rant Life

[AnnaBanana]

I dont know about you but I feel like giving up all the time. So much is happening at the same time. Its so overwhelming. i just start thinking about every little thing and i get even sadder. I dont know what to say or what to think anymore. Time goes so fast. I am so scared of what might happen in the future. Suddenly its summer. Suddenly i have 3 projects due to tomorrow. I am tired. I cant talk to anyone. Everytime I think about something I get sad for no reason at all.

 

Edited September 25, 2021 by Daisie

[Monsoon]

Hey @AnnaBanana

Thanks for telling me about what’s going on for you atm. I just want you to know that you can talk to us about anything and that we’re here for you. I just want to check before I give you more support, are you feeling suicidal by any chance? I’m probably wrong, but the way you worded your message just me wonder. Can you let me know as soon as you can pls? I just want to make sure that you’re safe before I support you more. Stay safe.

[AnnaBanana]

Well sometimes.. I try to think on the happpy side, but it does creep in.  Suicide is something i will try to stay away from if i can

[Monsoon]

Hello @AnnaBanana

Thanks for being so open with me. It's good that you try to think on the happy side, but I can totally see why it would be hard to not let those thoughts creep in. Can I ask, do you have a plan to take your own life? If you do, I know it might not seem like it now, but this feeling will pass. You're doing so well and you're so strong. You're reaching out to others for support and you will get through this. Let me know as soon as possible how you're feeling so I can support you more. Btw, if you need it, here's some more info on help for people who are in crisis:

·       This link will give you a list of all crisis lines worldwide: https://www.befrienders.org - you can call them if you're struggling and speak to someone

·       There's an app I can recommend called Stay Alive https://www.prevent-suicide.org.uk/find-help-now/stay-alive-app/ - it has safety plans to keep you safe and loads of other info

·       You can also call your doctor or go to any emergency department and ask for help.

I hope I hear back from you soon. Take care and stay safe.

 

 

 

[AnnaBanana]

Thanks. i guess i can update you if i am in a bad mood. i dont really have anyone to talk to. thank you for the suggestions.

[Monsoon]

Hey @AnnaBanana

I just want to let you know that you can talk to us. If you start to feel suicidal and plan to take your own life, please let us know as soon as you possibly can. We are here for you and we promise to support you. How are you feeling about everything today? I'm just thinking, I can help you with some tips to look after your mental health if you like? Just say the word and I can help you. I hope you're doing as well as you can be. You will get through this. 

[AnnaBanana]

Im feeling kind of bad today. I keep on thinking about things that make me sad. Everyone just says “well, then dont think about those things.” But i cant. Its hard. The only thing I’ve done today is look out the window and procrastinate. I have very low self esteem and a bad body image that affects my life everyday. Maybe you could help me with that? You dont have to, and it might be hard. No pressure. I am trying my best to keep up with everything but its hard.

[Monsoon]

Hey @AnnaBanana

I'm sorry to hear that you're feeling kind of bad today. I think that it sounds like you're struggling with your mental health quite a bit, and if we aren't feeling good in general, then this can impact our self-esteem and body image, do you know what I mean? So I'm thinking that if we can explore why you're feeling so low at the moment, then we can work on that which might make you feel better in lots of areas. Let me know what you think.

Also, it's good that you're trying your best. I just want you to remember that you are not alone in this and that we are here to help you. Take care and speak soon. 

[AnnaBanana]

I would like to talk to you more and explore why i am feeling so low at the moment, but i dont know where to start.. 

[Monsoon]

Hey @AnnaBanana

How are you doing today?

With exploring your situation more, why don't you start with the issue that's bothering you the most, and we can go from there? I noticed that you made another post about food and body image - would you like me to reply to that here too or keep it separate? 

[AnnaBanana]

Im feeling fine I guess. Nothing good has happened today, there has been some bad stuff that has happened today. But luckily the bad stuff hasnt got to me just yet. Unfortunatley I dont know how to set words and explain the issue that is bothering me the most.. This might sound weird, but its like everything has just been mixed together in a big ball. I still keep overthinking everything and you know, thinking about the negatives all the time. But I always do that, so I wouldnt say that that is something special that just happened today. I feel kind of weird telling people to eat and drink and be healthy and do this and that when they are stressed when I dont even do those things myself. I am kind of lying to myself? Hiding myself? I dont know. But on the other hand its good that people dont know, they WILL judge me. I kind of want to keep things a secret, but at the same time i know that I am not living a healthy life and want to get help. Getting help has always been on the "I will do it some time" list. It is totally up to you if you would like to reply here or keep it seperate. I dont mind. Sorry if this is long, half of the stuff ive written doesnt make sense.

[Monsoon]

10 hours ago, AnnaBanana said:

Im feeling fine I guess. Nothing good has happened today, there has been some bad stuff that has happened today. But luckily the bad stuff hasnt got to me just yet. Unfortunatley I dont know how to set words and explain the issue that is bothering me the most.. This might sound weird, but its like everything has just been mixed together in a big ball. I still keep overthinking everything and you know, thinking about the negatives all the time. But I always do that, so I wouldnt say that that is something special that just happened today. I feel kind of weird telling people to eat and drink and be healthy and do this and that when they are stressed when I dont even do those things myself. I am kind of lying to myself? Hiding myself? I dont know. But on the other hand its good that people dont know, they WILL judge me. I kind of want to keep things a secret, but at the same time i know that I am not living a healthy life and want to get help. Getting help has always been on the "I will do it some time" list. It is totally up to you if you would like to reply here or keep it seperate. I dont mind. Sorry if this is long, half of the stuff ive written doesnt make sense.

Hey. Thank you for explaining your situation to me some more. It's okay that you don't know how to explain the issue that's bothering you the most. As you said, sometimes, it's just everything. This all builds up over time and it can be hard to figure out exactly what it is that's affecting us the most. I'm just wondering, how long have you been feeling like this for? Thinking about this might help you to figure out where it all started.

I just want you to know that we aren't going to judge you here. You can tell us anything you feel comfortable with and we will support you. I think it's good that you've reached out to us for help. Speaking out about our problems is the first step in moving forward. I'm wondering, have you spoken to your mom about how you are feeling? I'm just kind of wondering what the next thing could be to do? It might be good to speak with the doctor about your eating just to make sure that you're staying as healthy as possible. Let me know what you think..

Speak soon.

[AnnaBanana]

This has been going on for quite a while now. Every since I can remember, really. Even though my mom loves me, I dont feel comfortable speaking to her about my problems. I have tried talking to a doctor about my eating habits. She just told my parents and we had this embarrassing meeting. I never told anyone anything after that experience.

[Monsoon]

Hey @AnnaBanana

How are you doing today?

Yeah, I get why it would be embarrassing, but I think it's good to try and push through those uncomfortable feelings so that you can get the support you need. Out of curiosity, what did the doctor say to you about your eating habits? I hope you found it useful. They definitely know what they're doing and can help in so many ways.

Speak soon.

[AnnaBanana]

Well the doctor didnt say anything helpful haha. Just that it was bad. I didnt even know i was having a meeting with my parents before the actual day. 

[AnnaBanana]

I don’t think I fit in. I am starting to think that I am not normal. I feel different. I kind of feel like a mad person. I have lots of things to do, but instead of doing those things i just sit by the window and cry. I tell my friends not to do anything bad to themselves when i literally cant stop hurting myself for no reason at all. I hope these feelings go away. Feeling like a burden is painful.

[Monsoon]

Hey @AnnaBanana

Ah, that's interesting that the doctor didn't say anything helpful. When we are in a bad place, we can often reject people who try to help us. Could it be that at the time, you didn't want the doctor to help you with your eating? Just playing the devil's advocate here, but let me know what you think. I'm wondering if it might be good to go back again so that you can try to move forward with this? I'm sure they'll be able to help you. We are here for you too. 

It's interesting that you think you're not normal. I wonder what makes you look at yourself in that way? Also, can I check, when you say hurting yourself, have you been self-harming? It's okay if you have. I would just like to know so that I can help you stay safe. 

Btw, I'm wondering, have you heard of a gratitude diary? This is where you list two or three things each day that you are grateful for, and each day, they have to be different. I'm just thinking that with you saying that you're looking at the negatives atm, by keeping a gratitude diary, it can give us a reminder of all the positive things going on. It can take a while to see the difference, so you really have to persist with it. Would you like to try it our for a couple of weeks? It can just help shift our focus to the more positive aspects of life and can help people who are feeling low.

Also, have you seen our guides here? You might find them helpful  

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/overcoming-low-self-esteem/ 

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/101-ultimate-ways-chill-reduce-stress

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/9-practical-things-can-keep-track-mental-health/

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/how-to-meditate/

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/improve-mental-health/

https://www.ditchthelabel.org/stress-reprogramming/

 

 

[AnnaBanana]

Well I was pretty desperate and kind of wanted to be helped, or at least talk about my problems with someone. But I dont know. I dont know if it would be considered self harming, I just cant stop scratching and peeling my skin. Every time I get bruises i scratch until i bleed. Multiple times a day. I do it everyday,I dont even have to be sad. I cant stop. I have self harmed before, with burning and cutting, I have been clean for quite some time now. I will definitely try to keep a gratitude diary.

[Monsoon]

Hey @AnnaBanana

Thank you for being so open with me - I really appreciate that you trust us here enough to talk to us. It's good that you kind of wanted to be helped back then. Can I ask, do you feel like you want to be helped right now? You are the person who can make all the right changes that you need and I know you can do it. 

Also, thanks for telling me about how you've been scratching and peeling. I'm curious to know, why do you think you're doing it? Does it help with anything in particular? I ask because for a lot of people, doing this kind of thing can help them to feel better and give them a sense of control in a tricky situation.

Let me know how it goes with the gratitude diary. Do you think you could tell me 1 or 2 things you are grateful for today?

Speak soon,

[AnnaBanana]

I feel like I want to be helped but at the same time I also feel very hopeless. To me the scratching and peeling is kind of like twirling your hair, or fidgeting with a pen. This may sound weird, most of the time it doesnt hurt. And even if it does it kind of helps me relax a little more? I also dont mind the blood. I feel the urge to keep going, keep scratching until everything is destroyed. I cant stop before Ive destroyed everything. Does that make sense? I am grateful for making my teacher proud? I dont really know if that counts. It sounds easy, but when you actually think about it its harder than you think. I have to cancel so many options. Sorry if this was unclear, I am trying my best not to fall asleep.

[dewberry and stars]

On 5/23/2021 at 5:08 AM, AnnaBanana said:

I dont know about you but I feel like giving up all the time. So much is happening at the same time. Its so overwhelming. i just start thinking about every little thing and i get even sadder. I dont know what to say or what to think anymore. Time goes so fast. I am so scared of what might happen in the future. Suddenly its summer. Suddenly i have 3 projects due to tomorrow. I am tired. I cant talk to anyone. Everytime I think about something I get sad for no reason at all.

hey anna. I don't know how to console you or what to say to you, but I want you to know that I feel the same. I read some of your other comments and I do that too. I'm still getting over my self - harming habits, but I know what you mean. It's like, seeing the blood gives me a kind of satisfaction. Not in a masochist type of way, but kind of like, it made me feel like the pain I was getting was what I deserved. And the fidgeting was kind of just there (My psychiatrist told me I might have ADHD, but we never got into that discussion because of the pandemic), but it did help me relieve stress. I know what it feels like to be depressed and so overwhelmed by everything, that every little thing is getting to you. I hope you're ok or at least getting better. Please come to me or someone you trust if you need help. I'll be here ^^

[Monsoon]

19 hours ago, AnnaBanana said:

I feel like I want to be helped but at the same time I also feel very hopeless. To me the scratching and peeling is kind of like twirling your hair, or fidgeting with a pen. This may sound weird, most of the time it doesnt hurt. And even if it does it kind of helps me relax a little more? I also dont mind the blood. I feel the urge to keep going, keep scratching until everything is destroyed. I cant stop before Ive destroyed everything. Does that make sense? I am grateful for making my teacher proud? I dont really know if that counts. It sounds easy, but when you actually think about it its harder than you think. I have to cancel so many options. Sorry if this was unclear, I am trying my best not to fall asleep.

Hey @AnnaBanana

How are you feeling today? Yeah, I totally get what you mean about wanting to be helped but feeling hopeless. However, the fact that you've reached out to us is a good sign, and you're on the right path to making things better for yourself - I know you can do this

So, with the scratching and peeling, I wonder if there is something you could do instead that doesn't involve hurting yourself? You might want to take a look at this and let me know what you think: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/15-safer-alternatives-to-self-harm/

Also, what are you grateful for today? On top of doing the gratitude diary, whenever you feel really down, try to say out loud or in your head what you are thankful for in that very moment. 

[AnnaBanana]

Thank you so much! I never thought someone would ever read my comments. It feels so good that I am not alone. I hope everything is going well with you too.

2 hours ago, dewberry and stars said:

hey anna. I don't know how to console you or what to say to you, but I want you to know that I feel the same. I read some of your other comments and I do that too. I'm still getting over my self - harming habits, but I know what you mean. It's like, seeing the blood gives me a kind of satisfaction. Not in a masochist type of way, but kind of like, it made me feel like the pain I was getting was what I deserved. And the fidgeting was kind of just there (My psychiatrist told me I might have ADHD, but we never got into that discussion because of the pandemic), but it did help me relieve stress. I know what it feels like to be depressed and so overwhelmed by everything, that every little thing is getting to you. I hope you're ok or at least getting better. Please come to me or someone you trust if you need help. I'll be here ^^

 

[AnnaBanana]

Ignore this.

Edited May 28, 2021 by AnnaBanana

[AnnaBanana]

45 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey @AnnaBanana

How are you feeling today? Yeah, I totally get what you mean about wanting to be helped but feeling hopeless. However, the fact that you've reached out to us is a good sign, and you're on the right path to making things better for yourself - I know you can do this

So, with the scratching and peeling, I wonder if there is something you could do instead that doesn't involve hurting yourself? You might want to take a look at this and let me know what you think: https://www.ditchthelabel.org/15-safer-alternatives-to-self-harm/

Also, what are you grateful for today? On top of doing the gratitude diary, whenever you feel really down, try to say out loud or in your head what you are thankful for in that very moment. 

Thanks! Ill give it a read. Today har been a very tiresome hectic day. Lots of crying and different emotions at the same time. I got most of the stuff I wanted to do done though. (Not a lot of stuff, but hey it’s something) Today i am grateful for X (A person we will call X) supporting me and being there for me when i was crying.