Need some advice

[WhimsicalArtist]

8 minutes ago, Duckie said:

Hi @WhimsicalArtist,

No worries at all. You couldn't possibly know that I don't work on Saturdays and you are not bothering me in the slightest hon  I will probably add my working hours on my profile at some stage as this happens every so often, so that's something I am bearing in mind.

I know you said you've been to therapy and all. Did you get a chance to discuss everything you went through and how it has left you feeling guilty and anxious after a disagreement?

That is true. Some people can hold grudges for a long time. They might still do at the mentioning of your name, but they might not keep you fresh in mind after all these years.

It sounds like you did everything you could in informing these guys that what they were doing was wrong. Unfortunately they chose not to listen (most likely making excuses for their own horrible behaviour) and convincing you to keep quiet. This is typical predator behaviour of them, because thye exploited that you weren't strong enough to stand your ground - they saw this, but still chose to shut you down. That is on them, not on you. I am happy they all went their seperate ways. Even if they didn't, that doesn't make you an enabler of grooming  You tried your best at your best capacity.

Would you say these events are still with you? The trauma of having been publically chastised and  riddiculed? It sounds like it might have been quite traumatic for you. Have you been able to discuss these events with a mental health professional?

I'm glad I'm not bothering you, thanks for letting me know.

I haven't really done so because I felt so ashamed talking about since it all happened online and I thought I would eventually get over it. Plus I don't want my family to hear about it.

I really hope you're right. I just want them to forget about me and leave me alone.

Thank you, I just wish one of my former friends could realize that instead of spreading lies about me.

I think it has been, not to mention as I'm digging through my old Facebook accounts, I've been publicly shamed for a lot longer than I realized. I really need to talk about this with my therapist.

[WhimsicalArtist]

I just wanted to give an update on this situation.

After talking with a lot of my friends about what I went through, they all told me that I'm not at fault for what happened, and they also helped ease my fears about my former friends coming back to get me. Talking to them really put me at ease along with our discussion here, so I think my intrusive thoughts are starting to subside.

I do still need help with learning how to cope with these intrusive thoughts if they flare up again, and I'm considering getting evaluated for PTSD at some point. But deep down, I understand now that I don't have anything to worry about and that my life isn't going to be ruined, and my past mistakes won't haunt me forever.

So thank you for all your help these past few days, I really appreciate it.

[Duckie]

On 2/4/2024 at 9:13 PM, WhimsicalArtist said:

I'm glad I'm not bothering you, thanks for letting me know.

I haven't really done so because I felt so ashamed talking about since it all happened online and I thought I would eventually get over it. Plus I don't want my family to hear about it.

I really hope you're right. I just want them to forget about me and leave me alone.

Thank you, I just wish one of my former friends could realize that instead of spreading lies about me.

I think it has been, not to mention as I'm digging through my old Facebook accounts, I've been publicly shamed for a lot longer than I realized. I really need to talk about this with my therapist.

Hi @WhimsicalArtist

It sounds like this incident has really affected your mental health and your sense of safety. I definitely think this is a good idea to bring up with your therapist 

11 hours ago, WhimsicalArtist said:

I just wanted to give an update on this situation.

After talking with a lot of my friends about what I went through, they all told me that I'm not at fault for what happened, and they also helped ease my fears about my former friends coming back to get me. Talking to them really put me at ease along with our discussion here, so I think my intrusive thoughts are starting to subside.

I do still need help with learning how to cope with these intrusive thoughts if they flare up again, and I'm considering getting evaluated for PTSD at some point. But deep down, I understand now that I don't have anything to worry about and that my life isn't going to be ruined, and my past mistakes won't haunt me forever.

So thank you for all your help these past few days, I really appreciate it.

I am so happy you talked to your friends and asked them for their thoughts on this. I am happy you did this and that they were supportive about it. It sounded like they said exactly what you needed to hear 

I think that's a good idea. This incident seems to have caused you trauma so it's no wonder it keeps coming back to you years later. Intrusive thoughts works as a way to prepare the mind for anything, but when the threats never solidify it can become really unbarable to think about. I also don't think past mistakes will haunt you forever, not like this anyway. I think it is more likely that some people would either react like your former friend (ie not forgiving you) or having forgotten all about it.

[WhimsicalArtist]

11 hours ago, Duckie said:

Hi @WhimsicalArtist

It sounds like this incident has really affected your mental health and your sense of safety. I definitely think this is a good idea to bring up with your therapist 

I am so happy you talked to your friends and asked them for their thoughts on this. I am happy you did this and that they were supportive about it. It sounded like they said exactly what you needed to hear 

I think that's a good idea. This incident seems to have caused you trauma so it's no wonder it keeps coming back to you years later. Intrusive thoughts works as a way to prepare the mind for anything, but when the threats never solidify it can become really unbarable to think about. I also don't think past mistakes will haunt you forever, not like this anyway. I think it is more likely that some people would either react like your former friend (ie not forgiving you) or having forgotten all about it.

I plan on doing that for our next appointment.

They really did, and I feel much better and more secure now that they put my thoughts at ease.

Now that I'm in a better place mentally now, I think you're right. Realistically they would all have just moved on by now, and if they did try to stalk me and doxx me again it would just get them in trouble so I don't think they will. I think now I just need to work on finding coping mechanisms for my intrusive thoughts.

[Duckie]

12 hours ago, WhimsicalArtist said:

I plan on doing that for our next appointment.

They really did, and I feel much better and more secure now that they put my thoughts at ease.

Now that I'm in a better place mentally now, I think you're right. Realistically they would all have just moved on by now, and if they did try to stalk me and doxx me again it would just get them in trouble so I don't think they will. I think now I just need to work on finding coping mechanisms for my intrusive thoughts.

I am excited for you that you feel this is someting you can take with you to your next appointment. I think this will be really helpful. Feel free to share how it went if you want to  No pressure, though.

I'm so happy your friends had some valuable input and were able to support you 

Absolutely! And please know that we will always help if they ever came after you on social media or anything. We have an online reporting tool on our website specifically for any kind of online abuse, so that might also give you some reassurance. We are trusted flaggers with most social media channels (TikTok, Snapchat, Facebook, Twitter, Instagram etc.).