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having a homophobic family is so frustrating.


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Hi, so i've been feeling really sad lately because of all the homophobic stuff my mom and sister are saying. I keep thinking about what's going to happen when i come out, what if i get cut off completely... i keep thinking about the scenario that might happen and i wish i was just straight so that i wouldn't have to deal with this. I was really sure that my sister was an ally but she sometimes says stuff that comes off as homophobic and i'm not sure if she is. I really wanted to tell her about my sexuality and come out to her but i'm not so sure anymore. Everytime i see a person apart of the community have loving and supporting parents i can't help but feel jealous because i wish i could have that so i wouldn't be thrown away from my family when i come out. I really hate myself for liking girls why couldn't i just be normal... i've also been wanting to cut my hair for the longest time because it would give me so much gender euphoria but my mom is so against it and it's so annoying because every time i look in the mirror i just can't help but hate how i look i wish i had shorter hair... i wish i looked more like a boy. If only i was born a boy i wouldn't be dealing with this... me liking girls wouldn't have been such a big deal, i wish i was a guy so i would be accepted... but even if i was born a guy i would still like skirts and stuff and all the feminine things i like now. and just thinking how no matter what i won't be accepted for being who i am and it's so godamn frustrating because i just want to be myself and for everyone to accept me and love me no matter what. My mom loves me so much right now and she tells me that everyday but whenever she says that i just think of how she won't love me when i tell her what i truly am... would she accept me because she loves me ?? or would she be disgusted ??? I've been dropping hints that i'm not into guys and i'm not sure if my family is catching on... i wont tell them until i've moved out. I've thought of the idea of moving out with my future lover and then tell them but i don't know. I just want to keep it hidden from them forever. I really hope in the future i can just forget about this and live a happy life with my future lover but i know that's not all that possible with the world we live in. I'm sorry this was kind of a long rant but i needed to get it out because i really felt like crying and giving up on everything today... i searched up what to do with homophobic parents and stumbled upon this website, i'm really glad i found it and i will probably be ranting a lot more here

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  • 4 weeks later...

Hey, I am glad you found us here and I am really sorry about your troubles it is sad that this even is a problem for anyone. I want you to know that you are perfect the way you are no matter what others say! Always know that someone loves you and cares for you even if you have not met them yet. I am going to @ a few of the staff so they see this and can give you advice too and if you ever need to talk I am here too😃

 

@Monsoon. @Blondie

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7 hours ago, ArtemisArt said:

Hey, I am glad you found us here and I am really sorry about your troubles it is sad that this even is a problem for anyone. I want you to know that you are perfect the way you are no matter what others say! Always know that someone loves you and cares for you even if you have not met them yet. I am going to @ a few of the staff so they see this and can give you advice too and if you ever need to talk I am here too😃

@Monsoon. @Blondie

tysm 😭😭 everyone on here is so nice and i’m glad i found this website ❤️❤️

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On 5/15/2022 at 1:01 AM, mistyn11037 said:

Hi, so i've been feeling really sad lately because of all the homophobic stuff my mom and sister are saying. I keep thinking about what's going to happen when i come out, what if i get cut off completely... i keep thinking about the scenario that might happen and i wish i was just straight so that i wouldn't have to deal with this. I was really sure that my sister was an ally but she sometimes says stuff that comes off as homophobic and i'm not sure if she is. I really wanted to tell her about my sexuality and come out to her but i'm not so sure anymore. Everytime i see a person apart of the community have loving and supporting parents i can't help but feel jealous because i wish i could have that so i wouldn't be thrown away from my family when i come out. I really hate myself for liking girls why couldn't i just be normal... i've also been wanting to cut my hair for the longest time because it would give me so much gender euphoria but my mom is so against it and it's so annoying because every time i look in the mirror i just can't help but hate how i look i wish i had shorter hair... i wish i looked more like a boy. If only i was born a boy i wouldn't be dealing with this... me liking girls wouldn't have been such a big deal, i wish i was a guy so i would be accepted... but even if i was born a guy i would still like skirts and stuff and all the feminine things i like now. and just thinking how no matter what i won't be accepted for being who i am and it's so godamn frustrating because i just want to be myself and for everyone to accept me and love me no matter what. My mom loves me so much right now and she tells me that everyday but whenever she says that i just think of how she won't love me when i tell her what i truly am... would she accept me because she loves me ?? or would she be disgusted ??? I've been dropping hints that i'm not into guys and i'm not sure if my family is catching on... i wont tell them until i've moved out. I've thought of the idea of moving out with my future lover and then tell them but i don't know. I just want to keep it hidden from them forever. I really hope in the future i can just forget about this and live a happy life with my future lover but i know that's not all that possible with the world we live in. I'm sorry this was kind of a long rant but i needed to get it out because i really felt like crying and giving up on everything today... i searched up what to do with homophobic parents and stumbled upon this website, i'm really glad i found it and i will probably be ranting a lot more here

Hey! 
 

It’s really nice that you have figured out so much about yourself at such a young age and that you have all the time in the world to explore it! 
 

That being said, this must be really hard for you. My parents aren’t quite homophobic but when I figure myself out and decide to finally come out, I know it probably won’t go well. My brother and I are super close, not sure if that relationship will stay intact the same way, he’ll get over it he just might treat me differently. My sister and I have been bestfriends since I was born so she won’t care, my mom will probably care but she will get over it. My dad is the one I’m the most worried about. He grew up in Italy and has a very old mindset. My dad and I are pretty close and I just don’t want to lose that, he makes homophobic comments and jokes on the daily, as much as I try to correct his mindset it’s so hard. I feel like it would just be easier to suppress my feelings and continue to be “straight” so that I don’t blow up my life. I’m worried that I’m kinda old to figure this out and I know every single person I tell will be absolutely shocked. 
 

It’s not worth it to keep it hidden though! Maybe they won’t react but at least you know that your kids (if you want them) will always feel safe with you in the future. It’s not worth hiding it for so many years and then be 30 or 40 or 50 married, wondering if you’re life would have been better if you had the courage to come out despite familial reaction! A part of me doesn’t want to come out to my family unless I “have to.” What I mean by this is that I’m omnisexual so I could be open with people at my University and at my Med school when I move in 3 years but I would only come out to my parents if I started dating someone that isn’t a boy. 
 

This also feels easy but I know it’s unhealthy to keep myself hidden and to keep a secret like that from my family forever. Anyways I hope this kinda makes you feel better and helps feel less sad and alone! 
 

Hope you are doing ok, you are not alone <3

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