How do you know if your bisexual?

[Flower]

Lately I’ve been doubting my sexuality. I kind of find girls very attractive and not so much guys to be honest. But obviously there’s a few things about Guys that I find attractive. I’ve dated a guy before. And I’ve never dated a girl before. To be honest I’ve never even kissed a girl before. But I still have these feelings which are kind of confusing to be honest. Part of me is hoping these confusing feeling will go away. But another part of me feels like it might not go away anytime soon. And I’m not sure what to do now. I don’t know anyone who’s gay or lesbian or anyone from the lgbtq+ community   that I can ask for advice. And I don’t want to just kiss a girl just for the sake of kissing a girl. If I one day i do kiss a girl I would want to like her and hopefully she would like me back before that kiss to occur. Guess what I’m wondering is how do you know for sure if you are bisexual? 

[Monsoon]

7 hours ago, Flower said:

Lately I’ve been doubting my sexuality. I kind of find girls very attractive and not so much guys to be honest. But obviously there’s a few things about Guys that I find attractive. I’ve dated a guy before. And I’ve never dated a girl before. To be honest I’ve never even kissed a girl before. But I still have these feelings which are kind of confusing to be honest. Part of me is hoping these confusing feeling will go away. But another part of me feels like it might not go away anytime soon. And I’m not sure what to do now. I don’t know anyone who’s gay or lesbian or anyone from the lgbtq+ community   that I can ask for advice. And I don’t want to just kiss a girl just for the sake of kissing a girl. If I one day i do kiss a girl I would want to like her and hopefully she would like me back before that kiss to occur. Guess what I’m wondering is how do you know for sure if you are bisexual? 

Hey,

Welcome :)

I'm a digital mentor here and that means I give advice to our community members. I think that for some people, they just know their sexuality from an early age and don't have to explore, but for others, it can be quite confusing. I think that the best way to figure it out is to try new experiences and also speak to people from the LGBTQ+ community about their own journey and see if they have advice. What do you think?

[urfavekpopstan !]

13 hours ago, Flower said:

Lately I’ve been doubting my sexuality. I kind of find girls very attractive and not so much guys to be honest. But obviously there’s a few things about Guys that I find attractive. I’ve dated a guy before. And I’ve never dated a girl before. To be honest I’ve never even kissed a girl before. But I still have these feelings which are kind of confusing to be honest. Part of me is hoping these confusing feeling will go away. But another part of me feels like it might not go away anytime soon. And I’m not sure what to do now. I don’t know anyone who’s gay or lesbian or anyone from the lgbtq+ community   that I can ask for advice. And I don’t want to just kiss a girl just for the sake of kissing a girl. If I one day i do kiss a girl I would want to like her and hopefully she would like me back before that kiss to occur. Guess what I’m wondering is how do you know for sure if you are bisexual? 

Hey!!

I wanted to let you know its okay to doubt your sexuality at times. Also, I'm lesbian so like if you need any advice you could ask me literally anything. Just curious, why do you want these feelings to go away? Also, I get what you mean about the kissing girl thing- I mean I think that's totally fine if your exploring your sexuality, you don't have to kiss a girl to know your attracted to them though. I mean, if your bi that's totally cool and I think if that label stresses you out, then don't worry, you don't have to label yourself, your sexuality is up to you to decide, hopefully that all made sense, if you have any questions, don't hesitate to ask :)

[Flower]

Thanks for saying that. I’m sorry I took so long to reply back. Life has been busy. But I mostly want the feelings to go away because I know my parents would never approve. 

If I’m honest to myself I know I’m attracted to girls and guys. I don’t need to kiss a girl to know that. But knowing that doesn’t change how much I wish I didn’t feel that way. 

[Monsoon]

10 hours ago, Flower said:

Thanks for saying that. I’m sorry I took so long to reply back. Life has been busy. But I mostly want the feelings to go away because I know my parents would never approve. 

If I’m honest to myself I know I’m attracted to girls and guys. I don’t need to kiss a girl to know that. But knowing that doesn’t change how much I wish I didn’t feel that way. 

Hey there,

It's okay and there's absolutely no need to apologise. It's perfectly normal to want these feelings to go away when you first realise them, and this can happy for many reasons including a sense of shame and being in an unaccepting environment. However, over time, as you begin to live more and more authentically, these feelings often transform into pride. What do you think?

Also, I'm wondering, can you tell me more about how you know your parents would never approve? 

[Flower]

On 9/11/2022 at 3:12 AM, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

It's okay and there's absolutely no need to apologise. It's perfectly normal to want these feelings to go away when you first realise them, and this can happy for many reasons including a sense of shame and being in an unaccepting environment. However, over time, as you begin to live more and more authentically, these feelings often transform into pride. What do you think?

Also, I'm wondering, can you tell me more about how you know your parents would never approve? 

For some reason my reply just disappeared. I know my parents wouldn’t approve because they’ve always said negative things about people in the LGBT community, and to top it off they’re very religious in their own way. We would have a few discussions about it which would typically end up in arguments. That’s kind of how I know they would never approve. They already want me to get married to a man they have this vision of what they want my life to be like.
 

 I have a brother and he’s kind of a troubled child and I’ve always that one kid that does everything their parents need them to do, which probably sounds boring but for some parts, they have pretty good advice most of the time. Which is why I listen sometimes…obviously not all the time. But every time they approach me with the idea of marriage to a man, I always tell them now I’m focused on my career , or I’m focused on some thing else. 
 

thankfully I far away from them and I don’t have to stress too much about their attempts to set me up with someone. 

[Monsoon]

Hey there,

I get what you're saying about how you are the child that does everything their parents need them to because of a sibling who is having their own difficulties. This shows that you want to please people, but when you think about it, you need to make sure you're looking after yourself as well, because your feelings are valid and important here. What do you think?

Also, although your parents have said negative things about those in the LGBTQ community, it really can be a game changer when a child of theirs comes out. The love parents have for their children is so strong and this often makes them face their negative attitudes head on and become more accepting. Do you have any thoughts on that? I guess my point is really that there is hope, and parents often surprise their children in these kinds of situations. 

[Flower]

16 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I get what you're saying about how you are the child that does everything their parents need them to because of a sibling who is having their own difficulties. This shows that you want to please people, but when you think about it, you need to make sure you're looking after yourself as well, because your feelings are valid and important here. What do you think?

Also, although your parents have said negative things about those in the LGBTQ community, it really can be a game changer when a child of theirs comes out. The love parents have for their children is so strong and this often makes them face their negative attitudes head on and become more accepting. Do you have any thoughts on that? I guess my point is really that there is hope, and parents often surprise their children in these kinds of situations. 

The problem with my parents is that they go to the extreme. If I even step out of line once my parents will just immediately stop talking to me until I apologize or explain the situation. just recently I got in a fight with my mom and she just blocked me out of everything for about 2 to 3 weeks. basically she said that I wasn’t part of the family. And for those 2 to 3 weeks I had no contact with anyone except my brother. My father doesn’t care about what I do only if it negatively affects him. He’ll only talk to me out of obligation or ask me for money. So I’m just sure that I will lose them both if I even mentioned. Hey mom hey dad, I am might be slightly/very attracted to girls. The after the 2 to 3 months I didn’t talk to my mom. She called me and said hey, why are you talking to me. I had to then tell her that she told me to go fuck off and I respected that so I fucked off and didn’t talk to her. our issues were eventually resolved, but she never apologized for what she did and said. My mom is never been the type of person to apologize verbally. She’ll always apologize nonverbally with a hug or a kiss or give me my favorite food to eat. As much as I hope, things would change positively if I did tell them , I don’t want to risk it. I don’t have any family here in the US. And to my extended family that lives outside the US I practically don’t even talk to them so if I did tell them and they did react badly I would be alone. And that would kind of be the scariest part of it all.

[Monsoon]

4 hours ago, Flower said:

The problem with my parents is that they go to the extreme. If I even step out of line once my parents will just immediately stop talking to me until I apologize or explain the situation. just recently I got in a fight with my mom and she just blocked me out of everything for about 2 to 3 weeks. basically she said that I wasn’t part of the family. And for those 2 to 3 weeks I had no contact with anyone except my brother. My father doesn’t care about what I do only if it negatively affects him. He’ll only talk to me out of obligation or ask me for money. So I’m just sure that I will lose them both if I even mentioned. Hey mom hey dad, I am might be slightly/very attracted to girls. The after the 2 to 3 months I didn’t talk to my mom. She called me and said hey, why are you talking to me. I had to then tell her that she told me to go fuck off and I respected that so I fucked off and didn’t talk to her. our issues were eventually resolved, but she never apologized for what she did and said. My mom is never been the type of person to apologize verbally. She’ll always apologize nonverbally with a hug or a kiss or give me my favorite food to eat. As much as I hope, things would change positively if I did tell them , I don’t want to risk it. I don’t have any family here in the US. And to my extended family that lives outside the US I practically don’t even talk to them so if I did tell them and they did react badly I would be alone. And that would kind of be the scariest part of it all.

Hey there,

That sounds really tough with your parents, and I can totally see why you wouldn't want to tell them. From what you've said though, it sounds like although your mum goes to the extreme at first, things settle down in the end, and I'm wondering, if you did share this part of your identity with them, could it be that it does calm down eventually? I completely get not wanting to risk it though, and I'm only asking from a curious point of view. Speak soon.