ocd struggling with ocd

[effy]

hello! im Effy and i have been struggling with ocd. i have been diagnosed with it around February 2022 and its been really hard since. I have also anorexia which isn't helping. I always feel really disgusting and i hate to feel see or like taste any food possibly. When i eat apple i hate the feeling and i have such a bad thoughts bout how my hands are sticky and stuff. I can’t help it or I need to vacuum multiple times a day because I feel dirty. Same thing about changing bed sheets and clothes. I have to look multiple times at same place or something will happen. The numbers are usually 3,4,7 or 9. When I get too annoyed with it I feel suicidal and I just think about ending it all because of how much I feel uncomfortable and stuff. Please if anyone suffers from this or have suffered, could you give me some tips how to cope? 

[Monsoon]

2 hours ago, effy said:

hello! im Effy and i have been struggling with ocd. i have been diagnosed with it around February 2022 and its been really hard since. I have also anorexia which isn't helping. I always feel really disgusting and i hate to feel see or like taste any food possibly. When i eat apple i hate the feeling and i have such a bad thoughts bout how my hands are sticky and stuff. I can’t help it or I need to vacuum multiple times a day because I feel dirty. Same thing about changing bed sheets and clothes. I have to look multiple times at same place or something will happen. The numbers are usually 3,4,7 or 9. When I get too annoyed with it I feel suicidal and I just think about ending it all because of how much I feel uncomfortable and stuff. Please if anyone suffers from this or have suffered, could you give me some tips how to cope? 

Hey @effy

Thank you for coming to us for help. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give support to those who reach out to us. I just want to say that it sounds like you've got a lot going on at the moment, and it's amazing that you have been finding different ways to cope with these difficulties. You are clearly a strong person who knows how to cope with great difficulty, and I just wanted to draw your attention to that.

Before we go ahead and talk about tips on how to cope, I just want to check, are you safe at the moment? Also, when you have felt suicidal in the past, how have to managed to stay safe? Just incase you need it, here is some information to help ground you if you feel like this again. The first two are crisis hotlines you can call if you need immediate support: 

• UK - The Samaritans: 116 123 (24/7 service)
• USA - NSPL: 1-800-273-8255
• A list of worldwide crisis lines: https://www.befrienders.org
• An app I can recommend: https://www.prevent-suicide.org.uk/find-help-now/stay-alive-app/ this has safety plans to make sure you don't harm yourself and you might find it useful. 
• If you’re in the UK, you can text SHOUT to 85258 when you are struggling, and a trained crisis volunteer will text you back. This is great if you find talking on the phone challenging, and it’s completely free 24/7
   

[effy]

Hello! I have a lot of experience with this topic so i got used to it. When i felt suicidal i went to therapist and if i couldn’t i went at least to school therapist. On holidays i tried to just do things that call me down. Im currently very save and im trying not to give these thoughts any power. 

[Monsoon]

16 hours ago, effy said:

Hello! I have a lot of experience with this topic so i got used to it. When i felt suicidal i went to therapist and if i couldn’t i went at least to school therapist. On holidays i tried to just do things that call me down. Im currently very save and im trying not to give these thoughts any power. 

Hey there,

I'm really glad to hear you're safe. If you ever do feel like that changes, please carry on doing what works well for you and call a hotline if you need, or tell someone close to you who can help you.

Also, I'm wondering, have you ever spoken to a professional about your wellbeing? If so, how did it go?

[effy]

Hey! So i have therapist and we talked about it. She said it’s normal for someone who struggles with OCD and that i just have to tell myself its okay and not that important. When im gonna see her, I’ll definitely tell her about it more.

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

Yeah, definitely open up to her more and see where that takes you. I'm wondering, can you tell me about a time when your thoughts seem less intense? What was different and what helped you to cope?

[effy]

Hey!

So when i was feeling better i did not think about it at all. I did not even care tbh its like the struggle suddendly dissapeared. But when it got worse again, when i did notice it i just did the things it told me to. Clean, look, dont do this and that, but do this and that or something bad would happen. I was super stressed about it. The only thing that could help me at that moment was probably being alone.

[Monsoon]

13 hours ago, effy said:

Hey!

So when i was feeling better i did not think about it at all. I did not even care tbh its like the struggle suddendly dissapeared. But when it got worse again, when i did notice it i just did the things it told me to. Clean, look, dont do this and that, but do this and that or something bad would happen. I was super stressed about it. The only thing that could help me at that moment was probably being alone.

Hey there,

So it's interesting that the struggle disappeared, because for a lot of people who experience OCD, it can be that they have the struggles for most of their lives, but it can vary in intensity over time. I'm wondering, why do you think it disappeared? What was different about your life at the time that it went away compared to periods where it was harder?

[effy]

Hey! I think it was because i was happier. It mostly disappeared when i was with this girl. She used to be my best friend and she genuinely made me so happy to the point where all of my struggles were like pointless. I thought about them when i wasnt with her but when i was with her i didnt even bother. We dont talk anymore. It got suddenly back so im dealing with this now on my own.

[Monsoon]

On 9/19/2022 at 9:15 PM, effy said:

Hey! I think it was because i was happier. It mostly disappeared when i was with this girl. She used to be my best friend and she genuinely made me so happy to the point where all of my struggles were like pointless. I thought about them when i wasnt with her but when i was with her i didnt even bother. We dont talk anymore. It got suddenly back so im dealing with this now on my own.

Hey,

I just want you to know that you are not on your own and we are here to help you. Can I ask, what else makes you happy to the point where you forget about other things? Also, can you tell me what you know about OCD and how it works?