Jump to content

issues with my ex (semi-rant)


deoxyr_
 Share

Go to solution Solved by deoxyr_,

Recommended Posts

So, hello, this is my first time posting on a forum here, but lately I have had some issues with my ex-girlfriend (I'll call her Hannah for privacy)

I met her back in late October, and her charismatic nature drew me in. Hannah was my best friend's other best friend, and as I hung out with my best friend more, I got to know her better. Hannah and I were some of the only AFAB people who liked women at our school, so we bonded over that. In early November, we started hanging out after school. I confessed that I had a big crush on her, and she didn't act surprised, she said that she liked me as well. In mid-November, we went on dates, and I had loads of fun with her. This went on until Christmas Break, when we parted for three weeks. I missed her over break, and texted her almost every day, However, Hannah started leaving me on read, something that she had never done before. I wondered if I was annoying, so I let her be, When we came back to school in January, I greeted Hannah like we did before break. However, she shrugged off my hug, and went to talk with two girls that I didn't like. I tried to talk to her, tried to see what was wrong, but she dismissed me like I didn't exist. I talked to all of her old friends, and they said that Hannah had been ignoring them too.

Finally, on February 1st, I said that I needed to talk with her. I pulled her aside, and said that I was tired of being ignored. She said that, and I quote, "I'm sorry, I have this habit of jumping into things, and I'm super sorry for pulling you in with me, I never meant to hurt you . My old ex treated me really bad and you shouldn't have to deal with this." She said that she needed some space, and for over a month I have attempted to give her some. However, she seems depressed and lonely all of the time, and won't even talk to me when I ask a direct question. (even for school-related topics!)Β  She left her old friend group, and joined the loud, pessimistic crowd.Β 

I'm not sure what happened to her, but I honestly miss her as a friend would. I know that she doesn't like me romantically anymore, but I feel like our relationship never happened to her.

Sorry for the long rant,Β 

LeeΒ πŸ’—

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Digital Mentor
15 hours ago, deoxyr_ said:

So, hello, this is my first time posting on a forum here, but lately I have had some issues with my ex-girlfriend (I'll call her Hannah for privacy)

I met her back in late October, and her charismatic nature drew me in. Hannah was my best friend's other best friend, and as I hung out with my best friend more, I got to know her better. Hannah and I were some of the only AFAB people who liked women at our school, so we bonded over that. In early November, we started hanging out after school. I confessed that I had a big crush on her, and she didn't act surprised, she said that she liked me as well. In mid-November, we went on dates, and I had loads of fun with her. This went on until Christmas Break, when we parted for three weeks. I missed her over break, and texted her almost every day, However, Hannah started leaving me on read, something that she had never done before. I wondered if I was annoying, so I let her be, When we came back to school in January, I greeted Hannah like we did before break. However, she shrugged off my hug, and went to talk with two girls that I didn't like. I tried to talk to her, tried to see what was wrong, but she dismissed me like I didn't exist. I talked to all of her old friends, and they said that Hannah had been ignoring them too.

Finally, on February 1st, I said that I needed to talk with her. I pulled her aside, and said that I was tired of being ignored. She said that, and I quote, "I'm sorry, I have this habit of jumping into things, and I'm super sorry for pulling you in with me, I never meant to hurt you . My old ex treated me really bad and you shouldn't have to deal with this." She said that she needed some space, and for over a month I have attempted to give her some. However, she seems depressed and lonely all of the time, and won't even talk to me when I ask a direct question. (even for school-related topics!)Β  She left her old friend group, and joined the loud, pessimistic crowd.Β 

I'm not sure what happened to her, but I honestly miss her as a friend would. I know that she doesn't like me romantically anymore, but I feel like our relationship never happened to her.

Sorry for the long rant,Β 

LeeΒ πŸ’—

Hey Lee, this sounds like an upsetting and confusing situation but you've handled it really well by asking to speak with her. I'm glad you got an honest answer even if it wasn't the end result you hope for.

You are obviously a very caring person to still be concerned about her. No matter how she is behaving now does not cancel out any connection / relationship you had together; she might be shutting off but that's a coping strategy for whatever she is going through.Β 

My suggestion would be to keep checking in with her so she knows you're there as a friend (to remove any potential pressure) and if you get really worried about her wellbeing to voice those concerns to someone at school that you trust.

I know this is hard so it's important that you take the time to process and heal.

Does this make sense?

digital-mentor.png.37594766624d87064910e

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Okay, yeah, this does make sense. The only thing Is that I don't like feeling ignored, and that's the sort of vibe she's giving to all her "old friends." I'm trying to connect with her, to talk more, even on a purely platonic level, but yeah, I get ignored.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Digital Mentor
1 hour ago, deoxyr_ said:

Okay, yeah, this does make sense. The only thing Is that I don't like feeling ignored, and that's the sort of vibe she's giving to all her "old friends." I'm trying to connect with her, to talk more, even on a purely platonic level, but yeah, I get ignored.

Completely agree that the ignoring is hard to deal with - it's uncomfortable and doesn't feel good at all. How about setting yourself a time limit where you allow X weeks to continue reaching out and then if nothing happens, step away?

You deserve respect as a friend even if you are no longer dating.Β 

digital-mentor.png.37594766624d87064910e

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Oh, that is a good idea. Currently, I cannot physically interact with her for our safety (I contracted the virus) but I do think that at one point, if she is ignoring me, I need to respect that and allow her some space.

  • Like 1
Link to comment
Share on other sites

  • Digital Mentor
1 hour ago, deoxyr_ said:

Oh, that is a good idea. Currently, I cannot physically interact with her for our safety (I contracted the virus) but I do think that at one point, if she is ignoring me, I need to respect that and allow her some space.

Keep us posted and I hope you feel better soon!

digital-mentor.png.37594766624d87064910e

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Unfortunately, your content contains terms that we do not allow. Please edit your content to remove the highlighted words below.
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
    Search In
    Find results that contain...
    Find results in...
Γ—
Γ—
  • Create New...