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How should I deal with this?


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Hi, I have been questioning my sexuality and somehow I think I am bi. I told one of my closest friends about and I thought she loved me just the way I am. Boy was I wrong. She started to discuss on how I should date guys more and forget that l like girls. I felt really offended. She's saying I want to protect you from the ugly world. Yes I know this reality is messed up, but you should love me just the way I am. What should I do about her?

Again my ex boyfriend says he wants to know if I am straight or lesbian. I don't know how to come out to him. I don't want to look like I want attention from him. I just want him to know who I really am. What should I do? I am already installing a mental breakdown into my brain. Please help me...

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @Consolata

How are you feeling? I know that this can feel really overwhelming, and I just want you to know that it will get better with time and that it won't be like this forever, but I know it's hard to keep that in mind right now. It must have been tough for you to hear that from your friend, and I totally get why you felt really offended. Did she explain why you should date guys more and forget about girls? I'm just curious to know how dating guys protects you from the ugly world. What do you think she meant by that?Β 

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1 hour ago, Monsoon said:

Hey @Consolata

How are you feeling? I know that this can feel really overwhelming, and I just want you to know that it will get better with time and that it won't be like this forever, but I know it's hard to keep that in mind right now. It must have been tough for you to hear that from your friend, and I totally get why you felt really offended. Did she explain why you should date guys more and forget about girls? I'm just curious to know how dating guys protects you from the ugly world. What do you think she meant by that?Β 

Earlier, when I came out to her she seemed to be cool with it. Just a few days ago, she started telling me about dating my ex boyfriend and to be honest I think my ex hates me for some unknown reason. To my friend, it's like when you are straight you are at the default settings. When you now say you are bi, gay, trans or lesbian it's like you have adjusted the settings. The thing is homosexuality in my country is a big no no and she just thinks I am confused about what I really want. So she thinks me dating more guys will make straight and perfect. I know she doesn't want me anyone calling me creep ( I already know what it feels like to be a creep in other people's eyes). On the other hand my ex boyfriend came to me and asked me about my sexuality (I ran away from him lmao) because I was spooked. So I will talking to him again tomorrow and I have no idea of what I am going to say...

Β 

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2 hours ago, Monsoon said:

Hey @Consolata

How are you feeling? I know that this can feel really overwhelming, and I just want you to know that it will get better with time and that it won't be like this forever, but I know it's hard to keep that in mind right now. It must have been tough for you to hear that from your friend, and I totally get why you felt really offended. Did she explain why you should date guys more and forget about girls? I'm just curious to know how dating guys protects you from the ugly world. What do you think she meant by that?Β 

Earlier, when I came out to her she seemed to be cool with it. Just a few days ago, she started telling me about dating my ex boyfriend and to be honest I think my ex hates me for some unknown reason. To my friend, it's like when you are straight you are at the default settings. When you now say you are bi, gay, trans or lesbian it's like you have adjusted the settings. The thing is homosexuality in my country is a big no no and she just thinks I am confused about what I really want. So she thinks me dating more guys will make straight and perfect. I know she doesn't want me anyone calling me creep ( I already know what it feels like to be a creep in other people's eyes). On the other hand my ex boyfriend came to me and asked me about my sexuality (I ran away from him lmao) because I was spooked. So I will talking to him again tomorrow and I have no idea of what I am going to say...

Β 

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @Consolata

It's interesting that she seemed to be cool with it and has now changed. It must be pretty frustrating for her to treat you like this, like you're confused and not sure of what you want. Β Even though you are questioning at the moment, it's still annoying for people to tell you just to date boys again when you're not sure how you feel. Have you spoken to her about how her reaction has made you feel?

Also, with your ex, do you have to come out to him? I guess that really, it's none of his business, and you don't have to tell him if you don't want to. What do you think?Β 

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I have pointed out what she did and she really couldn't care less from the looks of it. She thinks I am being overdramatic, but to be honest I expect her to be supporting me. Something I don't even know if she's my real friend. She didn't bother to text me and apologise. I usually give people space when they're not okay and somehow she doesn't seem to be respecting my feelings, the same way I respect hers. As for my ex, I guess I don't have to tell him.

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey,

Sorry to hear that she had a disappointing reaction to you pointing out what she did. Just out of curiosity, what did she say and do when you told her this? Is this where she said about being overdramatic? Also, yeah, it's totally normal to expect her to support you. Has anything else ever made you question whether she is a real friend or not?Β 

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Well my friend has her own struggles and I am always there for her. She said the words," I want to make you straight and you know this world is cruel."

Of course I know the world very well. I love all genders, I mean you can't change who I am for sure. I felt really hate and she said it sounding like some homophobic someone. Sometimes I wish to walk away from these people, but for the sake of her mental well-being I have to be her friend. I love her and the last thing I want is to make her feel unwanted.

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  • Digital Mentor

Hey @Consolata

You are clearly a really good friend, because although she has upset you, you are still wanting to stick around and be there for her. However, I do think it's important to also do what's right for you as well. What she said has clearly hurt you, and you don't owe it to her to stick around and support her. What do you think?

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