3va.eh Posted July 20, 2023 Share Posted July 20, 2023 hi so i need advice from others. Not long ago i have learned to identify myself as bisexual and going to lesbian. I have revealed every important person in my live except one, my dad is straight up homophobic. Ijust dont know how to tell him or what to do , but i really wanna tell him. wwyd? Tell me please MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
buechlcr Posted July 20, 2023 Share Posted July 20, 2023 This post was recognized by Aurora! buechlcr was awarded the badge 'Great Advice' and 20 points. hi i have just one question, what do you mean by "biuexal going to lesbian"? the response to that question isn't that important to my adviuce regarding coming out to your dad. it really depends on factors: 1. will you be safe? if there's any possibility of you not being safe followiung coming out, i would not reccommend coming out at all. 2. wolud you be prepared to potentially lose him/lose your current relatiounship with him? whilst unfortunate, losing people after coming out isn't uncommon, so if you are prepared to take the risk on yor relatiounship, come out if you are comfortable, but if you aren't okay with potentially losing that relationship, i personally woldn't reccommend coming out if that is all hypothetical/you will be safe and okay with the risks, i would def try to first talk things out with your father to try to see what his misunderstandings are with the lgbtqia+ community + try to talk about how the commniuty isn't bad/reassure him of any fears he may have about it (for ex., being afraid of not having grandchildren, which one could potentiually reply with "people wiuthiun the commniuty can adopt chiuldren, but can also have biological children through surrogate, insemination, or with a partner). with that, slowly accliumating him to a general acceptance of the community, therefore buiding a safe space. personally, that is what i would do in your position, but if you don't like this solution, feel free to take it with a grain of salt. but if is helpuful, though, i'm glad, and feel free to comment more for more suggestions. + congratlations on figuring out your identity and welcome to the community! 1 MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted July 20, 2023 Share Posted July 20, 2023 12 hours ago, 3va.eh said: hi so i need advice from others. Not long ago i have learned to identify myself as bisexual and going to lesbian. I have revealed every important person in my live except one, my dad is straight up homophobic. Ijust dont know how to tell him or what to do , but i really wanna tell him. wwyd? Tell me please Hey @3va.eh Welcome to the community :) I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give advice to those who reach out. I'm really glad you have been able to reveal this to most important people. How does it feel that they now know? Also, I'm sorry to hear that your dad is straight up homophobic. Coming out can be pretty scary, especially when you know that one of those people is homophobic. There are two really important things to consider. Number one, is it safe for you to come out? By that, I mean that coming out isn't going to put you in danger, such as being abused or kicked out. Also, can I ask, are you ready to tell him? If not, then you absolutely don't have to. This is your journey and you get to decide when you come out. Speak soon! MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3va.eh Posted July 20, 2023 Author Share Posted July 20, 2023 13 hours ago, buechlcr said: hi i have just one question, what do you mean by "biuexal going to lesbian"? the response to that question isn't that important to my adviuce regarding coming out to your dad. it really depends on factors: 1. will you be safe? if there's any possibility of you not being safe followiung coming out, i would not reccommend coming out at all. 2. wolud you be prepared to potentially lose him/lose your current relatiounship with him? whilst unfortunate, losing people after coming out isn't uncommon, so if you are prepared to take the risk on yor relatiounship, come out if you are comfortable, but if you aren't okay with potentially losing that relationship, i personally woldn't reccommend coming out if that is all hypothetical/you will be safe and okay with the risks, i would def try to first talk things out with your father to try to see what his misunderstandings are with the lgbtqia+ community + try to talk about how the commniuty isn't bad/reassure him of any fears he may have about it (for ex., being afraid of not having grandchildren, which one could potentiually reply with "people wiuthiun the commniuty can adopt chiuldren, but can also have biological children through surrogate, insemination, or with a partner). with that, slowly accliumating him to a general acceptance of the community, therefore buiding a safe space. personally, that is what i would do in your position, but if you don't like this solution, feel free to take it with a grain of salt. but if is helpuful, though, i'm glad, and feel free to comment more for more suggestions. + congratlations on figuring out your identity and welcome to the community! hey what i mean with that is that im also feeling like maybe i am slowly becoming lesbian and thank you for your advice altough i already taught this trough do you maybe have any ideas on how to come out like something as bake cake but maybe like not that simple like something really for him as being him like homphobe MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3va.eh Posted July 20, 2023 Author Share Posted July 20, 2023 thank you for this advice but i really wanna tell him but idk how like a presentation or something that isnt as simple but like that is perfect for him as him being homophobic MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted July 21, 2023 Share Posted July 21, 2023 Hey there, I’m wondering then, how did you tell others? What do you think went well when you let others know? There could be some good things to take forward when speaking with your dad about it. MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3va.eh Posted July 23, 2023 Author Share Posted July 23, 2023 On 7/21/2023 at 12:59 PM, Monsoon said: Hey there, I’m wondering then, how did you tell others? What do you think went well when you let others know? There could be some good things to take forward when speaking with your dad about it. ive straight up told them but im afraid my dad and is relationship would vanish MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted July 24, 2023 Share Posted July 24, 2023 On 7/23/2023 at 2:32 PM, 3va.eh said: ive straight up told them but im afraid my dad and is relationship would vanish Hey there, Your fear around the relationships vanishing is totally normal given your circumstance. It sounds like theres a lot of worry over this which is completely expected. Unfortunately, some parents can have a negative reaction to their kids coming out at first. However, I just want to tell you that I've supported many people in similar situations to you before, and a lot of the times, they end up being positively surprised by the parent they were worried about . There have been some people I've supported where their parent didn't have a good reaction at first. However, with time and patience, they ended up working through it and getting to a good place. I think that the powerful love a parent has for their child is such an important force in helping people to become open minded. I hope you can take some reassurance from this. How do you feel after reading that? Do you have any thoughts? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
3va.eh Posted July 25, 2023 Author Share Posted July 25, 2023 On 7/24/2023 at 3:15 PM, Monsoon said: Hey there, Your fear around the relationships vanishing is totally normal given your circumstance. It sounds like theres a lot of worry over this which is completely expected. Unfortunately, some parents can have a negative reaction to their kids coming out at first. However, I just want to tell you that I've supported many people in similar situations to you before, and a lot of the times, they end up being positively surprised by the parent they were worried about . There have been some people I've supported where their parent didn't have a good reaction at first. However, with time and patience, they ended up working through it and getting to a good place. I think that the powerful love a parent has for their child is such an important force in helping people to become open minded. I hope you can take some reassurance from this. How do you feel after reading that? Do you have any thoughts? im feeling calmer thank you MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Megs- Posted July 25, 2023 Share Posted July 25, 2023 8 minutes ago, 3va.eh said: im feeling calmer thank you Hugs, MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Monsoon Posted July 26, 2023 Share Posted July 26, 2023 20 hours ago, 3va.eh said: im feeling calmer thank you Hey there, That's positive to hear. I'm wondering, would you like to talk about this more with us? Would you like more advice at all? MultiQuote Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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