mentalhealth Need some help

[-Penny]

Hi, sorry for not being online at all, I’ve been feeling really stressed and anxious about everything-

it’s gotten to the point where I can’t go out. Some days it’s fine but other times I want to go indoors and never come out again. I get a lot of headaches and stomach aches which I think is part of it too. Also I’ve started to feel really disgusted by my own body, like my face, stomach & legs etc. I’m not sure if the things I’ve described are linked at all but it’s really affecting my life a lot. I’ve taken loads of days off school because of it, I just feel like if I go into school looking how I do everyone will be disgusted too. I haven’t relapsed sh in ages, which I am proud of, and I really don’t want to do it again but it’s getting harder to resist, I’ve tried elastic bands and ice cubes but nothing really works.
 

Sorry for the long paragraph, I’m sure it’s all nothing but I really needed to talk to someone about it

Edited February 17, 2023 by -Piper

[Luie]

15 hours ago, -Piper said:

Hi, sorry for not being online at all, I’ve been feeling really stressed and anxious about everything-

it’s gotten to the point where I can’t go out. Some days it’s fine but other times I want to go indoors and never come out again. I get a lot of headaches and stomach aches which I think is part of it too. Also I’ve started to feel really disgusted by my own body, like my face, stomach & legs etc. I’m not sure if the things I’ve described are linked at all but it’s really affecting my life a lot. I’ve taken loads of days off school because of it, I just feel like if I go into school looking how I do everyone will be disgusted too. I haven’t relapsed sh in ages, which I am proud of, and I really don’t want to do it again but it’s getting harder to resist, I’ve tried elastic bands and ice cubes but nothing really works.
 

Sorry for the long paragraph, I’m sure it’s all nothing but I really needed to talk to someone about it

Heyy @-Piper, It's good to hear from you, been a while for sure. Sorry to hear that it's been so stressful for you and it's bringing up feelings of anxiety. I am glad that you shared what's been going on, so no need to apologise for the long paragraph. Here for you. 

I can tell you've been really working on being strong and not relapsing, you want to talk about about what's been going on recently that these feelings started resurfacing for you? 

[-Penny]

On 2/18/2023 at 2:37 PM, Luie said:

Heyy @-Piper, It's good to hear from you, been a while for sure. Sorry to hear that it's been so stressful for you and it's bringing up feelings of anxiety. I am glad that you shared what's been going on, so no need to apologise for the long paragraph. Here for you. 

I can tell you've been really working on being strong and not relapsing, you want to talk about about what's been going on recently that these feelings started resurfacing for you? 

Sure, I guess it’s just been hard because I haven’t told anyone, so it’s just been building up for ages- I get a lot of pressure from school because if you look different or anything you get targeted by people. Not bullies, just really rude, toxic people. I’ve always felt self conscious about myself and how I look, but it just feels like I have the worst luck with that kind of thing- braces, some spots, and definitely not the ‘bikini body’ a lot of the girls have started talking about. 
 

I’m really dreading summer- hoodies and oversized shirts are the only clothes I feel comfortable in right now and having to wear shorts or even a swimsuit makes me want to cry, I know it seems dramatic but I really do feel that way.

Most of my feelings at the moment are just worrying about my appearance and I’m always wondering what people think of me, which is really stressful. 

[Luie]

19 hours ago, -Piper said:

Sure, I guess it’s just been hard because I haven’t told anyone, so it’s just been building up for ages- I get a lot of pressure from school because if you look different or anything you get targeted by people. Not bullies, just really rude, toxic people. I’ve always felt self conscious about myself and how I look, but it just feels like I have the worst luck with that kind of thing- braces, some spots, and definitely not the ‘bikini body’ a lot of the girls have started talking about. 
 

I’m really dreading summer- hoodies and oversized shirts are the only clothes I feel comfortable in right now and having to wear shorts or even a swimsuit makes me want to cry, I know it seems dramatic but I really do feel that way.

Most of my feelings at the moment are just worrying about my appearance and I’m always wondering what people think of me, which is really stressful. 

Heyy @-Piper, Firstly, no, nothing you've said sounds dramatic to me. It makes complete sense as to why you're feeling this way. I am truly sorry that it's been hard for you to navigate it all, I can imagine how challenging it is from experience. The media has influenced our society with such unrealistic and unattainable body goals for a normal person (i.e. not in an industry where they rely on their body e.g. movie stars, models etc.). I see why this is stressful for you, I am wondering what you think might help you feel more comfortable in your body or if there has been something in the past you have tried? (Asking because I want to support you the best way I possibly can, so don't want to repeat any suggestion, also, if you just need the space to vent, here for you in whichever capacity you need)

[-Penny]

On 2/21/2023 at 5:41 PM, Luie said:

Heyy @-Piper, Firstly, no, nothing you've said sounds dramatic to me. It makes complete sense as to why you're feeling this way. I am truly sorry that it's been hard for you to navigate it all, I can imagine how challenging it is from experience. The media has influenced our society with such unrealistic and unattainable body goals for a normal person (i.e. not in an industry where they rely on their body e.g. movie stars, models etc.). I see why this is stressful for you, I am wondering what you think might help you feel more comfortable in your body or if there has been something in the past you have tried? (Asking because I want to support you the best way I possibly can, so don't want to repeat any suggestion, also, if you just need the space to vent, here for you in whichever capacity you need)

I haven’t ever really felt comfortable in my own body, sometimes I feel so bad that I wear hoodies in 30°c+, and I’m not really sure what I could do to feel better about myself. I suck in my stomach every day, which I have done since I was 10. I have heard it’s bad for you but I feel so much more comfortable doing it. 

Something that kinda irritated me today was that loads of super skinny, pretty girls from my school were talking about how they go to the gym almost every other day, which is great for them, but I felt almost like I wasn’t doing enough to look like everyone else because I know my parents would never let me go to the gym, at least not until I’m older. Not only that but my friend was talking to me with some other people, and suddenly said “Hey, I swear you’re eating all the time”. I guess she could’ve just not thought about how it sounded, but it really messed me up for the day. Now I’m super worried that everyone just sees me as this girl that is just always eating something.  

Sorry know it’s a long reply but I just wanted to add that I relapsed the other day, nothing bad but I’m annoyed at myself - I was clean for almost 2 months. I’ve tried other techniques like elastic bands and ice, but they never really work. The urges come quite often, but I only really get sad after doing it. Usually I can resist, but I got carried away and didn’t really think about how I would feel after.

anyways thanks for the support, I really appreciate it 

[Luie]

On 2/25/2023 at 12:38 AM, -Piper said:

I haven’t ever really felt comfortable in my own body, sometimes I feel so bad that I wear hoodies in 30°c+, and I’m not really sure what I could do to feel better about myself. I suck in my stomach every day, which I have done since I was 10. I have heard it’s bad for you but I feel so much more comfortable doing it. 

Something that kinda irritated me today was that loads of super skinny, pretty girls from my school were talking about how they go to the gym almost every other day, which is great for them, but I felt almost like I wasn’t doing enough to look like everyone else because I know my parents would never let me go to the gym, at least not until I’m older. Not only that but my friend was talking to me with some other people, and suddenly said “Hey, I swear you’re eating all the time”. I guess she could’ve just not thought about how it sounded, but it really messed me up for the day. Now I’m super worried that everyone just sees me as this girl that is just always eating something.  

Sorry know it’s a long reply but I just wanted to add that I relapsed the other day, nothing bad but I’m annoyed at myself - I was clean for almost 2 months. I’ve tried other techniques like elastic bands and ice, but they never really work. The urges come quite often, but I only really get sad after doing it. Usually I can resist, but I got carried away and didn’t really think about how I would feel after.

anyways thanks for the support, I really appreciate it 

Heyy @-Piper, It sounds exhausting to have to focus on sucking your stomach in, wearing hoodies in hot weather, questioning how people view you all the time. I am truly sorry that this is something you go through on a regular basis. I totally hear you on why you felt irritated about other girls going to the gym, it makes sense why your parents are looking out for you  in terms of your development and health hence not allowing you to go to the gym right now. I can tell that it impacts you and makes you feel extremely conscious of yourself, if you don't mind sharing - I'd like to hear how you view yourself if all this comparison of other girls was removed? (E.g. How you feel you look? How you eat?  How you dress? Things you want to work on which add to your life in a healthy way? Things you'd like to continue as they are because you are okay with? Things you'd like to remove? etc.)

About your relapse, thank you for sharing with me about this, I know it's been tough on you and I understand this. I want to check with you if there are groups in person that you could join and share about this? I do think it will be beneficial for your mental well being and a general sense of support to help you go through the steps. How does this sound to you?

[-Penny]

8 hours ago, Luie said:

Heyy @-Piper, It sounds exhausting to have to focus on sucking your stomach in, wearing hoodies in hot weather, questioning how people view you all the time. I am truly sorry that this is something you go through on a regular basis. I totally hear you on why you felt irritated about other girls going to the gym, it makes sense why your parents are looking out for you  in terms of your development and health hence not allowing you to go to the gym right now. I can tell that it impacts you and makes you feel extremely conscious of yourself, if you don't mind sharing - I'd like to hear how you view yourself if all this comparison of other girls was removed? (E.g. How you feel you look? How you eat?  How you dress? Things you want to work on which add to your life in a healthy way? Things you'd like to continue as they are because you are okay with? Things you'd like to remove? etc.)

About your relapse, thank you for sharing with me about this, I know it's been tough on you and I understand this. I want to check with you if there are groups in person that you could join and share about this? I do think it will be beneficial for your mental well being and a general sense of support to help you go through the steps. How does this sound to you?

Hi, I think even if all the comparison was removed I would still think I look bad. I usually eat lunch and dinner, lunch being at 11:30am and dinner being at 7:30pm-8pm. I never really have an appetite in the morning, which is why I don’t eat breakfast. I don’t think this would change even if the comparison was removed as it’s part of my daily routine. If I’m going out somewhere with my friends, I would usually wear a loose t-shirt and joggers, I would love to wear stuff like shorts and crop tops but I never have the confidence to. It would also be really cool to not wear as much makeup, but I’m working on that right now and I’ve actually used much less lately, which I’m really proud of. I’m feeling more okay with my legs (mostly thighs) and I even wore leggings today which is something I haven’t done for ages. There’s nothing I want to remove in particular I just want to feel better about myself but I know that won’t happen for a while.

I haven’t really got any groups I can join to talk about it- if I went to the school and told them they would just tell my parents- but I have talked to my friend who is going through something similar so that felt good. DTL is pretty much the only place I have said about a lot of my problems, but even that feels better.

I really want to tell my parents about what’s going on but when I think about telling them I can imagine all the ways it could go badly- I know I wouldn’t be able to do it.

Edited February 26, 2023 by -Piper

[-Leila-]

14 hours ago, -Piper said:

Hi, I think even if all the comparison was removed I would still think I look bad. I usually eat lunch and dinner, lunch being at 11:30am and dinner being at 7:30pm-8pm. I never really have an appetite in the morning, which is why I don’t eat breakfast. I don’t think this would change even if the comparison was removed as it’s part of my daily routine. If I’m going out somewhere with my friends, I would usually wear a loose t-shirt and joggers, I would love to wear stuff like shorts and crop tops but I never have the confidence to. It would also be really cool to not wear as much makeup, but I’m working on that right now and I’ve actually used much less lately, which I’m really proud of. I’m feeling more okay with my legs (mostly thighs) and I even wore leggings today which is something I haven’t done for ages. There’s nothing I want to remove in particular I just want to feel better about myself but I know that won’t happen for a while.

I haven’t really got any groups I can join to talk about it- if I went to the school and told them they would just tell my parents- but I have talked to my friend who is going through something similar so that felt good. DTL is pretty much the only place I have said about a lot of my problems, but even that feels better.

I really want to tell my parents about what’s going on but when I think about telling them I can imagine all the ways it could go badly- I know I wouldn’t be able to do it.

Sending you my love piper, hugs beautiful 

[-Penny]

11 hours ago, Leila_xx said:

Sending you my love piper, hugs beautiful 

Thanks Leila, I appreciate it xx

[Luie]

On 2/26/2023 at 8:32 PM, -Piper said:

Hi, I think even if all the comparison was removed I would still think I look bad. I usually eat lunch and dinner, lunch being at 11:30am and dinner being at 7:30pm-8pm. I never really have an appetite in the morning, which is why I don’t eat breakfast. I don’t think this would change even if the comparison was removed as it’s part of my daily routine. If I’m going out somewhere with my friends, I would usually wear a loose t-shirt and joggers, I would love to wear stuff like shorts and crop tops but I never have the confidence to. It would also be really cool to not wear as much makeup, but I’m working on that right now and I’ve actually used much less lately, which I’m really proud of. I’m feeling more okay with my legs (mostly thighs) and I even wore leggings today which is something I haven’t done for ages. There’s nothing I want to remove in particular I just want to feel better about myself but I know that won’t happen for a while.

I haven’t really got any groups I can join to talk about it- if I went to the school and told them they would just tell my parents- but I have talked to my friend who is going through something similar so that felt good. DTL is pretty much the only place I have said about a lot of my problems, but even that feels better.

I really want to tell my parents about what’s going on but when I think about telling them I can imagine all the ways it could go badly- I know I wouldn’t be able to do it.

Heyy @-Piper, thanks for sharing with me how you've been thinking about this and coping with it all. I am glad that you're putting on less make up and feeling better about yourself and also wearing leggings which I know is a big deal for sure, so congrats on taking these steps to help you feel more good about yourself and your body. 

I am curious and I'd like to understand better where you stand on this - You mentioned about how even if comparison was removed you would still think that you look bad, I'd like to know what does bad look like to you and why is that particular definition of 'bad' for you? 

Another thing I wanted to check with you is how is your relationship with food and does that play a role in your body image and overall confidence and self esteem?

If at any point you'd be more comfortable having a one to one conversation, just let me know and we can move this over to Confidential support, or else we can just continue here. 

[-Penny]

4 hours ago, Luie said:

Heyy @-Piper, thanks for sharing with me how you've been thinking about this and coping with it all. I am glad that you're putting on less make up and feeling better about yourself and also wearing leggings which I know is a big deal for sure, so congrats on taking these steps to help you feel more good about yourself and your body. 

I am curious and I'd like to understand better where you stand on this - You mentioned about how even if comparison was removed you would still think that you look bad, I'd like to know what does bad look like to you and why is that particular definition of 'bad' for you? 

Another thing I wanted to check with you is how is your relationship with food and does that play a role in your body image and overall confidence and self esteem?

If at any point you'd be more comfortable having a one to one conversation, just let me know and we can move this over to Confidential support, or else we can just continue here. 

To me bad just looks like I’m not putting in enough effort to look the way I want to, and I worry that people really notice it. 

I do eat meals, usually lunch and dinner, but I really want to stop eating as much as I do. My family has always served large portions of food and I feel like it’s too much. I’ve been really stressed about how my stomach looks the past few days, I think it looks worse than usual so I might actually try to eat a little less. Not dangerously, just no ‘seconds’ or anything, which will hopefully make me feel a bit better and like I’m actually making an effort to change the things that I dislike.

I don’t mind carrying on the conversation here, I think it would be easier to access anyway.

Edited February 28, 2023 by -Piper

[Luie]

18 hours ago, -Piper said:

To me bad just looks like I’m not putting in enough effort to look the way I want to, and I worry that people really notice it. 

I do eat meals, usually lunch and dinner, but I really want to stop eating as much as I do. My family has always served large portions of food and I feel like it’s too much. I’ve been really stressed about how my stomach looks the past few days, I think it looks worse than usual so I might actually try to eat a little less. Not dangerously, just no ‘seconds’ or anything, which will hopefully make me feel a bit better and like I’m actually making an effort to change the things that I dislike.

I don’t mind carrying on the conversation here, I think it would be easier to access anyway.

Thanks for letting me know, let's continue the conversation here itself then. So from what I understand you're wanting to work on your eating patterns so that you can feel better about your body and overall wellbeing?

[-Penny]

4 hours ago, Luie said:

Thanks for letting me know, let's continue the conversation here itself then. So from what I understand you're wanting to work on your eating patterns so that you can feel better about your body and overall wellbeing?

Yeah, I’ve wanted to for a while but never really managed to do it. 
I’ve hinted to my parents (mostly my mum) many times about how I don’t feel comfortable in my own body or the amount I’m eating but they never really respond with anything to help, they usually just say things like ‘you just criticise yourself too much,’ or ‘you’re just overthinking’ - which may be true but it still doesn’t really feel like the support I want.

[Luie]

18 hours ago, -Piper said:

Yeah, I’ve wanted to for a while but never really managed to do it. 
I’ve hinted to my parents (mostly my mum) many times about how I don’t feel comfortable in my own body or the amount I’m eating but they never really respond with anything to help, they usually just say things like ‘you just criticise yourself too much,’ or ‘you’re just overthinking’ - which may be true but it still doesn’t really feel like the support I want.

I hear you and I see how your parents are probably not understanding the depth of how much this has an impact on you. So what kind of support do you think would be beneficial for you?

[-Penny]

On 3/2/2023 at 5:25 PM, Luie said:

I hear you and I see how your parents are probably not understanding the depth of how much this has an impact on you. So what kind of support do you think would be beneficial for you?

I just really want to feel okay with myself and my body to be honest, but I know that won’t happen for a while- it would still be great if you had any tips or ideas to start feeling better about it though

[Monsoon]

17 hours ago, -Piper said:

I just really want to feel okay with myself and my body to be honest, but I know that won’t happen for a while- it would still be great if you had any tips or ideas to start feeling better about it though

Hey there,

I'm going to jump in for Luie, I hope that's okay!

We ca definitely share tips and ideas for you to start feeling better about your body. One of the main things is making your self-talk more positive. We all have a critical inner voice which can sometimes be helpful, but mostly, it gets us down and is too loud, so it can be helpful to find a way to challenge that. One of the main bits of advice I give around this is to make sure you are being as kind to yourself as you would be with a loved one; what do you think? Thinking about some of the negative things you tell yourself, what is a kinder thing you could say instead?

[-Penny]

On 3/4/2023 at 4:46 PM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I'm going to jump in for Luie, I hope that's okay!

We ca definitely share tips and ideas for you to start feeling better about your body. One of the main things is making your self-talk more positive. We all have a critical inner voice which can sometimes be helpful, but mostly, it gets us down and is too loud, so it can be helpful to find a way to challenge that. One of the main bits of advice I give around this is to make sure you are being as kind to yourself as you would be with a loved one; what do you think? Thinking about some of the negative things you tell yourself, what is a kinder thing you could say instead?

Hi, I can definitely try to make my self-talk more positive, but I have always found it extremely hard. To me, it’s like if I don’t think that way it feels as if I’m cutting myself a lot of slack (if that makes sense). I have tried to think more positively but the thoughts tend to vary depending on the day. If I’m annoyed or irritated, I get angry at myself and making myself feel horrible. If I’m happy and enjoying myself, I give myself less criticism.

I can try to think even more positively no matter what my emotions are telling me, and I’ll let you know if anything changes.

 

Also quick side note I haven’t been feeling any urges to relapse at the moment, and I have been clean for almost a week and a half, which I’m very proud of. I’m hoping it will stay this way because it feels great not to have it always on my mind.

Edited March 6, 2023 by -Piper

[Monsoon]

Hey,

Yeah, I can completely understand that it can be extremely hard to talk to yourself positively when you’re feeling so low. To see a change in this, it really isn’t a short term thing and takes effort over time. This is more of a lifestyle change rather than a quick fix, and changing that inner voice which you’ve been used to for so long will take a while, but it will be worth it. What do you think? It will mean that you will regularly have to identify when this is taking place and putting that extra effort into making that change. It makes complete sense that you criticise yourself less when you’re happy and enjoying yourself. I’m wondering, what is it that makes you happy and where do you find enjoyment,

Also, that’s great about how you have been clean for almost a week and a half. What do you think has helped you to do this?

 

[-Penny]

6 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Yeah, I can completely understand that it can be extremely hard to talk to yourself positively when you’re feeling so low. To see a change in this, it really isn’t a short term thing and takes effort over time. This is more of a lifestyle change rather than a quick fix, and changing that inner voice which you’ve been used to for so long will take a while, but it will be worth it. What do you think? It will mean that you will regularly have to identify when this is taking place and putting that extra effort into making that change. It makes complete sense that you criticise yourself less when you’re happy and enjoying yourself. I’m wondering, what is it that makes you happy and where do you find enjoyment,

Also, that’s great about how you have been clean for almost a week and a half. What do you think has helped you to do this?

My mindset has been better overall today because I’ve been surrounded by my friends and haven’t really had time to think badly- which is a good thing. That’s the only thing that stops me from thinking badly of myself, just because they are always making me laugh and they help me feel more comfortable especially in school. 
 

I think just having good friendships with a lot of people in my class helped me keep my mind off urges, because it feels less stressful walking into class when I know everyone. My skin has become better as well (as in less spots) so that gives me a lot more confidence.

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

Okay, so there is a lot of power in having friends and spending time with them; all of that makes complete sense. I'm wondering, can you tell me about other things that you get enjoyment from, especially things outside of spending time with other people, such as gaming, things like that? 

[-Penny]

On 3/8/2023 at 5:18 PM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Okay, so there is a lot of power in having friends and spending time with them; all of that makes complete sense. I'm wondering, can you tell me about other things that you get enjoyment from, especially things outside of spending time with other people, such as gaming, things like that? 

I get enjoyment from doing sketches and paintings, and I find doing skincare relaxing as well. I used to do gaming a lot but screens often make my eyes ache so I stopped playing. 
I have been working on my mindset and how I think about myself, and it has slowly started working a bit. When I don’t feel confident or pleased with how I look I try to hype myself up a little, but in school it’s much more difficult- I’m not sure why though. 
 

Overall I think it’s slowly getting better but I know it will be a long time until I feel properly okay with myself.

[Monsoon]

19 hours ago, -Piper said:

I get enjoyment from doing sketches and paintings, and I find doing skincare relaxing as well. I used to do gaming a lot but screens often make my eyes ache so I stopped playing. 
I have been working on my mindset and how I think about myself, and it has slowly started working a bit. When I don’t feel confident or pleased with how I look I try to hype myself up a little, but in school it’s much more difficult- I’m not sure why though. 
 

Overall I think it’s slowly getting better but I know it will be a long time until I feel properly okay with myself.

Hey there,

Yeah, it's a work in progress and you will have your ups and downs with it, but you're on the right track and you will learn more and more about yourself as time goes on.

I'm wondering, would you like anymore support with this? We can give you tips as well, but it's completely up to you. 

[-Penny]

3 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Yeah, it's a work in progress and you will have your ups and downs with it, but you're on the right track and you will learn more and more about yourself as time goes on.

I'm wondering, would you like anymore support with this? We can give you tips as well, but it's completely up to you. 

I think I just need to carry on working on how I feel by myself, and it’s getting better every day, I even wore leggings and a short-ish shirt out, which felt amazing. Thanks a lot for giving the support and tips, I appreciate it so much.

[Monsoon]

22 hours ago, -Piper said:

I think I just need to carry on working on how I feel by myself, and it’s getting better every day, I even wore leggings and a short-ish shirt out, which felt amazing. Thanks a lot for giving the support and tips, I appreciate it so much.

That's okay. You know where we are if you need us. You've totally got this and you're going to very well :) 

[-Penny]

On 3/13/2023 at 9:34 PM, Monsoon said:

That's okay. You know where we are if you need us. You've totally got this and you're going to very well :) 

Hey @Monsoon, sorry to start up this thread again but I just needed someone to talk to. My feelings about my body have been getting a lot better, but I think my overall mental health is getting worse again. I’ve been feeling really sad in school, and I want to tell teachers and friends but I don’t think it would help. I’m getting urges again, although they’re not as strong as they have been before. I’m not even sure why it’s getting worse because everything is great in school and there aren’t any arguments. 
 

Another thing is my friend likes this boy, but apparently he likes me. I feel like this is just creating tension in our friendship and things will be worse in school again. I think she’s annoyed, because she hasn’t talked to me since she found out. 
 

Luckily I have 2 weeks off now so maybe it’ll be better when I come back.