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Why should I come out?


PeaceOut
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I've known that I'm bi for a few months now, got the flag colors as butterflies cut out and put in my phone case, and am obvi an ally. My parents keep saying stuff like, "when you get married..." and they assume it'd be with a guy but I see myself with girls too. Plus, I don't even think I wanna get married. But then again, even though I know my mom should ve cool with it, her and my dad still make homophobic comments sometimes. They're rather nice to me and I don't wanna screw up what I've got. For the last few months I've been dropping little hints and they haven't seemed to care and I feel like even if they knew and supported it wouldn't be much different. So if it would be pretty much the same, why step out the comfort zone for the little freedom I get? It's not like I'd get relationship freedom bc of covid and I don't even go to in person school. In fact it may just make things awkward. But like I hear so many people so relieved from it I don't wanna be missing out on a better life. Advice on why or why not please? Thanks.

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  • Digital Mentor
49 minutes ago, PeaceOut said:

I've known that I'm bi for a few months now, got the flag colors as butterflies cut out and put in my phone case, and am obvi an ally. My parents keep saying stuff like, "when you get married..." and they assume it'd be with a guy but I see myself with girls too. Plus, I don't even think I wanna get married. But then again, even though I know my mom should ve cool with it, her and my dad still make homophobic comments sometimes. They're rather nice to me and I don't wanna screw up what I've got. For the last few months I've been dropping little hints and they haven't seemed to care and I feel like even if they knew and supported it wouldn't be much different. So if it would be pretty much the same, why step out the comfort zone for the little freedom I get? It's not like I'd get relationship freedom bc of covid and I don't even go to in person school. In fact it may just make things awkward. But like I hear so many people so relieved from it I don't wanna be missing out on a better life. Advice on why or why not please? Thanks.

Hey @PeaceOut

You made a really good point about hearing the stories of others and how they feel relieved; I think that when you can be your authentic self, you get a lot more from life; you can build deeper connections and get a greater sense of satisfaction, so that's my advice for why. What do you think?

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I think that's a good point. I mean like sometimes we (me and parents) go out on daytrips to cities and stuff, they have souvenir shops, and 90% of the time, they have pride stuff. Usually just the rainbow, but still- I guess the idea of being my honest self does appeal. But then again the possible negatives, as I'm sure it'd be way worse knowing that you are not accepted, feeling as if the courage was wasted.

 

I suppose that if I don't tell them straight up but just give out not-so subtle hints (bracelet that legit says bi, changing phone wallpaper to bi), soon enough they'll know, and if they care they'll tell me- if they don't, I guess that'd mean I'm out!

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11 hours ago, PeaceOut said:

I think that's a good point. I mean like sometimes we (me and parents) go out on daytrips to cities and stuff, they have souvenir shops, and 90% of the time, they have pride stuff. Usually just the rainbow, but still- I guess the idea of being my honest self does appeal. But then again the possible negatives, as I'm sure it'd be way worse knowing that you are not accepted, feeling as if the courage was wasted.

I suppose that if I don't tell them straight up but just give out not-so subtle hints (bracelet that legit says bi, changing phone wallpaper to bi), soon enough they'll know, and if they care they'll tell me- if they don't, I guess that'd mean I'm out!

Hey,

I completely get what you're saying about how you may end up feeling as if the courage was wasted, but I think that even if they aren't accepting, it's good to remember that this can change, and often does. We have a useful support guide about that here: My Parents Didn't React Well To Me Coming Out | Ditch the Label

I'm wondering, do you know anyone who is LGBTQ+ that you could have a chat with? It might be useful to ask them how it feels now they're out and living authentically. Also, if you've had a read of the support guide, what do you think?

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Thank you. I do have some online friends. I'll try asking them about it- the guide gives a lot of good advice. But what if they think I'm too young to know, or that I'm not supposed to be aware at this age (13), that I should just pretend to be straight until I can be in a legitimate relationship, I'm not supposed to be finding girls in parking lots hot?! I mean my mom sometimes has to ask my age qnd forgets my grade! (Sorry for freaking out).

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9 hours ago, PeaceOut said:

Thank you. I do have some online friends. I'll try asking them about it- the guide gives a lot of good advice. But what if they think I'm too young to know, or that I'm not supposed to be aware at this age (13), that I should just pretend to be straight until I can be in a legitimate relationship, I'm not supposed to be finding girls in parking lots hot?! I mean my mom sometimes has to ask my age qnd forgets my grade! (Sorry for freaking out).

Hey there,

Yeah, I would speak with your online friends; I can imagine they have probably had many of the same worries, so it would be good to see what their experiences were like. 

Also, even though some people may believe you're too young to know, the only thing that is important is that you know your identity. Even if they think you cannot know at a young age, that's their problem, not yours. What do you think? 

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I think that's great advice... also... * drumroll* I DID IT I came out to my mom!!!! She was super accepting. Thank goodness- it gave me a rush and I could barely get back on my skateboard after the ice cream break lol. She did say dad's still a bit old fashioned, though, so I'm not gonna tell him. But thank youuuuuuuuuu!!!

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2 hours ago, PeaceOut said:

I think that's great advice... also... * drumroll* I DID IT I came out to my mom!!!! She was super accepting. Thank goodness- it gave me a rush and I could barely get back on my skateboard after the ice cream break lol. She did say dad's still a bit old fashioned, though, so I'm not gonna tell him. But thank youuuuuuuuuu!!!

Hey,

That's great news :)

How are you feeling now? There must be a big sense of relief!

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  • 3 weeks later...

For sure. It's very relieving but also kind of tricky still, because as dad doesn't know he's still a bit rude towards lgbt sometimes. But mom does call him out and tell him not to, so that's a good.

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20 hours ago, PeaceOut said:

For sure. It's very relieving but also kind of tricky still, because as dad doesn't know he's still a bit rude towards lgbt sometimes. But mom does call him out and tell him not to, so that's a good.

Hey,

Yeah, I totally get the nerves around telling your dad, but remember, your mom is supportive and she calls him out on it too, so that will help a lot :) 

Have you thought about telling him soon, or are you taking a break for now?

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