My vent 😭😭😭😭

[-Leila-]

I just want to be skinny without people controlling me telling me to eat, threatening to take me to the doctors if I'm poorly. Well well done because I'm in this unit thingy. Honestly let me live my life leave me alone. I'll be dead If you'd let me do my thing. Leave me the heck alone. Why did you care all of a sudden when I self harmed? Where was you through my darkest times? You decide to come back because I tried killing myself? Well, your right maybe I do not deserve to be alive. But I am and that's the most messed up thing. I talk to these nurses or whatever their called but everyone just wants me to 'eat' or 'not try hurting myself ' its prison, I can't even communicate with anyone else. Its against the law or legal rights Honestly let me die . Gonna go cry to one of the nurses or staff I'm just done . Why do I have to eat? Why do you think you can force it on me to eat I don't want to eat. I don't care if I get ill I'm already ill but you honestly don't care. Let me leave because this isn't helping. Honestly thinking of self harming 24/7 but I just honestly can't cope with my own head anymore . 

[Monsoon]

3 hours ago, -Axel- said:

I just want to be skinny without people controlling me telling me to eat, threatening to take me to the doctors if I'm poorly. Well well done because I'm in this unit thingy. Honestly let me live my life leave me alone. I'll be dead If you'd let me do my thing. Leave me the heck alone. Why did you care all of a sudden when I self harmed? Where was you through my darkest times? You decide to come back because I tried killing myself? Well, your right maybe I do not deserve to be alive. But I am and that's the most messed up thing. I talk to these nurses or whatever their called but everyone just wants me to 'eat' or 'not try hurting myself ' its prison, I can't even communicate with anyone else. Its against the law or legal rights Honestly let me die . Gonna go cry to one of the nurses or staff I'm just done . Why do I have to eat? Why do you think you can force it on me to eat I don't want to eat. I don't care if I get ill I'm already ill but you honestly don't care. Let me leave because this isn't helping. Honestly thinking of self harming 24/7 but I just honestly can't cope with my own head anymore . 

Hey there,

I know this are hard for you at the moment, and I'm really glad you're able to share your experiences with us here; remember, we've always got your back. I will reply to your message now. Take care and speak soon. 

[urfavekpopstan !]

7 hours ago, -Axel- said:

I just want to be skinny without people controlling me telling me to eat, threatening to take me to the doctors if I'm poorly. Well well done because I'm in this unit thingy. Honestly let me live my life leave me alone. I'll be dead If you'd let me do my thing. Leave me the heck alone. Why did you care all of a sudden when I self harmed? Where was you through my darkest times? You decide to come back because I tried killing myself? Well, your right maybe I do not deserve to be alive. But I am and that's the most messed up thing. I talk to these nurses or whatever their called but everyone just wants me to 'eat' or 'not try hurting myself ' its prison, I can't even communicate with anyone else. Its against the law or legal rights Honestly let me die . Gonna go cry to one of the nurses or staff I'm just done . Why do I have to eat? Why do you think you can force it on me to eat I don't want to eat. I don't care if I get ill I'm already ill but you honestly don't care. Let me leave because this isn't helping. Honestly thinking of self harming 24/7 but I just honestly can't cope with my own head anymore . 

oh my godd..seriously no one deserves to go through this amount of pain. I can't imagine how you feel right now. Just know we are here for you and when you need us, if you ever need to talk, I'm here, you can message me if you would like. Also, you are worth living don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Just curious, how are you feeling at the moment with all of this stress pilling on you?

[-Leila-]

8 hours ago, mxhaxnaeem said:

oh my godd..seriously no one deserves to go through this amount of pain. I can't imagine how you feel right now. Just know we are here for you and when you need us, if you ever need to talk, I'm here, you can message me if you would like. Also, you are worth living don't let anyone tell you otherwise. Just curious, how are you feeling at the moment with all of this stress pilling on you?

I'm not feeling good. I'm not even myself.  I'm a whole different person.

[-Leila-]

12 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey there,

I know this are hard for you at the moment, and I'm really glad you're able to share your experiences with us here; remember, we've always got your back. I will reply to your message now. Take care and speak soon. 

Hi. I replied. Thank you.

[urfavekpopstan !]

7 hours ago, -Axel- said:

I'm not feeling good. I'm not even myself.  I'm a whole different person.

That is very understandable with all of that happening. Is there anything that you enjoy doing at that will put you at a bit of ease?

[-Leila-]

5 minutes ago, mxhaxnaeem said:

That is very understandable with all of that happening. Is there anything that you enjoy doing at that will put you at a bit of ease?

I'm in this mental health unit.  For my eating. Because its got so bad. That about my weight etc etc. I just want to die. But I don't Because I'm scared.

[Monsoon]

Hey. I just want you to know that we have sent a message to check in. Take care and speak soon.

[-Leila-]

13 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey. I just want you to know that we have sent a message to check in. Take care and speak soon.

Thank you

[urfavekpopstan !]

4 hours ago, -Axel- said:

I'm in this mental health unit.  For my eating. Because its got so bad. That about my weight etc etc. I just want to die. But I don't Because I'm scared.

Ohh I am so sorry, I think I might have misread something!! I am so sorry about all of that! Is there anything we can do to help you get through this?

Edited July 7, 2022 by mxhaxnaeem

[Chocolate chip 9909]

I am so sorry u feel this way. And u have to know that u r a Amazing person who deserves to live no matter what. And talking about things tends to help.

[-Leila-]

11 hours ago, mxhaxnaeem said:

Ohh I am so sorry, I think I might have misread something!! I am so sorry about all of that! Is there anything we can do to help you get through this?

I'm just trying my best to get by. Even though it's really tough.

[-Leila-]

10 hours ago, Chocolate chip 9909 said:

I am so sorry u feel this way. And u have to know that u r a Amazing person who deserves to live no matter what. And talking about things tends to help.

Awwww! This is the sweetest thing ever! Thank you so much❤

[-Leila-]

. I can't

[Monsoon]

3 hours ago, -Axel- said:

. I can't

Hey,

We've sent you a message to check in. We are here for you :) 

[-Leila-]

52 minutes ago, Monsoon said:

Hey,

We've sent you a message to check in. We are here for you :) 

Thanks!

[urfavekpopstan !]

7 hours ago, -Axel- said:

I'm just trying my best to get by. Even though it's really tough.

Of course. Just know you are loved and deserve so much better :)

[-Leila-]

3 minutes ago, mxhaxnaeem said:

Of course. Just know you are loved and deserve so much better :)

So are you! 

[-Leila-]

Why can't I just die. My nightmare yesterday night was about me drowning deliberately. Why can't it just happen. I'm in so much pain

 

[-Leila-]

Why does no one give a shit

[urfavekpopstan !]

Just now, -Axel- said:

Why does no one give a shit

Hey, I give a shit :)

[-Leila-]

5 minutes ago, mxhaxnaeem said:

Hey, I give a shit :)

Sorry I'm just having a awful awful time. I had a nightmare I died yesterday. I was fine I was feeling positive but now I'm honestly on breaking point I can't do this anymore  

[urfavekpopstan !]

Just now, -Axel- said:

Sorry I'm just having a awful awful time. I had a nightmare I died yesterday. I was fine I was feeling positive but now I'm honestly on breaking point I can't do this anymore  

Hey,

don't worry, I understand. Everything that you've described seems awful :( just curious, when you woke up from your nightmare, what happened? Also you CAN do this we will help you get through this, I promise :)

[-Leila-]

Just now, mxhaxnaeem said:

Hey,

don't worry, I understand. Everything that you've described seems awful :( just curious, when you woke up from your nightmare, what happened? Also you CAN do this we will help you get through this, I promise :)

I woke up crying and I was screaming. This morning I apologised to everyone as I thought I woke people up. My chest felt awful, really tight like I was swallowing water. I have a fear of water but I'd still drow ? Honestly I'm scared now. I keep thinking I'm going to die it's scaring me even though I want the pain to end

[-Leila-]

2 minutes ago, mxhaxnaeem said:

Hey,

don't worry, I understand. Everything that you've described seems awful :( just curious, when you woke up from your nightmare, what happened? Also you CAN do this we will help you get through this, I promise :)

I screamed and I was crying. It was awful.