eating disorder What To Do If I Suspect My Friend Has an Eating Disorder?

[Sputnik]

So this is my first time posting, so I'm sorry if I get anything wrong.

I know this person in my school because we are in the Drama Club together. We aren't very close, but we're pretty cool with each other since we were friends first year. She's very insecure about herself, but it seems to have worsened since her boyfriend cheated on her while training to be in the Navy. Before this, she'd always comment on old pictures of herself looking "fat" when she wasn't overweight, more average, if anything. She's skinny now, not skeletal thin, but like regular skinny. I just brushed it off as her exaggerating until a few days ago. There was going to be a bake sale after school, and we talked about the things we were going to buy, and she said, "Nah, I better not buy anything. I'm getting so fat, so I'm dieting." We all told her she looked fine, but she just blew us off. My dad is a coach, so I told her what he told me about when and how to diet, but she said she was fine. She also mentions that she often goes to the YMCA in our town nearly every day.

I'm worried about her now. I can't say 100% she has an ED, but it seems like it. I've experienced having an ED before, and I don't want her to go down the same path. At the same time, I don't want to narc her or claim she's doing something she's not. What should I do? Am I just overthinking all of this?

[Megs-]

Hi there, welcome to DTL, it’s so lovely to have you here, massive welcome from me. I will try my best to answer your question(s), but of course, I’m only young so my advice might not be what you’re comfortable with, i just want to try and support you and your friend by giving advice and sharing my experience too, welcome again

It's very natural to be worried about what to do if you are concerned that someone you know or care about may have an eating disorder. People who have or might of not been in this situation could think they were worried about saying the wrong thing, making the situation worse in some way or of getting it wrong by falsely accusing someone of having an eating disorder when they don't. Have you told anyone else like a trusted adult about your concerns? Regarding your friend?

Remember – the sooner help is found for someone suffering with an eating disorder; the more likely they are to recover. You reaching out and showing a compassionate concern could be just what it takes for someone to have the courage to get that help, accepting that support.

You may be worried about a partner, brother or sister or friend . Eating disorders thrive on secrecy and rely on staying hidden, so making every attempt to break the silence is the right thing to do. The disorder will not go away by itself, so although talking about it may be difficult, it can often be an essential first step. An eating disorder is an illness, not a crime, so you are not accusing anyone of anything shameful or wrong. 

As a friend you can play an important role in helping someone to get the support and treatment they need. 

When I told my mum about my eating issues I found different ways to tell her, I do remember some so I’ll comment them below, of course some might not work for you but some might work. I’ve added some in that you could try with supporting your friend, hugs. 

- Choose the right time and place and explain you have noticed changes in their behaviour. Find a time when both of you are feeling neither angry nor upset, and somewhere you will not be interrupted.

- Tell them you are concerned and want to help. Avoid situations where food is involved, like before and after meals

- Be prepared for them to be angry, upset or say hurtful things. The illness affects how someone thinks and can prevent them from being able to truly believe anything is wrong

- If they are not ready to talk, reassure them that you'll be there when they are

- Encourage your friend to talk to the university counsellor or see their GP. You could offer to go too and support them

Remember it's not about food, it's about feelings, so try not to talk about diets and weight loss. Be honest about your own feelings and encourage the person you are helping to be honest about theirs.

 

You are so so strong, here at DTL they’re support mentors who can support you with anything that’s bothering you, I will tag them below. Sending my love to you and your friend, .

@Digital Mentor

 

[Megs-]

How are things now, @Sputnik? 

[Aurora]

Hi @Sputnik, I also wanted to say a huge big welcome to Ditch the Label. It's really lovely to have you here . I'm Aurora and I am one of the support mentors here. I give support and advice to those who reach out to us. 

Thanks so much for letting us know what's been going on for your friend. You strike me as a very caring and thoughtful person and I think you're friend is really lucky to have someone like you looking out for her. I can see that @Megs- has already give you some great advice and I think she's made a really point about the sooner help is found for someone who has an eating disorder, the more likely they are to recover. 

I can understand though why you are reluctant to bring it up with her. It is difficult to talk about these things, especially if you're not that close. You mentioned that you had an eating disorder yourself so I would imagine you are good at spotting the signs. She might also find it easier to open up to you as she won't feel judged. What do you think? What might be helpful is to think about how you think you would react if a friend was worried about you and they talked to you about it. What would you want them to say to you? Another way to approach it is to say to your friend that you are worried about someone but you're not quite sure how they will react if you talk to them and does she have any advice. If she does, then this might give you a better understand on how you can support her. How does that sound? 

[Sputnik]

9 hours ago, Megs- said:

How are things now, @Sputnik? 

Hey! I'm actually doing better, and thanks for the advice! I plan to talk to my school counselor about this because she might have more resources than I do. Thanks!

[Megs-]

Just now, Sputnik said:

Hey! I'm actually doing better, and thanks for the advice! I plan to talk to my school counselor about this because she might have more resources than I do. Thanks!

No worries, always here

[Aurora]

12 hours ago, Sputnik said:

Hey! I'm actually doing better, and thanks for the advice! I plan to talk to my school counselor about this because she might have more resources than I do. Thanks!

That's a really good idea. I hope it goes well. And I'm glad to hear you're doing better.