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i don’t know if im bi or lesbian


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i have no idea if i’m bisexual or lesbian. i was very comfortable with my bi label until i started questioning…. do i actually like men?  if u asked me even a year ago i would give you a definite yes. now- idk. 

cause like ✨women✨. they’re just so- wow. and beautiful and amazing. and men are gross. but not all men- there are a couple exceptions. but those exceptions are basically just guys with the manners and cleanliness and personality of a somewhat nice girl yk. and if we start talking about physical appearance/ attraction there’s probably one man i like for every 100 women.  they’re just so soft and gorgeous and perfect. also if i look up “hot women” i will find 90% of the women that come up really attractive but if i do the same with “hot men” it’s all just pictures of guys with rock hard abs which i find really unappealing and unattractive personally. don’t even get me started on dicks. they’re disgusting. every time see or think of one i physically revolt. just ew. 

the thing is, i’ve never been in a relationship with either gender. hell- i haven’t even romantically kissed anyone smh. so how will i know for sure? 

another thing: yk in nicks bisexual awakening scene from heartstopper? when he was watching pirates of the carribean? so when i watched that i didn’t think will turner or jack sparrow were attractive. sorry- yes they’re objectively attractive but what i mean is that i wasn’t attracted to them. elizabeth swan on the other hand…. perfection. practically drooling over her every time she was on screen. also i can count the amount of male celeb crushes i have on my fingers but the list of female ones is wayyy too long for that. 

something i forgot to mention is i did a bunch of “am i bi or lesbian” quizzes and most of them said lesbian so yeah. i’m pretty sure i’m 95% lesbian with some rooms for perfect guys. BUT also i sometimes feel like i’m making it up. cause i don’t think i’d mind being in a relationship with a boy, i mean some are nice. so am i just bi and looking for attention? but then again i’m not looking for attention cause i’m not actually telling anyone. either way i’m alone so i might as well broaden my dating pool by a bit lol? 


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Hey Allie,

Welcome to the Ditch the Label community. I'm one of the digital mentors here and I give advice to those who reach out to us. 

Thank you sharing all of this with us. There are plenty of people out there who knew that they were LGBTQ+ without having dated, myself being one of them. Some people just know their sexuality from the very start, and it might be that you're the same as well, but still doubting yourself. Even though you haven't been in a relationship yet, just know that this will get better with time. As you get older, you will understand more and more, so try to take some comfort in knowing that. 

Also, I noticed what you said about how you questioned whether you are doing this for attention, but as you said, you're not actually telling anyone, so I think you answered that yourself there. From what you've told me, these feelings are important and are trying to tell you something, so trust yourself and your gut instincts. What do you think?


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  • 4 months later...


My advice is to just take your time. You should be in no rush whatsoever to find out your sexuality. Just remember, you are awesome :)

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