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Should I come out?


BusinessBee
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Hi so my parents are overprotective and react very extremely. I am mostly gay but at my age you can't be completely sure. I can tell my dad isn't fond of LGBTQ+ people and my mom is iffy about it. I am a very shy and anxious person so I could never find out myself.

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Hello I am not expecting replys or anything but I felt I had to put it into the world so here I go. I am a 13 year old boy, at this age Im supposed to love sports and talking to people. On the other hand, I love reading, games, biology, science, history, plays, animals, and everything between. At my height (5'7) people always expect me to be the sporty kid but I strongly dislike sports. My body in my mind is ugly, awkward, lanky, and too skinny. But in the past people have said I don't seem anything like these descriptions. I want to believe them but I just can't. Thank you for spending time reading this, once again I just felt the need to get my issue out into the world.

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Hey @BusinessBee

Welcome to our community :)

I saw that you posted two topics and I thought I would merge them together so we can have a conversation about both - I hope that's okay. I'm wondering, if you came out to them soon, how do you think they would react, and do you think that reaction would be permanent, or could it change? Many people do worry about how their parents will react, and sometimes, they can respond in a frosty/negative way, but the love that parents have for their children really helps them to challenge their beliefs and become more open minded. What do you think? 

Also, I'm wondering, have you always had negative thoughts about yourself, like 'ugly, awkward, lanky, and too skinny?' If not, I wonder what changed for you to start seeing yourself negatively? 

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Is it rude to ask from which country you are? Because I live in Eastern Europe and life is a lot easier here if you stay in the closet... While I can't relate to your exact issue there was a time when I thought I was bisexual and wanted to come out, but not saying anything actually spared me from a lot of pain! You said you are 13, correct? That's so young and I'm really sorry for what you are going through... but, just because something needs to be said, that doesn't mean that it needs to be heard, at least, not for the time being. Okay , story time - a few years back I was friends with this girl, whom we'll call Ivy. Ivy, along with everyone else thought that she was aesexual because she just never had a crush on anyone, ever. She felt so weird about the whole ordeal, and to be frank, quite miserable. That was, up until maybe a three years ago did she realize that she was actually gay, and that summer she fell in love with  a girl and it was mutual. And when I tell you that in the years that I have known Ivy I have NEVER seen her more happy than that summer. Before meeting her, Ivy was super sarcastic, a total tomboy, had a very dry sense of humor and DESPISED romance with her whole being. But, when she was with that girl, she did a complete 180 - she dedicated an entire journal of poems and drawings to her, they often went on adorable but secret dates together, they would laugh, they would sing, it was honestly so beautiful! This story doesn't have a happy ending though... Remember how I said that I live in Eastern Europe?  Well, Ivy got careless. She started to say things that she shouldn't have, and soon enough everybody found out about her sexuality, including her parents. Everything went downhill from there, it was honestly so brutal... While I do agree that people should be free in expressing their sexuality it is a sad reality that  not everybody is willing to accept it, especially if you live somewhere like I do.  Her parents beat her and kept telling her what was wrong with her, but she didn't do anything wrong... She now has depression and anxiety, and takes medication I believe. Her parents restircted her freedom and forced her to grow her hair back so that she could look more girly again.... I rarely see her these days, if I'm being honest with you. This post might not really help you or give you an answer you need but I'll tell you what I learned from this entire order - wait it out.  I really do believe that the best thing you can do at the moment is to just wait it out. Don't just jump right in, take your sweet time and just keep yourself safe. Again, so sorry if you find this rude or offensive, but I really don't want the same thing to happen to you... Take care.

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3 hours ago, abozemoj said:

Is it rude to ask from which country you are? Because I live in Eastern Europe and life is a lot easier here if you stay in the closet... While I can't relate to your exact issue there was a time when I thought I was bisexual and wanted to come out, but not saying anything actually spared me from a lot of pain! You said you are 13, correct? That's so young and I'm really sorry for what you are going through... but, just because something needs to be said, that doesn't mean that it needs to be heard, at least, not for the time being. Okay , story time - a few years back I was friends with this girl, whom we'll call Ivy. Ivy, along with everyone else thought that she was aesexual because she just never had a crush on anyone, ever. She felt so weird about the whole ordeal, and to be frank, quite miserable. That was, up until maybe a three years ago did she realize that she was actually gay, and that summer she fell in love with  a girl and it was mutual. And when I tell you that in the years that I have known Ivy I have NEVER seen her more happy than that summer. Before meeting her, Ivy was super sarcastic, a total tomboy, had a very dry sense of humor and DESPISED romance with her whole being. But, when she was with that girl, she did a complete 180 - she dedicated an entire journal of poems and drawings to her, they often went on adorable but secret dates together, they would laugh, they would sing, it was honestly so beautiful! This story doesn't have a happy ending though... Remember how I said that I live in Eastern Europe?  Well, Ivy got careless. She started to say things that she shouldn't have, and soon enough everybody found out about her sexuality, including her parents. Everything went downhill from there, it was honestly so brutal... While I do agree that people should be free in expressing their sexuality it is a sad reality that  not everybody is willing to accept it, especially if you live somewhere like I do.  Her parents beat her and kept telling her what was wrong with her, but she didn't do anything wrong... She now has depression and anxiety, and takes medication I believe. Her parents restircted her freedom and forced her to grow her hair back so that she could look more girly again.... I rarely see her these days, if I'm being honest with you. This post might not really help you or give you an answer you need but I'll tell you what I learned from this entire order - wait it out.  I really do believe that the best thing you can do at the moment is to just wait it out. Don't just jump right in, take your sweet time and just keep yourself safe. Again, so sorry if you find this rude or offensive, but I really don't want the same thing to happen to you... Take care.

Hey there,

Thanks for sharing this with us. I have just sent you a message to check in and see how your old friend is doing. I hope to hear from you soon. 

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19 hours ago, BusinessBee said:

Hello I am not expecting replys or anything but I felt I had to put it into the world so here I go. I am a 13 year old boy, at this age Im supposed to love sports and talking to people. On the other hand, I love reading, games, biology, science, history, plays, animals, and everything between. At my height (5'7) people always expect me to be the sporty kid but I strongly dislike sports. My body in my mind is ugly, awkward, lanky, and too skinny. But in the past people have said I don't seem anything like these descriptions. I want to believe them but I just can't. Thank you for spending time reading this, once again I just felt the need to get my issue out into the world.

Business Bee you are a human… do what you love and forget the haters… they are just grumpy you aren’t like them… do you!

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14 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey @BusinessBee

Welcome to our community :)

I saw that you posted two topics and I thought I would merge them together so we can have a conversation about both - I hope that's okay. I'm wondering, if you came out to them soon, how do you think they would react, and do you think that reaction would be permanent, or could it change? Many people do worry about how their parents will react, and sometimes, they can respond in a frosty/negative way, but the love that parents have for their children really helps them to challenge their beliefs and become more open minded. What do you think? 

Also, I'm wondering, have you always had negative thoughts about yourself, like 'ugly, awkward, lanky, and too skinny?' If not, I wonder what changed for you to start seeing yourself negatively? 

Thank you for providing questions for consideration. After reviewing I have decided that I should hold off coming out until I am independent.

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@abozemoj thank you for sharing this story, I hope you do see your friend again. (Also Im from the U.S.)

@richthakid thank you for your reply, Im not going to lie to you and say I now see myself better but I think if I follow your advice I might tread on the correct path.

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@Monsoon I have no idea how they would react but over time Im sure it could change.

Looking back at when I was younger I never had those thoughts but when middle school came these beleifs started coming into my mind.

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