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Oizys
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This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Self-Harm

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Hello!

I feel like I need to talk to someone who's actually gone through similar stuff. I don't feel like talking to my family, partner, friends or psychiatrist is helping. I feel like I'm falling apart even though I'm doing everything people told me to do that would help. I tried talking to the people in my life, I opened up to my partner I was taking my medication but the medicine just made me feel like a zombie, the people around me just couldn't understand what I was going through and why I wasn't getting better after so much time has passed. I'm not gonna write down my whole lifes story because that would take way too long. Only what's necessary to understand me.

Been passed between parents my whole life

Was bullied 

Suffered from depression, anxiety, panic attacks and insomnia since childhood

Self-harm stopped for a few years now struggling to stop again

I've been suicidal half my life (currently in my twenties)

Started taking xanax and anti-depressants tis year

Partner with narcissistic personality disorder

I'm on a self-destructive path and I don't know how to stop. I feel like I'm sinking deeper and deeper into a big black hole and know one knows or wants to pull me out from it. The only time I feel anything and feel free is when I drink and xanax and alcohol isn't a good mixture. A lot of times I have blackouts. I feel like I should be locked up in a mental hospital but everzone around me denise it. I also don't want to dissapoint the people around me. I also don't want people knowing these stuff about me. I just don't know what to do anymore. 

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This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Suicide

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Hi @Oizys Thank you so much for sharing with us - I know this isn't always easy to do so I know it can be a huge step. As you mentioned feeling suicidal in your life, can I just check in with you to ensure you are safe right now or do you have any plans?

Once we know you are safe, we can then give you more support. I really do hope to hear back from you soon. We are here to help you through.


 

 

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This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Self-Harm

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2 hours ago, Oizys said:

Hello!

I feel like I need to talk to someone who's actually gone through similar stuff. I don't feel like talking to my family, partner, friends or psychiatrist is helping. I feel like I'm falling apart even though I'm doing everything people told me to do that would help. I tried talking to the people in my life, I opened up to my partner I was taking my medication but the medicine just made me feel like a zombie, the people around me just couldn't understand what I was going through and why I wasn't getting better after so much time has passed. I'm not gonna write down my whole lifes story because that would take way too long. Only what's necessary to understand me.

Been passed between parents my whole life

Was bullied 

Suffered from depression, anxiety, panic attacks and insomnia since childhood

Self-harm stopped for a few years now struggling to stop again

I've been suicidal half my life (currently in my twenties)

Started taking xanax and anti-depressants tis year

Partner with narcissistic personality disorder

I'm on a self-destructive path and I don't know how to stop. I feel like I'm sinking deeper and deeper into a big black hole and know one knows or wants to pull me out from it. The only time I feel anything and feel free is when I drink and xanax and alcohol isn't a good mixture. A lot of times I have blackouts. I feel like I should be locked up in a mental hospital but everzone around me denise it. I also don't want to dissapoint the people around me. I also don't want people knowing these stuff about me. I just don't know what to do anymore. 

Hello @Oizys

Thank you for reaching out to us. It really sounds like you're going through a lot at the moment, but the fact that you are here and asking for help shows me how strong and resilient you are.  How does it feel to get all of this off your chest to us here? I noticed that you said you're safe at the moment which is amazing to hear. I'm wondering, what is helping you to stay safe at the moment? Take care and speak soon. 

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3 hours ago, Oizys said:

I'm safe and don't plan on doing anything tomyself.

really pleased to hear this. Well done for expressing yourself and being brave and reaching out. I hope someone gets in touch with you soon to support you through this horrible time as you deserve support and i am pleased again that you've reached out and spotted you need support. sending warm hugs to you

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This post has been flagged with warnings, as follows: Self-Harm

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On 10/11/2021 at 11:04 PM, Oizys said:

Hello!

I feel like I need to talk to someone who's actually gone through similar stuff. I don't feel like talking to my family, partner, friends or psychiatrist is helping. I feel like I'm falling apart even though I'm doing everything people told me to do that would help. I tried talking to the people in my life, I opened up to my partner I was taking my medication but the medicine just made me feel like a zombie, the people around me just couldn't understand what I was going through and why I wasn't getting better after so much time has passed. I'm not gonna write down my whole lifes story because that would take way too long. Only what's necessary to understand me.

Been passed between parents my whole life

Was bullied 

Suffered from depression, anxiety, panic attacks and insomnia since childhood

Self-harm stopped for a few years now struggling to stop again

I've been suicidal half my life (currently in my twenties)

Started taking xanax and anti-depressants tis year

Partner with narcissistic personality disorder

I'm on a self-destructive path and I don't know how to stop. I feel like I'm sinking deeper and deeper into a big black hole and know one knows or wants to pull me out from it. The only time I feel anything and feel free is when I drink and xanax and alcohol isn't a good mixture. A lot of times I have blackouts. I feel like I should be locked up in a mental hospital but everzone around me denise it. I also don't want to dissapoint the people around me. I also don't want people knowing these stuff about me. I just don't know what to do anymore. 

Hey, I’m proud that you’re reaching out. You said you wanted to talk with someone who’s gone through similar stuff, I’ve also had struggles. 
I'm 14 btw.

My brother sexually assaulted me multiple times when I was younger but I haven’t told anyone since he hasn’t tried anything in a couple years 

He lives with us and I act like everything’s fine and I’m trying my best to move on 

Suffered from panic attacks and depression 

Had suicidal thoughts since I was 12 and I still struggle with them 

Starting self harming a year ago but have tried hard to stop, can’t help myself sometimes when I’m stressed 

Each time I’ve tried reaching out I’ve been told it’s just a phase. My mum asks me what’s so bad about my life and I haven’t even told her anything. I saw a school counsellor who told me to deep breathe and think happy thoughts which I thought was quite funny at the time. I know it’s really hard and easy to do impulsive things when you’re not in a good place. There was one point where I went from feeling everything at once to nothing at all which is very scary. Each time I make it through because I have to for my parents and friends. I know it’s really hard. I’ve been turned away so many times when I’ve reached out but I’m waiting for a call from a therapist my doctor recommended me. I hope I can finally be open to someone about my struggles. At times I felt really low, talking to someone always helped. Whether you can do that with a friend online, someone you know or the free mental health helplines that are available, please reach out so you can make it through the night. Sometimes you really have to do stuff for you. If I had committed suicide back when I was 12 and had no friends with major social anxiety, I wouldn’t have meet the friends I have now. I wouldn’t have experienced all these things I have, even when half the time is still filled with pain and sad days. Looking back on myself makes me want to give that little girl a hug. I hope I can try my best and make it through days which seem meaningless. I wish you lots of luck.

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Hello @Alliexo

I'm really grateful that you have opened up to us here about your struggles, and you're absolutely right, talking to someone always helps. When we stay silent, we feel like we are carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders, so it's really good to offload and get help from others. I just want you to know that I've sent you a private message so we can talk there and give you support. I hope to hear back from you soon. Take care. 

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