I think I might be bisexual but…I don’t want to be this way.

[Newtothis]

 

Hi all I think I might be bisexual but…I don’t want to be this way. I hate my self for this. I hate my self for this so bad that I’ve tried to end my life because of this. When I was 13 mom found out my sibling was gay. And let me tell you it didn’t end well for him at the beginning. (Now she’s accepting of him and loves him she grew to understand) but when I heard the slaps and screams. I had to suppress my feelings and the way I carried myself. Because I knew what she would of done to me too. In a way I guess my siblings took the hit. But I don’t view it like that I’m sure my sibling would be supportive because is something he went thru. I still think mom is homophobic. And that’s why I’m hesitant to even think of telling her. Also I know that the way my life is right now. If I come out or get found out about. I’ll lose so much. I like girls and guys. But I like guys more than girls and I don’t want that. The reason for me being this way was because. My first ex broke up with me and went with My my so called best friend who I used to go to his house for birthday party’s hang out ride bikes and play games. And my last ex cheated on me with again a so called best friend. But this time. Oh boy this time I walked in on her having sex with him. The way this happened was because I left my book bag at her house and went unannounced. I saw what I saw right in front of me… I just shook my head grabbed my shit and walked out. That day it was my second suicidal attempt. I called my brother to tell him what was going on and he was understanding. And when I hung up I broke down even more and that’s when I tried to end it but it failed me again. After my last ex I lost all respect and trust for women and don’t know if I could come to love another woman. I don’t want to be bi due to the fact that I have soooo much to lose and I don’t want that all my friends are homophobic. And I definitely don’t want anyone to know I want to stay discreet and dl but I’m so lost and I don’t want this I don’t want to get to the point of a 4th attempt because Ik then and there . It won’t fail it won’t go good either. Im so lost and I don’t won’t to be here because ik how things will go I’ll lose so many close friends that I’ve built and accomplish big things in the industry with. I know I’ll get ignored more left out and judged I’ve messed with one guy multiple times at the beginning of 2022. With my ex I only kissed and got oral but nothing more. I don’t want a relationship with anyone because if I’m with a girl I’m straight in the eyes of a gay person. And if I’m with a guy I’m gay in the eyes of a straight person. I don’t want to be judged or labeled but is going to happen. I don’t know I’m so lost emotionally mentally and sexually what can I do please I need some type of help or guidance. I just don’t want to be anymore 

 

[Ezra Cullen]

Buddy I can't solve your problems, you are in an awful situation for sure, but you can't stop being bi, that's really not an option no matter how much you may want it to be. Your main concern seems to be what other people would think of you. And I can tell you from experience that that won't end well, your environment and the people around you don't get to dictate who you are.

The first step in my own opinion would be to come out to yourself. Try and accept that you are who you are. And once you do that, THEN you can try and move forward whatever you judge the next step to be.

I really genuinely hope this helped, even a little 

[Monsoon]

On 5/7/2022 at 11:53 PM, Newtothis said:

Hi all I think I might be bisexual but…I don’t want to be this way. I hate my self for this. I hate my self for this so bad that I’ve tried to end my life because of this. When I was 13 mom found out my sibling was gay. And let me tell you it didn’t end well for him at the beginning. (Now she’s accepting of him and loves him she grew to understand) but when I heard the slaps and screams. I had to suppress my feelings and the way I carried myself. Because I knew what she would of done to me too. In a way I guess my siblings took the hit. But I don’t view it like that I’m sure my sibling would be supportive because is something he went thru. I still think mom is homophobic. And that’s why I’m hesitant to even think of telling her. Also I know that the way my life is right now. If I come out or get found out about. I’ll lose so much. I like girls and guys. But I like guys more than girls and I don’t want that. The reason for me being this way was because. My first ex broke up with me and went with My my so called best friend who I used to go to his house for birthday party’s hang out ride bikes and play games. And my last ex cheated on me with again a so called best friend. But this time. Oh boy this time I walked in on her having sex with him. The way this happened was because I left my book bag at her house and went unannounced. I saw what I saw right in front of me… I just shook my head grabbed my shit and walked out. That day it was my second suicidal attempt. I called my brother to tell him what was going on and he was understanding. And when I hung up I broke down even more and that’s when I tried to end it but it failed me again. After my last ex I lost all respect and trust for women and don’t know if I could come to love another woman. I don’t want to be bi due to the fact that I have soooo much to lose and I don’t want that all my friends are homophobic. And I definitely don’t want anyone to know I want to stay discreet and dl but I’m so lost and I don’t want this I don’t want to get to the point of a 4th attempt because Ik then and there . It won’t fail it won’t go good either. Im so lost and I don’t won’t to be here because ik how things will go I’ll lose so many close friends that I’ve built and accomplish big things in the industry with. I know I’ll get ignored more left out and judged I’ve messed with one guy multiple times at the beginning of 2022. With my ex I only kissed and got oral but nothing more. I don’t want a relationship with anyone because if I’m with a girl I’m straight in the eyes of a gay person. And if I’m with a guy I’m gay in the eyes of a straight person. I don’t want to be judged or labeled but is going to happen. I don’t know I’m so lost emotionally mentally and sexually what can I do please I need some type of help or guidance. I just don’t want to be anymore 

Hey there,

I just thought I'd check in and see how you're feeling? I know one of our other support mentors has already reached out to you, and I thought I would also ask. I hope you're doing as okay as you can be.