i don't have a place anywhere

[Sunny Has Anger Issues]

idk if hate is the right word for it but just in case

I'm indian-american, the child of immigrants. indian culture tends to be very racist and colorist, and that's putting it lightly. there's a huge thing with light skin being preferential and darker skin being seen as "dirty" and "black." unfortunately for me, i have dark-bronze skin, putting me in the ugly black skin category. on top of that, i have super-curly hair which my mother forces me to brush out in the mornings. all of my family has light skin and straight hair (exceptions are that dad has slightly lighter skin than me, mom has wavy hair) and my sister is like the peak definition of beauty: light skin and super-straight hair. that and body image issues basically make me feel super ugly, which isn't helped by the occasional n**** thrown at me. i am not very proud of my culture rn lol india is a mess on the inside.

either i get that or it's weird stares and hushed whispers. like we were going to get ice cream and this white family would not stop staring and pointing at me, i heard them speculating over whether i was black or indian, "damn terrorists" "n****" and i try not to let dumb comments get to me but it hurt, yk? im too "black" for indians, too "exotic" for americans. it feels like i don't have a place anywhere. and i've used face whitening creams, i've tried to bleach my skin, scratch out all the darkness. but it feels like nobody understands me and that im just too "other" for them, and my queerness and mental health stuff makes it 10x worse. theres a certain stigma to both in the indian community.

[Luie]

On 11/17/2022 at 1:56 AM, Sunny Has Anger Issues said:

idk if hate is the right word for it but just in case

I'm indian-american, the child of immigrants. indian culture tends to be very racist and colorist, and that's putting it lightly. there's a huge thing with light skin being preferential and darker skin being seen as "dirty" and "black." unfortunately for me, i have dark-bronze skin, putting me in the ugly black skin category. on top of that, i have super-curly hair which my mother forces me to brush out in the mornings. all of my family has light skin and straight hair (exceptions are that dad has slightly lighter skin than me, mom has wavy hair) and my sister is like the peak definition of beauty: light skin and super-straight hair. that and body image issues basically make me feel super ugly, which isn't helped by the occasional n**** thrown at me. i am not very proud of my culture rn lol india is a mess on the inside.

either i get that or it's weird stares and hushed whispers. like we were going to get ice cream and this white family would not stop staring and pointing at me, i heard them speculating over whether i was black or indian, "damn terrorists" "n****" and i try not to let dumb comments get to me but it hurt, yk? im too "black" for indians, too "exotic" for americans. it feels like i don't have a place anywhere. and i've used face whitening creams, i've tried to bleach my skin, scratch out all the darkness. but it feels like nobody understands me and that im just too "other" for them, and my queerness and mental health stuff makes it 10x worse. theres a certain stigma to both in the indian community.

Heyy @Sunny Has Anger Issues, I am Luie, one of the support mentors with Ditch the Label.  

I am well aware about how racism is deeply embedded in India which like many South Asian countries, has a troubled history with fairness creams and other skin-lightening products that have fed into a culture of associating fairness with beauty, success and wealth which I totally disagree with because light skin colour ≠ success, beauty etc. It's been 75 years since India got it's independence yet the racism is engrained since colonisation in the people and the country and has passed down like a generational heirloom that no one ever asked for or wanted and this continues even if Indians have migrated to other parts of the world.

I am deeply sorry that you've been put in such a hurtful position in your family especially with having to comb out your curly hair, I can feel the pain you're in through the words you've shared and the ongoing impact on your body image and mental health. I hear you, there is a certain stigma attached in the Indian community which is hard to breakthrough. It sounds to me that this has been going on for a very long time with you and it's getting a lot to handle on your own, did I get that right? 

This might be slightly tough to talk about, so please do take your time. I was thinking how you mentioned you have a sister who does fit the 'perfect' box for your family, what sort of a relationship do you both share (e.g. Is she approachable, does she know about you identifying from the queer background, does she know how you feel about the constant comparison etc.) or perhaps any other people/friends you might trust at school?  

I wonder whether you'd be more comfortable talking about this on our confidential support or you'd like to continue talking on the platform directly? If you choose the confidential support feel free to message us there, it's on the top tab on the left side of 'Tribes'.  I’m here to support you, you're not alone. We will explore this together and try to see what can be helpful given your current location and resources.

[Sunny Has Anger Issues]

1 hour ago, Luie said:

Heyy @Sunny Has Anger Issues, I am Luie, one of the support mentors with Ditch the Label.  

I am well aware about how racism is deeply embedded in India which like many South Asian countries, has a troubled history with fairness creams and other skin-lightening products that have fed into a culture of associating fairness with beauty, success and wealth which I totally disagree with because light skin colour ≠ success, beauty etc. It's been 75 years since India got it's independence yet the racism is engrained since colonisation in the people and the country and has passed down like a generational heirloom that no one ever asked for or wanted and this continues even if Indians have migrated to other parts of the world.

I am deeply sorry that you've been put in such a hurtful position in your family especially with having to comb out your curly hair, I can feel the pain you're in through the words you've shared and the ongoing impact on your body image and mental health. I hear you, there is a certain stigma attached in the Indian community which is hard to breakthrough. It sounds to me that this has been going on for a very long time with you and it's getting a lot to handle on your own, did I get that right? 

This might be slightly tough to talk about, so please do take your time. I was thinking how you mentioned you have a sister who does fit the 'perfect' box for your family, what sort of a relationship do you both share (e.g. Is she approachable, does she know about you identifying from the queer background, does she know how you feel about the constant comparison etc.) or perhaps any other people/friends you might trust at school?  

I wonder whether you'd be more comfortable talking about this on our confidential support or you'd like to continue talking on the platform directly? If you choose the confidential support feel free to message us there, it's on the top tab on the left side of 'Tribes'.  I’m here to support you, you're not alone. We will explore this together and try to see what can be helpful given your current location and resources.

1. yes, pretty much. mildly curly hair is fine but mine borders on coily in some places so  it becomes a big no-no

2. yes, pretty much ever since i was maybe 7

3. my sister's 6, so no. we're pretty close but she has absolutely no filter with my parents, plus i dont think she'll understand. in terms of academics im way better but in terms of looks she beats me. im not used to talking about my feelings with my friends or anything so no.

4. i already did do that, actually! i got connected i think

thank you for responding :)

[Luie]

On 11/18/2022 at 9:32 PM, Sunny Has Anger Issues said:

1. yes, pretty much. mildly curly hair is fine but mine borders on coily in some places so  it becomes a big no-no

2. yes, pretty much ever since i was maybe 7

3. my sister's 6, so no. we're pretty close but she has absolutely no filter with my parents, plus i dont think she'll understand. in terms of academics im way better but in terms of looks she beats me. im not used to talking about my feelings with my friends or anything so no.

4. i already did do that, actually! i got connected i think

thank you for responding :)

Heyy @Sunny Has Anger Issues, Glad to know you're already connected on the Confidential Support platform. Do reach out if you want to speak about anything further. Take care of yourself!