings as I can in the evening.. and in the morning I just try to treat myself kindly then get moving, sorta

but you tips were helpful And I still refer to them 

[Aurora]

18 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

Hello @Aurora! Welcome back :) and it’s very kind of you to give a checkin

I am doing better. Nothing really stays the same, it’s becoming summer too. The routine(s) is still in tinkering for me, but I have found some things more natural and overall I am getting through it :) I try to give myself as much time to process feelings as I can in the evening.. and in the morning I just try to treat myself kindly then get moving, sorta

but you tips were helpful And I still refer to them 

Thank you :) and thanks so much for the update. I'm really glad to hear you are doing better. It all sounds really positive . It often takes a while for change to happen so don't worry if your routine isn't quite there yet where you would like it to be. It sounds like there have been some positive changes, which is great. And it's nice to hear that you've found the tips useful. We're here for you if you need us 

[Equivalent Ways]

10 hours ago, Aurora said:

Thank you :) and thanks so much for the update. I'm really glad to hear you are doing better. It all sounds really positive . It often takes a while for change to happen so don't worry if your routine isn't quite there yet where you would like it to be. It sounds like there have been some positive changes, which is great. And it's nice to hear that you've found the tips useful. We're here for you if you need us 

Thank you Im just learning a lot and it can be really rough sometimes but we keep going, and try to ask for help when needed

[Aurora]

14 hours ago, Equivalent Ways said:

Thank you Im just learning a lot and it can be really rough sometimes but we keep going, and try to ask for help when needed

That sounds like a really good attitude to have. We're here for you if you need us