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[ashleigh]

I’m living in China and have a Chinese boyfriend. Recently he started a douyin (chinese tiktok) account where he posts some casual moments in our (mixed race) relationship. The comments are wreaking me. People are saying he’s too good for me. That I’m average looking or that I look old or bluntly that I am not beautiful. They ask him why he doesn’t date a Chinese girl. There’s one video that’s really popular. And people are tearing me apart. I don’t think I’ve ever questioned my worth like this. And unfortunately, I find myself checking and rereading these comments endlessly. Every free second I’m opening this app and checking what new thing people have said. I feel like I’m not a human. And now I look in the mirror and I can only see what they saw. I look at my boyfriend and worry he will listen to them. I don’t want him to know how much it upsets me, so I sit in the bathroom and cry. Am I really ugly? I don’t want to think so. But so many people say I am. 

[Monsoon]

Hey @ashleigh

Welcome to our community. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give advice and support to those who reach out to us. 

I'm sorry to hear that they have been making all of these nasty comments about you - I completely get why this upsets you so much. I'm glad that you have opened up to us about this. We are here for you. Can I ask, have you tried blocking and reporting these people? They should remove the content and users for you. 

I get that you don't want him to know how much it upsets you, but I think it's good to be open and honest about these things. Do you think it could help by telling him? Also, I'm wondering, would you consider deleting the app so that you cannot read the comments? I can see how much it's stressing you out, so it might be a good idea to remove access so you cannot see them.

Speak soon and take care. 

[ashleigh]

7 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey @ashleigh

Welcome to our community. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give advice and support to those who reach out to us. 

I'm sorry to hear that they have been making all of these nasty comments about you - I completely get why this upsets you so much. I'm glad that you have opened up to us about this. We are here for you. Can I ask, have you tried blocking and reporting these people? They should remove the content and users for you. 

I get that you don't want him to know how much it upsets you, but I think it's good to be open and honest about these things. Do you think it could help by telling him? Also, I'm wondering, would you consider deleting the app so that you cannot read the comments? I can see how much it's stressing you out, so it might be a good idea to remove access so you cannot see them.

Speak soon and take care. 

Thank you for replying  
I talked to my boyfriend about it and he just said it doesn’t matter and that their comments don’t influence the way he feels about me. And he also asks why I can’t just believe him when he says I’m beautiful. Which is true. Maybe it’s more my insecurities than the comments. But I do want to try delete that app. He should be able to post what he wants, I guess, but you’re right.. if it’s affecting me, maybe I shouldn’t use it

[Monsoon]

Hey,

Aww, I'm really glad to hear that you've spoken to your bf about it - he sounds really supportive and understanding :). I hope it did you some good hearing that the comments don't influence the way he feels about you. Yeah, I do think it would be good to not use the app, even if it's just for a short while. Why don't you try deleting it for a few days and see how it goes first?