weight and overall body

[Monsoon]

20 hours ago, RYD1NG H4WKS said:

oh no i didnt mean literally rn. rn im a lot better than usual actually, i just meant these past few months have been really rough.

Hey there,

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better than usual, what do you think is helping with that?

Also, just going back to what you said about maybe pretending to be a girl or not, I just want to say that it can be really easy to be tempted by this because of how hard it might be to live authentically, but really, if you did pretend to be a girl, this is to please others and not yourself really. How do you think it might impact your life if you did choose that? 

[5H43_26]

18 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I'm glad to hear you're feeling better than usual, what do you think is helping with that?

Also, just going back to what you said about maybe pretending to be a girl or not, I just want to say that it can be really easy to be tempted by this because of how hard it might be to live authentically, but really, if you did pretend to be a girl, this is to please others and not yourself really. How do you think it might impact your life if you did choose that? 

just being at karate more. i was there monday-thursday this week and since getting into the new program ive been really happy about going. yesterday in particular was great there and im hoping for the same for today. and knowing my sister wont be there next week makes me happy too.

I know it'll mentally make me feel like shit 1000 times more than I do now but I just want friends... and my family to love me... i really dont want to do this but I dont want to be hated for my existence

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

Yeah, I completely get what you are saying about not wanting to be hated for your existence. We all have a need to be accepted, and when those we love don't accept us, it can be really challenging and make us feel rejected and low. I noticed what you said about wanting friends, and I'm wondering, what do you think needs to happen for you to start making a new friend? What could you do to start this?

[5H43_26]

6 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Yeah, I completely get what you are saying about not wanting to be hated for your existence. We all have a need to be accepted, and when those we love don't accept us, it can be really challenging and make us feel rejected and low. I noticed what you said about wanting friends, and I'm wondering, what do you think needs to happen for you to start making a new friend? What could you do to start this?

idk i swear theres something about me that just repulses others and idk why. cuz i try to talk to ppl sometimes and im not always socially awkward, but no one seems to want to talk to me or be around me if I don't already know them or some mutual friend or something introduces us.

[Monsoon]

16 hours ago, RYD1NG H4WKS said:

idk i swear theres something about me that just repulses others and idk why. cuz i try to talk to ppl sometimes and im not always socially awkward, but no one seems to want to talk to me or be around me if I don't already know them or some mutual friend or something introduces us.

Hey there,

I wonder, could they possibly be a little socially awkward or anxious maybe? I'm wondering, can you tell me more about what makes you think they don't want to talk to you or be around you? 

[5H43_26]

7 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I wonder, could they possibly be a little socially awkward or anxious maybe? I'm wondering, can you tell me more about what makes you think they don't want to talk to you or be around you? 

whenever i make myself present around people and try to strike up conversation they often give me a one line response and then turn to talk to someone else instead, even people who i've known for a long time and potentially longer than the person they turn to talk to. I used to think age was a factor since i tend to want to hang w people older than me but then ill see those same people talking to people younger than me just fine which makes me feel like theres something wrong with me

[Monsoon]

20 hours ago, RYD1NG H4WKS said:

whenever i make myself present around people and try to strike up conversation they often give me a one line response and then turn to talk to someone else instead, even people who i've known for a long time and potentially longer than the person they turn to talk to. I used to think age was a factor since i tend to want to hang w people older than me but then ill see those same people talking to people younger than me just fine which makes me feel like theres something wrong with me

Hey there,

I'm wondering, whats your relationship like with those people who do turn to talk to? Would you say they are friendly and approachable individuals?

[5H43_26]

40 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I'm wondering, whats your relationship like with those people who do turn to talk to? Would you say they are friendly and approachable individuals?

literally only one person whos my bsf for my whole life. no one else does. no one else bothers to try to talk to me really

[Monsoon]

19 hours ago, RYD1NG H4WKS said:

literally only one person whos my bsf for my whole life. no one else does. no one else bothers to try to talk to me really

Hey there,

I'm glad you have your bsf and I can imagine you really value that close friendship with them. What do you think has helped you to stay so close over the years? Also, I'm wondering, for the people who don't seem to want to talk to you or be around you, have you ever asked them why?

[5H43_26]

18 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I'm glad you have your bsf and I can imagine you really value that close friendship with them. What do you think has helped you to stay so close over the years? Also, I'm wondering, for the people who don't seem to want to talk to you or be around you, have you ever asked them why?

i asked the trans guy at my karate school several times, and he only answered once, last january, and said he was busy w school and didnt mean to blow me off and then he was chill for a while but then started to ignore me again.

and as for my bsf, idk why she still wants to hang w me even. I can tell shes annoyed w me sometimes but I think she knows I need her and shes really good at befriending the 'atypical ppl' and she knows how to get thru to me and i rlly love her so i listen to her.

also a lot of shit happened at my school yesterday
there was a hold in place towards the end of the day and we ended up being held there 30 mins after school was supposed to be over because there was a fight between two girls who OD'd  on drugs and then one had a seizure from a reaction to the drugs and the other was like in bad condition too I assume, and someone else attempted suicide

[Monsoon]

10 hours ago, RYD1NG H4WKS said:

i asked the trans guy at my karate school several times, and he only answered once, last january, and said he was busy w school and didnt mean to blow me off and then he was chill for a while but then started to ignore me again.

and as for my bsf, idk why she still wants to hang w me even. I can tell shes annoyed w me sometimes but I think she knows I need her and shes really good at befriending the 'atypical ppl' and she knows how to get thru to me and i rlly love her so i listen to her.

also a lot of shit happened at my school yesterday
there was a hold in place towards the end of the day and we ended up being held there 30 mins after school was supposed to be over because there was a fight between two girls who OD'd  on drugs and then one had a seizure from a reaction to the drugs and the other was like in bad condition too I assume, and someone else attempted suicide

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear that guy started to ignore you again; you deserve better than that! Also, it's pretty normal to get annoyed at your friends sometimes, that's bound to happen; I imagine you get frustrated with her sometimes, right? 

Also, it sounds like school was really intense yesterday. How are you feeling after it? 

[5H43_26]

3 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I'm sorry to hear that guy started to ignore you again; you deserve better than that! Also, it's pretty normal to get annoyed at your friends sometimes, that's bound to happen; I imagine you get frustrated with her sometimes, right? 

Also, it sounds like school was really intense yesterday. How are you feeling after it? 

a bit, bc shes a lot more mature then i am and only 3 months older.
and the guys back to being nice to me again, at least for a bit. he just got me a holiday gift. though until yesterday he was acting like i didnt exist for a long time

i was really depressed this morning and talked to a social worker at school and that helped me thru the day but im still in a rough spot.. relapsed on SH again after a good break. but im alr now. nothing serious rlly and i was jsut at karate and got my mind off things

[Monsoon]

Hey,

Yeah, it sounds like there is a gap in the maturity levels in the relationship, however, that's not a bad thing. You can take it as an opportunity to learn from each other; what do you think?

Also, i'm glad talking to the social worker helped you. Who else can you lean on for support if you need it soon? It sounds like the other day in school was really challenging, and it's okay to be affected by that; it's great that you're being open about it, as talking will help you to process it. Is there anything nice you could do to help you relax over the next few days maybe?

[5H43_26]

4 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

Yeah, it sounds like there is a gap in the maturity levels in the relationship, however, that's not a bad thing. You can take it as an opportunity to learn from each other; what do you think?

Also, i'm glad talking to the social worker helped you. Who else can you lean on for support if you need it soon? It sounds like the other day in school was really challenging, and it's okay to be affected by that; it's great that you're being open about it, as talking will help you to process it. Is there anything nice you could do to help you relax over the next few days maybe?

i mean hanukkah starts on Sunday which is nice and im spending a lot of time at karate tomorrow so that will help me chill and stuff.

idk it took a lot from me to feel safe enough to talk to a social worker, after a previous incident.

and im also trying to go back to single binding bc friends keep warning me im gonna mess myself up and ik but its hard and causing a lot of self hatred and dysphoria.

[Monsoon]

12 hours ago, RYD1NG H4WKS said:

i mean hanukkah starts on Sunday which is nice and im spending a lot of time at karate tomorrow so that will help me chill and stuff.

idk it took a lot from me to feel safe enough to talk to a social worker, after a previous incident.

and im also trying to go back to single binding bc friends keep warning me im gonna mess myself up and ik but its hard and causing a lot of self hatred and dysphoria.

Hey there,

It sounds like you have a couple of things to look forward to which is great :)

What do you think is helping you to feel safe enough to talk with the social worker now? That's really good progress. 

[5H43_26]

44 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

It sounds like you have a couple of things to look forward to which is great :)

What do you think is helping you to feel safe enough to talk with the social worker now? That's really good progress. 

it was one i didn't know and she didn't seem to know about what had happened and i knew i needed to talk to someone whilst my therapist has the flu so i went to her

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

Well I'm glad you feel able to talk with her now, that's really positive :)

In terms of your support from us here at Ditch the Label, is there anything you'd like to talk with us about at all? 

[5H43_26]

1 hour ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

Well I'm glad you feel able to talk with her now, that's really positive :)

In terms of your support from us here at Ditch the Label, is there anything you'd like to talk with us about at all? 

i mean yesterday i was at an event at my karate school and its usually just little kids there but there was a 12 or 13 year old guy there and he noticed my nails were painted and asked me if i was a part of the LGBTQ community and I said "do you have a problem with that?" and he just kept calling me a homosexual and making penis jokes and stuff and like I was running a game and I got distracted and I said 
"whoops im not doing my job right" and he overheard that and said "you'll have another type of job to do at home with your boyfriend..." and i knew exactly what he meant by that.

he didn't figure I was trans thou but idk if this was like me being hate crimed or something but it was the first time someone had treated me this way over my sexuality. my dojo handled it well and adults got involved and talked to the kid and his parents and wrote an incident report abt it but like no one rlly asked me if i was ok except for two of the other assistants working there

[5H43_26]

also I wish my mom would stop touching my chest all the time and commenting on how cute my butt is and the curves on my body when she knows how much i hate them. she'll just come up to me a lot and no matter how many times I say no or try to fend her off, she'll just like lift up my shirt or stick her hand under my shirt and just rub it around the front and back of my chest. Shes tried to cup my chest before too and i fucking hate it and she just laughs

[-Penny]

5 hours ago, RYD1NG H4WKS said:

also I wish my mom would stop touching my chest all the time and commenting on how cute my butt is and the curves on my body when she knows how much i hate them. she'll just come up to me a lot and no matter how many times I say no or try to fend her off, she'll just like lift up my shirt or stick her hand under my shirt and just rub it around the front and back of my chest. Shes tried to cup my chest before too and i fucking hate it and she just laughs

Hi! I know you and @Monsoon are already in a conversation, but just wanted to reply; have you told your mom directly that you don’t feel comfortable/happy with what she’s doing? (if you don’t mind me asking)

I hope you’re not doing too bad, remember to keep going strong it’ll get better eventually :)

[Monsoon]

6 hours ago, RYD1NG H4WKS said:

also I wish my mom would stop touching my chest all the time and commenting on how cute my butt is and the curves on my body when she knows how much i hate them. she'll just come up to me a lot and no matter how many times I say no or try to fend her off, she'll just like lift up my shirt or stick her hand under my shirt and just rub it around the front and back of my chest. Shes tried to cup my chest before too and i fucking hate it and she just laughs

Hey,

I'm really sorry to hear that your mom has been doing this to you. I can really see why that would make you feel uncomfortable, and it's completely normal to hate it. I'm wondering, how long has this been going on for? Also, have you spoken to anyone else about it?

[5H43_26]

1 hour ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

I'm really sorry to hear that your mom has been doing this to you. I can really see why that would make you feel uncomfortable, and it's completely normal to hate it. I'm wondering, how long has this been going on for? Also, have you spoken to anyone else about it?

prolly since i started puberty and like i was never shy abt things and she didnt for a while but now she uses me binding as a reason to feel me. to make sure im not binding in the house.
kinda, some ppl have said to report her but im afraid of being taken away, especially since we already have one offense or something...
i dont feel too comfortable talking about this really.. sorry for bringing it up

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

I completely get why you don't feel comfortable talking about this. We just want to help make sure things are good at home because you shouldn't be treated like this. Would you prefer to talk about this in confidential support at all where it's private? We are here for you. Take care and speak soon. 

[5H43_26]

15 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I completely get why you don't feel comfortable talking about this. We just want to help make sure things are good at home because you shouldn't be treated like this. Would you prefer to talk about this in confidential support at all where it's private? We are here for you. Take care and speak soon. 

im fine at home, its not like sexual assault or anything, i know she doesn't mean to do it meanly and thinks its funny i just want her to stop.. but i really dont want to talk abt it at all..
i think im all good for now if you want to end the thread or something

[Monsoon]

17 hours ago, RYD1NG H4WKS said:

im fine at home, its not like sexual assault or anything, i know she doesn't mean to do it meanly and thinks its funny i just want her to stop.. but i really dont want to talk abt it at all..
i think im all good for now if you want to end the thread or something

Hey there,

I'ts interesting that you've said it's not like sexual assault, because what you've told us sounds like it definitely is. What do you think about that?